by Nude0007 on Thu May 19, 2011 1:28 pm
Someone has already posted what is wrong with this series generally quite well, so I'll just touch on some specifics that jumped out at me.
Lightbringer: the name seems to be pretentous, implying that this person will bring clarity, reason, hope, goodness and salvation to the people of this city. In fact more than once he states that he is there to "save" everyone, and it seems that it is more than just a declaration of his intent to keep them out of harms way, but to actually bring them closer to god. Not only is the light/savior parallel there, but the dark/evil parallel surfaces pretty quickly as his nemesis puts in a protracted appearance and nearly kills him several times. Sure, having him overcome his arch-nemesis easily would beg the question of why have an arch-nemesis if they were that ineffectual anyway.
It seems to me that the police force would have had to be almost totally corrupt for the slavers to function with any effectiveness, but this has barely been touched on. I would have had LB ask the detective why he
should toe the line of the law when the officers upholding that law don't even abide by it. I'd say "clean up your own doorstep before telling me I need to sweep". anyway, it felt very unrealistic and contrived that even a short time after LB appeared, that things were just automatically totally different and "fixed". It would take months before any significant change was made, maybe years, and that's even assuming one man in a mask with powers had any real effect at all.
I liked the idea of the bracelets that are used to obscure the true source of his power, namely him, (a move I have thought of many times)but in all the stories so far, it hasn't even been mentioned. Is it not working? Do people just assume they can't get the bracelets and so don't even try? I wonder what he would do if someone actually got ahold of his bracelets or damaged them badly. Would he still use his powers, thus revealing that that impression is a ruse, or whip out replacement ones, or stand there while someone dies? It would be interesting to see what he does.
It seems odd that we only get to see him battle villians that either vastly outclass him (happy man) , are his equal (darkbringer) , or believe something really indefensable like the General or the Gentleman, that their evil actions result in a lot of good. Where are his everyday triumphs?
The General - his rant should have been easily shot down or ignored completely. I would have just told him all the good he had done was far easily outweighed by any ONE of his kidnapping/slavery acts. Personally, I would have just gone in and shot the sucker, silencing him before he could rant any more. Why should I even listen to his obviously warped and wrong views? The Gentleman seems even more ridiculous. Killing prostitutes to wake up society? Most people would cheer or think they just got what's coming to them. No one would consider it a tradgedy, especially one that would lead us to do anything differently. BTW, what exactly was it he wanted us to do differently anyway? I never figured that out.
The entire series has some very odd ideas and actions floating around in it. LB says he won't kill because it is wrong, and while I agree that killing in general IS wrong, taking the law into our own hands is not. Our government seems to have taken the position that only it can punish criminals and that we individuals should not have that power. I'm sorry, but I think emasculating us in this way is a very insidious evil tool to make us totally dependent upon and subjected to the whims of the state. If I shot a guy raping a woman, I feel that I am justified and that no charges should be even able to be filed. On Law and Order, we see all the time where people acting in self defense or defense of others are able to be charged with criminal action. This is absurd! This is why so many people fear the police and do not respect the law, because criminals now have rights. The definition of a criminal used to be one who has put himself outside the law. Therefore they have no rights because they have taken themselves out from under its protection and benefit. I would have just had LB state that he doesn't kill so that he can remain within the realm of the law.
The scene where he defends his right to appear in court with his mask on was good, but I have always looked at it as the masked vigilante is appearing as the masked vigilante, not as his alternate identity. Movie stars have never been required to state their
legal name, their aliases are perfectly acceptable. Therefore, appearing as LB, it is LB who is the witness, not his alternate. It is LB who is responsible for his actions and would be named in any litigation, as his alternate self did not do them.
Personally, no matter what the court said, I would refuse to remove my mask or reveal my identity. I would say "fine me all u want, I won't pay, nor will I comlpy. Now let us focus on the matter at hand, and if the court wishes to pursue legal action against me for my refusal, then we can take that up immediately after my testimony, but if you place me outside the law, then you free me from being bound by any of it and I may hencefourth do as I please. I am not a citizen, and am only appearing here in the spirit of cooperation."
It seems really odd that the girl, Hannah Ments, would take so long making a costume and training. Hell, if I was LB, I'd have her come along on every mission, even if just hidden and observing, as backup. It seemed really odd that LB just kept ordering her around and treating her as an employee. He would have been much more effective taking part in building their lair, as it would give him a sense of ownership and pride. It would have made him and Hannah bond better working on a mutual task. When he asked her to make coffee and she said "get it yourself" I'd have said "I am asking you, not telling, and only because Iwant to be tackling this problem here. I'll be sure to do it next time, and share in all the menial tasks. ok?"
The Legacy of Chains villian group seemed patheticly ineffective, disorganized, and ultimately pointless. In fact, it seems to be the "Superman disease". LB pops up and apparently stops all conventional crime (though we never see most of that, nor the effect it must have had on courts and prisons), and "POOF" supervillians suddenly pop out of nowhere. What is the explanation? Anyway, the LOC villians mostly just stood around. How he couldn't have just zapped the ex-cop and the little girl immediately, not to mention the redhead, is beyond me. 3 down in 3 seconds, move on to the ones with powers. This move would make sense as it would reduce distractions, and then take out the girl with robot hands. Just shooting her hands, fusing all the metal or melting it renders her less than useless. Then revealing his strategy as he tackles the rest: I'll be sure to fly high so ana can't reach me, keep the fire demon between me and power glove, till I figure a way to take him out, then do a flying charge on power glove, leaving ana, whom i've already beaten before. The scene where he created new energy hands for the pianist was pretty
good, though it seems like it wouldn't necessarily work, how could he possibly anticipate what finger and what key she wanted to press next?. If he could create solid light hands and link them to her nervous system, that would work, but that is an incredibly complex extension of his powers as presented so far. (as a side note, hand prosthetics have come an amazingly long way. It is now possible to have a "bionic hand", but I doubt that one could play a piano with it yet.)
I would have expected at least somewhat varied response to his plea for them to stop. a longer dialog exploring each of their reasons to continue, would have helped here. It also seemed that he missed stating the obvious: "give the system a chance, then if it wasn't successful or satisfactory, you can try to take him out, even though I'd still have to try to stop you. think how awful prison really is. If we don't give the system a chance, then we might as well just do ANYTHING we want and disregard the law completely".
I would cast my vote for a complete redo of the earlier issues. I have seen other online comics that did this, and it hasn't hurt. This is a big advantage of online comics, you aren't stuck with it, go back and rewrite the whole darn thing if you feel up to it. It might give you a better idea of where to go next when u get caught back up to the "present". Do you know how many writers/artists would love to have the opportunity to go back and rewrite something? Picasso was often caught reworking pieces he had hanging in museums!
PS: I saw somewhere where you say you tend to let the story go where it wants, no pre-determined plot ending. I would recommend plotting out a story beforehand, perhaps in some detail. This gives you a blueprint to follow. I used to write like you and let the story go where it wanted, but often I lose it or it goes where I can't see how to continue it. Plotting/planning avoids this. It also lets you see where some part of the story might be weak and needs reworking.