To celebrate anal sex

[Randyg]

i think he wanted more details, not less :)

TMI-ing someone in this thread would take work (its not like it isnt well labeled)

Yes, more details, not fewer. Anything that could produce a reaction like that has got to be worth trying. :)

I don't think I've ever seen something on this board even close to TMI...

When it comes to hetero-male fears about asking their ladies to peg them, well, that's outside of my experience.

You probably know more about it than I do... most of what you've said there applies equally well to straight guys thinking of doing something non-stereotypical. There doesn't seem to be much difference between a k>3 guy contemplating the issues you mention and a k<3 guy thinking of trying pegging. Don't forget that, according to popular opinion, even thinking about anal sex, not to mention wanting your wife to do you, makes you not-a-man, gay, incapable of satisfying her in bed, and a zillion other things.

I'm really not a good person to talk about it... not being that wise of a person, I can't really talk about experiences I've never had. For insight into straight guys having problems trying pegging, you'd be far better off asking someone who had problems. When I learned that girls could do guys, it took me about 1/3rd second of thinking (non-coincidentally close to my reaction time) to decide I wanted some. :)

Many of us feel ... wrongfully so ... that they'll take our Queer Card away unless we "lose our anal virginity."

Bah. But losing one's anal virginity is so much fun! :P


--Randy

[Candide]

In the defence of the two guys that have played with me this way in the past, I should say something...

(description of considerate, slow-moving lovers snipped)

Okay, that's good, Nyamaza. You're fortunate. Most guys' first experience is a dick thrust rudely up into them.

And in terms of mental relaxation, any suggestions on how NOT be be nervous as hell your first time, or even first few times, I'd love the advice.

What Randy said.

Alternatively, instead of relaxation through snuggling, try firing your desire through passionate kissing. That always quelled my nervousness.


I'm going to give you a third piece of advice, one that doesn't really apply to str8 guys getting pegged by their ladies.

For your first few times bottoming, put the Bottom on Top and the Top on Bottom.

He lies on his back, legs together, condom on his erect cock.

You straddle him, on your knees. Your knees are on either side of his torso. Your ankles and feet are crossed over his legs just where they meet his pelvis.

You have the bottle of lube in easy reach. One or both of you have a rag or towel in easy reach for later.

The position I've put you in will, as you lower yourself down onto him, pin his pelvis in place. This is to keep him from getting "too eager" and permit you to take your time.

1. Put lube in your hand, then apply to his cock.
2. Apply lube to rear, as described in the shower exercise I gave you.
3. Massage the outside of yourself a bit.
4. Lower yourself into positon.
5. Position the head of his cock against your anus.
But don't put any pressure on his cock or your anus. Yet.

Instead, begin your breathing exercise: Take a deep breath.
- Exhale slowly. As you exhale, clench your anus and your PC muscles. Keep everything clenched as you finish exhaling.
- Take a deep breath. As you inhale, relax everything you've been clenching. Even if you think you've relaxed your PC, your anus, keep "mentally unclenching as you finish inhaling.
- Exhale slowly, again, contracting those same muscles.
- Inhale, relaxing all those muscles.

6. Now, just as in the shower exercise, lower yourself enough to push the head of his dick against your anus. It should not yet open it.

Stay in that position.

Once again, we are going to do the breathing exercise. Breathe in to begin.

Now exhale and contract. As you exhale, keep the same level of pressure on your anus, sinking down ever so slightly onto him as needed.

Hold your position and inhale. Relax all of those muscles, letting your sphincter push open and around the head of his cock.

7. Lift up.

Apply more lube to his top of his phallus.

Apply more lube to your anus.

8. Lower yourself back onto his dick, putting pressure against your anus. It should not yet open it.

Repeat step 6.

Then lift up and apply more lube to the both of you.

9. Lower yourself back onto his dick, putting pressure against your anus.

This time, go for the double-breath (if you're ready).

- Breathe in to begin.
- Now exhale and contract. As you exhale, keep the same level of pressure on your anus, sinking down ever so slightly onto him as needed.
- Hold your position and inhale. Relax all of those muscles, letting your sphincter push open and around the head of his cock.
- Stop. Get used to the sensation.
- Lower your weight a bit more, increasing the pressure on your anus once again.
- Now exhale and contract. As you exhale, keep the same level of pressure on your anus, sinking down ever so slightly onto him as needed.
- Hold your position and inhale. Relax all of those muscles, letting your sphincter push open and around the head of his cock.

Stop. Breathe normally.

You now should have at least the glans of his penis inside of your. Well done!

10. Staying where you are, put more lube on your hand. Reach around and massage around the outside of your anus, feeling where his cock enters you. Gently stretch as you stroke your skin with your fingers.

11. Now you will slowly lift off of him.

Apply more lube to his top of his phallus.

Apply more lube to your anus.

12. Repeat step 9.

Unless you don't feel like you have enough lube, you won't need to lift off of him again.

13. Repeat step 10, applying more lube to yourself, and to his shaft.

14. You have the tip of him beginning to enter you. Let's continue:

- Lower more of your weight onto him, but not enough to push him any deeper into you. Just increase the pressure slightly.
- Breathe in to begin.
- Now exhale and contract. As you exhale, keep the same level of pressure on your anus, sinking down ever so slightly onto him as needed.
- Hold your position and inhale. Relax all of those muscles, letting your sphincter push open and around the head of his cock.
- Stop. Breathe normally.
- Staying where you are, put more lube on your hand.
- Reach around and massage, stroke, stretch around the outside of your anus where his shaft enters you.

- Relax as you do this.

- Repeat. Take it slow, as slowly as you need to.

15. While you're concentrating or while you're resting, kiss his tummy, lick his nipple, or stroke his inner thigh with your hand. Just a little. Just to tell him, "I know you're still here, I just have a lot of work to do right now."

16. Eventually, gradually, you'll have "swallowed" enough of his phallus that he will be more-or-less "in you". Your anus has no more relaxing or opening to do.

At this point, you have two choices:

a) Continue the breathing exercise, pulling the remainder of his cock into you in this manner.

b) Slide yourself down the rest of the way onto his shaft.


17. Once you're sitting on his cock and have your buttocks in his lap, you're not done yet.

Stay where you are. Tell him, in a breathless, heady voice, "Let me get used to you inside me."

And mean it!

If you're totally turned on and utterly unstoppably horny by this point, then by all means, do start ridin' his pole!

Otherwise, take your time. Get used to the feeling of a cock in you. Get used to feeling your anus grip his shaft.

And if you are at all uncomfortable, or if you are still tense, keep performing the breathing exercise:

- Remain seated on him, with his cock in you.
- Exhale, contracting your anus and PC muscles, gripping his cock.
- Inhale, slowly, relaxing your sphincter and pushing down your PC muscles.
- Repeat.

If you're really nervous, do the "count-to-10" thing that I described in my previous post. It'll give your mind something to focus on.


18. When you're ready, the next step is to bend your back, pull him up, and kiss him. Kiss deeply. Kiss passionately.

If you slide up his shaft a bit, that's okay. As long as you don't pull out.

Keep his pelvis pinned with your feet though. No motion yet.

Let your passion build. Let your fire blaze in your blood. Get his blood pumping, too.

This will also help you get used to having his penis inside you. Moreover, it will fire your desire to have him inside you.

19. Once you're feeling comfy, sit upright, let your feet slip off of his pelvis next to his torso, and Ride 'Em, Cowboy!


Yee-Haw!

[Randyg]

I'm going to give you a third piece of advice, one that doesn't really apply to str8 guys getting pegged by their ladies.

Actually, that all applies perfectly well to a a guy who's never had anal sex before trying pegging for the first time.

The only difference is you're lowering yourself down onto her strap-on instead of his cock. Otherwise everything is identical. :)

Being able to control exactly how fast and when you're penetrated helps for taking a strap-on just as much as it helps for taking a guy...


--Randy

[Maximuscoolman]

One peice of advise that I've personally never tried, but sounds good: Keep lube in a bowl of warm water, that way when you apply it, it will be warm. It's not the greatest feeling to apply cold lube, and could make your anus contract more.

[Candide]

I'm going to give you a third piece of advice, one that doesn't really apply to str8 guys getting pegged by their ladies.

Actually, that all applies perfectly well to a a guy who's never had anal sex before trying pegging for the first time.

The only difference is you're lowering yourself down onto her strap-on instead of his cock. Otherwise everything is identical.

Being able to control exactly how fast and when you're penetrated helps for taking a strap-on just as much as it helps for taking a guy...

'cept for two things:


- Your lady will have no problem waiting patiently for you to finish taking in the strap-on.

I've had to quickly pull off of/pin down more than one guy too hungry to be inside me.

Even the biggest flaming queen is still a man in bed. And (most) men approach sex differently than (most) women.


- You can take the dildo out of the strap, get used to taking it in the shower that morning, and still be good to go that night. Getting pegged, even the first time, pretty much implies that the dildo's around somewhere.

Gay guys certainly can't practice with their bf's cock beforehand.

Many gay guys are, surprisingly, embarrassed to own a dildo. So their "first time" will likely be totally without benefit of any practice. And, again, there's also this weird, messed-up attitude that you'll lose your QueerCard if you're "unable" to get fucked by a guy, no preparation or practice beforehand.

My description assumes that some random guy who owns no toyz will be reading it (and its "Shower Exercise" prequel). Even if he doesn't read the prequel, and only remembers half of my "how to take in your man" instructions, he has a better chance of having a pain-free first time than if he only had the standard misconceptions.


Straight & curious guys require different reassurances. Nothing wrong there. A more hetero-centric version of my instructions would be better for them.

[Randyg]

Yes, more details, not fewer. Anything that could produce a reaction like that has got to be worth trying. :)

And I notice you left out the requested details. :)

I've had to quickly pull off of/pin down more than one guy too hungry to be inside me.

Never thought of it that way... guess I'm just not used at all to the idea of a sexual partner that's not already a long-term caring relationship, or would be that insensitive...

You can take the dildo out of the strap, get used to taking it in the shower that morning, and still be good to go that night.

Sadly, none of mine have been in their harnesses for quite some time... :(


--Randy

[Cinni]

Oooh.

That's all I have to say here. Just Oooh.

And that I cannot wait to try this with my boyfriend. I've loved him for almost half a decade now, and we're still so far apart.

But that's on its way to changing! And I've ordered what looks like a positively lovely toy, for purposes of making sure I'm ready.

The good advice provided here will certainly be kept in mind.


Cinni

[Candide]

Yes, more details, not fewer. Anything that could produce a reaction like that has got to be worth trying.

And I notice you left out the requested details.

Sorry, but I've been sworn to secrecy on giving any details.

No... seriously. For Real. I do not have the permission of those involved to say anything.

The only thing I can say is this: It's an exercise in "building hunger," and in learning to receive.

I've had to quickly pull off of/pin down more than one guy too hungry to be inside me.

Never thought of it that way... guess I'm just not used at all to the idea of a sexual partner that's not already a long-term caring relationship, or would be that insensitive...

Not insensitive (except maybe for one of them). You're just unique, Randy. You've pointed that out to us on multiple occasions.

No, I'm talking about simple, basic, male instinct here. As I'm fond of saying, men who have sex with men are still men. So it's not exactly "insensitive" as much as flying on autopilot. The sensation triggers the urge to push in more, which would be fine in most vaginas. Those guys always stopped when I told them to hold still.

But, we K>3 enjoy those same male instincts. So it all works out in the end.

[Candide]

Ok, Randy, this next poster reveals why I've been focussing on the K>3 crowd so much and talking about gayboi misconceptions:

And that I cannot wait to try this with my boyfriend. I've loved him for almost half a decade now, and we're still so far apart.

I'm going to assume that this was posted by a guy.

Honey, whoever told you that you're "still so far apart" from your b.f. because you haven't had anal sex yet was lying to you.

My hubby and I have been together over a decade now, and having anal sex does not make us feel any closer together than any other form of sex. It's all just mechanics and what you're in the mood for.


One of the key ingredients to successfully taking a cock (or a dildo, for that matter) is desire. You. Have. To. Want. It.

Not "want it for him."
Not "want it because I've been told it'll make us closer."
Not "want it because I don't/won't feel like a `real' queer until I do."
Not "want it because `fags are supposed to want' it."
Not "want it out of mild curiosity."

You have to want it because it "feels right" for you. You have to want it because, having a sense that it was for you, you experimented with toys and discovered that it does feel right for you.

If, after playing with the toys, you find that anal play isn't your cup of tea, then don't do it. It's as simple as that.

[Randyg]

No... seriously. For Real. I do not have the permission of those involved to say anything.

Bah! But whatever it was sounds fun.

It's not very nice to mention something fun then not say what it was. :(

Even if you can't mention people or experiences, surely you can say what the activity was?


--Randy

[The_Fox]

Ok, Randy, this next poster reveals why I've been focussing on the K>3 crowd so much and talking about gayboi misconceptions:

And that I cannot wait to try this with my boyfriend. I've loved him for almost half a decade now, and we're still so far apart.

I'm going to assume that this was posted by a guy.

Honey, whoever told you that you're "still so far apart" from your b.f. because you haven't had anal sex yet was lying to you.

Occam's Razor, Sir Candide...I think Sir Cinni was reffering to actual distance, rather than using a metaphor for closeness.

- Jarylan, I could be wrong, Blackwell

[RandomScribe]

i think he wanted more details, not less

TMI-ing someone in this thread would take work (its not like it isnt well labeled)

Well, it was pretty easy in my case... but rather than be offended, I always just scroll past the post in question.

...Which, truth be told, was most of this thread, but at least I found the social commentary bits interesting. ^^;

--RS (Also, I'm gonna say I assumed that Cinni meant physical distance as well.)

[Cyril_Dran]

Whenever I get TMI'ed, I keep reading so I can use it against or for others at a later date. Hence, if I wanted to, I could now provoke my mother into killing me by reciting most of this thread.. Or, I could help out a friend who's interested in this kind of thing. Both of which are nice. Plus, I probably at least tie with Saundra in the "open minded" category, so..

[Candide]

Well, considering it's anal sex month, I sure didn't have all that much!

It was a rather hectic, not-so-nice month. If one of us wasn't away, one of us was sick. Then there's our eldest cat, who nearly died. (He's on the mend, but we still don't know why he got sick.)

So, not much sex for us.

[Nyamaza]

Make up for it this month. It's still febuary in some calender out there, I'm sure.

[Cinni]

Entity The_Fox is correct, the distance being referred to is actual difference, slightly less than one hemisphere.

Slightly.

It's painful to be so far away from him, the distance makes me feel lonely and makes my immediate surroundings seem bland and meaningless. So the long distance relationship thing really, really sucks, and not the fun way.

Until you compare it to the alternative, and to the way I felt before. I love him dearly, loving him and knowing he loves me make dealing with depression and the annoyances of life into a simple matter. And having the will to live is nice, I was decidedly short on that before meeting him.


Cinni

[Candide]

Entity The_Fox is correct, the distance being referred to is actual difference, slightly less than one hemisphere.

Slightly.

It's painful to be so far away from him, the distance makes me feel lonely and makes my immediate surroundings seem bland and meaningless. So the long distance relationship thing really, really sucks, and not the fun way.

I know. My spouse and I have been together 11 years now. The first 5 were long-distance, though not as far as you & your sweetie are. I do concede that you have it worse.

But, love's funny. And long-distance relationships can, when dealt with realistically, work out better than had you both been in the same town from the start. Y'see, Cinni, every relationship is based on 3 things: Communication, Communication, and Communication. When you start out long-distance, you don't have the physical to distract you. All you have is the communication part. Screw that up, and it's over.

But lay down that solid foundation of Communication, and the rest is frosting.

Until you compare it to the alternative, and to the way I felt before. I love him dearly, loving him and knowing he loves me make dealing with depression and the annoyances of life into a simple matter. And having the will to live is nice, I was decidedly short on that before meeting him.

Then We Need to Talk

I've battled unipolar mood disorder all of my life. Been There. Done That. Got the Commemorative Mug and the F*****g T-Shirt.

Was in The Padded Room. Clawed my way back to mental health.

So, I have more than mere suggestions about "clinical depression". If you need some coping strategies, well, I'm here. I check the UH Forum about once a week.

[That is, in fact, why my Hubby & I met ... advising him on mental health stuff. ]

[Cinni]

I've been developing my own coping strategies. Back in highschool, I cultivated a little megalomania to counter the low self-image.

Prior to meeting my boyfriend, I had very low self-interest. I was living with two friends(though they were then dear friends, I have not spoken to them in a long time, and think this is for the best), and to no small extent living for them. Having met my boyfriend, I began to have plans of my own that I had a real desire to have come to fruition, kind of went from there. So patrched myself up I have to some extent.

That having been said, losing him would crush me pretty thoroughly, with degree depending on the circumstances of said loss. I think that to be highly unlikely, though.

But yeah, suggestions welcome.


Cinni

[Cinni]

Does it count as double-posting if there's more than a week between 'em?

Anyway, all advice given greatly appreciated!

I found a few things, upon experimenting with my new toy.

First, I did not need to take my time quite so much as has been suggested. This may have something to do with how much mental preparation I've had for anal sex. Several years of wanting my boyfriend to ride me slow and gentle.

Second, condom-wrapping the toy seems to help. I haven't tried it without one, in no small part because I feel more comfortable sucking on the thing if it hasn't been used anally without wrapper.

Third, while this is not technically on topic, a gel-type dildo seems to have been an excellent choice for one who wishes to learn to deepthroat. I expect that within ten minutes of my boyfriend getting me home, I will be demonstrating this on him.


In the interest of encouraging topic drift, what does anyone wish to say about their favorite sex toy?


Cinni

[Randyg]

In the interest of encouraging topic drift, what does anyone wish to say about their favorite sex toy?

How much more fun it would be if I had someone to use it with.


--Randy