I have most of the review written for Antics, but I've been dealing with personal issues lately and I'm too emotional now to be harsh to anyone. So, I'll leave it to Neko and I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
First impression: simple and attractive site design. The background color (light gray) seems a bit too bright, and you'd probably be better off making it a dark gray or even black (with of course changes to the black designs.) The site clearly presents the comic page first and foremost, and as this seems to be the primary goal of webcomic website design I can say it's a successful design. I suggest removing or moving the white Antics logo as that would make another inch or so of the comic page visible before scrolling down.
The archive page is simple, direct, and attractive, although the white pixels around the transparent images hurts the aesthetics a little bit. I would look into refining the images if possible, but it's not a big deal.
All of the navigation seems functional, although you should add something to the extras section because it's disappointing clicking the link and having nothing there to see.
Unfortunately, when I got to the actual comic, things weren't quite as agreeable.
Comic: By the time I finished the 25-page archive, I could barely stand to read it anymore. I'll say plainly that I strongly dislike this comic. First off, I'll start with consistent things I saw in the comic that you should stop doing immediately.
- visual notes. There are way, way, way too many notes all over the comic describing what's going on to let the comic be remotely enjoyable. I feel like the whole comic is a bunch of sticky notes saying what the panels are supposed
to show. There's a very simple solution to this: if a panel doesn't convey what you want it to, erase it and do it over until it's right. DO NOT leave it flawed and write some words next to it saying what's happening. If you're unsure whether a panel or clear or not, just show it to a few people and ask them what they think about it. You could probably show a drawing in Keenchat whenever you want for instant feedback. But, just way too many things that should be shown in the artwork are expressed in notes or unnecessary thought bubbles.
- NEVER use aimspeak/chatspeak or emoticons in speech bubbles. The reason emoticons even exist is because facial expressions make it easier to direct the tone of conversation. Well, fortunately, since this is a comic you actually do have facial expressions! So, use them! And, no, not even the most retarded 8-year-old has "double-yew tee eff" or "rawr!" as part of their normal vocabularly. especially if they're falling to their death
or being captured by strange shirtless men
. If you want us to care about what happens to the characters, you might want to have them react more strongly to life-and-death situations than two girls giggling at a funny shirt at the mall. Similarly, "Eeeeeeekers!!"
is a cute expression that has nothing to do with the context. It's just really hard to get into the story and care about what's happening to the characters when the actual characters don't give a rat's ass and are just trying to be cute and funny about whatever happens.
- don't rely on the idea of a catgirl meowing and goofy facial expressions as being 100% of a comic's entertainment value.
- you started off signing your name once per page, then you started doing it twice per page, and now you're signing your name three times per page!! Please stop doing this, as it's distracting from the work!! It's very distracting to see these signatures all over the pages, especially since there are already so many little notes around competing for attention. One signature at the bottom of the page is plenty, and it already says your name at the bottom of the page anyways so why even bother? It reminds me of one comic where the guy put so many watermarks on his pages to establish credit for them that the pages were barely readable.
Looking over my notes, besides these recurring elements I have a gripe with just about every little thing in the comic. However, I don't care nearly enough to write an elaborate 10,000 word post explaining everything. So, I'll have to be to brief.
- The prologue is way too long and wordy, and the pictures contribute nothing besides showing that you can use a digital art program. Your attempt at establishing a creation myth fails because it isn't interesting or original at all, and the whole thing is written really clumsily. I can tell from your comic and your forum posts that you're a much more artistic person than a writerly person, so why did you think that doing 7 pages of straight prose would work out well? If it's truly necessary to have this sort of exposition (and I'll bet most of it isn't necessary) then at least try to keep it brief. Personally, I would've definitely given up on the comic while reading the prologue if I wasn't doing a review, and a potential reader has no such attatchment.
- starting a story with an alarm clock going off and then the protagonist showing up late for class is about the most cliche way you could possibly start off a comic. You really need to be more original if you're going to interest anyone.
- Ami is completely a Mary Sue, and it doesn't help that you changed your forum name to Ami. The attributes of the character, such as attending art class and being Canadian, have no relevance to the plot whatsoever and only serve to establish a relationship between you and the character. Using a Mary Sue is very, very bad. What happens to your Mary Sue? She escapes from an alienated school environment (where the teacher is not shown and everyone is a silhoutte and the others hurt her and don't care
into a fantasy world (a development that was awkward but I was able to excuse), meets some "gorgeous" hunk who calls her "lovely" and "adorable" and kisses her hand
, is shocked by her cat ears and tail
(which, imo, are considered by the author to be good features -- the features are presented in a pretty and natural way, and look how attractive these cat-like features are presented in the 6th panel here
), and finally the current situation is that Ami is taken hostage by several attractive-looking men
some of which don't have shirts on
. It's possible that this sequence may be a rape fantasy to some extent. Anyways, from what I can tell in the comic, I'd suggest that you're too timid and self-conscious to have a real relationship so you're doing this comic as a means of wish-fulfillment, and this is pretty understandable. However, if you're going to put her comic online and ask for a review, you needs to try to appeal to other people as well.
That's all I got to before I stopped, and I don't feel like continuing it.