Shreading Needed Please <3

Mon Ami · Post by **Mon Ami** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 5:07 pm

Yeah, just like the title said, I would really appreciate if someone were to just read through ANTICS and focus in on the story pretty please. If you wanna comment on the art or the actual layout of the site I would really appreciate that too but in all honesty I just want a really really good constructive shreading of the storyline, character development, and general over all feel of the plot itself.

I have asked the readers to make comments on the actual site but no responses so far besides 'keep up the good work' and even that has only been about four in the last year. I am kinda desparate at the moment x___@:

http://cgwiki.comicgenesis.com/index.php/Comic:Antics Any general plot details that you want can be found at this link.

And here is the main site: http://antics.comicgenesis.com/

This is the beginning of the archives: http://antics.comicgenesis.com/d/20051015.html

And here is the archive page itself: http://antics.comicgenesis.com/archive.html

If you have any questions please feel free to ask.

Thank you very much! And happy shreadage o-o!

Glambourine · Post by **Glambourine** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 2:01 am

I started to like it around the time when the water god shows up and they realize they're cats. But that's really, really far into your comic, and that's too late for me to like it--anyone who's reading not just to review the comic is likely to have taken off by that point.

Is there any way you can increase the pacing of the comic? I mean, it takes about a month for these guys at the shore to abduct the girls and take them to a forest. Every comic takes me just one or two baby steps into the plot. Instead, can you make me leap forward? Or if you do keep the comics at their current pace, can you update every day? Otherwise there's just too much of a time gap for me to retain interest.

I think the dialogue can be a lot sharper and the characters more differentiated--I can tell you've done some work in this direction, but it doesn't show up as much in the actual comic as it should. The comic's been going on for about a year and I still don't know much about who these girls are, other than that they're cats and they went to school at one point. That is a problem!

It's obvious that you know what you're doing and where you're going with this, but you need to make it clearer to the reader, to make sure that the reader is clearly grounded, that he/she knows who and what he's dealing with. Your setting almost calls for disorienting the reader a bit, but if you make the characters focused and the setting more vague and mysterious, you communicate that otherworldliness much more effectively.

That's about it. Thanks for posting about this, btw--I did actually become interested in it after a while. If you can just make that a shorter while, maybe by doing some archive pruning (the first few pages about finding the scanned pages etc. can definitely be cut), you'll have a much stronger comic overall.

ARC Lambda 00 · Post by **ARC Lambda 00** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 8:40 am

Well,
It is a great idea, but the horizontal format leaves me confused...
I really enjoy the sparse utilization of color to accentiate (spelling?) the plot.

Mon Ami · Post by **Mon Ami** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 9:33 am

glambourine, The reason why I do not update that much is because I do not want to promise a daily update when I cannot deliver it. It is time constraints more then anything. I would want to make sure I have a surplus of them if I ever were to attempt it. As for lengthening the page that may actually help, or just give me more room to play with the visual elements and not give you any more into the story then it already does with the panels I have now.

I'll definitely think about slowly upping the number of updates per week however ^-^ And slowly give myself more and more to do when I am able to handle it. I just do not want to have to switch my scheduled updates every day two or three weeks because I am not sure if that is fair to the viewer.

As for the prologue being cut...I have heard from several others that it starts off a bit slow. So what I'll probably do is take out the prologue and just place it under extras or some such ^-^ That way it will still be there for sentimental reasons but not a part of the main storyline.

And as for the clearer character definition..that is a good idea, I'll try to encorperate that and actually define my characters before any more majour plot advance..and then slowly twist who they are later on because they DO change along the storyline (that is still being formulated in my head

) Thank you very much. This will definitely help me.

ARC: How is the horizontal format confusing?

Adobedragon · Post by **Adobedragon** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 10:32 am

Um, okay. [cranky editor mode on]

For me the problem was clarity, and honestly, rather than slow pacing, it felt quite rushed. Things were happening that made no sense and weren't explained through the visual (art) narrative.

For <a href="http://antics.comicgenesis.com/d/200601 ... example</a>:
This page makes no sense to me. Now, keep in mind, I went and read the description and summaries first, so I <i>know</i> she's late for class. There is nothing, however, in the comic page to indicate where she is, why the door is banging, etc. She's stomping along somewhere, a door slams and she inexplicably announces, "Teacher, I'm here." Huh? Suggestion--a shot of the classroom and angry teacher would help tremendously.

In <a href="http://antics.comicgenesis.com/d/20060123.html">the next page,</a> A voice is berating her, but it isn't immediately clear that it's the teacher. The students are drawn as dark blobs--no desks, no chalkboard, no sense of place. The middle panel is incomprehensible. Where's she shuffling off to?

Then someone says, "Nice save." Save from what? Detention? Since I have no context, no indication that she is always tardy, I don't see why this is a "nice save." What does "cuteness" have to do with it? I.e., if she charmed the teacher, I need to "see" the teacher's reaction.

Next victim, I mean <a href="http://antics.comicgenesis.com/d/20060126.html">page</a>. If I hadn't already read the summary, again, the last panel would make no sense at all. I guess this depicts her getting run over by her fellow students, but I don't get it. There's a figure (who?) waving its arms while another (who?) looks on in silence. A mob, depicted by blobs, runs by. (I don't actually see them hitting her. Very confusing.

<a href="http://antics.comicgenesis.com/d/20060206.html">Here</a> and <a href="http://antics.comicgenesis.com/d/20060209.html">here</a>, why not actually show (draw) the dragons and the pretty man? (Pretty men are always a good thing.)

I mean the point of a comic is to provide the reader description through the art, no?

I like the energy you bring to this project. The art style is charming. I'd like to see you put your art skills to use by adding detail to the background and secondary characters. (For a big chunk of the beginning, your two protagonists are the only characters present. Remember, characters are grounded and defined by their setting and by the people they interact with.)

Best of luck and keep comicking.

Mon Ami · Post by **Mon Ami** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 11:46 am

Alright, so keep the setting more clear..what I am afraid of is overdoing that..like taking my audience as a bunch of idiots who cannot read and figure several things out. I mean you yourself figured it out right?

But I see your point, I need a more character definition, hopefully I can do that with the next several months. But the setting itself...changes frequently and will be explained later. I hope it gives the viewer a sense of distortion and 'what the hell just happened?!' but in a good way.

Ami and Lys are suppose to be the anchor points in the storyline to keep the viewer grounded, so I guess I'll have to like you two said, try to define them a bit more, and give some type of consistancy.

EvilChihuahua · Post by **EvilChihuahua** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 6:16 pm

Hmm...*scratches chin thoughtfully*

Well, the plot is kind of confusing so far. I mean, I can appreciate that you're trying to build a sense of confusion, because the characters have no idea what's happening and you want the readers to empathize with them.

Now, the only problem with that is, without something that makes the reader really curious, they'll quickly give up, because reading a comic that you don't understand is just work.
I see that in a lot of webcomics, especially ones with your style of art.

...that confuses me, actually. Whenever I find a comic that confuses me, it usually has your style. Shoujo-ish stuff, usually some sort of pseudo-fantasy. Detailed hair and eyes, usually done in pencil. Anyway, I think it's Japanese influence.

Not to bash the Japanese, they are probably the most creative country on the planet, but their storylines are so confusing... I mean, just look at FFX.

As to some helpful comments, even a small glimpse into some of the main storyline is good. Let the readers see that there's a poiunt in the future where it'll all make sense. That'll make them wanna see the end.

Using Earthsong a s an example, it starts in a "WTF?!?! Strange world!" type of setting too, but the audince is quickly let in on the situation after that.

P.S, sorry if anything i said was made redundant by a previous poster. It took me a while to write this.

Mon Ami · Post by **Mon Ami** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 6:04 am

Naw that is alright, I am going to start grounding the characters in the next chapter so hopefully it is a bit more clear on their intent and journey ^-^

Thank you for the comment Evil :3

ARC Lambda 00 · Post by **ARC Lambda 00** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 9:29 am

Well, I guess that I am so used to まんが style graphic novels that I have forgotten that there was a horizontal comic type...

EvilChihuahua · Post by **EvilChihuahua** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 4:33 pm

ARC Lambda 00 wrote:Well, I guess that I am so used to まんが style graphic novels that I have forgotten that there was a horizontal comic type...

Dude, this forum is in ENGLISH. Leave the Japanese to Japan. You just look pretentious, you really do.

...Unless you ARE japanese... In that case, you've got a reasonably good grasp of our language.

But if English is your mother tongue, speak it. People might actually know what, y'know, you're SAYING.

JTorch · Post by **JTorch** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 9:18 pm

まんが

Manga. It says manga.

But yeah, there was no need for the random bit of hiragana. Funny... I almost didn't notice the hiragana because I've become so used to reading it in Japanese class

Neko, I will look through your comic and give my opinions as soon as I have time

I apologize for not being able to do it now.

Mon Ami · Post by **Mon Ami** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 6:17 am

Thank you very much JTorch, I do not mind waiting for a good critique ever ^-^!

Robin Pierce · Post by **Robin Pierce** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 2:54 am

The dialogue bothers me. And that isn't to say that there's too much of it - it's the way the characters talk.

They speak in a very concise manner. It's noticable on the first plot page: http://antics.comicgenesis.com/d/20060119.html - I am here. Why not.. 'I'm here'. very few people speak without contractions, and almost all your characters do it. Actually, I've noticed you do it in forum posts as well, but this is dialogue. It gives it a stiff, unnatural feel.

Mon Ami · Post by **Mon Ami** » Wed Nov 15, 2006 10:04 am

Yeah it is a habit of mine, I do it regularly, but I'll try to use less formal means of writing in the comic, thanks Pierce ^-^