allan_ecker wrote:Uh...
Okay, yeah, some explanations of my horrible pacing are in order.
No, it's not the pacing. It's the lack of backstory.
Allan, think about how Jennifer was doing PDH: sequential-art-snapshots of a scene in the story, with footnotes below explaining any details, backstory, or other supporting information.
(This is pretty embarassing, but I'm basically calling this a last-inning Seinfeldian shark-jump.)
allan_ecker wrote:The Uncle Frank Problem: I really liked this strip and wanted to have it in there,
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and the placement of this strip -really- drags down the quality of the work here.
No, not at all. Since this
is Rick we're talking about here, it's quite likely that this female-appearing person could be (a) an android; (b) a transsexual relative; (c) a drag-queen gay male relative; (d) a female relative; (e) a male relative that Rick zapped into female form and never unzapped for various reasons. A quick subtitle of, "Rick's drag-queen uncle is also a major attitude queen and kitchen queen," would say volumes.
allan_ecker wrote:I also thought it would be cute to end with this little scene showing the two sneaking off after the wedding for a quiet cuddle in the surrounding forest.
Simple, then: a subtitle stating, "Wherein Saundra and Volair take everyone's advice to, 'Get a Room,' and sneak off after the ceremony for some quality time."
There, see. No need to beat your talented self up.

"The incredibly powerful and the incredibly stupid both have one thing in common: They don't alter their views to fit the facts. They try and alter the facts to fit their views.
Which can be awfully uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering." -- Dr. Who