Need 2nd opinion

[Biev]

http://www.biev.net/faintingspells

I'm thinking about taking out one of my strips, not the latest one, but the one before last (posted on the 13th). Please take a look at Fainting Spell's second chapter, and tell me if you think it's coherent with the story at all. It's not a particularly interesting strip. I put it there to add context, but I'm afraid it ended up more confusing than before, because the top and bottom images are from opposite angles.

I'm wondering if I should replace it with something else, or take it out completely and speed the pace. On one hand I think it slows down the story unnecessarily. On the other, I'm thinking it's probably important to show that there are guests in the room, since they've been completely overlooked and this will mostly be their only appearance.

[Rosediamond]

I would suggest just taking it out. The way the guests are situated, it seems more like a reception than an actual ceremony, and it makes it kind of jarring. When I first read it, I thought it had jumped from whispering bridesmaids to the party afterwards.

I don't think it's really necessary to show the guests, since the story seems very character-driven and the guests are more like excess baggage.

Love your art and humor style, by the way. ^^

[Joel Fagin]

It doesn't apply as much to comics, where you can in theory take thirty years to tell a story, but there's a rule with short story writing and, to a lesser extent, novel writing that any scene that you can do without should be done without.

I've lost some lovely writing that way.

I'd take it out.

- Joel Fagin

[RemusShepherd]

It doesn't add anything. But even a blank page can add *pacing* to a story.

Looking at your comic as consecutive strip (I love your 'all images in a chapter' view, by the way), you have the girls getting dressed, then a shot of the bride entering, then a humorous conversation with the bridesmaids, then the 'blank' page and then the vows.

In a strip comic, additional panels feel to the reader like the passage of time. That 'blank' page puts some time between the page before it and the page after. Except...there is no time between those two pages -- the bridesmaids are talking just before the vows.

Here's a suggestion. Change the text in the 'blank' page to 'Ah, here she comes.' Move it to between the girls dressing and the bride's entrance. Now does it add something? It gives a sense of time passing in the dressing room before she came out. And it gives an establishing shot of the guests, so we know that we're no longer in the dressing room. That's two important things you can do with that 'blank' page.

If you want to take it out completely I think that's a fine decision -- where it is right now, it doesn't help. I'd move it. But then, I hate throwing away art and hard work.

[Biev]

Oh... you're right, it does look like they skipped to the reception... I hadn't even thought of that.

Okay, this definitely doesn't belong. Thanks for confirming. I'll just move it to the sketches section, I'd meant to add a page for rejected sketches anyway.

Other than that, does the story hold together, though?

(edit)Oops, missed Remus's post. You're right, after it jumped from the dressing room to the ceremony I realized it was going too fast, but it's useless to try to slow things down after the jump. Hmm, I'll meditate on whether to add something there and what.

Thanks guys, this is a big help!