Hellsing Character(s) v. Other Character(s)

Abadon XXX · Post by **Abadon XXX** » Sun Sep 02, 2007 9:03 pm

Now THAT is an iron chef worth tivo'ing

Atticus_blackwolf · Post by **Atticus_blackwolf** » Mon Sep 03, 2007 3:56 am

Who's the coolest butler by far? GO WALTER!!!Gimme a G-O-W-A-L-T-E-R what does that spell?! GOOOO WALTER!!!

Section_8 · Post by **Section_8** » Mon Sep 03, 2007 11:57 am

Oh for zark's sake. I could have sworn I wrote up a particularly long-winded Iron Chef Walter thing last night but I must have pushed the wrong button or something.

Anyway...(turns brain off)

The three contestants enter the area with their armies of sous-chefs. On team Hellsing, we have head chef Walter, resplendent in slacks, shirt, navy blue apron and fetching chef's hat; Seras, carrying 77 tonnes of equipment, and the elite 77th Culinary Combat Corps. On team Doc, we have Doc (his Nazi sous-chefs were detained by customs). Hannibal had a small army of assistants, but, y'know, he was hungry.

Chairman Kaga arrives and takes a monstrous bite out of a flaming hot pepper. Seras comments on how she can't handle spicy foods (or "food" for that matter). The elite 77th Culinary Combat Corps die messily for no apparent reason. Walter, irritated, mops up the mess.

Kaga unveils the secret ingredient: CAKE! Many kinds of delicious cake! Walter and Doc get evil glints in their eyes. Seras is disturbed.

The contestants rush to collect their ingredients. But Hannibal seems to think Kaga is on the menu! But Kaga is having none of that! He summons the power of the great pepper god Ayumu Kasuga (I don't know anymore...) and incinerates the cannibal! Contestant Hannibal is eliminated! "I love it when a plan comes together!" says Kaga. In the audience, a man wearing gold chains swears vociferously.

The Doc immediately erects a few solar collectors and light laser towers for defence before realizing he's in the Kitchen Stadium, not Total Annihilation, and settles for a Curtain of Secrecy. Walter has a wonderful time baking, mixing and crafting his dishes, narrating each step as he goes and impressing Seras with how he whips up a five-course meal "Bam! Just like that!" The audience cheers.

Time! Walter presents his dishes: for starters, soup, served in edible bowl; followed by ...y'know, I don't feel like describing the other dishes. Let's skip to desert: ladies fingers served on a lady's fingers (an extremely embarassed Seras). The judges drool.

The Doc throws back the curtain to reveal his single entry: the Übersoldat Panzerkhakewägen Neo-Ultra-Beeny-X! The monstrosity clanks into the action! Declaring that the judges have five seconds to comply, it lets loose a furious fusilade of confectionary! Oh, the horror! The Japanese starlet goes into insulin shock! The annoying old hag of a food critic falls to a bundt to the head! The politician bravely flees the studio, pursued by hohos! And the other guy, uh, kinda ducks it all.

Judgement! What an upset! The only remaining judge awards the victory not to the English butler but to...himself?! The judge rips off his disguise and reveals himself to be Alucard, who declares himself sovereign of the Kitchen Stadium! But Kaga is having none of that. He seizes control of the Panzerkhakewägen, sets it to "heavenly host", and repels Alucard with a storm of holy wafers! "Eek!" cries Seras, hiding. "Holy calories!" Impressed by the device, Kaga awards the win to the Doc!

Then Walter kills both of them.

Brynnie-chan · Post by **Brynnie-chan** » Mon Sep 03, 2007 3:21 pm

Section_8....

You're awesome.

[/i]

Atticus_blackwolf · Post by **Atticus_blackwolf** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 10:27 am

hat was soooo cool!! "Holy calories" I'm still chuckleling

Karasu4444 · Post by **Karasu4444** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 2:14 pm

Now that was a battle. Just gotta say omgwtfbbq.

Brynnie-chan · Post by **Brynnie-chan** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 6:02 pm

Indeed.

Hm. I started writing up a setup for Alucard vs. Jigsaw, but it became something more than just a simple blurb. (It takes up a page and a half on Microsoft Word.) Should I post it here or not?

Shadowfax272 · Post by **Shadowfax272** » Sun Sep 09, 2007 2:12 am

Go for it.

Brynnie-chan · Post by **Brynnie-chan** » Sun Sep 09, 2007 12:58 pm

Okay. The logic in this is a little faulty, but it's the best I could do. You asked for it....

ALUCARD VS. JIGSAW: The Battlefield

Alucard's eyes flutter open to the sight of a dimly lit room. He tries to stand, but realizes that he is being held down in a chair by clamps of blessed silver around his forearms and ankles, and two strange-looking devices are around his wrists. He looks down at them, more than a little frustrated. How did he get here? Did the Catholics catch him at last? He vaguely remembers coming back from a mission... taking a drink of blood wine... opening his coffin... The rest is a blur. He looks up, trying to get his bearings.

And immediately, he understands the gravity of his current situation.

He is surrounded on all sides by stakes, wooden and silver alike; guns loaded with what are no doubt explosive silver rounds; and Bible pages tacked to the walls. The only non-menacing object in the room is a twelve-inch TV set. If Iscariot could see him now, they'd make popcorn and throw a party.

Alucard tries to shape-shift. Nothing. He mutters his way to control art restriction system level one, Cromwell Approval, but the blessed materials keeping him prisoner hinder his powers.

Pissed off and only a sixth as thrilled as he would be normally, he sends a telepathic message to whoever is close enough to hear him.

"If you are the one holding me captive, show yourself now."

As if in response, the TV crackles to life, and the face of a ghoulishly painted ventriloquist puppet appears. Alucard watches as the puppet's head turns to face him. Then it speaks.

"Hello, Alucard." The vampire prepares to speak, but the TV says, "Don't ask any questions yet. I want to play a game. You are arguably the most powerful being alive right now, despite being the servant of a human. You can rip through flesh and bone as if they were only cobwebs. You have been alive for several hundred years, and yet your body never ages, never wears out, never dies. But somehow, even this does not satisfy you. You have become bored with eternal life and power. You are simply too strong for anything to be a challenge anymore, even your fellow vampires.”
Alucard arches an eyebrow. Why should his captor care about his boredom? "Let's see just how valuable your powers really are to you. When I am done talking, those cuffs will release. If you try to escape the room when they do, the many weapons surrounding you will go off. The devices around your wrists are filled with blessed silver needles. When the timer runs out, they will shoot those needles into your wrists, severing them permanently. Think of it as a blessed tourniquet. The key to the locks on them is hidden in this room. I'll give you one hint on how to find it, so listen carefully. The hint is this..."

At this, Alucard notices a small open-topped silver pipe with RUNNING HOLY WATER in it. The key is at the bottom, tied to a small rock.

"You'll be treading deep waters to get to it." The puppet laughs, although it wasn't all that clever. "Are you willing to sacrifice that appendage you so rely on to stay alive, Alucard? Will you choose life over your reputation and prowess? Let the game begin.”

The TV in Alucard’s room turns off. In a separate room, Jigsaw sits back and watches through a camera amid the guns and stakes. His subjects always react differently – some with anger, some with fear, and some simply lose their minds. He wants to know how Alucard will respond to this situation.

As he releases the cuffs holding Alucard to the chair, the figure on the TV slumps a little, and stays that way for a minute.

And then, to Jigsaw’s intense surprise, the trapped vampire starts to laugh.

Alucard laughs loudly and heartily – not out of insanity, but joy – until his sides hurt and tears roll down his face. After all these years, he finally has to fight for his life against a worthy opponent - it's like Christmas. And though he doesn’t know it, he and Jigsaw are thinking the same thing.

“This is going to be fun.”

Atticus_blackwolf · Post by **Atticus_blackwolf** » Sun Sep 09, 2007 4:53 pm

so cool!! so creepy!!

Brynnie-chan · Post by **Brynnie-chan** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:40 pm

Thanks.

It took me a while to come up with a plausible way for Alucard to stay trapped... damned god-mod. But I did it, and I'm glad I did.

Mavis · Post by **Mavis** » Fri Sep 28, 2007 8:09 am

Now here is an epic battle. D vs. Dad. Not sure who would win. If you read Vampire Hunter D, he is very dangerous and powerful when he cuts loose with his vampiric heritage. But then again, he's fighting Alucard!

Picture below is a perfect illustration of this:
http://www.altvampyres.net/vhd/gaallo10.jpg

Arvanna · Post by **Arvanna** » Wed Oct 03, 2007 6:02 am

I think a interesting match up would be to move the Hellsing gang into the Trinity Blood Universe.

Integra staring down a group of Methuselahs "Vampires? I'll show you Freaks real vampires..Alucard..Police Girl!" snaps fingers and massacre ensues.

Though Alucard versus Abel or Cain at 100% would be interesting.

Atticus_blackwolf · Post by **Atticus_blackwolf** » Wed Oct 03, 2007 8:25 am

Arvanna wrote:I think a interesting match up would be to move the Hellsing gang into the Trinity Blood Universe.

Integra staring down a group of Methuselahs "Vampires? I'll show you Freaks real vampires..Alucard..Police Girl!" snaps fingers and massacre ensues.

Though Alucard versus Abel or Cain at 100% would be interesting.

I love Trinity Blood and Hellsing...This fangirl would be sitting on a lawn chair in the wings with popcorn....anyone wanna join?

Shadowfax272 · Post by **Shadowfax272** » Thu Oct 04, 2007 5:38 am

Pfeh, Abel would fit into Iscariot like he was born there. Except, y'know, he can fly a spaceship, and Renaldo can't. xD;
Also, he's a Crusnik. But he's not really a vampire, so it doesn't count, right? ¬_¬;

Atticus_blackwolf · Post by **Atticus_blackwolf** » Thu Oct 04, 2007 11:47 am

shadowfax272 wrote:Pfeh, Abel would fit into Iscariot like he was born there. Except, y'know, he can fly a spaceship, and Renaldo can't. xD;
Also, he's a Crusnik. But he's not really a vampire, so it doesn't count, right? ¬_¬;

Alucard would want to fight him though..he's always looking for some fun.

Frey · Post by **Frey** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 3:46 pm

shadowfax272 wrote:Pfeh, Abel would fit into Iscariot like he was born there.

Actually the Inquisitorial Department ideology seems to be closer to Iscariot's ideology than AX. I think Iscariot would still try to kill Abel if they could.

Mrrout · Post by **Mrrout** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 5:09 pm

there is a story about it on fanfiction.net called "the lost priest"

Atticus_blackwolf · Post by **Atticus_blackwolf** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 4:23 am

mrrout wrote:there is a story about it on fanfiction.net called "the lost priest"

I read that ....IT"S AWESOME!!!

Mrrout · Post by **Mrrout** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:20 am

my actual favorite one is "seras 2066"