.If you're wondering, Collapse is a serious, action/drama-y webcomic.
Comments welcome!
Collapse
Collapse
All right, everyone check out my webcomic! I use a rather unique method for creating my art, and (imo) my story is a lot more original than a lot of stuff out there. The site is rather ugly, try to ignore that and focus on the comic .
If you're wondering, Collapse is a serious, action/drama-y webcomic.
Comments welcome!
.If you're wondering, Collapse is a serious, action/drama-y webcomic.
Comments welcome!
Disclaimer: By responding to this post, you acknowledge the possibility that collapse may argue with you.
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Mr Ekshin
- Regular Poster
- Posts: 735
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- Location: Back against a wall with an apple on my head.
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OK...
Looks like traced photographs. I like the effect. It's interresting, even cool.
The text needs to fit better in the balloons to be easier to read. Spend the time.
The navigation buttons were not obvious to someone seeing the place for the first time. Centering them would work much better than on the right hand side. It would also help to have little words like first, prev, etc... under them.
I dig the comic. The story is... good. Saying "more original than a lot of stuff out there." is suicide on here, numbnuts. This is a place where everyone else makes webcomics too. Save that stuff for places where the audience aren't web-comic makers. (Free advice there
)
Bottom line? yeah, I'll read it. It's got me curious.
But you sure could work on your salesmanship. XP
Peas.
Ek
Looks like traced photographs. I like the effect. It's interresting, even cool.
The text needs to fit better in the balloons to be easier to read. Spend the time.
The navigation buttons were not obvious to someone seeing the place for the first time. Centering them would work much better than on the right hand side. It would also help to have little words like first, prev, etc... under them.
I dig the comic. The story is... good. Saying "more original than a lot of stuff out there." is suicide on here, numbnuts. This is a place where everyone else makes webcomics too. Save that stuff for places where the audience aren't web-comic makers. (Free advice there
)Bottom line? yeah, I'll read it. It's got me curious.
But you sure could work on your salesmanship. XP
Peas.
Ek
Judge dredge.
Yeah, traced photographs they are. I'm glad you like it! I wasn't sure how people would respond to the art, but it's been recieved really well and that's just awesome. I can't draw well (I can color decently), so I thought I'd never be able to make a comic, but then I figured out this method.Looks like traced photographs. I like the effect. It's interresting, even cool.
Yeah, the site still sort of sucks... it's under construction. I'm tryingThe navigation buttons were not obvious to someone seeing the place for the first time. Centering them would work much better than on the right hand side. It would also help to have little words like first, prev, etc... under them.
.Eh? What does the ... mean?The story is... good.
The story is one of my favorite things I've come up with. It's actually based off of a book I am working on writing (no, I'm not a published author or anything... but maybe someday
). I started writing the book years ago. It actually takes place twenty years after Collapse. Then when I found an art method I decided to do a prequel... in comic form!I've gotten 142 pages handwritten, but only 3 chapters typed. You can look at it here if you want.
Hehe, well... er, you're right. Sorry if I offended someone or anything
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Kris X
- Forum Pocket Kitten
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- Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2004 4:08 pm
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Bravo, another future novelist. 8)collapse wrote:
The story is one of my favorite things I've come up with. It's actually based off of a book I am working on writing (no, I'm not a published author or anything... but maybe someday
PK Comics meets Gaming genre.
The backgrounds are done with a Photoshop filter - either Poster Edges or Find Edges perhaps with some blurring - right?
The characters seem to be done with similar filtering at least some of the time, too...I can't tell if they always are. Are they hand traced at all?
I also see Motion Blur and Graphic Pen filters going on.
My advice - be careful of filter overload! Filters can be your friends, but they're cheesy in excess.
Your use of the line tracing is pretty nice and clean, though...the only thing to watch out for (if you're a perfectionist) is where the outline of a figure meets the background.
Oh yeah - and if you're actually posing people for these photos and taking them yourself specifically for this, kudos. That's a hellacreative idea.
The characters seem to be done with similar filtering at least some of the time, too...I can't tell if they always are. Are they hand traced at all?
I also see Motion Blur and Graphic Pen filters going on.
My advice - be careful of filter overload! Filters can be your friends, but they're cheesy in excess.
Your use of the line tracing is pretty nice and clean, though...the only thing to watch out for (if you're a perfectionist) is where the outline of a figure meets the background.
Oh yeah - and if you're actually posing people for these photos and taking them yourself specifically for this, kudos. That's a hellacreative idea.
Heh
You know your filters! You missed zoom blur, but I think that's all.
Yeah, I use a lot of filters, but otherwise I wouldn't ever have time to finish a page.
Backgrounds are find edges, remove color, adjust brightness and contrast, gaussian blur.
People I do different ways. Either find edges, remove color, adjust brightness and contrast, or (usually, because it gives me more control), find edges, use the magic wand to remove all the extra crap from inside the lines, clean them (the lines) up and sometimes redraw a few, and then remove color and max contrast. First method takes little time but rarely works.
Yes, I pose people and take photos for the image. I also take the photos for the backgrounds. Well, I had to find most of the images for the prologue, but I've taken everything since then (well, except one, which was a screenshot of a room I threw together in Half-Life specifically for a background).
Thanks for taking a look! I'm glad you like it!
Heh, yeah, I really need to clean up the last one, there's lots of white stuff where the characters meet the background.
Sorry this is so abbreviated, I'm supposed to be doing my homework.
Yeah, I use a lot of filters, but otherwise I wouldn't ever have time to finish a page.
Backgrounds are find edges, remove color, adjust brightness and contrast, gaussian blur.
People I do different ways. Either find edges, remove color, adjust brightness and contrast, or (usually, because it gives me more control), find edges, use the magic wand to remove all the extra crap from inside the lines, clean them (the lines) up and sometimes redraw a few, and then remove color and max contrast. First method takes little time but rarely works.
Yes, I pose people and take photos for the image. I also take the photos for the backgrounds. Well, I had to find most of the images for the prologue, but I've taken everything since then (well, except one, which was a screenshot of a room I threw together in Half-Life specifically for a background).
Thanks for taking a look! I'm glad you like it!
Heh, yeah, I really need to clean up the last one, there's lots of white stuff where the characters meet the background.
Sorry this is so abbreviated, I'm supposed to be doing my homework.
Disclaimer: By responding to this post, you acknowledge the possibility that collapse may argue with you.
What did you expect from me? I used to do a humor comic, if that's what you were thinking.
Sorry I haven't reviewed yours. I've been pretty busy and just dropping in occasionally and looking at ones with few or no comments. I'll go through more tomorrow.
edit: Hah, yours fits that description. I hadn't noticed it before (there's a few that I missed somehow, but I'll get to). I reviewed it for ya .
Sorry I haven't reviewed yours. I've been pretty busy and just dropping in occasionally and looking at ones with few or no comments. I'll go through more tomorrow.
edit: Hah, yours fits that description. I hadn't noticed it before (there's a few that I missed somehow, but I'll get to). I reviewed it for ya
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Spriteville, USA
- Cartoon Hero
- Posts: 2060
- Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 8:14 pm
Ok I looked your comic over and I have good things and bad things. I suppose I'll mention the good things first.
Your style is rather interesting. It limits what you can do in some cases but it isn't obnoxious to the point where you can't stand it, and because a lot of it can be done with just a few filters it makes it easy to keep pumping them out. It'll be interesting to see how you continue to use the style and how you'll get over certain humps.
For the negative. First off I apologize right now but I am far better at seeing the bad in something. Your story really isn
Your style is rather interesting. It limits what you can do in some cases but it isn't obnoxious to the point where you can't stand it, and because a lot of it can be done with just a few filters it makes it easy to keep pumping them out. It'll be interesting to see how you continue to use the style and how you'll get over certain humps.
For the negative. First off I apologize right now but I am far better at seeing the bad in something. Your story really isn
I'll look at it, but I must forwarn you I am strongly biased against sprite comics.
Ahah, constructive criticsm! That's refreshing. People usually just don't say anything.
I, personally, feel that the concept is original. I know that I didn't borrow/steal the ideas from anywhere. I think I originally got the idea from the "nethers" (run down, uninhabited sections of the city) in Equilibrium. But the only link to that is that I thought, "it would be cool to write about people living in a desolated area."
Collapse is even less related to that, because that went more for Anarchy.
Furthermore, it sort of had to be teens with guns, because I am a teen, my friends and the people I know are teens, and these are the people I'm using for pictures. I don't know enough (nor am comfortable with asking) adults for all the parts. ANd lastly, I can write about teens better because I am a teen myself, and have a greater understand of teens than adults.
I agree with you on most of the points you've made. Some of those things I'd thought of and been unable to address. For example, I spent days writing the prologue, because I wasn't sure exactly how to go about it, and make it believable that the country sunk to such a low level. The first thing that seemed important was killing as many high people as possible so a replacement wouldn't be immediately obvious. It took me a while to think of a situation where many of them would likely be together, and I finally decided on the State of the Union address (while looking for a picture of some other political thing, which I can't remember). After that, I realized that even despite the loss of all these people, we could probably manage to rebuild. Hence the idea of the plague. One thing that I thought of but did not actually mention is that the plague only kills a small portion of the population. Enough to destroy the efforts at rebuilding and warrant a quarantine, but not to leave dead strewn throughout the streets. I originally had the fifth page state that only a small percentage (less than 10%) of the population dies, but people complained that this made the plague sound small and unimportant, so I changed to read "millions", which sounds like a lot. If you think about it however, millions out of the entire population of the US is not a significant amount.
Another point I did not properly address is that there are still enough people left to run some things effectively. Enough to clean up/dispose of the dead, and take care of the wounded. Enough to keep businesses such as stores and cell phone companies ( ) running, at least for a time. The destruction is worst around the capital. California, at this point, is not actually in terrible condition.
I had not considered the effects of the quarantine on the importation of gas. I don't know how much gas is in the country at any given time, or how long we could last on that amount. I've also been planning to address this soon, in the next few pages actually.
The story takes place in California, as it says, around (probably just below) the lower Los Angeles area. There have been many riots in L.A. even when everyday life is fairly normal, so you can imagine how bad they would be in a confused state of national emergency.
Additionally, and I know I also never said anything about this, the riots take place more around commercial centers, where people can break into stores and steal valuables. House-to-house burglary is not terrible because people are focusing on stores and businesses.
The characters were not supposed to have seen a need, or ability, or desire, to go out and aquire guns. The way the situations progresses, at first they don't realize the violence will be so widespread, then they get stuck at a point where weapons are still being sold according to law (and they don't have permits for firearms). Later, the stores start selling to anyone, but it's not safe enough to head down to a shop to buy guns. Then, when the majority of the area evacuates to escape the oncoming military (which, I also forgot to mention, is coming to restore order and stop the riots just as much as to restore CA to the union), they see an opportunity to get weapons without a lot of trouble or questions asked. When they realize the store(s) have also left, they are lucky in that Sid has an aquaintance that reveals he has a stash of weaponry.
The girl is walking down the street because she's the type of person who doesn't let things scare her (bold/tough) and also because again, a lot of people have evacuated.
I hope this gives you a little more respect for the story. I understand that I did not address many of these things (which was partly because I couldn't think of how to do so, and partly because I didn't want to make the prologue too long). I know there are things I still haven't really explained.
However, all of your points have inspired me to go back to my original idea of adding a 'Background/Story' page that goes into more detail and reveals the things I've said here that are not explained in the prologue. I'll try to type that up and post it in the next few days.
If you have time and feel like it, please take a look at Anarchy (which I linked to way up there at the beginning of the post), and tell me what you think of it. It's a dramatically different situation, with focus on life after the downfall instead of during it (though certain things remain the same, i.e. the main character is a teenager with guns [which out of coincidence are the same ones ]). Ignore the prologue, because it's outdated and not as accurate as Collapse.
Thank you very much for your helpful and constructive feedback!
Ahah, constructive criticsm! That's refreshing. People usually just don't say anything.
I, personally, feel that the concept is original. I know that I didn't borrow/steal the ideas from anywhere. I think I originally got the idea from the "nethers" (run down, uninhabited sections of the city) in Equilibrium. But the only link to that is that I thought, "it would be cool to write about people living in a desolated area."
Collapse is even less related to that, because that went more for Anarchy.
When I realized I could do a comic with the method I use, I couldn't think of a good concept until I thought it would be fun to do a prequel to Anarchy. The only reason I didn't do Anarchy itself is that it requires very run down and damaged buildings, something which I would not be able to obtain pictures of and would take far too long to model out.The story is one of my favorite things I've come up with. It's actually based off of a book I am working on writing (no, I'm not a published author or anything... but maybe someday ). I started writing the book years ago. It actually takes place twenty years after Collapse. Then when I found an art method I decided to do a prequel... in comic form!
I've gotten 142 pages handwritten, but only 3 chapters typed. You can look at it here if you want.
Furthermore, it sort of had to be teens with guns, because I am a teen, my friends and the people I know are teens, and these are the people I'm using for pictures. I don't know enough (nor am comfortable with asking) adults for all the parts. ANd lastly, I can write about teens better because I am a teen myself, and have a greater understand of teens than adults.
I agree with you on most of the points you've made. Some of those things I'd thought of and been unable to address. For example, I spent days writing the prologue, because I wasn't sure exactly how to go about it, and make it believable that the country sunk to such a low level. The first thing that seemed important was killing as many high people as possible so a replacement wouldn't be immediately obvious. It took me a while to think of a situation where many of them would likely be together, and I finally decided on the State of the Union address (while looking for a picture of some other political thing, which I can't remember). After that, I realized that even despite the loss of all these people, we could probably manage to rebuild. Hence the idea of the plague. One thing that I thought of but did not actually mention is that the plague only kills a small portion of the population. Enough to destroy the efforts at rebuilding and warrant a quarantine, but not to leave dead strewn throughout the streets. I originally had the fifth page state that only a small percentage (less than 10%) of the population dies, but people complained that this made the plague sound small and unimportant, so I changed to read "millions", which sounds like a lot. If you think about it however, millions out of the entire population of the US is not a significant amount.
Another point I did not properly address is that there are still enough people left to run some things effectively. Enough to clean up/dispose of the dead, and take care of the wounded. Enough to keep businesses such as stores and cell phone companies (
) running, at least for a time. The destruction is worst around the capital. California, at this point, is not actually in terrible condition.I had not considered the effects of the quarantine on the importation of gas. I don't know how much gas is in the country at any given time, or how long we could last on that amount. I've also been planning to address this soon, in the next few pages actually.
The story takes place in California, as it says, around (probably just below) the lower Los Angeles area. There have been many riots in L.A. even when everyday life is fairly normal, so you can imagine how bad they would be in a confused state of national emergency.
Additionally, and I know I also never said anything about this, the riots take place more around commercial centers, where people can break into stores and steal valuables. House-to-house burglary is not terrible because people are focusing on stores and businesses.
The characters were not supposed to have seen a need, or ability, or desire, to go out and aquire guns. The way the situations progresses, at first they don't realize the violence will be so widespread, then they get stuck at a point where weapons are still being sold according to law (and they don't have permits for firearms). Later, the stores start selling to anyone, but it's not safe enough to head down to a shop to buy guns. Then, when the majority of the area evacuates to escape the oncoming military (which, I also forgot to mention, is coming to restore order and stop the riots just as much as to restore CA to the union), they see an opportunity to get weapons without a lot of trouble or questions asked. When they realize the store(s) have also left, they are lucky in that Sid has an aquaintance that reveals he has a stash of weaponry.
The girl is walking down the street because she's the type of person who doesn't let things scare her (bold/tough) and also because again, a lot of people have evacuated.
I hope this gives you a little more respect for the story. I understand that I did not address many of these things (which was partly because I couldn't think of how to do so, and partly because I didn't want to make the prologue too long). I know there are things I still haven't really explained.
However, all of your points have inspired me to go back to my original idea of adding a 'Background/Story' page that goes into more detail and reveals the things I've said here that are not explained in the prologue. I'll try to type that up and post it in the next few days.
If you have time and feel like it, please take a look at Anarchy (which I linked to way up there at the beginning of the post), and tell me what you think of it. It's a dramatically different situation, with focus on life after the downfall instead of during it (though certain things remain the same, i.e. the main character is a teenager with guns [which out of coincidence are the same ones
]). Ignore the prologue, because it's outdated and not as accurate as Collapse. Thank you very much for your helpful and constructive feedback!
Disclaimer: By responding to this post, you acknowledge the possibility that collapse may argue with you.
Damn, that was a long post. Here's an addendum, because I don't feel like waiting for it to load to edit it:
I didn't have a page on monday because my brother lost the card reader (a device which plugs into a USB port, you insert the memory card from the camera into it and the memory card acts as a drive) so I haven't been able to put the pics on my computer. I'm gonna buy a new reader today.
edit: Put up the story page
I didn't have a page on monday because my brother lost the card reader (a device which plugs into a USB port, you insert the memory card from the camera into it and the memory card acts as a drive) so I haven't been able to put the pics on my computer. I'm gonna buy a new reader today.
edit: Put up the story page
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Spriteville, USA
- Cartoon Hero
- Posts: 2060
- Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 8:14 pm
I'm glad you took my comments well. I'll admit I was surprised. =] I'm used to people reacting quite poorly to critisism. Covering your bases in a plot page is a good idea. Something I know I need. One thing you might want to do is actually go back and edit the prologue comics. No shame in it =] Most of my comics went through an edit or two after posting to fix dumb mistakes. It's a lot of effort but always something to consider =]
Hi 
You pwned me with a much needed reality check, and I thank you. So I figured I'd give you some feedback, too
The style totally screwed me up for about thirty seconds, then I got my head 'round it. Very original, I like it. I often found myself reading the panels backwards often, but I'm pretty sure that's my mental setback rather than your problem.
I actually like the concept and the story (I don't think that sparkling originality is as important as avoiding clich
You pwned me with a much needed reality check, and I thank you. So I figured I'd give you some feedback, too The style totally screwed me up for about thirty seconds, then I got my head 'round it. Very original, I like it. I often found myself reading the panels backwards often, but I'm pretty sure that's my mental setback rather than your problem
. I actually like the concept and the story (I don't think that sparkling originality is as important as avoiding clich
Spriteville: Heh, thanks. I try to be receptive to criticsm and I also sort of agree with a lot of what you said.
I might redo the prologue, but I can't see any time for that in the immediage future. Maybe during winter break. Also, the longer I'll wait, the more think I'll think of.
Vim Fuego: Heh, I've never been particularly creative with introductions, nor a big fan of flashback scenes. Dunno why, but that's just me.
Yes, I'm definitely planning to develop the characters.
I'm glad that your interested and want to read more. That's the best compliment a writer can get!
I might redo the prologue, but I can't see any time for that in the immediage future. Maybe during winter break. Also, the longer I'll wait, the more think I'll think of.
Vim Fuego: Heh, I've never been particularly creative with introductions, nor a big fan of flashback scenes. Dunno why, but that's just me.
Yes, I'm definitely planning to develop the characters.
I'm glad that your interested and want to read more. That's the best compliment a writer can get!
Disclaimer: By responding to this post, you acknowledge the possibility that collapse may argue with you.
Not true. It's:"Your stuff makes me want to rip me eyes out, flush them down in the toilet and then cry for weeks in a dark closet. It's just...I don't know...I can't...there's...I....ehhh..."I'm glad that your interested and want to read more. That's the best compliment a writer can get!
- Stolle