Name: Francis Bacon III (Frankie)
Comic: <a href="http://nakedelf.comcigenesis.com">The Naked Elf</a>
Picture of the character in swimwear, circa 1890:
<img src="
http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e265/ ... beachs.png" />
Picture of the character in formal/winter clothes, circa 1790:
<img src="
http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e265/ ... rabs-1.png" />
Me: Welcome to the interview portion of the contest--wait, which category are you entering?
Frankie: "Thing".
Me: But the Happy Penis already entered that category.
F: The rules clearly state one character per comic per category. The Happy Penis is from a different comic.
Me: And aren't you a guy?
F: Do you not <i>see</i> the pictures?
Me: So what are you?
F: Why do you people always insist on trying to shoehorn people into your erroneous notions of gender dichotomy? I'm a shapeshifter. I'm whatever I feel like being.
Me: Well, all right... let's get going. Please describe your skills and abilities.
F: That's classified.
Me: Frankie...
F: Fine, fine. Well, for starters, I'm a shapeshifter. That means I can change into just about any creature I want to and look like anything I want to, though I can't change my weight without going on a diet. I'm adept at espionage, speak 12 languages, can survive on my own in the wilderness, have danced professionally, and I've gestated, nursed, and raised three children. Oh, and I know 30 different ways to kill a man silently.
Me: If you could have one superpower what would it be and why?
Frankie: Invisibility. It'd make my job much easier.
Me: If you could listen to only three songs for the rest of your life what would they be?
Frankie: Why don't you just shoot me?
Me: Just answer the question. We aren't actually going to make you listen to just three songs.
F: "She's Lost Control," by Joy Division; "The Phantom of the Opera" theme techno remix; and "Prelude in C sharp minor" by Rachmaninov.
Me: What are your three most favorite things to do?
F: Dance, listen to music, and hang out with friends.