http://theuberbean.comicgenesis.com
The title says it all. I have nearly 50 strips up so far, so I think that people can kind of infer the "character" of my strip so far. I guess here are some questions and so I can get some responces.
1. The characters; what do you think? Are they believeable? Are they multi-dimensional yet? Are they stereo-typical? Is there anything about them that makes them stand out?
2. The stories; what's the impression you get? Do they flow okay? Are the references to obscure or just right? Is there anything here that makes my comic stand out?
3. Artwork, since I'm pretty much a writer (I orginally concieved this comic with a fried who was going to do the artwork), I don't even know the right questions to ask. I guess I could ask, "is it at least acceptable, or does it hurt your eyes?" Art will probably never been the main selling point of my strip though.
I should also say that I plan to take a short break to queue up the strip again (I'm a full time College Student) for next semester. I also hope to revamp the page itself and I'm hoping to cross-post with some other people. Send me a message if you're interested.
-Jin of the Uber Bean
Looking for constructive crticism on my webcomic.
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STrRedWolf
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Noise Monkey
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I've just started browsing through and I've gotta say, first impression is that your site is a bit annoying for navigation. I have to scroll down to see the bottom of the comic, but then I have to scroll up to go to the next one. you might want to consider putting another set of buttons at the bottom.
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Chibiartstudios
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I'm just going to comment on the art since I am short on time for now.
First off. You need to stop cutting and pasting. Doing that makes baby Jesus cry.
Second you need to work on expressions. Your expressions are really rigid and at times down right creepy. Communicating the emotion of your subjects is the most important part of any drawing. Fail to do that and you fail all else.
First off. You need to stop cutting and pasting. Doing that makes baby Jesus cry.
Second you need to work on expressions. Your expressions are really rigid and at times down right creepy. Communicating the emotion of your subjects is the most important part of any drawing. Fail to do that and you fail all else.
Help me live my childhood dream of becoming the head of an evil corrupt corporate conglomorate:
Thanks.chibiartstudios wrote:I'm just going to comment on the art since I am short on time for now.
I'm a full time College Student. I don't cut-and-paste becuase I love doing it, but because its expedient.First off. You need to stop cutting and pasting. Doing that makes baby Jesus cry.
This has crossed my mind as well.Second you need to work on expressions.
Got any tutorials?Your expressions are really rigid and at times down right creepy. Communicating the emotion of your subjects is the most important part of any drawing. Fail to do that and you fail all else.
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Chibiartstudios
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OK, now for a more in depth review.
Writing: Not horrible. You use decent english and your characters sound more natural than most webcomics. A big flaw though is in the humor aspect. You chose political humor. The problem with that is that if you aren't REALLY funny you tend to be annoying or even hated by everyone. Even those that agree with you. Even in comedy the same rules will aply that will aply to other creative writing forms.
For example, look at Penny Arcade:
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2005/03/11
Notice how every piece of dialougue either:
A) Reveals plot (yes, 4 pannels does count as plot). This is the dialougue that movess the plot along or reveals backstory about someone. Phrases like the first one aren't funny, but are neccessary to establish place and purpose.
B) Reveals something about the character. Doesn't actually include backstory (that falls under A). These lines focus on the WAY characters say things or the odd things that they do. Gabe's first lines don't add to the world or backstory, but they reveal ALOT about the character including how... odd he is. Notice how rather shallow one time characters like the reporter seem to have depth within a few lines.
You particularly need to work on B. And if something you write doesn't fit one of these two then throw it out and rewrite the comic. Half the work in writing is ridding yourself of the unneccessary elements. By doing that you create a faster pace and more real, deep and likeable characters. Also you need work on just making things funny. EVERY pannel should at least make you grin. You make the common mistake of saving the only amusement till the end. And by then it's alot harder to keep caring.
The problem in this comic here:
http://theuberbean.comicgenesis.com/d/20051130.html
Is that despite the fact that you are right, you have no reason to care that the "bad guy" being wrong. Half of that is the art, which I will get into. The bigger portion is that the audience will tend to feel what the "good guys" feel. Where is the outrage? The anger? Hell, the annoyance? Your characters don't seem all that concearned. Furthermore, your characters are flat (not in an artistic sense). There are no character quirks to play off of, nothing unexpected can happen. In short, there is noting in your characters that we haven't seen a hundred times before.
You should be able to take a single look at any character and be able to guess several things about that character without reading the context. How old is he (It's hard to tell in your characters)? What does he eat for breakfast? Do you want to sit next to this person in a buss? What would this person be like drunk? In PA you can tell Gabe is clinically insane at a glance. You can easilly tell that Tycho is an aarogant wannabe intelectual right off the bat. With your characters all we have is what they wear. And that usually just leads to cliche's like "Jock", "Christian wackjob" or "intelectual". Keep in mind that even shallow people are deep (though you don't always have to go into their backstory). Their actions make sense even if you don't agree with them. Failing to show that you understand fully where they come form makes it hard to be liked even when you hit the nail on the head because it reduces your credibility. Right now, You paint a very general view of christianity when the reality is far more complicated. Try and tackle much more specific themes. It makes arguing the larger topic easier.
Know the other side's points, it's the best way to improve your own.
So again, cut the writing fat, and write more life into the characters.
Art, again, stop cutting and pasting. You chose a visual medium to tell what you wanted to tell. Whether you want them to or not people will judge you on a visual level FIRST! Only then will they decide whether or not to read. The art doesn't have to be perfect, but at least you have to look like you are trying. Cutting and pasting is the pinacle of lazyness in the webcomic world. You may be working hard on it, but most won't realise this.
Bessides, you need to improve your art. For that you need to challenge yourself. So, even if you have to cut back to once a week DRAW your comic on paper and then scan and color digitally. There are MANY tutorials on how. Google it.
You can get a good start here though: http://www.saveloomis.org/
As for specifics, I'll make a list for you:
1) Hand draw your characters. Most paint like programs make a "stiff" looking product and your options are FAR to limited.
2) Scan/Color in Photoshop or a similar program. Better options and there are tutorials everywhre.
3) EVERY part of the face tells something about a character's state of mind. The eyes though, are the most vital. Put the most effort into getting the eyes right. If the eyes are off the expression is not only off, but downright creepy.
4) Learn human anatomy. Again, check the link. Proper anatomy makes things look better and improves the gestures you can make.
5) Take your time. Draw what looks good.
Also, take the time to draw character designs before introducing them. You should have no less than 3 potential character designs made before you cast them. More if neccessary. Furthermore your characters should be recognisable from a 3/4 silloete. Even urban characters have SOMETHING unique about them. Find what it is in your own characters and try and emphasize that in everything from expressions to hair to wardrobe.
Let's say you have a vegan hippie on a desert island whom is considering eating the only other survivor, a College student. Are you done? No! but most people sadly stop there. "Vegan" is a stereotyle, a cliche. If you're character is a cliche then you need to do more.
Lets add something. The vegan is an old hippie. Better. But still in cliche territory. Here is where we turn chiche's into characters. We need to find something that separates this hippie form the others. For starters he's not a very good vegan. He just can't stop eating meat. It's an addiction. In fact, he'll drop everything and just start chewing on meat wherever he finds it. Home, someone elses plate, stray cat, whatever!
Now you have a character that reacts in intersting ways when thrown into our odd situation.
Now for the Student. Let's add that he's a math student and tends to be more hardwired in his thinking. VERY hardwired. So much so that he will outright object any potential shift in paradigm. He'll even viggorously shake his head like a little kid while he does so. A cliche, but one with a sense of individuality about him due to the odd quirk.
What they did to get on the island is irrelivant, but it's good to think it up just in case, so let's say they where both on the same plane. One heading for home from college, the other to a convention. This is usefull for setting the starting emotions and settings, like a plaine part in the background.
To make a 4 pannel comic you then "crop" out the most funny/important 4 pannels of their stay on the island.
P1)
Student: *dresses like a straight stooter but his clothes are messed up form the crash. Is Vigerously shaking his head and seems about to cry*
"Nowaynowaynowaynoway! First the plane crash! Then the storm at sea! Now I'm stuck here with an aging old lunatic who will probably eat me as soon as I'm asleap!"
Hipie: *looks run down. Which is normal really. Has the out of it hobo look. Again, normal. He's holding a sack of food and looking at a drumbstick.*
Hey maaan! We have food you know, Bessudes, I'm strictly a vegetarian!
P2) *The hippie is eating the drumbstick*
Student: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?
Hippie: I know, I can't help it! I'm a terriable person!
Student: It's not like it matters. We're lost and we're all going to die anyways!
P3) *hippie places a hand on the fearfull boy's shoulder and speaks like an old sage*
Hippie: Now now my son. Times may be tough but there is nothing to fear. The times will change and hardships will be endured but man will work through them. We always do. So relax. We'll get through this. It's only a matter of time. We survived a plane crashing into the sea like a firey inferno, the endless sea with all it's fury, Woodstock of 73, we'll survive this...
Student: *relieved* Thanks, you know, that really makes be feel better. I may even sleep tonight.
Hippie: I'm glad.
P4) -That night-
*A shot of the hippie eating the student with that glazed over look.*
Hippie: *looking sad* SUCH a terriable person...
*end*
Hope that helped. It probably didn't need to be that long. But I just felt like writing that idea out. Good luck!.
Writing: Not horrible. You use decent english and your characters sound more natural than most webcomics. A big flaw though is in the humor aspect. You chose political humor. The problem with that is that if you aren't REALLY funny you tend to be annoying or even hated by everyone. Even those that agree with you. Even in comedy the same rules will aply that will aply to other creative writing forms.
For example, look at Penny Arcade:
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2005/03/11
Notice how every piece of dialougue either:
A) Reveals plot (yes, 4 pannels does count as plot). This is the dialougue that movess the plot along or reveals backstory about someone. Phrases like the first one aren't funny, but are neccessary to establish place and purpose.
B) Reveals something about the character. Doesn't actually include backstory (that falls under A). These lines focus on the WAY characters say things or the odd things that they do. Gabe's first lines don't add to the world or backstory, but they reveal ALOT about the character including how... odd he is. Notice how rather shallow one time characters like the reporter seem to have depth within a few lines.
You particularly need to work on B. And if something you write doesn't fit one of these two then throw it out and rewrite the comic. Half the work in writing is ridding yourself of the unneccessary elements. By doing that you create a faster pace and more real, deep and likeable characters. Also you need work on just making things funny. EVERY pannel should at least make you grin. You make the common mistake of saving the only amusement till the end. And by then it's alot harder to keep caring.
The problem in this comic here:
http://theuberbean.comicgenesis.com/d/20051130.html
Is that despite the fact that you are right, you have no reason to care that the "bad guy" being wrong. Half of that is the art, which I will get into. The bigger portion is that the audience will tend to feel what the "good guys" feel. Where is the outrage? The anger? Hell, the annoyance? Your characters don't seem all that concearned. Furthermore, your characters are flat (not in an artistic sense). There are no character quirks to play off of, nothing unexpected can happen. In short, there is noting in your characters that we haven't seen a hundred times before.
You should be able to take a single look at any character and be able to guess several things about that character without reading the context. How old is he (It's hard to tell in your characters)? What does he eat for breakfast? Do you want to sit next to this person in a buss? What would this person be like drunk? In PA you can tell Gabe is clinically insane at a glance. You can easilly tell that Tycho is an aarogant wannabe intelectual right off the bat. With your characters all we have is what they wear. And that usually just leads to cliche's like "Jock", "Christian wackjob" or "intelectual". Keep in mind that even shallow people are deep (though you don't always have to go into their backstory). Their actions make sense even if you don't agree with them. Failing to show that you understand fully where they come form makes it hard to be liked even when you hit the nail on the head because it reduces your credibility. Right now, You paint a very general view of christianity when the reality is far more complicated. Try and tackle much more specific themes. It makes arguing the larger topic easier.
Know the other side's points, it's the best way to improve your own.
So again, cut the writing fat, and write more life into the characters.
Art, again, stop cutting and pasting. You chose a visual medium to tell what you wanted to tell. Whether you want them to or not people will judge you on a visual level FIRST! Only then will they decide whether or not to read. The art doesn't have to be perfect, but at least you have to look like you are trying. Cutting and pasting is the pinacle of lazyness in the webcomic world. You may be working hard on it, but most won't realise this.
Bessides, you need to improve your art. For that you need to challenge yourself. So, even if you have to cut back to once a week DRAW your comic on paper and then scan and color digitally. There are MANY tutorials on how. Google it.
You can get a good start here though: http://www.saveloomis.org/
As for specifics, I'll make a list for you:
1) Hand draw your characters. Most paint like programs make a "stiff" looking product and your options are FAR to limited.
2) Scan/Color in Photoshop or a similar program. Better options and there are tutorials everywhre.
3) EVERY part of the face tells something about a character's state of mind. The eyes though, are the most vital. Put the most effort into getting the eyes right. If the eyes are off the expression is not only off, but downright creepy.
4) Learn human anatomy. Again, check the link. Proper anatomy makes things look better and improves the gestures you can make.
5) Take your time. Draw what looks good.
Also, take the time to draw character designs before introducing them. You should have no less than 3 potential character designs made before you cast them. More if neccessary. Furthermore your characters should be recognisable from a 3/4 silloete. Even urban characters have SOMETHING unique about them. Find what it is in your own characters and try and emphasize that in everything from expressions to hair to wardrobe.
Let's say you have a vegan hippie on a desert island whom is considering eating the only other survivor, a College student. Are you done? No! but most people sadly stop there. "Vegan" is a stereotyle, a cliche. If you're character is a cliche then you need to do more.
Lets add something. The vegan is an old hippie. Better. But still in cliche territory. Here is where we turn chiche's into characters. We need to find something that separates this hippie form the others. For starters he's not a very good vegan. He just can't stop eating meat. It's an addiction. In fact, he'll drop everything and just start chewing on meat wherever he finds it. Home, someone elses plate, stray cat, whatever!
Now you have a character that reacts in intersting ways when thrown into our odd situation.
Now for the Student. Let's add that he's a math student and tends to be more hardwired in his thinking. VERY hardwired. So much so that he will outright object any potential shift in paradigm. He'll even viggorously shake his head like a little kid while he does so. A cliche, but one with a sense of individuality about him due to the odd quirk.
What they did to get on the island is irrelivant, but it's good to think it up just in case, so let's say they where both on the same plane. One heading for home from college, the other to a convention. This is usefull for setting the starting emotions and settings, like a plaine part in the background.
To make a 4 pannel comic you then "crop" out the most funny/important 4 pannels of their stay on the island.
P1)
Student: *dresses like a straight stooter but his clothes are messed up form the crash. Is Vigerously shaking his head and seems about to cry*
"Nowaynowaynowaynoway! First the plane crash! Then the storm at sea! Now I'm stuck here with an aging old lunatic who will probably eat me as soon as I'm asleap!"
Hipie: *looks run down. Which is normal really. Has the out of it hobo look. Again, normal. He's holding a sack of food and looking at a drumbstick.*
Hey maaan! We have food you know, Bessudes, I'm strictly a vegetarian!
P2) *The hippie is eating the drumbstick*
Student: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?
Hippie: I know, I can't help it! I'm a terriable person!
Student: It's not like it matters. We're lost and we're all going to die anyways!
P3) *hippie places a hand on the fearfull boy's shoulder and speaks like an old sage*
Hippie: Now now my son. Times may be tough but there is nothing to fear. The times will change and hardships will be endured but man will work through them. We always do. So relax. We'll get through this. It's only a matter of time. We survived a plane crashing into the sea like a firey inferno, the endless sea with all it's fury, Woodstock of 73, we'll survive this...
Student: *relieved* Thanks, you know, that really makes be feel better. I may even sleep tonight.
Hippie: I'm glad.
P4) -That night-
*A shot of the hippie eating the student with that glazed over look.*
Hippie: *looking sad* SUCH a terriable person...
*end*
Hope that helped. It probably didn't need to be that long. But I just felt like writing that idea out. Good luck!.
Help me live my childhood dream of becoming the head of an evil corrupt corporate conglomorate:
Thanks for the comments. Granted, I prioritze writing. I'd rather have descently drawn, but well devoloped plots, but perhaps I am doing neither? I can't draw by hand to save my life, and I don't have access to scanner. Digital media is a neccisity for the time being.
Are there any strips that we're done well? Anything I should do more of?
Are there any strips that we're done well? Anything I should do more of?
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ChaosBurnFlame
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I think your biggest problem is you treat the side you disagree with as ignoramouses that you just want to make a comic to laugh at for your own purposes.
Hey, whatever floats your boat...
Chibi's right about making more of an attachment to your characters, but even then, you made up your mind about the opposing POV, and really, that isn't fun, that isn't hard, its just a duck shoot.
I personally think the best example of a political statement in comics was during Chris Claremount's run on X-Men. When Kitty Pryde was talking to a black friend of hers, and he said "Kitty, are you a mutie?!"
Kitty just looked at him angrily and shot back. "I dunno, are you a nigger?"
provocative? Yes. But it was the RIGHT kind of provocative. Yours is... I dunno, its more like 'pointing and laughing at someone' because you want to.
Hey, whatever floats your boat...
Chibi's right about making more of an attachment to your characters, but even then, you made up your mind about the opposing POV, and really, that isn't fun, that isn't hard, its just a duck shoot.
I personally think the best example of a political statement in comics was during Chris Claremount's run on X-Men. When Kitty Pryde was talking to a black friend of hers, and he said "Kitty, are you a mutie?!"
Kitty just looked at him angrily and shot back. "I dunno, are you a nigger?"
provocative? Yes. But it was the RIGHT kind of provocative. Yours is... I dunno, its more like 'pointing and laughing at someone' because you want to.
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Chibiartstudios
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OK, I suppose that does complicate things. Have you considdered investing in a wacom tablet?Jin-roh wrote:Thanks for the comments. Granted, I prioritze writing. I'd rather have descently drawn, but well devoloped plots, but perhaps I am doing neither? I can't draw by hand to save my life, and I don't have access to scanner. Digital media is a neccisity for the time being.
Are there any strips that we're done well? Anything I should do more of?
In any case you MUST do something about your 3/4 view. Something about the way the face is flat and the way you show the cheekbone is... off. Drop showing the cheekbone and find a way of simplifying the side of the head so it mimics a real one more closely.
Photoshop and a wacom tablet will make this much easier. Just use a blue pen tool on one layer for characer outlines, then on an upper layer do the inked stuff. Hide the lower layer and you have a comic! It's not TOO hard once you get used to it. If you can't afford (steal) Photoshop then ask around. I think there is a similar program around that is for free. Though I don't remember the name of it.
Something somewhat like this (a quickie of your main char.)
But mostly keep practicing and producing your best possible work. It's like anything else. The only way you'll get better is to keep chalenging yourself.
Oh! And yes! Again. You arent a bad writer. But you DO need to do a bit more research. It's not about taking pot shots. It's about understanding and revealing the truth. The pot shots will then reveal themselves.
I also forgot to point out that in comedy a small truth is oftem more powerfull than a large concept. I relly liked a comic I read where one of the characters walked into an apple store and said "I don't like this place. It smells like hackey sack!". It made a much more powerfull statement while only focusing on a small detail. This is because knowing details shows you understand the issue as a whole, furthermore it allows the audience to do some thinking to put the insult together rather than just having and obvious truth thrown at them. For example, walking into a D&D group and going "I don't feel comfortable here. It smells like stale Cheetos and wasted potential." is far better than saying "D&D is for loosers!". It is. I can say that safely as one who plays it. But the first way is wittyer.
In any case good luck. Your trying, as long as you keep doing that you'll be fine.
Help me live my childhood dream of becoming the head of an evil corrupt corporate conglomorate: