Desperate Keenwives

[DJMayhem]

Okay, this is a little story I wrote, bored in class. It's a little parody of Desperate Housewives TV show, with selected few �spacers in the mix. Certain things from the DrunkDuck war have been put into the story, but there are some things that I've omitted.

PROLOGUE
Pimpette sat in the kitchen of her bungalow home, stirring her husband's coffee idly. Above her, the pounding of feet of her children scurrying around to get ready for school. She smiled and turned to see her younger daughter, RA, bobbing her head up and down to the latest music pumped through her headphones.

"RA, honey?" Pimpette inquired, setting down her stirring spoon.

RA's red eyes looked up at her mother, pulling down her headphones. "Whaaat?" She whined slightly, putting one hand on her hip and sighing heavily.

"Upstairs. Now. I don't think your school dress code allows that outfit." Pimpette waggled her finger at RA's skimpy green top and black miniskirt getup.

"But mmmmuuuuummmmm..." RA huffed.

"Don't mum me. Get your butt back up to your room and change."

RA sighed and trudged away, pushing her father to the side as she reset the position of her headphones firmly on her head.

K-Dawg walked into the kitchen, sighing as he watched his daughter stomp up the stairs. "What's wrong with her?"

Pimpette kissed her darling K-Dawg on the cheek, handing him the coffee. "Oh, just the wrong clothes for school."

"Ey, I think they're just fine."

"K-Dawg..." Pimpette said in a mocking stern voice.

"Fiine, it�s inappropriate..." K-Dawg replied in a mock sigh. Their eyes met, and they giggled in their sarcasm.

"Thank you honey. Tonight's the PTA meeting, all right?"

"Yes, I heard you. I love you hun."

Pimpette grinned. "I love you too, my snuggle monkey." She kissed her husband on the lips again, running her fingers through his styled headfur.

Noxmeansxno rolled her eyes as she headed out to her car, tuba case in tow. "Save it after your daughters have left the building, ya creeps." she said.

"RA, your sister's leaving!" Pimpette called out. She watched with her husband quickly left almost immediately with their daughters, leaving pimpette alone with a house full of dirty dishes.
--
RA padded down her quiet street as she listened to her trusty CD player. She noticed Cookie, the first lady of this great nation, reading some trendy magazine, humming to herself as she tans on the front lawn.

"Heeyyy Mrs. OOSTERWIJK!" she yelled out, not even bothering to wave over to the relaxed Cookie.

Cookie looked up from her duties and smiled. "Hey RA! Would your mother be home right now?"

RA shrugged. "Yeeaaah, probably."

"Oh, I got to ask her for my CDs back, mind if I tag along?"

RA mentally rolled her eyes, adjusting her backpack. "Um yeah, sure."

Cookie stood up and threw her magazine down and walked onto the sidewalk with her bare feet alongside RA. Her bodyguard, Levi, quietly following behind her like a specter.

"So tell me RA, what would you be doing back home so early?" Cookie inquired.

"Ditchin. Claude's picking me up at CJ's place" RA grinned at Cookie with a devilish grin. "He's the greatest."

"At stealing tampons" Cookie muttered. She never cared for those types of flings RA was interested in.

RA rolled her eyes again, this time physically. "That bodyguard of yours checked up on my boytoy, didn't he?"

Levi spoke up from behind both of them. "He was a security risk that needed investigation."

"You're just jealous." RA said mockingly, with a grin. She walked passed her house, on the way to CJ's place, Cookie and Levi padding up to Pimpette�s house. RA stopped as she heard an unearthly scream. It was cookie.

Something had gone wrong.
--

K-Dawg pulled up to his street at top speed, braking and swerving to avoid a fire truck in the middle of the street. He hopped out of his car, neglecting to turn off the engine. He ran past the fire truck, finding the people of Meadow Lane gathered on the front of his house. All of them seemed to part for him, each one float past .

Sparrow and Teammayhem standing with their young twins, both of which had matching sunglasses to their drow mother.

Nanda, standing alone sobbing silently, wiped her tears. Her daughter, Elizabeth, was probably at her father Steverules� house.

Cooke and her secret service bodyguard, Levi, sans her husband, President Bob, biting her lower lip, face covered in her salty tears.

Tabi standing with her husband, Legostar, his arm holding her close as her fingers played with the edges of her lab coat rather absentmindedly.

Mercury Hat, pushing the wheelchair of her crippled husband, War.

Toxic, covering his skimpy speedo with his silk robe.

In the middle of it all was CJ, her arms wrapped around RA and noxmeansxno as they sat on the curb, sobbing onto CJ's shoulders.

K-Dawg approached the trio. He could barely get the words out of his dry mouth. In the back of his mind, his subconscious prepared himself for the worst possible scenario, but it faltered badly over the thought of a harmed love one, and there was one still unaccounted for. "Wwhwhat happened?"

RA was the to speak up, wiping her tear streaked eyes on CJ shoulder. "...It's mum... she's dead...shshe killed herself."

A deathly silence covered the street. The only thing that followed was the cry of an animal over the loss of his mate.

---

more to come when i finish it.

[Vorticus]

Good job Team.

[Mo]

Niiice, TM. Can't wait for the next part.

It gives me a sick kind of pleasure to read the word "crippled" used on War. What is WRONG with me?

[MixedMyth]

Didn't I eat Dawg's children? Did I miss some???

[CJBurgandy]

I suspect foul play... why would someone married to a monkey with 2 sexy daughters kill themselves when they were pumped up to go to a PTA meeting?!

[Mo]

I suspect foul play... why would someone married to a monkey with 2 sexy daughters kill themselves when they were pumped up to go to a PTA meeting?!

It's a soap opera!

It's not supposed to make sense!

[McDuffies]

Finally!

[Ekolter]

Hey it wasn't us.

Rkolter and I were was at work and the fireworks are locked up.

[Dr Legostar]

most intriguing, please, tell us more.

[Pimpette]

w00tz!

I'm dead. Ha!

Nice work.

[DJMayhem]

CHAPTER 1: DESPERATE KEENWIVES

Hello world.

My name is Pimpette. I died through a self inflicted pistol wound to the head, so says my coroner

[Dr Legostar]

heh... b. e. a. utiful.

[Vorticus]

Nice job team, but dang if I don't feel left out.

[Toxic]

Nice job team, but dang if I don't feel left out.

*Seduces Vorticus*

[Mo]

I must say! He's obviously using my ass to promote his story! Shameless! I'll have you know that I have a degree in advertizement, which is in no way related to assvertizement!

Anyway... hot.

[Black Sparrow]

Mm... Cookie butt....

Very cool, TM. I'll bake you a pie for when you get home from work. Turn that into innuendo. I dare you.

Poor Levi, being used like that.

[Vorticus]

Nice job team, but dang if I don't feel left out.

*Seduces Vorticus*

You know, I don't have any idea of how to respond to that.

[DJMayhem]

Very cool, TM. I'll bake you a pie for when you get home from work. Turn that into innuendo. I dare you.

Can i get whipped cream all over it? I love whipped cream....

[Cat42]

Very cool, TM. I'll bake you a pie for when you get home from work.

*sniff* Does anyone else smell burning hair, and scorched flesh?

Really awesome story btw, almost tempts me to watch the show, though I doubt it'd be this interesting...

[Mo]

Two things I noticed when reading it again today:

Cookie grinned. "He's out on a shopping errand. Had him go look for sodium free bean dip. God, I've been waiting for yoooou..." She purred

I purr?

McDuffies moaned before stuffing the skimpy panties into her utility belt

I'm sure that was meant to be HIS utility belt... Unless he stole Cookie's utility belt along with the panties.

And also...

FURRY!