Bad jokes you might want to repeat

[Rkolter]

Just a fun thread -

Give us one of your favorite bad jokes, so that others might repeat it.


What happens if you forget to pay your exorcist?

You get Repossessed!

[Tim]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

[Ahaugen]

wanna hear a dirty joke? a pig jumped in some mud
wanna hear a clean joke? a pig to a bath with bubbles
wanna hear another dirty joke? bubbles is another pig

[TheSuburbanLetdown]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

Why did the bird fall out o the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey.

[Joel Fagin]

Why are pirates pirates?
They just Arrrrr.

What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
'Bout halfway.

- Joel Fagin

[Laemkral]

What's the sound of a two drums and a cymbal stand falling off a cliff?
Ba-dum-psh!

Two muffins are in an oven baking when one turns to the other and says "Is it me or is it hot in here?" and the other says "Holy crap a talking muffin!"

[Dr Legostar]

what do you get when you cross a freeway with a bicycle?

killed.



Have you heard of DAM? Mothers Against Dyslexia.

[Ohemgee]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

Why did the bird fall out o the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? No, it wasn't stapled to the second monkey.

Peer pressure.

[Tellurider]

Guy walks into a bar.
Ouch.


What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese.

What do you call cheese from Switzerland?
Nacho cheese 'cause you not from Switzerland.

[Killbert-Robby]

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interupting cow
Interupting c-?
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Laemkral]

Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. Bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was assaulted (peanut).

Man is talking about his new dog, and mentions that it has no nose.
Bystander asks, "How does he smell?"
Man replies, "Horrible".

[Killbert-Robby]

Guy walks into a bar, ouch
Two guys walk into a bar, you'd think one of them would have seen it.

[McDuffies]

Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was assaulted (peanut).

[Killbert-Robby]

Why was the archaeologist depressed?
His career was in ruins.

You hear about the two snails who started fighting?
They slugged it out

What kind of lettuce was served on the Titanic?
Iceberg

What's a dentist's favorite instrument?
A tuba toothpaste

[Brockway]

An eskimo takes his snomobile in to get serviced. The mechanic goes "Looks like you blew a seal." The eskimo goes "No, no, thats just frost on my mustache."

[Yeahduff]

Why was Dr. Faustus booed off the stage at the Apollo Theater's Amateur Night?

Because he had no soul.

[Yeahduff]

Sophie Ellis-Bexton was found dead at the same hotel a soccer player was staying at.

It was murder on Zidane's floor.

[Yeahduff]

Guy walks into a bar. Says to the bartender, "You look like a robot."

"Yes," replied the bartender. "That's because I control you."

[Yeahduff]

A whale couple are swimming in the Arctic Ocean when they come upon a whaling boat.

"Holy fuck," says the male whale. "That's the boat that killed my family."

"Sons of fucking bitches," says the female whale.

"Well, we need to get them back. Here's what we're gonna do: swim underneath the boat, and then we'll exhale out of our blowholes, destroying the boat."

"I'm down."

And so as planned, they swim under the boat and exhale, capsizing it. It's with angry glee that they watched the helpless sailors scramble and attempt to swim to safety.

"That's not enough. We should totally eat these mother fuckers," suggests the male whale.

But the female whale replies, "Whoa whoa whoa, wait just one goddamn minute here. Now I agreed to the blowjob, but I refuse to swallow and seaman."

[Yeahduff]

A man was flying in an airplane.
Unfortunately, he fell out.
Fortunately, he was headed toward a haystack.
Unfortunately, the haystack hat a pitchfork sticking out of it.
Fortunately, he missed the pitchfork.
Unfortunately, he missed the haystack.