first page, minus text, does it make any sense?

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 12:20 pm

after what seems like a thousand different incarnations, i have a potential first page more or less complete (third and fourth panels need some work)

http://img25.photobucket.com/albums/v76 ... =page1.jpg

now, what i want to know, is does this make any sense? what do YOU see as happening.

whats INTENDED is that a probe flies into a cloaked ship, causing its shields to flare up briefly. (i prolly need another page to show that, hey! its gone again)

most people seem to think that a glowing translucent bioship shoots the probe with a laser. thats not what i had in mind.

advice!

Faub · Post by **Faub** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 3:45 pm

It could go either way. I think I was a bit biased when I saw it. I read your post before clicking.

One thing to note. There is no atmosphere in space so objects don't fade into the distance. I seem to remember a couple stories about astronauts on the moon saying "let's look at that rock next" and half an hour later they find out it was a mountain several miles away.

Phalanx · Post by **Phalanx** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:27 pm

I like the fact that it's 'painted' but The lack of text is rather confusing. Try overlaying it with a dialogue or a narration, maybe?

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 5:57 pm

hmmmm.

origionally i had more panels and it made much more sense, but i felt it was too small and changed it.

now i reallllly wish i hadnt.

im quite pleased with the "painted" look, i think im gonna stick with that.

photoshop rocks

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 6:08 pm

text will be in the form of readings from the probe..

take a fluffle through the rest of the photobucket while your there. mock my hideous pen.

http://img25.photobucket.com/albums/v76/ShineDog/

Brockway · Post by **Brockway** » Sat Mar 06, 2004 6:10 pm

Heh, keen eye for the war guy...

*poof*

This didn't work...

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Sun Mar 07, 2004 9:00 am

that was an abortive BR entry.

Platypus · Post by **Platypus** » Sun Mar 07, 2004 5:19 pm

wow how does this grab ya .... a mouseover and the text appears within ... kewl ... fits your style to immho

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Sun Mar 07, 2004 6:04 pm

ok, revised

a new page that goes in front of the old

http://img25.photobucket.com/albums/v76 ... e1expo.jpg

(note - text is placeholder and incomplete, as is the picture of the probe exiting hyperspace, jumpspace, whatever i end up calling it - which should be in its own panel. in fact the whole image is placeholder because it looks rank)

and the revised origional page, with placeholder text

http://img25.photobucket.com/albums/v76 ... r_sure.jpg

Phalanx · Post by **Phalanx** » Sun Mar 07, 2004 6:33 pm

The one with dialogue is much better... you are planning on fixing the typos, right. 'You're' instead of 'your' always annoys me excessively

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Sun Mar 07, 2004 6:41 pm

oh yeas

the text will be totally redone with nice boxes and a pretty font when i find one, and since im dislexic i intend to pass any text in front of my more literate friends.

+ better shading for the people, and a starfield which is missing, and lots of improvements. hopefully.

War · Post by **War** » Mon Mar 08, 2004 4:59 am

Yeah, those two make a really good start to the comic.

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Mon Mar 08, 2004 10:28 am

wow. text written at 1am after 4 hours sleep the night before is bad.

note to self. re-write entire text

Christwriter · Post by **Christwriter** » Mon Mar 08, 2004 2:33 pm

You know, you could write out what you want the script to say while you're drawing the strip...or even when you're trying to figure out what the pictures are going to be. When you go back to stick the lettering in, you'll have a few layers of polish to go on top of it.

CW

ShineDog · Post by **ShineDog** » Mon Mar 08, 2004 3:49 pm

origionally it wasnt going really to have text, but i did that for the new panel (page1 expo or whatever its called)