Desperate Keenwives: Season 2 (COMPLETED)

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Desperate Keenwives: Season 2 (COMPLETED)

Post by DJMayhem »

Desperate Keenwives: Season 2

CHAPTER 1: WATCHING FROM THE CLOUDS

Hello once again, world. My name, as most of you already know, is Pimpette. I'm dead as a doornail. Gone the Jimmy Hoffa way. Drinking with Kurt Colbain. Creating some mad raps with Shakespeare (He is very fond of gansta rap now. He's doing an after death collaboration with Tupac). You get the idea. I'm your narrator for the second season of Desperate Keenwives. For those who have yet to read the first season, allow me to give you a recap of what has happened so far.

NANDA was my best friend out of the group. She was a single mother who lived with her daughter, Elizabeth. She was now in a relationship with one of the neighbors, Stinkywigfiddle. She was the first in our group to find out that my darling husband, Dawg, was the one to kill me so he could return to Drunk Duck. She's living on Meadow Lane with Stinky happily, but who knows what will come her way this time around.

SPARROW was the wild card of our group, a drow with a lion for a husband. She now works as the leader of a special forces unit in the second Drunk Duck war (the press calls it, Operation Roast Duck.). She sw

TABI ratted out her husband, Legostar, for stealing secrets from the company she was working for, Sortelli Corp, for his own company, Tynan United Services. In the midst of it all, she had an affair with the man who investigated her husband, Netpoet.

MERCURY HAT works as the new aide to President Bob, assisting him as she leaves her crippled husband, War, back home. War coincidentally gave her the gift of switching her birth control medicine with contraceptives, his need for having a child growing stronger and stronger. How will Merc face this struggle with both a demanding husband and a high profile job at the same time?

COOKIE, the First Lady, had an affair with the gardener, McDuffies, and was soon caught thereafter. She now lives coped up in her house as she has no bodyguard to escort her around. How will she face her husband if she has no one to help her?

And oh, how could I forget the big shocker of the last season: One of the women was pregnant. I guess you'll see who it is soon enough. I'm not placing down any bets, considering that its dead even. Let's see how this plays out, shall we?

And oh yes, there will be drama.

and raunchiness.

plenty of it.

--

next chapter to be posted tonight.
Last edited by DJMayhem on Sat Aug 19, 2006 1:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
You know, i should work on this.

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Dotty
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Post by Dotty »

....and the peasants rejoiced!

*rejoices*
Caught in the headlamp glare of your own blinding vanity/Mesmerised by the stare of your shallow personality
Gorging the junk food of flattery you drag your fat ego around/Everyone floored by the battering you give to whoever's around
Oh Narcissus you petulant child admiring yourself in the curve of my eyes/Oh Narcissus you angel beguiled unsated by self you do nothing but die

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Post by Ekolter »

TdotOdot2k wrote:....and the peasants rejoiced!

*rejoices*

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Post by Rkolter »

WOOT!
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Post by Grabmygoblin »

Image
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Post by Vorticus »

TdotOdot2k wrote:....and the peasants rejoiced!

*rejoices*
Not a peasant, but I'll celebrate anyways.

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Post by Black Sparrow »

mrs_rkolter wrote:
TdotOdot2k wrote:....and the peasants rejoiced!

*rejoices*
This is going in my notebook titled "Things I Didn't Know about Surface Dwellers."
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Post by Mercury Hat »

...War coincidentally gave her the gift of switching her birth control medicine with contraceptives...
Erm, if he wanted a child, he would want to get rid of any contraceptives, not replace one type with another.

Main Entry: con·tra·cep·tion
: deliberate prevention of conception or impregnation

I'm surprised no one pointed this out before...
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Post by ChibiJess »

I just read through the first season, and I can't wait to read the second. Great story!

*waits patiently and vanishes back into the shadows of lurkingness*
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Post by CJBurgandy »

Mercury Hat wrote:
...War coincidentally gave her the gift of switching her birth control medicine with contraceptives...
Erm, if he wanted a child, he would want to get rid of any contraceptives, not replace one type with another.

Main Entry: con·tra·cep·tion
: deliberate prevention of conception or impregnation

I'm surprised no one pointed this out before...
I noticed it, but I was being lazy

Edit: I actually think it would have been more funny had War switched her pills with Clomid. Then they could shoot for twins.
Last edited by CJBurgandy on Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by [AlmightyPyro] »

grabmygoblin wrote:Image
*loves this emoticon*
I'm glad 90's style forum signatures don't exist anymore.

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Post by DJMayhem »

Mercury Hat wrote:
...War coincidentally gave her the gift of switching her birth control medicine with contraceptives...
Erm, if he wanted a child, he would want to get rid of any contraceptives, not replace one type with another.

Main Entry: con·tra·cep·tion
: deliberate prevention of conception or impregnation

I'm surprised no one pointed this out before...
Oh shit, I guess this is something I'll have to change for the final version. The point was that he didn't want you to suspect that he switched the pills (you would have noticed if your birth control was gone) for something that might produce offspring.

... wait, merc, you actually read DK?
You know, i should work on this.

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Post by Mercury Hat »

No :P. I first noticed it in this thread, then went back and looked through the chapters of the first one to see whether it was just a slip in this case or in all cases.
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Post by DJMayhem »

Mercury Hat wrote:No :P. I first noticed it in this thread, then went back and looked through the chapters of the first one to see whether it was just a slip in this case or in all cases.
Damn you. I was geting my hopes up.
You know, i should work on this.

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Post by Mercury Hat »

You know I play emotions like a clumsy game of chess, knocking the pieces off the board when your back is turned and stepping on them when you're winning.
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Post by DJMayhem »

you're just a playa hater.

next TWO chapters will be posted tonight.
You know, i should work on this.

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Post by Ahaugen »

Eh, I wonder what else is on.

*click*

ooh! Law & Order: INTERPOL!
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Post by DJMayhem »

CHAPTER 2: EXPLOSIVE
Two ducks walked together, watching the forest, speaking Duck to one another. They stood in front of a small air support base, holding onto their MP5K sub machine guns as they patrolled the front gates of the base.

"You hear about the ComicGenesis folks? Crazy mother fuckers." The first duck said.

"I heard they eat duck, fried." the other duck responded.

The first duck shook his head, shuddering. "That's some crazy shit, man. I mean, look at the shit they have to go through. Their mothers beat them as children, so they would become bloodthirsty soldiers."

"It's a policy? I hear they're perverts, loving porn and all that shit."

"Yeah, I've heard that one too."

Some branches cracked. Both of the ducks stopped in their tracks.

"What was that?"

"What are you, chicken?" The second duck said.

The first duck slapped the second duck with his wing. "You dirty duck! You scared me!"

--

"Two sentries spotted. They're quacking to each other. Arguing, by the looks of it."

"Duh, Laemkral. Are they officers?"

"No ma'am."

"Take them out." Sparrow said over the radio.

"Copy that. Splashing target number one." In the bushes, a sniper rifle took aim.
--

The first duck's head exploded as Laemkral's bullet fragmented the skull with deadly accuracy.

The second duck stood in shock and his fellow soldier's blood as Sparrow rushed towards him with a katana, slashing his head off. She was in full paramilitary gear, dressed completely in black. She slid behind a small concrete wall to avoid the initial gunfire. Her hand moved to her headset and pushed it further into her ear. "NUTCRACKER! Hit it!"

Nutcracker appeared from the bushes, carrying her rocket launcher. With a pull of the trigger, she launched a rocket into the sentry tower, exploding it in a flash of metal and glass.

Sparrow ran into the base under the cover fire of Laemkral. Another one of her soldiers, JTigerclaw, kept the ducks that popped up with bursts from his heavy machine gun. "Phactorri! Jam the communications already!" she yelled into the headset. Sparrow put her katana back into its sheath on her back and gripped her AK-74u, slamming her body against the wall of the front doors of the base for cover.

"Already taken care of!" Phactorri's voice said over the radio.

Sparrow watched as her pointwoman, Senshi, caught up to her and reloaded her own AK-74u.

"Ready?" Sparrow yelled to Senshi.

Senshi gave a nod to Sparrow, holding a grenade by its pin in her mouth.

"GO!" Sparrow watched as Senshi threw in the grenade, waiting for it to explode, shooting out a mallard duck covered in flames out of the front doors.

Sparrow ran into the base as another rocket from Nutcracker's launcher slammed into the anti aircraft guns standing in the base.

"We're in! Keep peppering the base!" Sparrow yelled into her headset. Behind her, Senshi threw a grenande behind them in an explosion of shrapenel and feathers.

Sparrow ran into the main operations room. She threw down the extra bag she had attached to her hip next to a bay of computers, opening it and priming the charges. She punched the side of a couple of computers and ripped out the hard drives, stashing theem away with another bag on her hip.

"Charges have been set! Jops, do your thing!" Sparrow yelled, shooting out of a window and climbing up to the roof to meet Jops and CorpAmis flying their Blackhawk over the roof of the hospital. Her team was already on board, providing Sparrow with cover fire as she dived onto the helicopter. Senshi followed suit, sliding onto the helicopter.

"Get us out of here!" She yelled at the pilots.

"With pleasure" CorpAmis responded, lifting the helicopter away from the gunfire and into the setting sun.

Sparrow's team watched as the base blew up in the brilliance of C4.

Man, I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Sparrow rawks.

CHAPTER 3: PROTECTION
Cookie sat on her usual spot splayed out on the couch. She was watching the latest episode of "The JoelFagin Show" (it mostly turns into the guests making puns with the host, but hey, its at least more popular than "The Fanabulous Zwuh"). She looked outside in disgust to see a new gardener cutting the hedges. Cookie couldn't remember what the new gardener's name was. Cat36, was it? She couldn't remember.

"Watching trashy television as usual, i see." Toxic said from the entrance of the living room.

Cookie grunted. "Wow, now only the gays talk to me. I should be going to more gay bars to see if any queers would give me advice to get everyone else talk to me."

"Hardy-har-har. I'm bisexual, thank you very much."

Cookie turned off the TV and stood up. "So what do I owe the honor to having a bisexual man in a robe and thong in my living room for?"

"Well, just informing you on Levi's condition."

"How is he?"

"Stable. He suffered gunshot wounds in the chest and right leg, but he's going to pull through."

Cookie smiled. "I'm happy to hear he's going to pull through."

"This means you have a new body guard, though." Toxic leaned his head into the hallway. "Sincerely, get in here!"

Cookie raised an eyebrow as a woman with strange looking ears (they looked like bunny ears, in a pair of two, the shorter of the two sticking out from her head in a 90 degree angle.) and suit walked into the living room. "This is my new bodyguard?" Cookie said with doubt resonating in her voice.

Toxic nodded. "This is sincerely. She'll be your new bodyguard. We already have her moved into your guest house in the back with her husband, who is guarding the President."

"Uh huh. Thanks, toxic."

Toxic walked off. "Better get used to each other, or I'll get Brockaway as your bodyguard."

Cookie shuddered at the thought. Anyone who is related to the government knew about Brockaway's bunny fetish and the incident at the zoo. The baby pandas killed itself shortly after that.

Toxic closed the front door, leaving Sincerely and Cookie alone in the room alone. A moment of silence went by. The gardener, Cat 42, cursed as he cut himself yet again with the trimmer.

Cookie's eyebrow raised up in doubt. "Do you even talk?"

"Do you wear a lower cut dress than that?" Sincerely replied, putting one hand on her hip.

"Oh thank god, I thought I had to go through the silent bodyguard shit again."

"Naah. that's how I got reassigned. I kept talking and talking and talking..." Sincerely's voice trailed off.

Cookie already liked this girl. "Care to tell me more about yourself?"

"Graduated from CG U with a major in history. Married my hubby Derenge shortly after we got accepted to the CG Secret Service."

"Oooh I got a married bodyguard. Care for a margarita?"

"From what I heard from Levi, you can't even make a decent margarita."

"Fine, make me one."

"Oh hell no. I'm a bodyguard, not a barmaid. I can teach you."

"Oooooh" Cookie said. She followed Sincerely into the kitchen.
You know, i should work on this.

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Post by Prettysenshi »

Ooo, nice TM. I'm so flattered. Kinda weird reading about myself in a way, but whatever. Good work!

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Post by Laemkral »

Freaking awesome!! I'm just such a cold killer.... :D

Keep up the great work!
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