Sex at the speed of light

Kingofthemorlocks · Post by **Kingofthemorlocks** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 8:13 am

Error of Logic · Post by **Error of Logic** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 8:24 am

*tremble* *shudder* *quail* o_o; Yes. Very bad, indeed. Good thing I have yet to exceed so much as the speed of sound ...

HentaiCat · Post by **HentaiCat** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 10:37 am

LoL, sex at the speed of light

Cuteswan · Post by **Cuteswan** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 10:57 am

They forgot to mention that if you could thrust in and out (reversing direction) anywhere near relativistic speeds then you'd create significant frame dragging, ripping your poor cock recipient apart.

If you have that kind of energy, keep the speed down and just use it a lot longer... and be sure to use a good lube.

Squidflakes · Post by **Squidflakes** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 11:02 am

They totally miss the great thing about sex at the speed of light, your wang can attain INFINITE MASS!

Yea.. take that Ron Jeremy.

Error of Logic · Post by **Error of Logic** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 12:51 pm

What's so great about infinite mass if it rips apart your partner and dislodges the dratted thing from the rest of you?

Tellner · Post by **Tellner** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 2:29 pm

squidflakes wrote:They totally miss the great thing about sex at the speed of light, your wang can attain INFINITE MASS!

Yea.. take that Ron Jeremy.

It might be massive, but you'll look like you're hung like a caterpillar after the length dilation.

Ctholhic · Post by **Ctholhic** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 12:12 pm

I'm not 100% sure, but it's also possible that your penis might also diffract as it enters. That would be painless but also rather depressing when you realise that you no longer have a penis.

Edit: I am told by someone else that this would probably not be so, it's moot as to whether the hole would exclude instead.

Of course, the most motion is in the hips, you wouldn't (by this, I mean your brain wouldn't) experience much time dilation, but the nerves and sensitive areas in your groin would, you'd feel hardly anything without accelerating your entire body to match the motions of the hips so that the time dilation would match up, but then you have the necrophilia problem among other things.

Thankfully, there's not enough energy in the universe to accelerate anything with mass to lightspeed.

DIDGIN · Post by **DIDGIN** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 12:48 pm

Actually, Mike from the comic "Sexy Losers" managed to jerk off at the speed of light. Who know, maybe the next step will be with a partner...

Error of Logic · Post by **Error of Logic** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 1:06 pm

The scariest book I ever read was one that detailed the likely (scientific) course of the universe as it ages. This happy little bit of info on physics and sex should've been a chapter in that book ... *shudder*

About Sexy Losers - Did Mike ever look for a partner?

RavenxDrake · Post by **RavenxDrake** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 6:54 pm

It'd only slow him down.

To the best of my knowledge, he's never made it with another human being, at least not in the comic (Not with one involved, anyway, he's spied on someone showering, but she wasn't actually directly touching anything... on him at least)

Honor · Post by **Honor** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 7:42 pm

Read Larry Niven's "Man of Steel, Woman of Tissue Paper" sometime

Tellner · Post by **Tellner** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 7:56 pm

Honor wrote:Read Larry Niven's "Man of Steel, Woman of Tissue Paper" sometime

"Lastly he will blow off the top of her head."

Moo Cow · Post by **Moo Cow** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 8:22 pm

Oh man.. i'm laughing so hard... this is excellent, excellent indeed.

Note to self - no sexing at the speed of light.

~Sara

Tellner · Post by **Tellner** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 8:25 pm

You can read the whole "Man of Steel Woman of Kleenex here.

Swordsman3003 · Post by **Swordsman3003** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:52 am

And here I thought I could get away with surprise sex if I did it at lightspeed...

Cuteswan · Post by **Cuteswan** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 10:03 am

swordsman3003 wrote:And here I thought I could get away with surprise sex if I did it at lightspeed...

Yeah, it's more difficult than you'd think:

One day, Superman was feeling horny. He spotted Batman and Robin cruising around, so he flew down and asked to hang out. "Sorry, Superman," Batman hesitantly answered. "If you're with us then we're not gonna score."

Feeling somewhat dejected, Superman flew off to the woods for some "alone time." However, he happened across Wonder Woman lying naked in a field, writing and wriggling and moaning in pleasure. Unfortunately, he couldn't think of a way to join in without causing embarassment, and there was still a chance of rejection.

Then he had an idea: he flew in at supersonic speed, did the deed before she had a chance to respond, and then flew off before she knows what hit her.

Wonder Woman cried out, "What the hell was that!?"

"I don't know, but my asshole is killing me," answered the Invisible Man.

Swordsman3003 · Post by **Swordsman3003** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 10:15 am

That's the oldest joke of all time.

Squidflakes · Post by **Squidflakes** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 10:42 am

I think the oldest joke of all time is:

My dog has no nose.
Really, how does he smell?
Awful!

Cuteswan · Post by **Cuteswan** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 10:50 am

I thought it was:

CAVEMAN 1: What number caveman need change lightbulb?

CAVEMAN 2: What a lightbulb?