Judging from this exchange and Lady M's obvious inner torment, somehow she needs to decide which is more important to her. Her social standing with "every rich mans emptyheaded wife" or the mental and physical well being of her son.
For that matter, is the house staff really second guessing and dissing the way she runs the house, in which case they should be repremanded or fired. Or is it "all in her head"?
Either way, she needs to get a grip on reality, her life, and to be a mother to her son. And she should go more with her instincts and less with the "experts" she's become dependent on. To hell with what the society dragons think. She may have married into her position, but fundamentality, she's better than the vacuous chatterers she so desperately tries to imitate and impress.
Shaaruuk
Her Ladyship
Her Ladyship
We are NOT surrounded.....this is a "target rich" environment!
I'm afraid you're missing a minor point, here.
This isn't something Colin's mother was born to, or even properly acclimated to. She was a worker in one of Lord Millfolk's father's mills when she met and fell in love with the current Lord Millfolk, remember. She was bluecollar, he was already whitecollar and on his way up. Now she's a lady in a very wealthy house, with dozens and possibly hundreds of servants under her direct supervision, a huge house and all its holdings her sole responsibility... and, indirectly,the fate of her family's prosperity in her hands. And judging by her awkwardness, even though its implied she's already got several children before Colin and has therefore been married to Cole for quite a few years, this move into high society has been relatively recent.
When you get up in the rarified heights of the rich and the mega rich and powerful, there are a whole new set of rules. Social standing isn't just a game, people--- it's a vicious political gambit, with subtle rules and nuances that aren't readily obvious to an outsider. A simple social misstep which would be brushed off in a bluecollar neighborhood can mean long-term financial disaster.... And although the Millfolks have been married for many years and several children, the swoop up into the ranks of the truly rich + powerful is relatively recent. If she makes the wrong impression, if she offends the wrong foul-tempered old dragon, her husband could find himself standing on the outside of a lot of handshake agreements wondering what he did wrong.... and in that stratosphere, setting out the wrong kind of silverware or holding your teacup in the wrong way is practically a hanging offense.
With that in mind, Lady Millfolk HAS to rely on the help she's hired keeping her from making a misstep. (Flint, I suspect, was hired as much for his experience around the subtle social dances among the rich and self-important as for his experience with household security.) For a woman who began as someone free and self-determined and independent, this has to be a frustrating and bewildering thing.... especially if her dear Mother-In-Law is leading the vanguard of people telling her how to be a "proper lady" and a proper mother. And to top it off, she's apparently being battered about the ears with a "health expert," who tells her everything she's doing with her son is wrong wrong wrong.....
This isn't something Colin's mother was born to, or even properly acclimated to. She was a worker in one of Lord Millfolk's father's mills when she met and fell in love with the current Lord Millfolk, remember. She was bluecollar, he was already whitecollar and on his way up. Now she's a lady in a very wealthy house, with dozens and possibly hundreds of servants under her direct supervision, a huge house and all its holdings her sole responsibility... and, indirectly,the fate of her family's prosperity in her hands. And judging by her awkwardness, even though its implied she's already got several children before Colin and has therefore been married to Cole for quite a few years, this move into high society has been relatively recent.
When you get up in the rarified heights of the rich and the mega rich and powerful, there are a whole new set of rules. Social standing isn't just a game, people--- it's a vicious political gambit, with subtle rules and nuances that aren't readily obvious to an outsider. A simple social misstep which would be brushed off in a bluecollar neighborhood can mean long-term financial disaster.... And although the Millfolks have been married for many years and several children, the swoop up into the ranks of the truly rich + powerful is relatively recent. If she makes the wrong impression, if she offends the wrong foul-tempered old dragon, her husband could find himself standing on the outside of a lot of handshake agreements wondering what he did wrong.... and in that stratosphere, setting out the wrong kind of silverware or holding your teacup in the wrong way is practically a hanging offense.
With that in mind, Lady Millfolk HAS to rely on the help she's hired keeping her from making a misstep. (Flint, I suspect, was hired as much for his experience around the subtle social dances among the rich and self-important as for his experience with household security.) For a woman who began as someone free and self-determined and independent, this has to be a frustrating and bewildering thing.... especially if her dear Mother-In-Law is leading the vanguard of people telling her how to be a "proper lady" and a proper mother. And to top it off, she's apparently being battered about the ears with a "health expert," who tells her everything she's doing with her son is wrong wrong wrong.....
"What was that popping noise ?"
"A paradigm shifting without a clutch."
--Dilbert
"A paradigm shifting without a clutch."
--Dilbert
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SolidusRaccoon
- Cartoon Hero
- Posts: 3046
- Joined: Sun May 02, 2004 6:15 pm
- Location: Outer Heaven
Yes, Ralph is dead on. When you reach the upper ranks of society it becomes a brand new ballgame. I do feel for her, poor lass.
Yes, sir. I agree completely. It takes a well-balanced individual... such as yourself to rule the world. No, sir. No one knows that you were the third one... Solidus. ...What should I do about the woman? Yes sir. I'll keep her under surveillance. Yes. Thank you. Good-bye...... Mr. President.
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LoneWolf23k
- Regular Poster
- Posts: 711
- Joined: Fri Jan 01, 1999 4:00 pm
Agreed on the whole "vicious rich politics" bit. Feminists who look back in the pre-feminism days as "the time when women were oppressed and without any power" obviously overlooked the sheer social power the women of the rich and powerful had in those days.
Traditionally, the roles of Men and Women were divided into seperate circles: men ran businesses, governments and armies, and women ran the home and social life. Nowadays, this may seem like an uneven division. But social influence is an important "currency" in the pre-modern age, and can have a lot of influence on one's success in business or government. Just as an unmarried woman suffered from a lack of financial support, so did an unmarried man suffered from the lack of a "contact network".
Women practically invented the concept of "shmoozing" with social gatherings amongst the wives of the wealthy and influencial; when the wives of medieval merchants meet for tea, they didn't just gossip about the private lives of their neighbors: they kept up with the affairs of each others' husbands, then informed their husbands accordingly.
Also, don't underestimate how important things like parties were, in the days before online forums and chatrooms. Parties where when the wealthy gathered and met, exchanging informations and making deals over a meal and a drink. If you didn't get invited once, you could miss out on an important deal. And if you didn't get invited repeatedly, then you risked getting left out in the cold and shut out from future dealings: who wants to deal with a loser who can't even get invited into the best parties, after all?
So, while to us, Lady Millfolk's concerns about her social standing may appear to be shallow insecurity, to her contemporaries, she's litterally trying to fight a life-or-death struggle to protect not only her own standing, but the reputation of her family and the well-being of her husband's business.
...No wonder she's so stressed.
Traditionally, the roles of Men and Women were divided into seperate circles: men ran businesses, governments and armies, and women ran the home and social life. Nowadays, this may seem like an uneven division. But social influence is an important "currency" in the pre-modern age, and can have a lot of influence on one's success in business or government. Just as an unmarried woman suffered from a lack of financial support, so did an unmarried man suffered from the lack of a "contact network".
Women practically invented the concept of "shmoozing" with social gatherings amongst the wives of the wealthy and influencial; when the wives of medieval merchants meet for tea, they didn't just gossip about the private lives of their neighbors: they kept up with the affairs of each others' husbands, then informed their husbands accordingly.
Also, don't underestimate how important things like parties were, in the days before online forums and chatrooms. Parties where when the wealthy gathered and met, exchanging informations and making deals over a meal and a drink. If you didn't get invited once, you could miss out on an important deal. And if you didn't get invited repeatedly, then you risked getting left out in the cold and shut out from future dealings: who wants to deal with a loser who can't even get invited into the best parties, after all?
So, while to us, Lady Millfolk's concerns about her social standing may appear to be shallow insecurity, to her contemporaries, she's litterally trying to fight a life-or-death struggle to protect not only her own standing, but the reputation of her family and the well-being of her husband's business.
...No wonder she's so stressed.
Actually, I understand everything you both have said. I've seen (USAF) officer's careers get tanked because their wife managed to P.O. the wife of some other higher ranking officer in some social setting. It's total crap, but unfortunetely it's a fact of life.....one I've personally had a very hard time comforming to. I've never played politics or PC games. You ask me a question, you'll get an honest answer. It may not be the answer you want to hear to make you feel good, but it's going to be an honest answer to your question. And I couldn't care less who you are. Yes, I've been fired several times from "good" jobs because I wouldn't abandon my core principles.LoneWolf23k wrote:So, while to us, Lady Millfolk's concerns about her social standing may appear to be shallow insecurity, to her contemporaries, she's litterally trying to fight a life-or-death struggle to protect not only her own standing, but the reputation of her family and the well-being of her husband's business.
...No wonder she's so stressed.
I never got the impression that Colin had any brothers or sisters. Does he? If not, then while the family's standing and reputation are important no question......as a mother, Colin's well being and indeed his future are paramount. Her desire to hold and cuddle Colin when he cries shows she understands this. If nothing else, she needs to tell the "health expert" to go pound sand and give Colin the support he desperately needs.....from both parents, not just mostly his dad. Remember, Lord M did ask "why do you care what he says" referring to his mother's healer. Evidently he feels the healer's a bit "full of it."
I'm also quite sure HE understands all the social BS but is at his wits end as to how to help his son. He may well have been born 'whitecoller' and inherited all that he has, but what I've seen of him tells me he has a 'bluecoller' soul. A 'true whitecoller' would never have confessed his bruised pride or feelings of being a failure to his son to Quentyn. He and Colin both need "Marta" and "Momma" back. And "Marta" needs to re-assert herself alongside Lady Millfolk, not take her place. Who knows, maybe her contemporaries might even learn something from her.
Shaaruuk
We are NOT surrounded.....this is a "target rich" environment!
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UncleMonty
- Cartoon Hero
- Posts: 1789
- Joined: Fri Jan 01, 1999 4:00 pm
Contact networks?
What do you mean "did"?LoneWolf23k wrote: Just as an unmarried woman suffered from a lack of financial support, so did an unmarried man suffered from the lack of a "contact network".
Ron
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Mutant for Hire
- Regular Poster
- Posts: 72
- Joined: Thu Dec 09, 2004 1:48 pm
Forget the Middle Ages, it was in the nineteenth century that the infamous "Petticoat Scandal" brought down Andrew Jackson's cabinet and nearly his administration. Certainly it weakened his presidency significantly.
Essentially, Jackson wanted to name a man named Eaton to the post of Secretary of War. He was advised against it by others who warned him that the matrons of Washington D.C. did not approve of Eaton's wife, who it was reputed had a scandalous past. Jackson said "Do you suppose that I have been sent here by the people to consult the ladies of Washington as to the proper persons to compose my cabinet?"
He probably should have, as his appointment of Eaton caused quite a few problems. In fact he had to cancel his post-inaugural dinner because of bad blood between the wife of the Secretary of War and the other matrons of society. Jackson's original plan of purging D.C. of corrupt officials was quickly shelved as he struggled to overcome her disapproval by the other matrons of society and the problems this was causing his administration.
Eventually, the whole cabinet resigned to give Eaton an excuse to resign and free Jackson from a political liabilty in the area of Eaton's wife, who was being mercilessly used by Jackson's enemies to weaken his government. The press at the time generally attributed the resignation of the cabinet to Margaret Eaton. It also caused a political split between Jackson and his first vice-president, Calhoun, who's wife had been one of the first to snub Eaton's wife.
Essentially, Jackson wanted to name a man named Eaton to the post of Secretary of War. He was advised against it by others who warned him that the matrons of Washington D.C. did not approve of Eaton's wife, who it was reputed had a scandalous past. Jackson said "Do you suppose that I have been sent here by the people to consult the ladies of Washington as to the proper persons to compose my cabinet?"
He probably should have, as his appointment of Eaton caused quite a few problems. In fact he had to cancel his post-inaugural dinner because of bad blood between the wife of the Secretary of War and the other matrons of society. Jackson's original plan of purging D.C. of corrupt officials was quickly shelved as he struggled to overcome her disapproval by the other matrons of society and the problems this was causing his administration.
Eventually, the whole cabinet resigned to give Eaton an excuse to resign and free Jackson from a political liabilty in the area of Eaton's wife, who was being mercilessly used by Jackson's enemies to weaken his government. The press at the time generally attributed the resignation of the cabinet to Margaret Eaton. It also caused a political split between Jackson and his first vice-president, Calhoun, who's wife had been one of the first to snub Eaton's wife.