Rebirth of Webcomic Above!

For discussions, announcements, non-technical questions and anything else comics-related or otherwise that doesn't fit in any of the other categories.

Rebirth of Webcomic Above!

Postby Netpoet on Fri Feb 02, 2007 12:10 pm

Alrighty, let's see if we can keep this from becoming a cluster#### this time around, shall we? The rules to this are simple.

1) DO NOT POST TO THIS THREAD unless you are putting up a placeholder or posting a review. Comments, questions, anything else like that should go in another thread somewhere. Posts that are done that are NOT one of those two will be deleted by the GD mods.

2) Know what you're getting into. Guess what? We're all people here, with our own opinions and likes and dislikes. Not everyone here is going to like your comic, and not everyone here is going to hate your comic. Be straightforward with your reviews, and take your own reviews as constructive criticism.

3) Do not ask for a review unless you are completely intent upon reviewing the person before you. Reviews should be THOROUGH within reason. "Hey, I like it!" is not thorough. Read the damn comic and give it a good review. Edit: to clear up a bit of confusion, please shoot for at LEAST 200 words or more.

4) Have an archive for us to read, please. If you've got three comics and a title page, guess what? IT'S NOT LONG ENOUGH! Shoot for 25 or so pages, the longer the better.

How this works is simple. The person that posts before you will have a webcomic or webcomics associated with them, usually either in their signature or on their profile. Post a placeholder below them, and spend some time reading their comic. Then, edit your original placeholder post and PM the person to let them know their review is ready. That's pretty much it.

I will post listings from time to time, showing who's due for which review.

Now, let's get this started. Since I'm starting this, I don't have anyone to review yet... so instead, I'm going to review any of the comics that have people drop (because I KNOW someone will drop eventually, whether due to RL issues cropping up or just being a jerk in general, only time will tell)

>Net

edit: heh, oops, wrong forum...

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Tales of Pylea - Reviewed by Komiyan, COMPLETE
Darken - Reviewed by MV, COMPLETE
Avernyght - Reviewed by Tdot, COMPLETE
Knights of Vesteria - Reviewed by Mon Ami, COMPLETE
Antics - Reviewed by Liberty Cabbage, incomplete
Orange Revolution - Reviewed by K-dawg, COMPLETE
Angry D. Monkey - Reviewed by Mixed Myth, incomplete
Metrophor - Reviewed by Tim, COMPLETE
Alternate Delusions - Reviewed by Dragonkingdoms, COMPLETE
Dragon Kingdoms - Reviewed by The Neko, COMPLETE
Go For It - Reviewed by thewarofwinds, COMPLETE
The War of Winds - Reviewed by Net, COMPLETE
TTG - Reviewed by Dark Spider, incomplete
NieceWeb - Reviewed by PrettySenshi, COMPLETE
Circle Arcadia - Reviewed by C.W., COMPLETE
CW Comics - Reviewed by Sorcery 101, COMPLETE
Sorcery 101 - Reviewed by Jackhass, COMPLETE
Zoology - Reviewed by Linkara, COMPLETE
Lightbringer - Reviewed by Killbert-Robby, COMPLETE
Killbert - Reviewed by hilariousHenry, COMPLETE
Hilarious Henry - REviewed by Dutch, COMPLETE
School Spirit - Reviewed by Doublemint, COMPLETE
Best and the Brightest - Reviewed by Serge XIII, COMPLETE
G'nerds - Reviewed by the Neko, COMPLETE
Go for it - Reviewed by Sorcery 101, COMPLETE
Sorcery 101 - Reviewed by Gildedtongue, COMPLETE
The Manual - Reviewed by Black Sparrow, COMPLETE
Operation Neko - Reviewed by American Gothic, COMPLETE
American Gothic Daily - Reviewed by MV, COMPLETE
Avernyght - Reviewed by Keffria, COMPLETE
Aldus Maycomb - Reviewed by Biev, COMPLETE
Fainting Spells - Reviewed by CSchaefer, COMPLETE
Sharper - Reviewed by Kasaii, COMPLETE
Patchwork Champions - Reviewed by Bruk, COMPLETE
Lagomorphine - Reviewed by Ryuko, COMPLETE
The Green Avenger - Reviewed by Sorcery 101, COMPLETE
Sorcery 101 - Reviewed by Tdot, COMPLETE
Knights of Vesteria - Reviewed by Lego, COMPLETE
Legostar Galactica - Reviewed by Linkara, COMPLETE
Lightbringer - Reviewed by Robin Pierce, COMPLETE
Astorauth - Reviewed by Keffria, COMPLETE
Aldus Maycomb - Reviewed by Ryuko, COMPLETE
The Green Avenger - Reviewed by Lego, COMPLETE
Legostar Galactica - Reviewed by SergeXIII, incomplete
G'nerds - Reviewed by Doll, COMPLETE
Don and Doll - Reviewed by rcmonroe, COMPLETE
Out There - Reviewed by Legendary, COMPLETE
Legendary - Reviewed by Jackhass, incomplete
Zoology - Reviewed by WarofWinds, incomplete
The War of Winds - ______
Last edited by Netpoet on Mon Feb 05, 2007 7:17 pm, edited 15 times in total.
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Postby Komiyan on Fri Feb 02, 2007 12:12 pm

Tales of Pylea-

I'm gonna give this a proper read through and comment on stuff nearer the start as well as recent stuff. chances are any problems with early stuff would have been fixed anyway, but it can't hurt to do so.

Story-
Having read the lot of it, it certainly has the usual fantasy feel, which is nice, without the usual tangle of names and places you can get in fantasy stories. It's clearly set out and easy to follow, which may sound pretty obvious, but it's really a good thing a lot of people fail on.

My main problem is that I can't get into the characters enough yet- I know that F'nor is a good man, and he's more powerful than he first looks, and I know that the blonde elf is evil, hence the whole drinking blood and generally killing folk, but that's not much about the actual *character*. It's more like an outline of a character that hasn't quite been filled in yet.

Also, I'm not entirely sure what F'nor's connection to the whole thing is, apart from him having been passed this magic item from a girl he never met before, so why risk life and limb against this terrible man to defeat him? Or where did he get all this awesome power, that he can stand toe to toe with the elf, and have a 'mind barrier'? If this gets explained later, then sorry for jumping the gun ;)

Basically, I understand clearly how the story is progressing and what's involved, but the characters still feel a little like paper cutouts to me, still rather underdeveloped. I get their quest, but i don't get their motivations, I couldn't predict from their attitude and previous actions how they'd react to a certain situation. If you took away the pictures, I couldn't tell from the speech bubbles which character is talking. Altogether, they seem like your usual 'fantasy' stereotypes- the hero, the irredeemably evil villain, and so on. You've probably noticed I pay a lot of attention to villains, their motivations, and their character.. If you ever see Avatar the Last Airbender, Prince Zuko is an excellent example of a good villain. Sure, he makes the wrong choices, but you begin to realise its out of misplaced loyalty, and you understand somewhat why he's coming off as 'evil'. I am rambling, but I have a point. Give everyone, especially the bad guys, more than one dimension.

I can't comment on Arianhod since she's only just reappeared, but I'll be watching her with interest :)

Art-
The art is gorgeous, but we all knew that :) Some excellent page payouts and attention to detail in the environment and costumes. Good, expressive facial expressions, and it's certainly easy to tell the characters apart from their designs (again, sounds obvious, but it's a pitfall). I love the panel construction- the composition and the angles are all excellent.
I like the strong inking the best, though colour always lends well to things.

I suppose my only crit would be on this page, just that her hips and waists are far too small to match up to her boobs. Just seems that a girl that lithe and small would be a few cup sizes smaller. This really isn't something that's normally a problem at all, the girl in the first few pages was perfectly normally proportioned, just this one picture jumped out at me.


Ok, I really hope that didn't come off as too harsh, but I like to call them as I see them, cause that's how you improve.
Last edited by Komiyan on Fri Feb 02, 2007 1:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Mvmarcz on Fri Feb 02, 2007 12:30 pm

Oh dear me what can I say about darken.

Ok I love Darken but that's not a critical review now is it?

Art: The art in this comic has progressed so far throughout it. The coloring (a recently more frequent feature) is fairly desaturated, giving the comic a generally overcast feel, which I think is appropriate since this is villains we're dealing with, let's make no mistake about that. The character design is nice and varied, the only characters who look alike are the ones that are supposed to. The sketchy quality to the comic is charming and more recently the backgrounds have started to become more full.
Due to the sketchy nature, however, some things seem unbalanced and lack polish. More recently this isn't as prominent.
Art wise this is a fairly solid comic and it's only getting better.

Writing: You may ask yourself "Why does the world need another fantasy DnDish web comic?" Well there's really nothing anyone can do about what whoever puts on the internet so it might as well be a good one with something more to offer. Darken takes the views of villains. No good thieving murdering card carrying members of the stealing candy from babies club. The character development in this comic is wonderful for most of the main cast. Recently we got some back story to Gort and a look inside Casper's minds. I just wish there was more development from Michaelus. He seems interesting but his lack of screen time and general tendency to not say much doesn't really do much or teach us much about him.

Website: I don't really care for the site design. The navigation (the menu not the forward back stuff) at the bottom is a chore for me. Scroll aaaaaaaaall the way down and click on the tiny buttons. :( But other than that, hey the comics on the main page, what more could you ask for?
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Postby Dotty on Fri Feb 02, 2007 12:47 pm

The Chronicles of Avernyght:
Ragtime: Poppetts Story

First thought, too many colons. ;p

Art:

Much better than Junkriot, which featured too many blank backrounds and green blocks to represent grass, coupled with a wall of blue which was to be the sky. The scene with Brads grave was essentially killed for me, because of this. The characters look very much like ragdolls, and animate ones at that...but still limited by their patchwork, which all in all works amazing together.

The lighting effects are nice, and the snow looked lovely, but sometimes I think it's being used to mask something. Like in the snow scenes, we were again treated to green ground, purple backdrop for sky, and a bunch of snow. The snow made it work. Just be careful of doing it without the snow. Throw a tree in there. SOMETHING.

All in all, the art looks great, just don't get lax on the backrounds. They were one thing about Junkriot that drove me mad.

Writing:

VERY strong, here. The characters seem vivid and alive. Lovely. I find the story sort of dragging now, but thats just cause it's new, and I want something to happen. The dialogue doesn't seem forced, and the font is very clear, even for the evil bitch. :P

Something I think I missed; why do some talk in black speech balloons, and one in white?

Site Design:

Very simple, very pretty, and right to the point. I like it, a lot.
Last edited by Dotty on Fri Feb 02, 2007 7:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Mon Ami on Fri Feb 02, 2007 1:16 pm

Place Holder for Knights of Vesteria***

Edit: So lets get right down too it,

---

For the art and writing I find it difficult to separate the two because they are so intertwined so I hope it is alright if I do the story in sections and focus on both the writing and artwork at the same time, for the art also helps to describe the story.

---

Prologue:

The prologue sets the backdrop for a glorious spray of bloody adventure for sure, considering the protagonists are probably found between the two opposing forces in the middle of war. There is a lot of text here to read through, and it does get the point across pretty simply, but the pictures do not seem to interact with the text itself and what I mean is, I barely notice the pictures in the background that are suppose to be portraying the scene and setting the mood I would think.

It is really lovely artwork! I just wish it was showcased so I can sit up and take notice of it. This does not mean that it has to be coloured, but the chunky black only helps to highlight the text, and not the pictures themselves, the pictures almost seem disconnected. For pictures to get their point across, bigger IS better (at least for epic battle scenes >D)

Bar Scene:

Again, good artwork, the panels standing alone would make great shots by themselves, the figures are not static but dynamic in most of the shots which is good. I cannot really see any copy&paste panels thank God! The wording is great and fast paced, but again, you guys seem to like to use that thick black outline paneling and it makes each seen disconnected from one another as if I am staring up from the open side of a box, it makes the story choppy, and does not really flow into one another.

I cannot say much about the characters personalities yet because we are just being introduced to them now, but so far they appear interesting. Curiousity does seem to hit when the woman seems to slash through people like butter, and it is nice to see that the bartender can hold his own as well and is not completely helpless on their own. I have a personal suggestion for the main characters interaction with the generic bad guy and that is to not just have them so easily sliced to bits. It may make the reader question the main characters strength, but if they are taken down so easily against so many thugs at once, then it makes me personally question how the hell did these thugs manage to survive in a place that is suppose to be really deadly for normal beings living there.

If the generic 'bad guys' are harder to beat, it would probably make the reader question the characters strength but I would hope that it would set the tone for the environment itself. That yes, this world will gobble you up if you are not strong. The reader can relate more to the characters struggle and conflict more.

The humour is also kick ass in this, and the camera shots, although they could be a bit more dynamic are still incredibly enjoyable XD (Like on page #11 when all you see is the outline of the guy that is about to have his head sliced off!)

Somewhere In a Forest/Meeting up:

I always did like the satisfying thwack of a mallet. After reading this section (and finding out what a Gundar was), Panda is now my favourite character <3 In any case, the panels in here are sloooowly creeping towards each other, and with the help of many talk bubbles it helps slowly pull the reader more into the storyline because of its general sense of flow (flow being how well the text and images move with one another throughout the storyline.) I do like how it progresses, the reader learns more about the characters which is nice too as well as a suggestion of a conflict (due to interaction) that may come from Paladins (also had to read up on what that was.)

The only thing I could see kinda off with this was again having the generic bad idiot being the lead in and introduction to the new characters. Then again it does create conflict and keep the story interesting so there are good and bad points to this decision.

1500 years ago:

All I can say is -BlinkBlink.- HEH?! What happened to the characters that were introduced and who the hell are these two? I'm confused T__T:

As a new reader to KoV, I truly am not sure what this flashback is in relation to the rest of the story. All I know is that it is in Vesteria and that it has something to do with the dragon mentioned before hand. And that the dark haired character seems to be in control of the other character and she does not seem to be panicking. Even though if I were her and there was someone controlling me against my will (which apparently is what is happening to her.) Oh and that Vesteria is apparently doomed anyway? This part definitely needs to be explained for new readers.

The panels are slowly spreading a part again, so it is hard to follow, and one thing I noticed is that the conversation seems to filter in from right to left, like the first person who is suppose to speak has their bubble on the right compared to the left? Other then that the art is pretty and is getting better, it is noticeable!

Paladin Caves:

Aaaand, we're back? I can recognize the character, so it is probably back to the present time hopefully? And now Panda is crushing ghouls?

So the reader (or I do at least) assumes that the group has met up with these Paladin folk and are now traveling in a cave? Wait, I cannot remember the mentioning of a cave?! I remember it as some sort of building from the previous part in #29 so where is this place? This confuses the reader even more because there is still not explanation as to why only Panda is there and why there is another male describing what Panda must do while fighting off this hoard. I would suggest some sort of description, or just something to give the reader a general footing in this place.

The action is good, pretty fast paced and easy to read as well as the art communicates that there is a battle going on and the panels are pretty dynamic, you just may want to do something about the spacing again, it disconnects every panel and they do not flow together as well because there are not a lot of text bubbles to hold it together.

---

Web Design

Let me state first off that the site is functional, it is easy to navigate around and I do not get generally or specifically annoyed at anything. Oh! And the fact that the archives are placed where I do not have to scroll and simply click is really really really handy! Oh and you may want to place the previous day and next day buttons on the top of the page just above the comic itself.

The only things I would point out are truely cosmetic at best, simply nitpicking really.

For the future, perhaps you would want to reconsider the title and menu buttons, there are amazing web pages out there and it kinda feels like this one was thrown together at the last second, the only one thing that I really like are your forward and back buttons, those are very funky! Perhaps you could base the design off of them (and yes that is possible, just like it is possible to base a room off of one pillow.)

---

Yeah I am done, thanks for listening to me ramble!
Last edited by Mon Ami on Sun Feb 04, 2007 12:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby LibertyCabbage on Fri Feb 02, 2007 2:31 pm

edit:

I have most of the review written for Antics, but I've been dealing with personal issues lately and I'm too emotional now to be harsh to anyone. So, I'll leave it to Neko and I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

edit2: alright.

Antics

First impression: simple and attractive site design. The background color (light gray) seems a bit too bright, and you'd probably be better off making it a dark gray or even black (with of course changes to the black designs.) The site clearly presents the comic page first and foremost, and as this seems to be the primary goal of webcomic website design I can say it's a successful design. I suggest removing or moving the white Antics logo as that would make another inch or so of the comic page visible before scrolling down.

The archive page is simple, direct, and attractive, although the white pixels around the transparent images hurts the aesthetics a little bit. I would look into refining the images if possible, but it's not a big deal.

All of the navigation seems functional, although you should add something to the extras section because it's disappointing clicking the link and having nothing there to see.

Unfortunately, when I got to the actual comic, things weren't quite as agreeable.

Comic: By the time I finished the 25-page archive, I could barely stand to read it anymore. I'll say plainly that I strongly dislike this comic. First off, I'll start with consistent things I saw in the comic that you should stop doing immediately.

- visual notes. There are way, way, way too many notes all over the comic describing what's going on to let the comic be remotely enjoyable. I feel like the whole comic is a bunch of sticky notes saying what the panels are supposed to show. There's a very simple solution to this: if a panel doesn't convey what you want it to, erase it and do it over until it's right. DO NOT leave it flawed and write some words next to it saying what's happening. If you're unsure whether a panel or clear or not, just show it to a few people and ask them what they think about it. You could probably show a drawing in Keenchat whenever you want for instant feedback. But, just way too many things that should be shown in the artwork are expressed in notes or unnecessary thought bubbles.

- NEVER use aimspeak/chatspeak or emoticons in speech bubbles. The reason emoticons even exist is because facial expressions make it easier to direct the tone of conversation. Well, fortunately, since this is a comic you actually do have facial expressions! So, use them! And, no, not even the most retarded 8-year-old has "double-yew tee eff" or "rawr!" as part of their normal vocabularly. especially if they're falling to their death or being captured by strange shirtless men. If you want us to care about what happens to the characters, you might want to have them react more strongly to life-and-death situations than two girls giggling at a funny shirt at the mall. Similarly, "Eeeeeeekers!!" is a cute expression that has nothing to do with the context. It's just really hard to get into the story and care about what's happening to the characters when the actual characters don't give a rat's ass and are just trying to be cute and funny about whatever happens.

- don't rely on the idea of a catgirl meowing and goofy facial expressions as being 100% of a comic's entertainment value.

- you started off signing your name once per page, then you started doing it twice per page, and now you're signing your name three times per page!! Please stop doing this, as it's distracting from the work!! It's very distracting to see these signatures all over the pages, especially since there are already so many little notes around competing for attention. One signature at the bottom of the page is plenty, and it already says your name at the bottom of the page anyways so why even bother? It reminds me of one comic where the guy put so many watermarks on his pages to establish credit for them that the pages were barely readable.

Looking over my notes, besides these recurring elements I have a gripe with just about every little thing in the comic. However, I don't care nearly enough to write an elaborate 10,000 word post explaining everything. So, I'll have to be to brief.

- The prologue is way too long and wordy, and the pictures contribute nothing besides showing that you can use a digital art program. Your attempt at establishing a creation myth fails because it isn't interesting or original at all, and the whole thing is written really clumsily. I can tell from your comic and your forum posts that you're a much more artistic person than a writerly person, so why did you think that doing 7 pages of straight prose would work out well? If it's truly necessary to have this sort of exposition (and I'll bet most of it isn't necessary) then at least try to keep it brief. Personally, I would've definitely given up on the comic while reading the prologue if I wasn't doing a review, and a potential reader has no such attatchment.

- starting a story with an alarm clock going off and then the protagonist showing up late for class is about the most cliche way you could possibly start off a comic. You really need to be more original if you're going to interest anyone.

- Ami is completely a Mary Sue, and it doesn't help that you changed your forum name to Ami. The attributes of the character, such as attending art class and being Canadian, have no relevance to the plot whatsoever and only serve to establish a relationship between you and the character. Using a Mary Sue is very, very bad. What happens to your Mary Sue? She escapes from an alienated school environment (where the teacher is not shown and everyone is a silhoutte and the others hurt her and don't care into a fantasy world (a development that was awkward but I was able to excuse), meets some "gorgeous" hunk who calls her "lovely" and "adorable" and kisses her hand, is shocked by her cat ears and tail (which, imo, are considered by the author to be good features -- the features are presented in a pretty and natural way, and look how attractive these cat-like features are presented in the 6th panel here), and finally the current situation is that Ami is taken hostage by several attractive-looking men some of which don't have shirts on. It's possible that this sequence may be a rape fantasy to some extent. Anyways, from what I can tell in the comic, I'd suggest that you're too timid and self-conscious to have a real relationship so you're doing this comic as a means of wish-fulfillment, and this is pretty understandable. However, if you're going to put her comic online and ask for a review, you needs to try to appeal to other people as well.
---------------------
That's all I got to before I stopped, and I don't feel like continuing it.
Last edited by LibertyCabbage on Wed Feb 07, 2007 2:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby K-Dawg on Fri Feb 02, 2007 3:47 pm

Orange Revolution

First off I want to say I really dig the art style on this, not something I've seen in a webcomic before. The first chapter just finished so we don't know too much about the motivations of the characters, or heck who the main character is yet. The pacing I feel is well done, the fight between Limeboy and Orangenius I felt was done really well. Not too long, and not too short. It was fluid and I was able to figure out what was going on easily.

Although the art is very unique I found a problem with a lot of strips with the black crosshatching.
http://orangerevolution.comicgenesis.com/d/20061030.html
In this comic for instance I found myself paying more attention to the black around the characters more than the actual characters themselves. I would say to limit it a bit, in this comic it goes over the cowboy dude and to me at least it doesn't look that good.

For a suggestion is it possible for you to try to hand letter the comics? It might add a little something extra to the comic. The lettering right now is fine, but it sorta looks a bit odd over the gritty feel the comic is trying to portraying.

Overall; I do like what I see so far. I'd rate this a 6 out of 10 for now; I only rate it this low because only one chapter has been shown. I see a lot of potential in this one, but I have to wait to see if it lives up to it or not.
Last edited by K-Dawg on Fri Feb 02, 2007 6:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby MixedMyth on Fri Feb 02, 2007 3:49 pm

Placeholder for Angry! =D

Also, whoever reviews me....please do Metrophor, not Mixed Myth.

Edit: I am writing it, I swear! I just had a giant project for school land on me, that's all. Been working on it literally all weekend. T_T

Edit Edit: Good lord, it's only been how long now?

THE REVIEW (dun du dun!)

To begin with, I just have to say that ADM is delicious in its uniqueness. ^_^ Seriously. Most webcomics find a basis in something, and it's usually pretty obvious- either in the story or the art style. Now, every creative effort has its inspirations, but with ADM, it's so seamlessly mixed and blended with individual penchant that the resulting chimera is unlike anything else on the net. And that is lovely.

Art: The art, I think, is one of the comic's strong points. It's simple, but clear and distinctive. Sure, some of the lines could use some work early on. But hey, comics grow. The action is almost always very clear, and the way that action is portrayed (be it action fields or squiggly movement lines) is very interesting.

Story: The story meanders. But really, that's not a bad thing in this case. It's meant to. And it really serves the comic well since it allows the myriad oddities of the ADM world to surface. I do sometimes wonder how effective using all the CG cameos and injokes is....don't get me wrong, I love em! But would someone who isn't familiar with CG be confused by, say, Tongry's appearance? In the end, it just depends on who one writes a comic for- oneself, ones friend, a broader audience? Regardless, I don't think it gets in the way too much. However, I do sometimes experience some confusion at the beginning of a story arc. I have some trouble putting cause and effect together. It's usually explained later on, which is great, but not always.

Writing: The writing is sort of patchwork. Some lines I just don't understand...they don't really flow, or sound natural. The wording can be very akward. But other lines are lovely and witty. I think that this area could use the most work, but that there's a lot of potential there.
Last edited by MixedMyth on Sat Feb 10, 2007 6:13 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Postby Tim on Fri Feb 02, 2007 4:05 pm

Then I shall claim Metrophor!

EDIT:

Art: We all know Robin is a talented artist, and Metrophor continues in that fine tradition. I only have a couple of concerns. First, her strength - her attention to pain-stakingly exquisite detail - can also be her main weakness. My other issue is the inkwork - some of the shadowing, cross-hatching or other details looks kind of scratchy and all over the place. So with these things combined, there are quite a few panels where the scene is lost within all the detail. The fact that the comic is in grayscale doesn't help that, either. I just feel that it takes a bit more effort to make sense of what's going on in the scene artistically, especially for the new reader. However, I'd still consider sacrificing a body part to gain a fraction of Robin's talent. 4 out of 5

Writing: The dialog flows smoothly and the narrative is easy enough to follow along. I'm not 100% sure I like that the comic started with what seems to be the usual pretentious/poetic/cryptic introduction. And after that, the comic jumps straight into the story with hardly any backstory. But as is the case with most good stories, figuring out the story as it progresses - being shown and not told - is part of the fun. I look forward to seeing how it continues. 3 out of 5

Website: Everything is laid out in an intuitive manner, with the comic up front and center. It's a little frustrating to try and use the little widgets - the archive calendar, for example - but hey, it would appear Chris has written most of the site's code himself, and that's impressive. They've even set up their own wiki to explain their comic world. The color scheme is a little drab/subdued, but it fits well enough with the monochrome comic. 3 out of 5
Last edited by Tim on Fri Feb 02, 2007 6:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Dragonkingdoms on Fri Feb 02, 2007 4:36 pm

Wow! I've got Alternate Delusions! This should be interesting...

Review of Alternate Delusions:
Apparently, two characters end up in a hole, able to control what exists (?) through their mind, including gravity and food. At least, it's a concept I don't often see in webcomics. They think up a computer to help get them home, though, the minute they lose focus, the computer vanishes. To solve that problem, they had to think up a recursive program. The computer looks for the solution that will get them home, but the computer doesn't know where home is.

There are more characters later in the comic, with a definite, well, character about them. Overall, not too bad of a story, at least early on. However, the story changes later, focuses on a contest between humans and aliens, and then degrades into almost every superhero comic ever. This is unfortunate, because it had a decent start.

Finding the way home, the point of the comic, becomes lost when this occurs. This has the effect of turning what should've been a fairly short time, possibly a year or two, tops, to find home, into a seemingly never ending struggle. It is now February 2007, four years after the comic started, with no sign of the characters ever finding home, as evidenced by a recent comic with the computer opening doors to other places. Yes, still.

The character art is simplistic, but it works for this setting. Of course, they probably could imagine themselves better. Perhaps, with more time, the characters would improve. As it is, the art has barely moved over the four-year period.

Alternate Delusions' other big issue is navigation. Unless you knew what story arc a particular comic fell under- and some of those were a year in length, it would be nearly impossible to find. The calendar is pretty much useless unless you're looking for holiday-themed comics. This is especially true of the fact that it covers four years' worth of comics.

I give Alternate Delusions 5/10 overall, due to the loss of focus of the main story, and going into never ending spinoff-type stories.
Last edited by Dragonkingdoms on Fri Feb 02, 2007 8:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby The Neko on Fri Feb 02, 2007 4:41 pm

DragonKingdoms

I should first start off with a simple navigational issue, in that there is almost no navigation to be found on this website. The location of the first, previous, next, and latest buttons is completely counter-intuitive and in some cases appear to lead to incorrect pages. For example, clicking on "first comic" takes you to one in the middle of the archive. The only other way to view the first comics is to go to the archive page and click on each one that directly links to the image file. This is not a user-friendly way to navigate a comic.

Speaking of the website, I guess I can only charitably call it an assault on the senses, since it has a bright neon cyan colour as the background. This is a colour that comes with the standard palate of most image programs, unfortunately is one of the many colours that should never be used by anyone unless they are, perhaps, making fun of people who don't know how to colour.

Now, let's jump into the comic.

First of all, the art itself looks like it is drawn by a child. Yes, I know that saying a comic "looks like it's drawn by a child" is a common, if not bombastic, description thrown around sarcastically by people who think the art of a comic is sub-par. However, I use it with the utmost sincerity. The methodology and the style of the art is the same way a child approaches drawing. They are primarily formless, amorphous anthropomorphs that only vaguely resemble the human form they hope to imitate. Really, they look a lot like an amoebia that is attempting to transform into a human being, sprouting misguided limbs from a blobby center. There is no sense of construction or depth, and perspective is limited at best. Without a strong sense of construction or dimensionality, the characters all become flat and highly inconsistent from panel to panel. Children, when first learning to draw, fall into this trap. It is similar to how they are unable, psychologically, to discern that if you squish a ball, the mass doesn't change, but merely changes shape.

The most surprising aspect of all this is that the art really hasn't made any significant improvement from when it started to its current state. He discovered how to shade, but that hasn't helped him make the anatomy or line quality any better. The shading is too little too late, as the colour palate resembles that of The Simpsons, but with less forethought and aesthetics. Additionally, the art might have improved if so much of it wasn't cut and paste. This reveals itself in how the characters are obviously scaled from panel to panel, rather than re-drawn.

Trying to read the comic is a chore half the time as the text either blends into backgrounds at random intervals, or finds itself unable to fit in the unstable balloons provided.

And this brings us into the most distressing aspect of DragonKingdoms: the writing.

The author, throughout the comic, appears to have an unhealthy fixation, an intellectual monomania if you will, with the fact that the giant character William is, in fact, a giant. Characters from comic to comic will expound about how massive, big, and heavy this character is, even though the premise has been well-established before. Most often, when a comic features such a fixation, it leads me to believe that it is beyond the realm of mere interest and traversing into the realm of FETISHISM. Yes, I am willing to claim that the comic is the product of a man with a fetish, probably the one known as "macrophilia". There are also comics that contain copious amounts of characters eating each other, which is an indicator of another documented fetish known as "vore". However, the macro-centric obsession is the primary focus, with plots revolving around his size as well as the solution to every problem being solved with some size-related advantage. Other arcs revolve around size-changing and constantly juxtaposing perspective in order to give a grander account of one's size relative to the other. It is an obsession that permeates the comic, so focused that any possibility for the slightest traces of story are all but eliminated.

The writing, much like the art, has a child-level understanding of storytelling and plot progression, often making little sense if any. The issues and the plots are resolved almost instantly and with the greatest ease, and the characters are generally completely interchangeable. There is also the added detriment that the character Tom is obviously a self-insertion of the author, which is almost never a good idea. The icing on the cake is the highly expository way in which the characters define themselves and their moral alignment, as well as what they are doing, about to do, having done, and having done to them. Geroge Lucas, probably one of the greatest perpetrators of this in his scripts, has a mastery of the literary form in comparison.

I honestly am struggling to think of a positive statement I can make about this comic. I could point out that it has been running for over 200 comics, but that point is outweighed by the fact that the comic quality has remained unchanged in that time, and I'd say a good number of those strips are completely redundant.
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Postby Warofwinds on Fri Feb 02, 2007 6:16 pm

Go For It! This review will be rather convoluted, because I write things down as it comes to me. There is no organization except that which exists in my [air]head. Fair warning! *cackles* But afterwards I’ll try to condense everything into categories as everyone else seems to be able to do.

First Impression: Dear sweet pineapples…you caught me with that first strip! Ha! Even in the beginning the art is sound and the expressions, key in a comic like yours, are fine. Especially the body language. The jokes are laugh-out-loud funny 9 out of 10 times, and then there’s the odd one that falls kind of flat…maybe just because some of them are in-jokes with certain groups. This page for example could be worded better, just don’t ask me how. It’s in the beginning of your archives anyways, so just ignore me for picking out early things.

I’m usually a reader of continuous storylines, and because of that I feel my concentration wavering once I get 20 or 30 comics in. Sure, most of the pages are hilarious, but the random deviations to new characters in random situations loses me after a bit. I find myself hoping to return to Jean or…uh, I find myself blanking on the “main” character’s name. Him though. I don’t think his name has been said since the first couple or so comics. Anyways, I’d like a teensy bit of direction. Doesn’t have to be much, but just a little. Ah! Found the guy’s name. Alex. And now it seems to me mentioned quite a lot. Uhh…yeah. So ignore me. As I said, I write things down as they come to me.

I’m beginning to see a small direction in the plot I think. Very satirical. Simple jokes with often complex reasoning behind them. Hard to pull off, and I like it. Again though, some things fall a little flat. The scientology one especially I think. A little amusing, but flat. The pages about advertisements are easily my favorite. Honey Nut Cheerios and Clean-Brite? Ha! And good work on using Billy as an example for what advertising is capable of.

Wow. Right about herebackgrounds suddenly just pop up. Somehow I feel like all the crit I was going to say, and in fact, had already written down, has already been said. Kez is arriving late to the party. :( The same goes for story arcs. They have indeed appeared! Dammit! I mean…good! *cough*

A-ha! The backgrounds have vanished again, replaced by gradients! Was it an experiment for those few pages or something? At about thispage, the line art really crisps up, but it also looks as though you’ve shrunk it a bit. The lines are thin, but no longer stable, yknow? And wow, everything got a whole lot more detailed. Very nice change. Especially on the faces and hairstyles. Certainly nothing there to complain about. I find Torrey’s hair oddly attractive…but that is for another day! Ahem. Now to some sort of organized crit here…


Art: simple line work, detail to expressions, hair, and especially clothing. There’s a lot of talent, and I could see you doing more in other projects perhaps, but this style suits the story. I especially like the attention paid to clothing, and how characters CHANGE their clothes as the comic progresses. Even though this happens, it is still very obvious who is what character…which is no simple matter for some people. I also like very much how the fashions fit the characters. Backgrounds however seem quite sparse most of the time, and panels usually consist of two characters talking in an above-waist view. Again, it works for the content you’ve chosen, but more wouldn’t hurt. Changing up the alignment of panels (square/rectangular boxes stacked systematically) could also do a lot.

Writing: I like, and at the same I don’t, the cast of characters. You’ve got the highly-intelligent-yet-pessimistic Alex, the optimistic-vegetarian-activist Lina, the violent-shallow Torrey and the dumb-oblivious Jean, (and then characters who expressly suit their purpose, like Billy). It’s great for interactions and humor, and they are 3-dimensional to be sure, but I just hate being able to classify characters. Takes the fun out of it, you know? Otherwise, the jokes are, as I said before, 9/10 times snappy, witty and funny. Everyone has a distinct personality and voice-patterns. Well done.

Site: clean, fits well in multiple resolutions, easy navigation. Just…the archive. I can’t STAND the listing of calendars. I much something that tells a prospective reader story arcs or something with more information than a date.

Overall, I give Go For It a rather high 8/10. And I’ve never done that for a comic before. It’s good and over the course of the archives, shows steady improvement. A big danger for your type of comic is stagnation—either in art or in writing/jokes. You’ve yet to fall into that trap.

Lastly, you haven’t updated since October of last year. You naughty person you. Regardless of the excuses (legitimate as they are), I expect something new. Because I get to be arrogant like that as an anonymous internet person. But really, bookmarked. I’ve been meaning to read this comic for a while now. If you’ve any specific questions of course, PM or use the other thread^^


To Net: As a slight warning, I am currently in the middle of retexting the horrible papyrus script in chapters 2-3...which is why it suddenly changes. Serves me right for not finishing first I suppose :roll:
Last edited by Warofwinds on Fri Feb 02, 2007 9:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Netpoet on Fri Feb 02, 2007 6:18 pm

I'll take War of Winds for my first review.

EDIT : finished! Stupid internet crashing.. *grumble grumble*

Site

As expected, the site is not only fully functional (which, believe it or not, can be a real issue sometimes.) I like all the extras you have, like the world maps… the text versions of the chapters you've already gotten up… etc etc etc. Personally, I'd enlarge the images you have on your cast page, perhaps even giving each character their own pages and whatnot. Each of these folk have quite a history in your story, yet they have a TINY paragraph about them? DETAILS, PLEASE! :p You've already established that you're a detail freak, might as well give in and give us more.


Artwork

First of all, the fonts you used at the beginning make me want to cry. http://warofwinds.com/?comic_id=5 in particular just struck me as bad. That's an easy fix, mind you… just change the font. :) I'm not a big fan of the partial glowy red font at all and the white one doesn't look all that good either. And considering how word-heavy this starts, an appealing font is VERY necessary.

As far as the artwork itself, you've improved quite noticeably since the beginning of the story, and your artwork is definitely appealing now. To my untrained eye, the proportions seem to be correct, though it strikes me that everyone seems to have a large nose. Perhaps that's just me though…

I do notice that, occasionally, the images seem to wash into the background slightly. Nothing TOO obvious, but like this page http://warofwinds.com/?comic_id=202 last panel, something about his head there just doesn't feel right. Maybe it's because you have detail in the hair in the other character's shots, but his is more of a brown "zone." I'm not sure, but I've noticed this happen more than once. No idea how to fix it, mind you… my strength is coming up next. :p


Writing

I'll be honest. I didn't really like the parts, I guess you've labeled them as "The Past," all that much. It really struck me as more of an elongated info-dump than anything else most of the time. The only fix I can really see for this is a complete rewrite… which is probably a HELL of a lot more work than you'd care to do, because you'd also have to likely redraw quite a bit of the pages as well.

However, once you get into what you've got labeled as "The Present," that's when things get fun. You stopped the info dumping almost altogether, with just a bit here and there for accent; this is fine. I *MUCH* prefer finding out about your world via the eyes of those present IN the world over just reading a large block of text. Once you really got down into the nitty gritty and got your inner writer warmed up and raring to go, your storytelling has gotten quite a bit smoother.

You'll note that it was sometime after "The Present" started is about when I finally linked to you. Hehee… Overall, I do enjoy the story, especially now that you're going strong.


>Net
Last edited by Netpoet on Mon Feb 05, 2007 7:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Dark Spider on Fri Feb 02, 2007 8:38 pm

Since it looks like NetPoet has about 3 comics under his belt, I'll choose the Tales of the Traveling Gnome one to review (since the Pylea one was already reviewed).

Hello NetPoet! Sorry for the long wait, but here's your review! I'm actually in training to becoming a story critic and doctor, so this is very good practice for me. I'm capable of giving you a story beat by story panel critique but I just didn't have the time (or the space in a forum post). So here is the "gist" of a review of your comic.

Story:
The story is an old gnome's recount of a previous long journey during which he's amassed a number of artifacts. The comic is currently telling the tale in which the gnome is part of a group of travelers that are trying the aquire the Amulet of Ba'ra from within a castle.

Initial Reaction:
The story was a little confusing at first during my initial read, because there was a lot to take in and I didn't have enough story information to sort through it all. This is especially apparent during the beginning battle stuff. Below in the "writing" section I praise you for how you handled the story introduction "technique-wise". But I think that the beginning battle would definitely benefit more if you a little characterization was thrown in so the reader can sort through all the action and not be overwhelmed. This will make the story introduction excellent "execution-wise".

But other than the action overload, the story has a nice pace that's easy to follow. After the initial conflict with the fiberglass (?) enemies, the story goes from very engaging to moderately engaging and my attention started to wane a little. This is due to the fact that you're developing the characters and what not, and I understand that. Some readers though won't be so understanding, so you have to try and keep the conflict up while developing the characters so you can keep the reader hooked.

But other than that, I was entertained my the comic and I was left wanting more which is a VERY good thing (it means I'll be coming back to check up on it) :wink:

Writing:
The writing is pretty damn good. The author makes use of raising story questions in order to attain and maintain reader interest early on. The story is set up by using the flashback device in order to have the main character give the neccessary exposition through his colorful dialogue. This is good because it makes the exposition more interesting and bearable to read through. The readers are immediately thrusted upon a life or death conflict, which grabs the reader's attention and certainly mine. Even though the reader is clueless to the individual motivations of the characters, we're "forced" to care for them as they make there way through deadly increasing complications. Establishing an emotional link with the characters early on, while learning about them is GREAT character development as you end up caring about the characters THAT much more in the end. I'm impressed.

Characters and Dialogue:
The characters aren't really developed right now, as the story is still in its beginning stages. You can get a better look into the characters in the "characters" page on the website. But what little you do see of the characters in action is good. The writer gives each character a distinct personality and voice through characters specific dialouge and conflict in action. My only complaint is the characters aren't developed enough yet to carry the interest of the reader through the story yet...that burden is left to the conflict itself. That's forgivable since the story is in its beginning stages, but keep in mind that "Events with characters forgot, does not make a very good plot".

Art:
The art is very good and inviting. The artist gives unity to the panels and story with her limited palette of mostly yellows and reds (I REFUSE to say brown! I HATE the word "Brown"!! "Brown" is NOT its own color seperate from the "color wheel" colors and I wish it wasn't treated as such!!!). The characters are rendered pretty ok. In some panels they seem stiff. In some panels they are in an awkward perspective and it throws the whole character rendering off. In some panels, the character's movement isn't "dynamic" enough to pull off the excitement the scene requires. These are only very minor complaints, and the artist's good outweighs the little bad. I'm just mentioning these to keep in mind for future pages.

Comic Medium:
The artist's use of the comic medium to tell the story is pretty good. There is very little idle standing of the characters. The characters are either doing something, talking with body language, or at the very least giving very telling facial expressions to suggest some kind of internal action. This makes reading the comic an enjoyable experience, as the characters are constantly "living" and alive. The panels are used appropriately and well per scene. Actually, I'm VERY impressed with the artist's use of the comic medium. Important events in the panel are presented in a very clear and highlighted manner to maintain effective storytelling. Differing perspective and viewpoints are used to keep the panels fresh. This is definitely quality work.

Overall:
The comic is updated at a page per update day which is very slow for its format. The perferred release schedule is a completed chapter per update, but I understand that may be unrealistic for the artist/writer duo. The reason I say that the comic should be released at a chapter a time is because the story is very engaging, and the story momentum is lost at its present pace. Really, the comic is VERY suited for a graphic novel format and it definitely has what it takes to make it in the field. The story is very well written, well drawn and well colored with VERY VERY few complaints. I recommend this comic for everyone to read and I hope it reaches the heavens. It was a pleasure to review this story
:D
Last edited by Dark Spider on Wed Feb 07, 2007 10:01 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Postby Prettysenshi on Fri Feb 02, 2007 8:59 pm

Placeholder for NieceWeb.
---------
EDIT: done

Story: It seems to be a gag a day comic revolving around a group of sisters and their lives while in school. Sad to say, but I didn't find the strips particularly funny if that's what you were going for. The jokes within the strips were easy to get, but didn't make me laugh.

Art: I think it's cute. Yeah, you probably aren't a master of anatomy and proportion, but I don't think it's a big deal with the style that you're going for. You're pretty good with color schemes. Nothing was over done, or strained my eyes so that was nice. My only prob is that sometimes I feel that the panels are cluttered. Maybe if you spaced things out within the panel, it would be better and easier to look at.

Layout: The presentation is pretty good. Nothing special, but it gets the job done. I could navigate throughout the site with ease. I'm not a fan of white backgrounds at all. Maybe some color that matches the rest of the layout.
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Postby C.w. on Fri Feb 02, 2007 10:25 pm

Placeholder - it'll take me a bit to get through 175 comics.

Also: assuming someone is kind enough to do a review of This is: i'd much appreciate it if you tried not to use the chronological navigation. (Although if you feel the need it's there.) Don't worry if you don't get to every single one - that's not the way it's supposed to work.

------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, so i finally finished up the archives.

The first thing that springs to mind is that you've come a long long way from when you started. The art, page layout, backgrounds - all of it has tripled in quality. That being said, there's still room to improve. The art is very hit and miss - some days the page will look gorgeous. Some days... less so. The major thing i'm noticing in later pages is the linework. It seems flat, bland, and very thick. Not a bad thing, but you shoud try some variation. Don't be afraid to do stuff like this in colour either.

Don't really sweat it too much, art is one of those things that everyone frets about, and it just takes time to get good. If you continue to improve at the pace you've set, you'll be really good in no time flat.

The story was really confusing at the beginning. I'm not a fan of that, but i concede it for most fantasy stuff - i'd rather have confusion than have an obnoxious exposition. The problem i had with the story is that there was no exposition. I was swimming in weird word soup for quite a while. The beginning is so confusing that were i not focused on reading the entire archives i would have left at about page five.

That being said, once you get into it it's not that bad. The story feels very episodic - which is not a bad thing, but i didn't expect it. There's a big plot going on, but it's always superceded by the smaller plots of the chapter. The little hints as to what stuff is can be a little heavy handed, but they're appreciated.

The chapters have a little bit of a dragon ball vibe to them - we're trying to eventually get to this big bad guy but in the mean time we have to fight all these smaller bad guys. To an extent, it works - it's a tried and true formula that comes up a lot. But it feels just like that - sort of formulaic. You have a decent story going on, but some of the enemies seemed to pop out of nowhere giving a sort of, "where did that come from?" moment. Again though, it's getting better. The later chapters have far fewer "what the blazes?" moments.

I think a lot of that could be helped if you had a primer or something on the site. Speaking of the site - it's nice. It's simple, the way i like comic sites to be.

One thing that did really bug me was the use of ellipsis - and i tend to use them a lot. Seriously - it's not neccicary 99% of the time. Some pages had what seemed to be millions and millions of dots. You do not need to note that someone is not saying anything - the expression should be enough. If you're fuzzy on it, here's the wiki article. English usage is far different from japanese.

My biggest complaint would be that the font is often hard to read, and it changes all the time for what seems like no reason. Pick a font, pick a size, and keep it that way. Don't shrink your text to fit in your balloon - make the balloon bigger, and don't use overly complicated fonts - especially at small sizes.

I hope this doesn't come off as harsh - you're doing well, you've improved a lot, and you'll get better as you continue.

I'm horrible at this sort of thing, so i hope this is helpful in some way. If you want it, i have my notes saved in a file.
Last edited by C.w. on Sat Feb 03, 2007 2:09 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Postby Sorcery101 on Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:01 pm

Hmm. You're comic is a very odd thing CW. I'm unsure if I like it or not. The pictures have this sketchy crudeness to them. It gives them a bit of interesting charm however their were times I wish they were better rendered and more detailed. I think if the drawings had be work and seriousness put into them it could add another level of humor to your comic, by have the serious contrast the completely ridiculous captions. I would especially like you to work on your drawings of people. They just so cartoon and flat that they bring down the those comments.

As for the captions, I rather like them. They have this kinda dry humor rambling quality that while not gutbusting humor deems a small chuckle. I especially liked the white pawn one.

However, I think your navigation is terrible. I had to search for how to find the next comic and just found it annoyingly over complicated. I understand that you want to connect certain comics with the links underneath each one, but it was just too random and confusing. If I wasn't writing this crit I would have given up and moved on very very quickly.

And I'm sorry this is so short, but seems like there aren't many comics in your archive, (though I might have missed some do to the weird navagation.) So I guess no one should reveiw Sorcery 101 until I do a reveiw of another comic.
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Postby Jackhass on Sat Feb 03, 2007 1:10 am

Quick Sorcery 101 Review

Art - Ambitious stuff, particularly considering that you manage to stick pretty well to your 3 updates a week. Good expressions, solid colours and some at times nice attempts at doing tricky angles and whatnot. Shadows and crosshatching are done well. Faces sometimes look a little lumpy or off, anatomy is a little shaky in parts, and some of the tricky angles sometimes don't pan out. Word baloons look rough and should probably be photoshopped along with the text inside 'em.

Writing - I didn't read every single comic, but the characters all seem quite well done...distinct and likeable (when they're meant to be). You have a good grasp of dialogue and your characters sound natural. Over the run of the comic you've managed to build up what seems to be a fairly interesting world and some solid backstory. On the downside the pacing is often very slow, with literally months passing with characters doing nothing but standing around and talking. Tends to sometimes get to absorbed in backstory and minute details about the characters that aren't that interesting. The weekend filler stuff is hit and miss...sometimes interesting, sometimes it has you quickly clicking the "next" button.

Website - Pretty basic, but then given my own website I don't have too much room to criticize. Given the heavily storyline driven nature of the comic more descriptive archives are needed...ones that can take you to the beginning of certain storylines or point out when certain major events took place.

All in all I'd give it a 7/10 or so. Good characters, good dialogue, and overall a good storyline. It's slow pace, a few quibbles with the art and a website that could use with some spiffing up hold it back a bit. Good work so far, hope it continues to improve!
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Postby Linkara on Sat Feb 03, 2007 1:18 am

Zoology

Art: The artwork has definitely evolved since the beginning, and although it was fairly good to start with, it has improved significantly, with a more defined look for the two main characters Baker and Shandy. There could possibly be some more backgrounds done, but considering the style of the comic, plus the zoo setting itself, highly-detailed backgrounds aren't that necessary. Plus, the wall separating Baker and Shandy always comes in nicely detailed, probably because it has to become a character in itself since the two can never see each other.

Writing: The writing is superb, with a semi-gag a day format. I say "semi" because there are plenty of strips that don't really have a punchline to them, usually in longer storylines. That's perfectly all right, of course, and those that have punchlines are usually funny. While the drama of Baker and Shandy trying to see one another seems to be the primary drive of the strip, I personally enjoyed a lot of the other characters and plots - Earnest P. Ape's moronic advice to those seeking romantic advice, Detective Chomps and his wonderful detective skills, and Angsty the Octopus' attempts at romance. My personal favorite is the lazy zookeeper.

Site: Sadly, the website is the biggest flaw of the comic. There's no character page, no "About" page, and the Storyline dropdown could be revised. While they aren't necessities and they don't interfere with the actual enjoyment of the comic, it might put off new readers to discover that most of the Storyline dropdown is filled with dates instead of, say, a title for a series of strips (albeit a majority of them are one-shots, so it's probably not necessary to name each one).

Overall: I give it an 8/10. Bottom line: great, all-ages comic, but could use some site changes.
Last edited by Linkara on Sat Feb 03, 2007 9:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Killbert-Robby on Sat Feb 03, 2007 1:28 am

I'll be honest right now : I know my comic is crap, I really don't want a review confirming that, hahaha. But I will, however, post a review for Lightbringer, and at least contribute a bit here. So this is a place holder.


edit
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Art -
There's some terrible crap out there, so compared to most, not bad at all. There are also signs of improvement. I quite like the effects used on the light ray. However, most of your art is drawn seeing the character from directly infront of from a perfect side view. While I know that this is easiest when you're just starting out, it's boring and unrealistic. For this reason learn to slowly slowly deal with characters from varying angles. One issue I had was in an early update, there's four people going down escalators. The text is everywhere, jumbled up, and it was actually really hard to follow the dialogue. But this is something you'll learn with time. I have speech bubble trouble myself.

Story-
The story, I read through the "The Last Lesson" chapter, where he destroys the slavers, I quite liked it, it showed pretty good characterization and some of the movies behind the characters. However, your story is pretty dialogue driven. I have no issue with this, but having comics with a basic picture which is completely covered up in text can grate on people's nerves. Study a bit of body language, and economize on words, and you can get the same points across with less words.
st Lesson - Too wordy, unorganized

Overall-
Not bad, not bad at all. Some webcomics are utter trash out there, and this is def. a good start. With a bit of work, this could become a damn good one. Pointers I can think of:
Work on dialogue
Study anatomy
Draw characters from more interesting angles
Work on action shots, they're looking kind of static. Just practise drawing them over and over and using varying effects.
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