Ooookay . . . Think I'm ready to have my ego pounded. . .

Rosediamond · Post by **Rosediamond** » Wed Jul 05, 2006 11:58 am

Whooo, this is kinda scary, considering the critiques I've seen, but I could really use some advice on things like perspective and backgrounds and such . . . Feel free to be as blunt as you wish; I have an older brother, so it takes a lot to phase me. ^^ I'm just curious about what others feel I need to work on, though I have a list in my head as it is. Always nice to get an outside opinion.

This is a manga-style black n' white comic, about thirty pages . . . I think . . . Just some forewarning if you don't have time it.

http://rosediamond.comicgenesis.com/

Right . . . So I'm going to post this and go to work. I've got a thick skin; pound away! ^^

EvilChihuahua · Post by **EvilChihuahua** » Wed Jul 05, 2006 5:01 pm

Well, Your art is very nice, just to get that out of the way!

One of my beefs with the comic, though, is the panel design. Now, I'm definitely no expert on the subject myself, (My panels are really boring.) I found yours a little hard to follow. Try and tone it down a little, 'cause it's a bit confusing.

I think your backgrounds are fine, actually. I did'nt really notice them, since the way you draw tends to draw the readers eyes to the characters.

Finally, I did'nt really get the story. But that might just be me. I've have difficulty understanding most of the Japanese-Style comics I've read lately.

...Friggin content filter!!! I had to redo this post about three times because it kept cutting a word that stars with a "M" and rhymes with "Wang-ah" Seriously! why would it edit that?!?!?!

Cortland · Post by **Cortland** » Wed Jul 05, 2006 5:03 pm

Love the way it's drawn, not sure I care for how it's written. All the mysterious, dream-like sequences in the beginning didn't seem to add very much, and by the time we started introducing characters in the schoolyard I seemed to lose track of who's who. The layout has something of a claustrophobic feel to it as well. The balloons crowd around outside the panels, and there are so many close-ups it's hard to see how the characters relate to each other. Try backing out of the panel a bit, trying some different ways of showing the characters interacting so we can breathe a bit.

But I love your manga style of drawing. You've definitely got it down, and your use of the digital coloring is quite excellent as well.

Hope that pounding wasn't too hard, because you definitely have a great start. I'll just say your technique is great. Now just work on layout and tightening up the storytelling a bit and you're on your way.

Jesslynstormheart · Post by **Jesslynstormheart** » Wed Jul 05, 2006 6:18 pm

I tend to not be a big fan of the anime style. The reason is, it seems everybody and their brother is doing it to the point that I find it annoying. The good news is I didn't find yours annoying at all. Maybe because yours isn't overly cute. I think it's the "cuteness" of anime that gets under my skin.

Your art is excellent. You have talent and I think your comic is easily in the top 10% of web comics I've seen...maybe even top 5%. I can tell you've spent time developing your talent. Your figures are excellent. Your backgrounds are really imaginative and fit the dreamlike quality of your story. I particularly like the hazy looking ones.

The story is intriguing. Particularly the start with this person that is entering her dreams. The story has taken a turn to her every day life which it has been on for a little while. That is fine because you are probably introducing some important characters and setting the stage for something climactic. It will be interesting to see how things develop.

I don't really have too many criticisms. I'm not real big on the frequent changing of font size. That's not a big deal really but at times I think the size is too large and distracting. It just doesn't look as polished that way. I don't think it needs to be that big in order to add emphasis. The digital bubbles look more polished than the hand drawn ones. There are a couple of pages that have diagonal frames that might look better if there was more space between them and not run together. July 5 and May 12 for example. These are just real nitpicky things that I had to dig for. Certainly nothing you would need to go change. Just some ideas to keep in mind for future pages. Stuff you can take or leave. Really, you have a very attractive comic that you should be proud of.

Rosediamond · Post by **Rosediamond** » Wed Jul 05, 2006 7:01 pm

Wow, thanks! Those are all really helpful suggestions. I had noticed that some of the pages were crowded with panels and speech bubbles, but I think at the time I was thinking to myself, "Well, if you ignore it . . . "

I'll definitely be keeping an eye on those from now on!

Thank you for the comments on the speech bubbles as well. I was debating which I should use, and it seems digital bubbles are both more convenient and more attractive, so we have a winner there!

Heh heh, the text . . . The hardest part for me. I just seem to have very little talent at using words as an art medium. It's a weakness, but I will work on it (and try not to overly over emphasize words), I promise. ^^

As for the storytelling. . . Heh heh. It's is fairly open-ended right now, isn't it? The confusion at the beginning was deliberate, but I'll work harder to try to make the remainder clearer.

Thanks again!