thought I'd share my poem

CJBurgandy · Post by **CJBurgandy** » Tue Feb 22, 2005 10:55 am

a local radio show had a poetry contest that I won. The point was to write a poem about the Woman who cut off her boyfriend's penis.

Here is my poem:

Once in the city of Anchorage
A guy tried to get him some leverage
While his wife wasn't looking
her neice he was nooking
he was so proud of his memberage

one day he decided no more
and said bye to his niece whore
so that very night
they started to fight
he had no idea what was in store

after the fight came to a stop
they decided to have a last romp
he said like a dunce
"hey just this once
I'll even let you be on top"

While thoughts of sex filled his head
He never thought he should dread
then she took a knife
but didn't take his life
but cut off his penis instead

after her dirty work was done
she flushed the cock down the john
she took him to ER
and got in her car
then she drove off and was gone

the police caught her before long
and professionals fished out his dong
The Uncle will follow Bobbit
that famous porn hobbit
and take up the stage name Don Wong.

Infinity-Iz-Blue · Post by **Infinity-Iz-Blue** » Tue Feb 22, 2005 11:17 am

My god, that's disturbing. Great poem though.

Squidflakes · Post by **Squidflakes** » Tue Feb 22, 2005 11:25 am

mruahaha.. Don Wong.. god, I used to know a guy named Don Wong who worked at DEC. He was a hell of a programmer, but completely inept at EVERYTHING else. To the point where he almost got deported back to China for failing to renew his visa. This guy had never seen porn in his life until one of the sales teams descided to take all of the project programmers out for some fun after they had won a big project. Poor guy was red. I've never seen an asian person turn red before, but he was as the lobster.

Anyway, for a month, he was convinced that these porn stars really had names like Long Dong Silver, and wondered why Mr. Silver was black and not Chinese.

But back on topic, that's great CJ! Remind me to stay away from your niece

CJBurgandy · Post by **CJBurgandy** » Tue Feb 22, 2005 11:27 am

it wasn't my neice! My neice is 6 years old... if you were doing anything to her, I'd do more than chop your penis off.

Squidflakes · Post by **Squidflakes** » Tue Feb 22, 2005 11:30 am

hehe, I didn't figure it was your niece, but I had some come up with something. "CJ, remind me to stay away from you" was the only other thing I could think of, but I threw that out immediately.. cause, you know, everyone wants to be near you.

Moo Cow · Post by **Moo Cow** » Tue Feb 22, 2005 5:31 pm

Awesome, awesome poem. So hilarious... geez, Poor guy... but poor woman too...

~Sara

Cuteswan · Post by **Cuteswan** » Wed Feb 23, 2005 10:52 am

CJ, I'm scared to even think about sex now, thanks to you.

Have they asked you to co-host a morning radio show yet?

Infinity-Iz-Blue · Post by **Infinity-Iz-Blue** » Thu Feb 24, 2005 1:24 am

They should. Really. CJ would do well, I think.

CJBurgandy · Post by **CJBurgandy** » Thu Feb 24, 2005 10:13 am

I'm flattered, but no. They haven't asked me and I'm not all that interested in working in Radio anyway.

Infinity-Iz-Blue · Post by **Infinity-Iz-Blue** » Thu Feb 24, 2005 11:10 am

Well, I suppose you've got your comics.

Bustertheclown · Post by **Bustertheclown** » Thu Feb 24, 2005 1:06 pm

Whad'ja win?

CJBurgandy · Post by **CJBurgandy** » Thu Feb 24, 2005 3:15 pm

a t-shirt, a cd (I choose Jet's Get born), a bumper sticker and 6 tickets to the Thursday Night Fights.

Squidflakes · Post by **Squidflakes** » Thu Feb 24, 2005 3:45 pm

boxing fights, or something else.. if its boxing, can I come! please please please!

CJBurgandy · Post by **CJBurgandy** » Fri Feb 25, 2005 12:41 am

It was boxing and we had fun. ^_^

Infinity-Iz-Blue · Post by **Infinity-Iz-Blue** » Fri Feb 25, 2005 1:23 am

I never understood the attraction of boxing, two big blokes beating the shit out of eachother until one falls over... it just doesn't make sense to me.

CJBurgandy · Post by **CJBurgandy** » Fri Feb 25, 2005 9:29 am

#1: Ring Girls in Bikinis
#2: not all the boxers were men
#3: Ring girls in Bikinis

funny story about the ring girl. She came out in her hot pants and bikini top and I leaned over to my brother and said "I bet you anything, during the day she's a hooter girl" and Josh says "Nah, she's got to be a stripper."

About 2/3rd of the way through the night, the annoucer mentioned that the ring girl worked at Hooters, and everyone at the table turned to me and were clapping and going "Yeah CJ!"

or at least we were ammused that I correctly guessed where she work.

WhatMeWorry? · Post by **WhatMeWorry?** » Fri Feb 25, 2005 12:09 pm

Good instinct.

Hooters girls need the whole package of attractiveness. Strippers do not. Difference in lighting, difference in standards, difference in clientele.

Or so my straight male friends inform me.

Squidflakes · Post by **Squidflakes** » Fri Feb 25, 2005 12:56 pm

WhatMeWorry? wrote:Good instinct.

Hooters girls need the whole package of attractiveness. Strippers do not. Difference in lighting, difference in standards, difference in clientele.

Or so my straight male friends inform me.

Great christ, not this Hooters I went to in Atlanta.. this woman was covered in a fine layer of black hair. EVERYWHERE.. face, chest, arms, belly.. it was soo damn odd.. like a furry.. but not

CJBurgandy · Post by **CJBurgandy** » Fri Feb 25, 2005 1:31 pm

ewwww.... *tries to stab the mental image out of her mind*

Kingofthemorlocks · Post by **Kingofthemorlocks** » Sat Feb 26, 2005 5:19 am

That's gotta be the most ridiculously adorable avatar ever, CJ.

I've got a poem too. I wrote it for my sweetie for Valentine's Day, but didn't have the patience to wait until Valentine's to give it to her.

I cherish every moment I'm allowed to spend with you
Our hearts made as a matching pair, honest, loyal, true
I treasure every second spent with your hand tight in mine
And your eyes! -My God, no star could so brightly shine
Would that I never had to leave your affectionate embrace
And every minute could be spent close to your loving face
What have I done to deserve the love with which I have been showered?
What bud is in your heart that at my touch has flowered?
Your beauty is, of course, my dear, perfection personified
Mere words cannot describe you, hon, I know because I've tried.
No language spoken on this Earth can deliver what I ask
Words of love and tenderness alone are up to task
Since Italian is inadequate and French not up to snuff,
I think these words in English might be close enough:
Christine, I love you, and as our fingers intertwine;
I have to ask - Will you be my Valentine?

Yeah, yeah, I know, it's all mushy an' stuff - but I got pounced for it. She climbed right into my lap and began kissing me passionately when she finished reading it.