Off-Topic Avatar identity crisis

Nyamaza · Post by **Nyamaza** » Fri Jan 16, 2004 7:09 am

Hey guys, wonder if I could get some advise from you. I'm having somewhat of an identity issue. Sorry about the length of this post, but to explain the situation some history is needed.

I first got into furryness my senior year of high school, after re-discovering my love of The Lion King, and discovering it had a fandom with fanfics/art/chat rooms online. Before discovering the chat rooms, I started writing probably the best thing I've ever written, a co-story to Simba's Pride (takes place at the same time, between scenes and off camera. Check it out here - http://www.lionking.org/~nyamaza/The%20 ... 0Files.txt )

When I started getting into TLK chat rooms, I used character names from that story for myself, using the characters I had created for the story as my avatar. Thus the lion picture seen
<---
here, for my picture. At first, and for the last couple years, this has worked out great. However, the more I consider and reflect on myself, the less accurate it is starting to feel.

I'm starting to feel, deeply, that I'm not really a lion inside, but some soft of panther/fox mix. I've started to develop a new avatar for myself, a mixed fox and panther (a foxther, heavy dominance of the panther side though) named Shakal.

Has anyone here gone through this sort of avatar switch before? I know to some this whole topic might seem silly, but my avatar has always been the purest, truest form and image of the "true me", how I really feel myself to be underneath all the crud society forces on us. So while changing my avatar isn't something I'm really keen on doing (with all the history I have with Nya), I'm thinking Shakal better embodies my true self.

I'm not really sure what I need to ask here, though I'd like to get input from anyone that's gone through this before, or anyone else that has the sort of tie to their avatar I've described.

Allan_ecker · Post by **Allan_ecker** » Fri Jan 16, 2004 7:38 am

Hey, at least you give us a warning. The UJ-ites will swap pictures on a regular basis without telling -anyone- and the result can be somewhat befuddling.

To be blunt: Be who you are! What do you think I wrote this comic for?

-besides which, I've been wondering how a lion could be as, ah, vulpine as you...

Nyamaza · Post by **Nyamaza** » Fri Jan 16, 2004 7:53 am

Heh, well, keep in mind, while among furries fox's have a retuptation for yiffyness, in the real world lion mating sessions last DAYS... so the confusion isn't that odd.

And you don't have to worry about my avatar pic changing anytime soon... I'm not an artist myself, so artwork of my character is kinda rare.
Plus, I don't plan to completely get rid of Nya, like I said, he simply has so much history as "me".

The_Fox · Post by **The_Fox** » Fri Jan 16, 2004 8:15 am

Ah, I remember back when I first discovered furriness. I was already out of high school at the time, and although there were many signs of it before then, I had no idea what they pointed to. I remember vividly that my favorite animal has been the fox for many years though. It switched over from the wolf sometime in middle school, and I haven't really looked back, even though I like a lot of other animals.

When I decided to make a furry avatar, it seemed only fitting that I pay tribute to the fox, especially since I'd even been going by "Fox" to a lot of close friends for about a year. The actual change was minimal. *takes off my glasses and cleans them while I speak* I have tried out other species, that's true. Tried out a snake form recently that I still use occasionally. But always I come back to what is most comfortable for me, and always that is my avatar of Fox...or more precisely, Jarylan "Fox" Vulpine.

*replaces my glasses* Anyway, what I suppose the point of this long rambling story is that your avatar is part of who you are, but not who you are. And if you change, then your avatar may change to reflect you, and this is normal. So in the end, you must do what makes you happy and what makes you comfortable. The rest of us will support you.

And as for foxes having a reputation as "yiffy"...well, I was surprised there were so many of us in furrydom. Rep Psy told me once that foxes just reeked of sexuality. *grins* Prolly why there are so many. Still, odd, most people I've met don't usually list the fox up there as a favorite animal.

The Fox - Vulpine to the core.

Kesh · Post by **Kesh** » Fri Jan 16, 2004 9:48 am

I've switched 'identities' a couple times in the fandom. Most of those were early on, though, and after a year or so I settled on Kesh.

His appearance has changed from time to time, but he's still the same wolf. I do have a couple alts (alternate characters), but they're just that. Characters. Kesh is me.

Alfador · Post by **Alfador** » Fri Jan 16, 2004 10:53 am

Though I don't really have different identities, I do have various alternate forms that I can transform into. Usually on MUCKs. (Which I haven't been on for any great length of time, for a long time. Just today, though, logged in&out on three MUCKs I have frequented, to make sure my character doesn't get BALEETED.) However...

*puts a leaf on his head*

*POOF*

*a Sexy Vixen draws near!*

RandomScribe · Post by **RandomScribe** » Fri Jan 16, 2004 2:55 pm

Impressive!

Let's see... I suppose I'm one of the worst offenders around here for switching avatars (sorry! >.<)... I draw a new one every few months or so; I've gone through five since I started reading UH, nearly all of them being different species... And yet, they've really all just been random drawings--I don't really identify any of them as "me." Heck, I don't think I even have a species--I'm furry, I suppose, but only in a rather offhand sort of way. ^^

Wow, I was totally going somewhere with that, but I'll be darned if I can remember what it was...

Aaaanyways, if you want to change your avatar, go ahead! It's not like you're arbitrarily limited to just one form... that's what real life is for. 8)

--RandomScribe (Oh... and if you want someone to draw Shakal for you, I could give it a shot... ^^)

Randyg · Post by **Randyg** » Fri Jan 16, 2004 9:32 pm

My avatar at the moment isn't me... I couldn't draw me, so I used a character I drew for something else... my avatar is of a female wolf + something mix, one of me would probably be a very fluffy, tall, heavy male polar bear/grey wolf mix, mostly white fur, shortish squarish muzzle, big fluffy semi-prehensile tail,...

hopefully no one minds I've looked like someone else for a while. :)

--Randy

Nyamaza · Post by **Nyamaza** » Sat Jan 17, 2004 2:36 am

Ummm, maybe I should define what I mean by avatar, since I think a few people might be confused.

When I call Nyamaza my avatar, I'm not referring to the picture that's showing to the left of the post. I'm referring instead more to the older definition, where an avatar was the eartly embodyment of a god. No I'm not THAT full of myself, I'll explain.

When I say that Nyamaza is my avatar, I mean that he is my personal embodyment in the furry world and the furry fandom, this wonderful digital plane where anthros exist and "hyoomans" are the exception, rather then the absolute rule. He is my embodyment, my emissary, my extension. He's more then a character, he's really the purest, truest rendition, in body, spirit, and soul, of who I truely feel myself to be.

That's why me "changing my avatar" is a somewhat major thing for me... it's not simply uploading a new picture (if I can get one) to sit next to forum postings... really I'm considering changing the core ideal, the embodyment of self-image I've have for the last four years for a similar, yet different one.

I just wanted to post to clear up any confusion. I can tell some of you understood what I meant, and some didn't (I don't think names need to be mentioned) so clarification on my part was called for.

Randyg · Post by **Randyg** » Sat Jan 17, 2004 9:32 am

I knew, but just wanted comments on my avatar-piccie, which despite being a 100x100 image took forever to draw, and isn't me, but I'm still proud of it. :)

as to the other type of avatar... if you've changed, and feel a lion no longer suits you, then by all means be something else... it could be you've transformed from a lion into a foxther, and you're now a foxther. *pokes the foxther* :P

I've never quite decided on anything... no real species seems to represent me... although the closest I've come at the moment is a polar bear, grey wolf, and some feline mix, I've been a lot of things when trying to think of it... at one point I called myself a "6 foot tall, large, white foo", without defining a foo...

I've always been severely tempted to invent a new species that describes me... write a whole bunch of authentic-looking nature websites with sketches of a grey wolf/polar bear/feline fix, get at least 100 people or so to put articles about it on their websites, try to get it linked to off a couple link-of-the-day sites that don't check their links too well, and see what percentage of the population thinks it's a real animal. :)

then again, I guess I've always felt that I'm just me... I always go by my real name everywhere, and have never been into role-playing or the like... trying to pick an avatar to say is me really wouldn't work, as I'm not <insert some avatar name here>, I'm me.

for me it probably is just picking a picture, as whoever I am doesn't change... rather than me being an avatar, the avatar is just a representation of me, and it's only the appearance of the avatar that changes: I'm still just me.

Gah! this foo is late for garage sales. will stop rambling now. :)

--Randy
*notices the sexy three-tailed alfy-vixen, buys her a strap-on, then smiles evilly* :)

Alfador · Post by **Alfador** » Sat Jan 17, 2004 9:57 am

randyg wrote:*notices the sexy three-tailed alfy-vixen, buys her a strap-on, then smiles evilly*

Ooh! *giggle* For me? Why thank you... *grins*

RandomScribe · Post by **RandomScribe** » Sat Jan 17, 2004 10:34 am

Nyamaza wrote:...I just wanted to post to clear up any confusion. I can tell some of you understood what I meant, and some didn't (I don't think names need to be mentioned) so clarification on my part was called for.

...oh. Erm. >.>

*hides*

R. Wyatt · Post by **R. Wyatt** » Sat Jan 17, 2004 11:26 am

Change it. I believe that if you don't feel happy with your chosen representation, then you've got to change it before it becomes a mask, with what you feel to be the real you hiding behind it. Don't get stuck, if you feel like you've you've changed, change.

randyg wrote:... at one point I called myself a "6 foot tall, large, white foo", without defining a foo...

You want to be careful there... people will either assume it's a spelling mistake, or make their own...

I've never been able to create an avatar properly- I can make characters, but they always seem to have their own lives, and it would be wrong to say I *am* someone who already has their own life, and besides the whole point is to be yourself. I end up being pretty much the same person all the time- my hidden depths are really well hidden.

As for swapping pictures at just about every other post- well, I have good reason for the next one! Just wait a bit...

Kesh · Post by **Kesh** » Sat Jan 17, 2004 9:13 pm

Nyamaza: Oh! Well, then. My previous post still stands. I've done it a few times... the idea of self is very fluid, and this is only a natural extension of it.

Do what makes you happy.

The_Fox · Post by **The_Fox** » Sat Jan 17, 2004 9:24 pm

randyg wrote:I knew, but just wanted comments on my avatar-piccie, which despite being a 100x100 image took forever to draw, and isn't me, but I'm still proud of it.

As you should be, it's a very nice piece of art IMO. =^-^= And you say you have no artistic talent...well, that's wrong word anyway...it's a skill. Practice, practice, practice...

The Fox - Making slow steady progress towards art that is not the equvilent to lemon juice on the eyes.

Randyg · Post by **Randyg** » Sat Jan 17, 2004 10:23 pm

The_Fox wrote:As you should be, it's a very nice piece of art IMO. =^-^= And you say you have no artistic talent...well, that's wrong word anyway...it's a skill. Practice, practice, practice...

The Fox - Making slow steady progress towards art that is not the equvilent to lemon juice on the eyes.

actually, I've revised that to say "no creative talent," not "no artistic talent." I've ranted plenty on another thread recently, will spare people here from it. :)

I've come to the conclusion that it's not that I can't draw per se, it's that I can't *create*... drawing is the ability to manipulate a pencil/whatever to produce a physical representation of something in your brain. creating is the ability to come up with something that's not just a rehash of other people's work, such as interesting characters, plots, situations, etc...

R. Wyatt wrote:You want to be careful there... people will either assume it's a spelling mistake, or make their own...

If people make their own, is that necessarily bad? I wouldn't mind if every person formed their own guess at my species based upon my words and actions, with no preconceived notions...

Rather than trying to state what I am, instead leave it to the reader to think of me as whatever species he/she thinks I sound like... "he's got to be a wolf," "hmm, I think he's some kind of bear" etc.

If only the real world worked like that... this is something I'm sure people of a "minority group" have plenty of experience with... (or, more accuratly, plenty of experience with it not being true)

--Randy

Alfador · Post by **Alfador** » Sun Jan 18, 2004 12:02 pm

*giggle* New forum avatar for me! *^.^*

Nyamaza · Post by **Nyamaza** » Thu Jan 22, 2004 12:13 am

Well, got the description finally done. Tell me what you think ^_^. I'm really happy with him so far. I had to edit one or two things to make the description PG, the description is actually pretty close to waht I'm going to be using on Taps, so you can imagine what was taken out.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before you stands a rather unique creature. At first glance you think he's a panther, but certain parts just don't fit. His fur is definitely dark enough, or most of it, a deep midnight black that sheens softly in the light, making his features defined as he moves. His face is feline, save for a muzzle with a length more fitting on a fox. At his collarbone is the first patch of white fur, startling bright against the dark backdrop, shaped like a curved triangle, points at 2, 6, and 10.

His arms, while not beefy, look toned as his skin and fur slide over firm muscle. They're as black as his face and neck, down to his wrists, where the black fur slowly fades into a gray. His paws sport retractable claws, sharp looking ones, as black as most of his fur.

His lower chest and stomach show the same sort of fading, the shape of it resembling a fox's stomach. Around his nipples he is still pure black, but as you look down his fur fades to gray over his pecs, finally finishing fading to white at his groin. [Edited], inner thighs, [Edited], and the lower part of his rump where the same startling white as that patch at his collarbone. His legs look as powerful as his arms, the physique of a hunter, and remain solid black down to his toes. Behind him his tail sways, pitch black as well, though in both fullness and softness it resembles that of a vulpine.

Currently he's wearing a rather light outfit, fitting for the warm weather. Around his hips a white satin loincloth hangs, the edges colored red in the pattern of a dragon, heavy enough to preserve his modesty, but also hugging his groin, showing the bulge in front. Behind the loincloth has a hole for his tail, hiding his rear as well. Over his chest a soft, brown, sleeveless leather vest hands open, so soft and worn it feels almost like cloth. Each wrist bares a bracier, adorned with a few d-rings and engraving. The right has again the design of a dragon, lettering in some mystical language surrounding the design. On the left, a dark lion lays relaxing, the lettering around spelling "Nyamaza Siri Akili". If one watches the braciers long enough you see that the patterns aren't still, but moving, as if the two spirits of the dragon and lion live in them.

The_Fox · Post by **The_Fox** » Thu Jan 22, 2004 6:46 am

Ooooohhhhh.... Cool. *wags my tail* That's good Nyamaza, really good.

The Fox - Hmmm...foxther...*adds that to my list of mixed species along with the merricoon (racoon/mouse/ferret, in about that order of traits shown)*

Alfador · Post by **Alfador** » Thu Jan 22, 2004 7:52 am

Nyamaza wrote:[Edited], inner thighs, [Edited],

*giggle*