My Valentine's day story arc: Can you critique?

[Jin-roh]

If you have the time, I’d like some input on a plot idea for my webcomic. I am taking a break right now, but want to return in Feb. Feb, means I’ll do a Valentine’s day story arc. Here is a rough sketch so far.

Setting: Most of my comic takes place at “Trinity Pacific University,” an evangelical Christian College. The College has a 3:1 Girl to Guy ratio, yet there are still single guys and a lot of frustrated girls.

Main Characters:
Becca Van Duzen – Becca is blonde girl who is quasi Christian, but attends TPU for the English program. She grew up with two older brothers and is a bit of a tom boy who still knows how to dress herself. She has never had a boyfriend.

Mark Collins – is an introverted, shy, all around geek. He has a crush on Becca, but has not admitted to anyone, even though some of his roommates can tell. You can see the dynamic in a Previous Story arc

Supporting Characters
Mark Guyer – Mark Guyer is Mark collins’ bestfriend from “way back in the day.” Neither of them attend TPU, but they know Becca et al through their other roommates. He understands people and is very manipulative. He’s like Will Smith in “hitch” only slightly shadier.

Jenny Mizmir – Jenny is a missionary kid from Thailand. She is Becca’s roommate and co-worker. She also attends TPU.

Andy – Andy is a recovering pastor’s kid at TPU and lives with both Marks. He has had his own romantic frustrations.

Plot outline
First Strip – Guyer hands Mark Collins a heart-shaped candy box. Collins, first confused by the gesture, later gets an explanation that it is for Becca. “Time to try that ladder jump again, buddy.” Collins reluctantly accepts.

Second Strip – Becca and Jenny are working at their coffee shop. Both are bemoaning the month. Their banter would probably consists of stuff like: “Can you believe that Megan is engaged?” “No romance isn’t like fairy tales. They always have castles and dresses and stuff. We don’t even have boyfriends.” “But I still know like, hundred single guys!!” I might even have a girl walk by with a cloud of red balloons to make them more jealous, or have a chocolate box holding Mark Collins make an awkward appearance here to lead into the next strip.

Third Strip – Mark makes his awkward appearance. He hands Becca the box. She is surprised, somewhat flattered, but has no clear idea of how to react. She actually feels a bit fearful. She asks what they’re for. Mark Collins stumbles, and explains that they were a gift from his mother and he’s allergic to Chocolate. He thought Becca might like it. This of course is lie.

Fourth Strip – Mark tells Andy what happened. Andy tells Mark, quite candidly, that he is an idiot.

Fifth Strip – The girls are in the Apartment. Becca is happy she got at least bottle of wine from her brothers. Jenny’s only solace is flowers from her father. Both are extremely upset. They consume both wine and chocolate while cursing the opposite sex for their collective spinelessness/cluelessness.

The end. Happy Valentine’s day.

So how is the plot? Do you guys think I can make every strip funny? Can you see some of the seriousness as well as the humor? That’s what I aim for when I do most of my stories.

And if you have any ideas (I’m totally thinking about working in an eHarmony joke) let me know.

[Pessimistpixel]

It sounds like a decent, if a little sad, story arc. It mixes the humor of awkward situations (and this kind of thing is ALWAYS awkward) with the seriousness of missed connections, especially from the omniscient view of the reader. It may be a bit fast, though, it depends on how much dialogue and panels you have. Other than that, you might want to somehow show how some of the other characters react, considering they can see both sides like the reader (Think Peter Parker and Mary Jane in Spiderman, everyone else seems to know but those two).

So yeah, I think you'll do fine with it, just tweak it as new ideas come to you, and maybe pull from personal experiences.

[Td501]

Plot is kinda cliché, but that certainly isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Because it’s a common theme, more people will relate better to it.

I can certainly see each strip ending humorously. Over-the-top occurrences can complement the common story line. One idea: The girls are griping in the shop – “I hate being alone on Valentines Day, but I can stomach it if I don’t feel like we’re the only ones.”, just as a Romance Tours Bus is unloading an army of couples outside.

The angst is also clear – especially with the conclusion you have in mind.

[Jin-roh]

It is such a fine line line between Cliche and common, unoriginal and universally relatable.

Lets say I take both your ideas. I love the tour bus idea.

Lets say I add another strip of how the other two guys (Mark Guyer and Andy) react.

"x"th Strip - Andy and Mark Guyer are talking. Guyer explains that Andy didn't actually have to hit Mark Collins to make his point. Andy, simply doesn't understand his daftness. Guyer says that Collins has always been like that, since high school. Of course, they are both single and eventually admit their hypocracy.

[Ripnormality]

I'd recommend toning down the fifth strip unless the angst is standard to your comic...but the whole dissing on boys thing is so standard, try to spin it a little/come up with unique quips.