Seeking impartial Opinions
I have been creating my comic for near to two years now. It's creation affords me pleasure and I can see my art style improving and growing more solid as time passes. I like to believe the story is interesting and unique among fantasy comics
However I know it is my own creation and sometimes that can make you blind to faults other people can see clearly. I am going to be starting the second installment of my story in a couple weeks and before I get going I would like to get some fresh insight from people that do not know me or my work.
I would like to invite people to read my archived, wander my site, and tell me honestly what you think needs improvement. I would like to know if the story is interesting and understandable, I would LOVE to hear what you think would make the comic better, improvements on the page itself. Anything of a helpful nature.
I can offer the same service in return, or a link and fan art for your comic if you prefer that.
I look forward to hearing from you!
DA
Seeking Impartial Opinions
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DarkArtist
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Taiwanimation
- Cartoon Hero
- Posts: 1078
- Joined: Fri Jan 01, 1999 4:00 pm
- Location: Fremont, CA
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DarkArtist
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Slideznglidez
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After reading most of your comic, i have a few things i want to say about it.
1. I really believe you have a great control of flashbacks. Unlike many comics that either detract from the story or just repeat old comics, you have a way of telling the story both backwards and forwards thats effective in building the characters.
2. Love/hate the snapshot telling. Many of your comics are one cell deals (duh, you drew it, you don't need me to tell you that). I think its good when you read it right after each other, but i think it'd be harder to follow when a reader is all caught up and is waiting for the next installment. However, I can't say that from experience because I read most of your comics over the past couple days, so i havent been following...yet.
3. The drawing style is good, much better than i've been doing. The backgrounds are good, the poses are dynamic, and the facial expressions are pretty emotive.
and blah blah blah and so forth. You wanted an honest opinion, you got one. Hopefully when I've put some more comics up, you can do the same for me.
1. I really believe you have a great control of flashbacks. Unlike many comics that either detract from the story or just repeat old comics, you have a way of telling the story both backwards and forwards thats effective in building the characters.
2. Love/hate the snapshot telling. Many of your comics are one cell deals (duh, you drew it, you don't need me to tell you that). I think its good when you read it right after each other, but i think it'd be harder to follow when a reader is all caught up and is waiting for the next installment. However, I can't say that from experience because I read most of your comics over the past couple days, so i havent been following...yet.
3. The drawing style is good, much better than i've been doing. The backgrounds are good, the poses are dynamic, and the facial expressions are pretty emotive.
and blah blah blah and so forth. You wanted an honest opinion, you got one. Hopefully when I've put some more comics up, you can do the same for me.
This is why I never gave a quote for the yearbook.
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DarkArtist
- Regular Poster
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- Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2003 10:36 am
- Location: Michigan
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Oh bless you for saying that. When I started Red Lexi I had not read very many web comics at all. So imagine my shame and horror when I recently found out that a flashback is a very common way to start a web comic. I had thought I was being orginal.I really believe you have a great control of flashbacks. Unlike many comics that either detract from the story or just repeat old comics, you have a way of telling the story both backwards and forwards thats effective in building the characters.
At least I did not do unorginal stuff badly.
You can count on it. I look forward to seeing what you do. I really thank you for your time spent reading my archives and i thank you even more for the kind words.Hopefully when I've put some more comics up, you can do the same for me.
DA
I'm reading as I type...
Page 20020404 is the same as page 20020403, only the font is different... I think this was not your intention, so I'm just mentioning it briefly...
Page 20020423, it might be a good idea to remove the 'Shakespeare Birthday' thing. I think it's alright to have it when it is still fresh... but looking at it in 2004 is a little strange... Maybe you could add a small note beneath the comic, since you use a shakespearian phrase... but the big red box is not necessary.
Page 20020501, I like the nice touch you added by putting love related things on the tree. It makes the world of Lexi more real. Nice touch.
Page 20020704, just curious... what's fourth of july? We don't celebrate it in the Netherlands...
Page 20021111, to be honest... I look at the illustration, I read the first three lines of the text, skip (automatically) to the "You might think..." part... read the first two lines, and then go on to the next page. I read it all out of politeness, and it does indeed add a little to the story, but I don't think it's enough.
Page 20021211, for some reason I did read it all. No idea why. Maybe I was so caught up in the moment... I don't know. Maybe it's a different font...
Page 20030121, *laughs* Gods! That's so funny. I did see it coming... but I didn't see the 'Oh. Do that again Lex. I think I like it.' phrase coming! *laughs* It's so funny!
Chapter One: I think it's a good introduction of Lexi. As slideznglidez said before, you have great control of flashbacks, and the passage from Chapter One to Chapter Two is a fluent one.
Chapter Two: Poor Lexi. I'd be at least as much in shock as he, were it a boy or a girl... When you're friends you usually don't kiss. *giggles* I like the pace you're using it's not too slow or too quick. I noticed that you use the flashback to transit from one chapter to another. It works well for me.
Chapter Three: Now we have the four friends together... and a foreboding message that their family will be torn apart. Good good. Makes a person want to read more, to know what is going on. The dark arcane is also a good little piece... whoever is reading it, wants to know what is going on... and how the four of them are going to be involved in it. Oh, and I love the catapillar part.
Chapter Four:
*laughs* Gods! Those outfits! *laughs* Poor guys, what Morna is making them go through...! Oooo, and it makes me wonder what the princess looks like... the typical princess (beautiful, magical, intelligent, just the perfect girl?)... or something surprising? I thought so... the typical princess. And I'm not saying that's bad. I prefer typical princesses over brats and so. Do I sense a jealousy in Zack?
Kaboom and two mean-looking guards...
Chapter Five: This is not the work of T'Sorg (or something) I hope! I'm sitting here on my chair thinking 'use your magic, Zack, David, princess!' You'd think they're capable enough to make illusions or something... But then again, I don't know much about the world it's set in. Three hints in a row... wow... Is there something special going on between Kell and David?
Caves, evil people.. Lexi... brave or foolish... no one can ever separate those, can one? T'Sago! I knew it! Which is actually pretty ovbious since you kept forboding about him. But it give a kind of satisfaction to be able to predict what is happening. Especially if you can only predict a small part.
Chapter Six: If the apprentice was taught by High Witch Deena, why is the High Witch not looking into that pool? And why did the mages use that technique before, when they were looking for T'Sago? The pace of the story slows down a little bit... but not so much that it becomes annoying... I hope it will pick up again soon. And it does pick up soon...
Ooooo. The princess has a very cold look on her face. Good work! Though I keep having the feeling that you haven't quite captured feminine faces yet... I know conciously that she is the princess, but I if I wouldn't've know, and were it not for the breasts and dress... she could be a guy in some panels. I have it exactly vice-versa. *laughs* I can't draw guys. They usually look feminine. Oh, and the princess' eyes are slanted oddly too... though I can't quite place my finger on it.
Oh no! Oh no! He isn't her true father, is he? *keeps on reading* Oh no! This isn't some evil scheme he came up with, is it? It does sound very believable! Oh no! I was right! He is her father! Oh no!
Chapter Seven: T'Sago has two sides it seems. Has he been into dark arcane for so long that he has lost his heart? Surely he cannot enjoy hurting people? I wonder what he is planning to do with Lexi and David...
Draining... Come one people... move it move it! Do something!
Oh... Did Zack shapeshift? And Lexi... does he have potential for dark arcane as well?
Oh-oh... I have to go. I have to make dinner for my love love.
I'll continue on this some other time...
Page 20020404 is the same as page 20020403, only the font is different... I think this was not your intention, so I'm just mentioning it briefly...
Page 20020423, it might be a good idea to remove the 'Shakespeare Birthday' thing. I think it's alright to have it when it is still fresh... but looking at it in 2004 is a little strange... Maybe you could add a small note beneath the comic, since you use a shakespearian phrase... but the big red box is not necessary.
Page 20020501, I like the nice touch you added by putting love related things on the tree. It makes the world of Lexi more real. Nice touch.
Page 20020704, just curious... what's fourth of july? We don't celebrate it in the Netherlands...
Page 20021111, to be honest... I look at the illustration, I read the first three lines of the text, skip (automatically) to the "You might think..." part... read the first two lines, and then go on to the next page. I read it all out of politeness, and it does indeed add a little to the story, but I don't think it's enough.
Page 20021211, for some reason I did read it all. No idea why. Maybe I was so caught up in the moment... I don't know. Maybe it's a different font...
Page 20030121, *laughs* Gods! That's so funny. I did see it coming... but I didn't see the 'Oh. Do that again Lex. I think I like it.' phrase coming! *laughs* It's so funny!
Chapter One: I think it's a good introduction of Lexi. As slideznglidez said before, you have great control of flashbacks, and the passage from Chapter One to Chapter Two is a fluent one.
Chapter Two: Poor Lexi. I'd be at least as much in shock as he, were it a boy or a girl... When you're friends you usually don't kiss. *giggles* I like the pace you're using it's not too slow or too quick. I noticed that you use the flashback to transit from one chapter to another. It works well for me.
Chapter Three: Now we have the four friends together... and a foreboding message that their family will be torn apart. Good good. Makes a person want to read more, to know what is going on. The dark arcane is also a good little piece... whoever is reading it, wants to know what is going on... and how the four of them are going to be involved in it. Oh, and I love the catapillar part.
Chapter Four:
*laughs* Gods! Those outfits! *laughs* Poor guys, what Morna is making them go through...! Oooo, and it makes me wonder what the princess looks like... the typical princess (beautiful, magical, intelligent, just the perfect girl?)... or something surprising? I thought so... the typical princess. And I'm not saying that's bad. I prefer typical princesses over brats and so. Do I sense a jealousy in Zack?
Kaboom and two mean-looking guards...
Chapter Five: This is not the work of T'Sorg (or something) I hope! I'm sitting here on my chair thinking 'use your magic, Zack, David, princess!' You'd think they're capable enough to make illusions or something... But then again, I don't know much about the world it's set in. Three hints in a row... wow... Is there something special going on between Kell and David?
Caves, evil people.. Lexi... brave or foolish... no one can ever separate those, can one? T'Sago! I knew it! Which is actually pretty ovbious since you kept forboding about him. But it give a kind of satisfaction to be able to predict what is happening. Especially if you can only predict a small part.
Chapter Six: If the apprentice was taught by High Witch Deena, why is the High Witch not looking into that pool? And why did the mages use that technique before, when they were looking for T'Sago? The pace of the story slows down a little bit... but not so much that it becomes annoying... I hope it will pick up again soon. And it does pick up soon...
Ooooo. The princess has a very cold look on her face. Good work! Though I keep having the feeling that you haven't quite captured feminine faces yet... I know conciously that she is the princess, but I if I wouldn't've know, and were it not for the breasts and dress... she could be a guy in some panels. I have it exactly vice-versa. *laughs* I can't draw guys. They usually look feminine. Oh, and the princess' eyes are slanted oddly too... though I can't quite place my finger on it.
Oh no! Oh no! He isn't her true father, is he? *keeps on reading* Oh no! This isn't some evil scheme he came up with, is it? It does sound very believable! Oh no! I was right! He is her father! Oh no!
Chapter Seven: T'Sago has two sides it seems. Has he been into dark arcane for so long that he has lost his heart? Surely he cannot enjoy hurting people? I wonder what he is planning to do with Lexi and David...
Draining... Come one people... move it move it! Do something!
Oh... Did Zack shapeshift? And Lexi... does he have potential for dark arcane as well?
Oh-oh... I have to go. I have to make dinner for my love love.
I'll continue on this some other time...
Making most out of life is all about thinking positive!
My comic: College of Magic
My comic: College of Magic
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DarkArtist
- Regular Poster
- Posts: 106
- Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2003 10:36 am
- Location: Michigan
- Contact:
Oh Sopheia Bless your heart!
I am enjoying every moment of this review you are giving me. It is so fun and enlightening to see the story thru someone elses eyes.
Thanks again for the write up. It has been fun to read. I look forward to the rest.
I am enjoying every moment of this review you are giving me. It is so fun and enlightening to see the story thru someone elses eyes.
It is am american holiday as I am sure you guessed by Lexi's flag costume there. It is the celibration of our becoming a independent country. Mostly it is an excuse to shoot of fireworks and barbque.just curious... what's fourth of july? We don't celebrate it in the Netherlands...
Hmmmmm maybe a little.Do I sense a jealousy in Zack?
Many mages and witches were squished or hurt in the tower collapes. I might have to rewrite that, make it clearer. Thanks for the good questions.If the apprentice was taught by High Witch Deena, why is the High Witch not looking into that pool?
Yes he sure did, though he is as surprised by it as the reader was, Zack had no idea he was a dragon. Lexi has no magic at all. He is just a swordsman...and a mean one at times.Did Zack shapeshift? And Lexi... does he have potential for dark arcane as well?
Thanks again for the write up. It has been fun to read. I look forward to the rest.
Continuing... (*sigh* I just almost finished the whole thing and I accidentally pressed esc, after which everything was erased.)
I'll be a bit briefer... sorry...
Chapter Eight: Good chapter. I somewhat disagree with the 'visual novel' part in this chapter. It gives the impression that you are trying to write up the story without having to draw it all... As if you're too lazy or too insecure to do it. Or out of time. In any case... you have the readers sitting on the point of their chair... and then it just anti-climaxes poorly because the sense of speed is not in the letters but in the drawings. I don't mind a page or two between comic-style pages... but several pages in a row just got me out of the excitement.
I was right about David and Kell though. *laughs* I knew it! I knew it!
Chapter Nine: Morna... you can't resist her! I love the lady. I'm glad she's proud of Lexi. Oh... David? How did he come back? This must be some kind of trick! I like Lexi's hair coloured red... It's beautiful! Oh no! Zack kissed Lex! He probably doesn't want it at all! Poor Lex, his father totally brainwashed him! Oh no... that's his father, right? Does this mean that the 'life-flash-by-white-light-thing' is almost over? That's Morna! I have the feeling I've seen this before *wink*
Book 2: Well, it's just started I see... I wonder how it all continues...
Well... Congratulations! Book One is a great book... with a clear beginning and an end. However... it has the feel of an introduction to me, since it's made up out of flashbacks. I hope that Book Two will be at least as exciting!
Well, for one... You got me hooked! I hope to see more soon! But take your time... I know how hard it is to get a page ready. I'll try to give you feedback from time to time... But I can't promise anything.
Good luck!
I'll be a bit briefer... sorry...
Chapter Eight: Good chapter. I somewhat disagree with the 'visual novel' part in this chapter. It gives the impression that you are trying to write up the story without having to draw it all... As if you're too lazy or too insecure to do it. Or out of time. In any case... you have the readers sitting on the point of their chair... and then it just anti-climaxes poorly because the sense of speed is not in the letters but in the drawings. I don't mind a page or two between comic-style pages... but several pages in a row just got me out of the excitement.
I was right about David and Kell though. *laughs* I knew it! I knew it!
Chapter Nine: Morna... you can't resist her! I love the lady. I'm glad she's proud of Lexi. Oh... David? How did he come back? This must be some kind of trick! I like Lexi's hair coloured red... It's beautiful! Oh no! Zack kissed Lex! He probably doesn't want it at all! Poor Lex, his father totally brainwashed him! Oh no... that's his father, right? Does this mean that the 'life-flash-by-white-light-thing' is almost over? That's Morna! I have the feeling I've seen this before *wink*
Book 2: Well, it's just started I see... I wonder how it all continues...
Well... Congratulations! Book One is a great book... with a clear beginning and an end. However... it has the feel of an introduction to me, since it's made up out of flashbacks. I hope that Book Two will be at least as exciting!
Well, for one... You got me hooked! I hope to see more soon! But take your time... I know how hard it is to get a page ready. I'll try to give you feedback from time to time... But I can't promise anything.
Good luck!
Making most out of life is all about thinking positive!
My comic: College of Magic
My comic: College of Magic
*laughs* Thanks Phalanx! I'll try to! There's plenty more good stuff out there! I just have to find time for them... 
Making most out of life is all about thinking positive!
My comic: College of Magic
My comic: College of Magic
I'm curious as to why you decided to paint Lexi's hair red, but leave the rest of the comic in B&W. Admittedly, it does let us see how gorgeous his red hair is 
I love the original "frames" you give some of your panels, but I agree with slideznglidez, the one panel/day snapshot telling is a technique of which I'm not too fond. The comic would run a lot smoother if you simply did three updates/wk with a full page at each update (4-6 panels/page).
I love the original "frames" you give some of your panels, but I agree with slideznglidez, the one panel/day snapshot telling is a technique of which I'm not too fond. The comic would run a lot smoother if you simply did three updates/wk with a full page at each update (4-6 panels/page).