story problems

Kilre · Post by **Kilre** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 10:19 am

i've been getting a few comments from people who read my comic that they don't understand what's going on. being the author, i have no idea what they mean, because i know everything that's going on automatically, but it is not good to know that no one else can tell what's happening.

so i must ask: am i going too fast? am i straying too much into other plots? should i pause and elaborate whenever something new comes up? are flashbacks required? should i do more recaps of what has happened and what past actions have affected the current actions? what should i do to make the story more clear to the reader?

link: http://bskies.comicgenesis.com

Hale · Post by **Hale** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 11:21 am

I've gotten this a lot from some of the short stories I've written. My comic is pretty confusing too, but that's intentional and something completely different.

Think about how you're portraying plot. Make sure the important stuff comes across and be patient with it. The most effective way to do this is to pace yourself. Don't dump so much story into the strips.

Since I'm on a 56k at the moment, i haven't looked at all the strips I would like to, but I've noticed (from the more recent ones) that the story moves along almost completely through dialogue, not action.

comics are a balance between content and art, when one exceeds, the other can suffer if not paid equal attention to. You artistic style is refreshingly abstract. I like it, but I just see a whole lot of standing and talking. If I had to guess, I'd say that the words alone aren't making a big enough impact.

Of course, you don't NEED lots of action, but why not consider rewriting the dialogue to minmize word count and say what needs to be said as shortly as possible so that the reader can move on from pannel to pannel quicker.

my 2 cents. Be sure to take it with a big fat grain of salt.

Kilre · Post by **Kilre** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 12:09 pm

i was wondering about that. i thought i was building up for the climax, but if it is dragging on too long...i will need to work on that for future pages, maybe redo how i present this. but i must say, i am a fan of explain, talk, insult, and then fight. kinda like the dragon ball z episodes on tv, where everything took so long.

that is something to think about. thanks

Hale · Post by **Hale** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 12:15 pm

well, like I said. I'm on 56k right now (about 8 k at the moment) and I only got to see the standing around and talking part, but if you like that pattern (action, story, reflect, repeat), keep it. Just remember, moderation is your friend.

Kilre · Post by **Kilre** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 1:35 pm

well, that's all that's happened so far. like a soap so far, they just stand around and talk. the only action, if it is indeed action, is http://bskies.comicgenesis.com/d/20051127.html , but since it only goes for two panels, i don't think it counts as action.

FinbarReilly · Post by **FinbarReilly** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 2:57 pm

1) It seems that you got a lot of the dialog from military movies, not real military. Yeah, real military does swear; but not to the degree portrayed. Also, you have too many phrases like "kinda impressive"; it may sound authentic, but it tends to come off as too exagerated.

2) The private shouldn't have any been alive. With the squad for a while, still a private, eye ripped out, and still with the group? He should have been put on permanent scout duty until he was killed if he couldn't be promoted. Or discharged (main job is rifelman, and he was allowed to stay even with the eye issue?). Not to mention the issue of letting a stray orphan join a unit...

3) Then he gets captured and is left, ungaurded, with the guy that was part of the group that captured him...okay...

4) Then you go from Act I to Act III...And you give Ark's background, but apparently it's Istheen talking. Wait...Just hit Chapter Two...Interesting number system that...

AIGHT.

The points above are minor. It's not too hard to follow, it's just that there are a lot of minor details that keep tripping you up. Also, you seem to not like anybody in the comic, and you especially dislike the groups involved. Ark is supposedly some sort of hero, and even him there's no reason to like or really care.

It seems that you picked everything you disliked, put it in a blender, and poured it out. All I can suggest is to start liking two or three people and really going for it...

FR

Kilre · Post by **Kilre** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 3:05 pm

that is just what i was wanting to hear! many thanks!
i've read a bunch of faux-military, and yes the military movies. i think i take after the fake military stuff in 'aliens', how they're more relaxed than professional.

i'm gonna have to clear those points up, minor or not.

and about the swearing, i wanted ark to be the one to do that kinda stuff, be the immature one, not really military, but the orphan they picked up.

the point about liking some characters, that i can do. the other parts will be harder to fix, but a character thing i can work on immediately without messing with the current plot flow. again, many thanks!

FinbarReilly · Post by **FinbarReilly** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 3:14 pm

No prob. The artwork's great BTW; just realized that I hadn't complimented you on that!

FR

Kilre · Post by **Kilre** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 4:14 pm

javascript:emoticon(':D')
many thanks!