second try at first page.

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 1:07 pm

http://img25.photobucket.com/albums/v76 ... ernate.jpg

this took FAR too long. critiquify!

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 1:35 pm

not the FIRST page, there is the title, and a sort of big scene setting page. meh.

Orion · Post by **Orion** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 2:36 pm

Well, I'm not good enough to give an in-depth critique, in my opinion it looks pretty good, the only thing that stuck out was the arms in panel 5 seemed too long it looks like the elbow ends at the middle of the hip and I think it should be somewhere between the hip and ribcage.

And is that War there looking bored?

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 2:53 pm

damn, and ive saved the PSD with the layers merged.

the entire thing was done on tablet, no paper used.

DEVO-Bot · Post by **DEVO-Bot** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 6:39 pm

Lookin' good, although it's actually the forearm that is too long, it should be a lot more foreshortened than it is. Just FYI.

Dan Nicholls · Post by **Dan Nicholls** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 7:57 pm

Well, firstly it's stylized enough where I wouldn't worry about it. Looks intentional.

But, if you were to edit the picture, I wouldn't worry much about there being no layers. Shortening the forearm can be done easily enough, it seems, if you lasso from about midarm to the coffee cup and drag it back slowly. The way the arm looks, may be nearly seemless, although the coloring will be slightly off (but could be smudged/repainted to look like a wrinkle easy enough).

The other arm I wouldn't worry about at all, it wouldn't be conspicuous without the other elongated arm. Perhaps if you experiment with shaving down the elbow size, it will look like a more heads-on bend and the foreshortening issue will be negligible.

But seriously, it looks ver' spiffy. Your coloring is way above par (I especially liked the vertical light effect). The gradual segue from placid moon to emergency orange red is also very effective. The mood conveyed by the postures are excellent. I would ask if you think the vertical nose line in the 7th panel is necessary, or if you'd give it a looksee without it. Think your coloring does enough to effect a nose that the line actually takes away from it (just the vertical part, though, not the bottom v, =, nor the top knotted brow).

I had to go back to make sure that it was indeed that ship that blew up (wasn't totally clear on the blue light), but that's because I've just fried my brain on too much dry reading. It's a subtle action sequence (that's where it's punch is packed, of course), but all there.

Hope that makes sense.

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 8:46 pm

Well, I'm impressed. If there's and flaw in your initial drawing, your colouring should cover it.

Stucifer the maligned · Thu Apr 01, 2004 8:57 am

i agree with the wisdom here. i pay absolutely ZERO attention to anatomy because i can always say "hey, i FUCKIN PLANNED IT, YOU JERK!!!". umm, but in this case i definitely think that one little forearm (or one long forearm) will go unnoticed. especially with them there knock-out colors you've got happening.

are you keenspaced? or are you building up a buffer? i want to read this!

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Thu Apr 01, 2004 7:00 pm

im spaced, but dont understand how to work it, and its taking me far too long per page to get a buffer going.

woo!

Phalanx · Post by **Phalanx** » Fri Apr 02, 2004 6:02 am

Uh oh. That sounds bad. How much time per page currently?

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Fri Apr 02, 2004 6:48 am

long.

uhh.

ive got a buffer of... one page.

IVE BEEN BUSY

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Fri Apr 02, 2004 6:46 pm

I think I got my readers uised to slackish drawing with plenty of anathomy errors. That's also what they have to bare for four-days updating.
But not knowing how to draw something is different from knowing but screwing something up occationally. First one is far more noticeable.

Shinedog, you bastard! I wanna see that comic! I wanna wanna wanna!
I mean, it's not taking you a week to draw one? You set up a weekly update, it might even motivate you to draw more efficient.

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Fri Apr 02, 2004 7:47 pm

well, that page took me an evening, the problem is actually getting time when i feel awake enough and motivated to do it.

things are calming down now, so it should get better, and i have a PC that can handle photoshop properly now

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Sat Apr 03, 2004 3:52 pm

'Kay. I can't wait.
Uh, actually, I can. I'm a patient person.

Phalanx · Post by **Phalanx** » Sat Apr 03, 2004 5:40 pm

mcDuffies wrote:Shinedog, you bastard! I wanna see that comic! I wanna wanna wanna!

He ain't the only one...

Thingschange · Post by **Thingschange** » Sat Apr 03, 2004 9:16 pm

Phalanx wrote:
mcDuffies wrote:Shinedog, you bastard! I wanna see that comic! I wanna wanna wanna!
He ain't the only one...

No, he certainly isn't. I'm waiting too...

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Sat Apr 17, 2004 2:24 am

your wish is my command!

Gateway.keenspace.com

Mr.Bob · Post by **Mr.Bob** » Sat Apr 17, 2004 3:34 am

Did you know that you share the same last name as Dark Magician??

Platypus · Post by **Platypus** » Sat Apr 17, 2004 4:46 am

I love your asteroids dude. ** Back in the era of Empire Strikes Back ** Thanks mate

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Sat Apr 17, 2004 1:12 pm

Man, it's great!
Where did you learn to colour like that and what do you colour with?
And is that War?

Comic Genesis Forums

second try at first page.

second try at first page.

Moustache TV!!!