Mitya dear, I do beleive you are having way too much fun with this. ^_^
Of course we know who would win... Depite how much fun reading Harry 'Pothead' (as Rusti refers to him) is, cranking up the volume of the finalie of Symphony #7 would nock the poor kid flat. And that's just the recorded version.
(I do hope I have the right one... My brain happens to be dead at the moment. On the other hand, I can tell you how I identify with Enkidu and the unifying theme of the Epic of Gilgamesh...)
So... How many times, in your experience, has Shostakovich been genuinely mistaken for Harry Potter? I'm not counting when people tease you because they want a thwack of your orchestra folder or something.