A second opinion for Legalease Reloaded
as requested by Harishanker
I have to say this straight up, a blog is not the best place to host a comic but since the comic seems to be just a side-hobby among the various other things on the site I'll let it slide. I would say though however that with the plethora of free comic hosting sites out there you might want to take the plunge as a dedicated site for the comic helps build the atmosphere.
Getting to the first comic, the artwork is very primitive, anatomy wise I am reminded a little of BGA
by CG's verycuddlycornpone (only hers was done in 10th grade) with the lack of necks and crudely drawn arms. There's also a lack of consistency between panels - the lawyer's nose changes from pointy to round for example.
I know it's already been mentioned in the past but the inking needs work, specifically line variation. Additionally the colouring needs work, there's a lot of artifacts showing up.The Readthrough:
I'll admit, despite it faults the first page joke got a little chuckle out of me as well as one of the first clues as how to fix some of your narrative problems but I'll get to that at the end of the review.
Legalease Reloaded is a series of unconnected jokes based around the mundane world of the legal system, similar comics exist about almost every occupation with varying success but Legalease falls flat because it has only two basic punchlines "boredom" or "stress", there's only seven pages so far and I'm already feeling like "you've said that before".
On the subject of the jokes, I got them, they just weren't all that funny. This has little to do with lack of knowledge of the legal world, one could substitute the same basic jokes to working at a supermarket and they'd still work with just a change in the lingo, the jokes just aren't funny and already are overplayed.
Not to mention that every page seems to contain a wall-of-words, due in part to the format restrictions you've put upon yourself, if you played with the amount of panels and the size of the page things wouldn't feel so crowded.
Touching back upon the art for a moment I have to say that since your earlier postings here (3 years ago?) you don't seem to have grown much, a lot of the problems you requested help for then are still rather prominent now. The Extras:
No applicable extras here as the comic itself is more or less the extra to the blog.Final Thoughts:
Legalease Reloaded is in its very early stages so there's plenty of time to improve, however as it stands now there's not a lot worth recommending it to others.
Despite a reasonably original concept there's not a lot of originality here.
In an attempt to ensure this review is not entirely negative I'd like to give you some suggestions that might help you.
Firstly work on your anatomy, you'll probably hate hearing this but you really need to strengthen the foundation of your work, any other suggestions I could make artwise would be a little pointless until the basics are in place...
...except line variation, you might as well get a start on that now, it could be as simple as just adding a thicker outline to the characters. One idea is to have an outline twice as thick as the detail lines but there are more advanced line techniques that can be learned, the key is to experiment.
Secondly I'd suggest working on the scripts for your comics.
Write down the entire comic strip first without breaking it up into frames then read it while trying to visualise how you would show the story and break it up to match each story beat, whether it be 3 frames or 12 frames.
When you're dealing with large chunks of dialogue try to break it up, either into multiple frames or into multiple balloons in a larger frame.
One last suggestion that could help you story wise is to establish a cast, the problem with stand alone strips is the reader has to get ALL the information from that one strip whereas with a cast over time the reader has a little info going into each strip, they know the personalities of the characters so you don't need to spend as much time setting things up AND you can build on previous events or even weave storylines together - for instance the wedding invite strip could have been split up so that:
page a) lawyer finds out about impending weddings while discussing case
page b) lawyer gets invite from friend before heading to court
page c) after court lawyer gets invite from boss "oh crap both on the same day"
and in those first two pages the wedding stuff is just mentioned, the case is the meat of the page, it's only once page c rolls around that you get the pay-off.
Anyway those are just a few suggestions which you could easily implement to improve your comic.
I realise I spent more time on advice than the actual review but with only 7 pages and no real story there wasn't a lot I could say.