Part Two Revamped
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Kerry Skydancer
- Cartoon Hero
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- Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2004 6:03 pm
- Location: Bethlehem PA
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UncleMonty
- Cartoon Hero
- Posts: 1789
- Joined: Fri Jan 01, 1999 4:00 pm
Nice work!
While I liked the style and flow of the first version, the second is more true to the Rac Cona Daimh "universe" we've all come to know, and is also written in a believable, if different, style. A little more hurried, but with more happening to make the hurry reasonable. I kind of missed the lux flowing up from the ground when they all were made to lie prone in the grass. It had a hopeful feel about it.
I also got into it far enough to be worried about Captain Jerrol giving away too much information.
That all means I was identifying with the characters, and that's what a writer wants.
Good job. Especially considering that it was a complete rewrite.
While I liked the style and flow of the first version, the second is more true to the Rac Cona Daimh "universe" we've all come to know, and is also written in a believable, if different, style. A little more hurried, but with more happening to make the hurry reasonable. I kind of missed the lux flowing up from the ground when they all were made to lie prone in the grass. It had a hopeful feel about it.
I also got into it far enough to be worried about Captain Jerrol giving away too much information.
That all means I was identifying with the characters, and that's what a writer wants.
Good job. Especially considering that it was a complete rewrite.
Avoid those who speak badly of the people, for such wish to rule over you.