Military Enlistment Processing Command(MEPC) is insane.

Major Maxillary · Post by **Major Maxillary** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 1:09 pm

I've had to go up to albany three times now, each fucking time they found something new to disqualify me!

I wanted this to be my second to last trip up there, just a weighing, a talk to the doctor that my braces are gone and Gingivitis is cleared up, but HE WANTED DOCUMENTATION OF BOTH!

and people wonder why the Army can't fill it's recruitment quotas!

i went back downstairs to the Guard Liason office, the liason guy called the recruiter, who called my Mom, who called my orthodontist who then faxed the nessisary document to the liason office. which i took back upstairs and gave to the doctor, who then said, "great, where does it say anything about Gingivitis?"

"You..You need documentation to tell that i don't have Gingivitis? Can't you just look at my gums?"

"No."

"But you're a doctor."

They wouldn't even send me to the guy who diagnosed me with gingivitis in the first place. and then, near the end of this episode, the good doctor dissapeared so i couldn't deliver the nessisary documentation even if i managed to obtain it.

so then SSG. Casey drove up with SGT. Leichlighter, the recruiters for my area, and started calling dentists in Albany to find someone who would see me, ready to pay out of his own pocket, but nobody would. then he realised that he forgot the cord to his labtop in his office, and his battery was dead.
so he couldn't set me up to go back tomorrow.

so that was a full two days waisted, and the government threw away another $300 to put me up at that nice hotel.

This isn't over, though. Tomorrow, at 8:00, i go to see a dentist, who will then fax the nessisary documentation straight up to the Guard Liason office at MEPS.

next time i go up there, it'll be straight up to MEPS, no hotel sleep over for me. I'm going there, and not even the hand of Almighty Yahweh himself can keep me from taking that oath of enlistment.

Ghastly · Post by **Ghastly** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 1:30 pm

Three times? In the Canadian armed forces you get three strikes on your medical and that's it, you never get in.

I failed my first two medicals and almost my third because I was underweight. I'm 6' 1.5" and the absolute minimum for my height the Canadian armed forces will allow is 145lbs. I was 135lbs when I signed up (yeah, I was super toothpick boy).

Failed the first one. Ate like a pig and went back a week later and was 2 lbs shy. Ate like a pig again and went back another week later. This time my dad made me weigh myself before I went. I didn't think I'd need to because I should have put on two pounds easily in a week. I had actually lost a pound so now I was three pounds under. My dad took out a pitcher of water, weighed it and said "here, drink this". So then I had the longest ride of my life to Brantford with my legs crossed all the way feeling every little bump in the road trying to make me pee myself. I get there and I begged and pleaded with everyone in the line to let me skip. The first thing the doctor said when I got in was "give me a sample" and handed me a flourence flask. I screamed "weight me first". The doc started laughing and weighed me and I was just a tad under but he let me go because it was my third strike but he made me promise I'd eat more (I already ate like a pig, my metabolism was just insanely fast). I then grabbed the flask and ran out of the room and returned shortly with it filled to the very brim, and this was no small flask either. The doctor laughed again and threw a little strip of litmus paper in it and checked off what colour it turned then poured it down the sink.

The rest of the medical was surprisingly light. The odd thing was he never checked my feet, if he had my fallen arch would have disqualified me. The worst part of the exam was the "jelly finger". I had really wished with the other exams he had weighed me before doing the "jelly finger" too because I could have avoided having to go through that exam 3 times. It wasn't so much the fact that some guy was cramming his fingers up my ass that bothered me (at least I hope those were his fingers) so much as it was his comment "well, no lumps that arn't supposed to be there" afterwards. Yeah thanks doc. I really needed to know what the inside of my rectum feels like.

Swordsman3003 · Post by **Swordsman3003** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 1:53 pm

Ah Ghastly, you always have interesting stories. Why would they have a three strikes rule?

And also, if there are such slim pickings, how is the U.S. army going to make all their recruitment quotas?

Nithos · Post by **Nithos** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 2:10 pm

Yeah, the Military Entrance Processing Station's a pain in the ass (and I'm not talking jellied fingers, either). I was lucky to make it through in one trip, though it was a long one due to a temporary loss of paperwork that kept me there an extra hour or two while I waited for them to look through the various stacks for something, never found out exactly what. I shot through the entire recruiting process in only a few weeks from first contact with a recruiter to shipping out to reception, then only a week there in to basic.

Major Maxillary · Post by **Major Maxillary** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 2:20 pm

I didn't fail anything, i just lacked certain paperwork.

I've got the same weight problem, i eat my family out of house and home but i can't gain any weight. I'm five pounds under, but i can easily get a waiver for that if i lose a pound, however, it's over.

hopefully i'll have enlisted before they can weigh me again.

Moo Cow · Post by **Moo Cow** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 1:39 am

Dude.. suckitude. you think they'd be grateful to have you enough to not be so anal.

~Sara

Major Maxillary · Post by **Major Maxillary** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:52 am

My recruiter hasn't managed to recruit anyone in the past two months because of this.

Ghastly · Post by **Ghastly** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 6:30 am

swordsman3003 wrote:Ah Ghastly, you always have interesting stories. Why would they have a three strikes rule?

And also, if there are such slim pickings, how is the U.S. army going to make all their recruitment quotas?

The Three Strikes rule is because the Canadian armed forces has more people signing up than it can actually find placement for so recruitment generally gets to take the creme of the crop. They figure if you can't make yourself healthy in 3 tries chances are you're going to be too sickly a person to maintain your health in the long term even if you do get healthy.

Swordsman3003 · Post by **Swordsman3003** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 8:00 am

Oh, well things are entirely different here in the U.S, they are trying to think of ways to lower standards just so they can find some warm bodies.

Major Maxillary · Post by **Major Maxillary** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 11:19 am

swordsman3003 wrote:Oh, well things are entirely different here in the U.S, they are trying to think of ways to lower standards just so they can find some warm bodies.

Actually, they're raising their standards. there's no real shortage of soldiers, just a lack of people willing to join.

Swordsman3003 · Post by **Swordsman3003** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 11:58 am

Oh? Well there goes the media again. I was under the impression that the army was desperate.

Honor · Post by **Honor** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 12:01 pm

I made it through in one pass, ok, but they got mein another way. When I started processing, they took all my paperwork, someone typed something up, and some Sgt. handed me some other papers, and said "Memorize this. It's your social security number, which is also your service number." so I did.

Almost four years later, we discovered someone had made a typo, and I'd memorized the wrong number. All my records had the wrong number. It was a hoot, lemme tell ya.

Max... I don't know what you eat now, but I had the same problem... I was tiny until senior year, then I shot up to Amazon height, and I could never gain weight after that (how I wish I had that problem now...) It may not be how much you eat, but what you eat. Eat lots of carbs. Potatos, beans, pasta. Also eat chicken and red meat.

Major Maxillary · Post by **Major Maxillary** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 12:11 pm

I eat all of that. most of the time all together. If i can get enlisted before January 3rd then weight won't be a problem.

Tellner · Post by **Tellner** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 1:36 pm

Major Maxillary wrote:
swordsman3003 wrote:Oh, well things are entirely different here in the U.S, they are trying to think of ways to lower standards just so they can find some warm bodies.
Actually, they're raising their standards. there's no real shortage of soldiers, just a lack of people willing to join.

I call bullshit.

The Army just announced that it was willing to take an extra 10% of all recruits who don't meet the minimum standards of intelligence or education. It just raised the maximum age of first enlistment to 42 with plans to up it to 45. The only reason the services aren't further behind on their targets is that they lowered the targets twice (or was it three times) in the last year and a half, won't let soldiers out when they finish their hitches, have squeezed the Guard and Reserves - even the so-called Individual Ready Reserve - past the point where you could get blood out of a stone, and have cannibalized everything from the ceremonial Color Guard to trainers. Even the (generous) Blue to Green program is having trouble finding airmen and sailors willing to switch over for money, no loss in seniority or rank and no need to re-take Basic.

In short, they stopped scraping the barrel and have kicked the bottom out of the sucker. There is a definite shortage of anyone qualified who wants to join the Army.

Honor · Post by **Honor** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 2:22 pm

tellner wrote: It just raised the maximum age of first enlistment to 42 with plans to up it to 45.

*pounds head on desk* ...dammit...!

...every time I get near the cutoff line... they raise it...

it's inexplicably tempting to go back into the military... I don't...

...maybe the navy this time...

Major Maxillary · Post by **Major Maxillary** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 3:16 pm

You should totally do Air Force.

Ghastly · Post by **Ghastly** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 3:23 pm

Major Maxillary wrote:You should totally do Air Force.

Man, she'd be pretty tired after doing the Air Force.

Swordsman3003 · Post by **Swordsman3003** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 4:06 pm

What's wrong with the airforce?

Shendal · Post by **Shendal** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:01 pm

I'm trying to decide if I should interpret Ghastly's comment sexually or not.

Yeah, new girl here ^^;;;

Squidflakes · Post by **Squidflakes** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 6:47 pm

Shendal wrote:I'm trying to decide if I should interpret Ghastly's comment sexually or not.

Yeah, new girl here ^^;;;

Hi new girl, Squiddy here with some helpful advice....

yes.

As in, take EVERYTHING here sexually. Everything.

Hey, that sure is a great user name you've got there. -> sexual

My feet hurt -> Sexual

The extermination of the self though tracendental meditation is the only true path to enlightenment. -> extremely sexual.