RobboAKAscooby wrote:What had me so upset was something beyond the nature of a harsh review and I'll explain that later but first I'll start with the constructive stuff (and apologies for simply deconstructing your review but it's the easiest way to address things right now):
Well, yeah, I certainly can't be resistant to having my own work criticized when I'm criticizing other peoples' work.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:The obvious answer here is I haven't gotten around to this yet, most of the supplemental pages are still very much a work in progress. Which is part of the reason I haven't exactly been going wild on promoting the comic (another part being the story hasn't gone anywhere yet as I said earlier in the thread).
Your supplemental pages are actually the best part of the webcomic, so I wouldn't be particularly worried about them right now.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:I can't argue here, the HTML is shocking, it won't center for some reason and I've given up for the time being trying to fix it. As for the twitter, I'm hardly the only comicker out there with their own personal crap on their site and at least it's not the usual massive blog underneath each comic, it's just a simple twitter feed which also gives readers a way to contact me if they wish and I've put it out of the way of the comic itself.
I don't think the HTML's "shocking," and I think the Twitter feed might be handled better with a simple link like I've seen done in other webcomics. But these are minor design issues that I'm not that interested in.
Yes there are plenty of problems with my artwork. It's stiff, the line-work can be shaky (blame my ruined hands), colouring can be a little messy, backgrounds are often poorly done or non-existent - this one
for example was just plain lazy - the camera angles are unimaginative and on a couple of occasions I re-used the same artwork over a few frames. Not to mention the style isn't for everyone (although it does have its fans).
I am well aware of my artistic faults, although I'm sure there's more that could be pointed out to me.
That's all certainly some of the stuff I had in mind, although I saw a lot of problems with anatomy as well, which you don't mention here. As I wrote in the review, paying more attention to detail and doing practice artwork outside the comic will help you with these problems. Another thing you can do is to post your drawings on the forums and ask for criticism.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:And here's where I started feeling sick - but I'll get to that.
First though I'd like to point out my writing flaws from a technical stand-point.
The pacing is a bit uneven - especially in the current conversational part, a few of those pages could have been combined. The characterization of secondary characters is pretty much non-existent so far (by design, their personalities will be revealed through the storytelling) all that's known is Eric gets into trouble, Doc loves his job and Brad's a perve.
That's a good start, but I think the writing's more fundamentally flawed than you're acknowledging. I don't get the impression you have a firm grasp of the basics of creative writing, which is why I haven't bothered to get into an advanced critique. I think your approach to this should be to read some books on creative writing, as well as reading a lot of fiction in general. There are also probably some creative writing classes available to you if you're interested in doing that.
The next part of your post is surprising to me since I only intended my list to be a basic plot overview. You seem to interpret it as a series of criticisms, but I was just conveying the comic's consistent focus on sexuality, which I'll demonstrate below with more clarity.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:True. And a rather efficient way of setting up exactly the kind of vile people the Cobras are, you don't need to know anything about the rivalry between the Tigers and the Cobras to know they're bad people.
I might use the word "blunt" rather than "efficient" in this case, but anyways, sexual violence is just one of many different forms of violence.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:I see absolutely nothing wrong with this, Eric is a close friend and Doc is her legal guardian/big brother figure, it's not like she's in tiny lingerie - hell this is practically pjs - not to mention her pose is hardly sexualised and rather casual, she's just chilling out.
Granted the nature of Harli and Doc's relationship hasn't been explicitly stated yet (perhaps something I should have done in the cast page) but she clearly lives with him and is obviously not involved with him (she has Storm).
You see a scene of innocence; I see a scene of sexual tension in a comic that warns of "nudity," "adult themes," and "sexual themes" at the top of its home page. This isn't exactly Peanuts
we're talking about here.
And yeah, when you're dealing with sexuality, you wanna be delicate about it and make sure the context is clear.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:Which is a very blunt way to describe 2 pages where she gets dressed, ignoring 3 other pages that set the day in motion as well as gives insight into the character of Harli - her dedication to her surfing, her hero Bethany Hamilton, a little bit of grumpiness and her relationship with Storm.
The bizarre child-nudity scene makes a much stronger impression than a few more pages of the comic's lackluster art and writing.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:Actually she catches Brad spying on the cheerleaders (or bubbleheads as she calls them) getting changed - which will be stated in this weekend's pages - and she clearly reacts with disapproval but like most groups of guys and girls there's the occasional perve whose friends just roll their eyes at because they're a harmless dork. (as for the bending over, she's picking up the stick to poke Kai with, I should have drawn an extra frame but I didn't)
And again you discount the entirety of 10 other pages where Harli is searching for Kai and the others are discussing the previous night (ie Eric's break up and the attack on Harli) to focus on a 3 page gag introduction.
Harli getting stalked by perverts doesn't come across as "harmless" when she just nearly got gang-raped by perverts a few pages earlier. You can't just change from a dark and violent context to a light and funny context that easily.
And again, the weird sexual stuff makes a lot bigger impression than the uninteresting story and characters.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:With the exception of the Cobras attempt and Brad's cheeky peek Harli is never really sexualised - you could argue the 2 pages getting dressed
That's pretty much the entire comic so far, though. And you even left out the part where Harli hangs out at home in her underwear with men around.
And that's completely the point I was trying to get at. The whole comic's "sexy Harli, sexy Harli, sexy Harli," and the characterization and story take a back seat.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:The mood is more bored "alright I better get dressed" than "look at my boobies".
Actually, I think the mood's more like, "Why the hell is there a drawing of a naked teenage girl in this webcomic?!"
RobboAKAscooby wrote:She's not anorexic, tiny maybe but clearly in fitting with her body frame.
I still think she looks anorexic. Even skinny models have more meat on their body than Harli does.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:Yes absolutely no personality or emotion
She still comes across as a Barbie doll, even in these "emotional" scenes you highlighted.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:I honestly don't know what to think about this, I think this says more about your opinions than my intent.
What it means is that I actually tried to take your comic seriously before I passed judgment. And please, don't act like there aren't any gender issues in a comic involving rape and perversion.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:No my motivation is simple, storytelling, I just chose to tell the story of a teenage girl (surfer/martial artist/lesbian) whose about to go through one of the the hardest years of her life.
That's great. When you get to that part of the story, maybe I'll write a second review that will be more favorable. However, the review I wrote on Thursday only covers pages 1 through 40.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:And now we get to the crux of the issue - the reason why I spent most of a day feeling like the worst person on Earth
If a stranger posting on an Internet forum can make you feel like "the worst person on Earth," then you're being overly sensitive.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:You compared my comic to one of the most vile, misogynistic, fetish comics out there.
So when I point out sexuality in your comic, it's a personal attack on you, but when you point out sexuality in Shaun Reveal's comic, it's okay?
I understand how it works. When I'm the only one saying something negative about a comic, I'm being a bully, but when everyone says something negative about a comic, that's just stating the obvious.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:For some reason you've looked at what was certainly never intended to be in anyway offensive and read into it some sort vile sexist misogynistic subtext that I am baffled trying to find.
If you really think my review's that bogus, then just laugh and ignore it. You won't be hurting my feelings by doing so.
However, I don't think I ever wrote in my review that the comic's "sexist" or "misogynistic," although some of the characters certainly are. "Vile"? Maybe, but it's only because the nudity is of children.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:Made doubly troubling by the fact I know where the story is going - Harli's coming of age story should be empowering in the end as she goes through lot (including the death of a friend as hinted on the first page) and eventually succeeds in her dreams - but right now all that I can think about is how it's going wrong.
Great. I hope the future version of the comic is better than the current version.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:But the more I've thought about it the more I've realised this is less about my intentions and more about your perceptions, you are the one seeing this sexual context - and you might blame it on poor characterisation which would have been perfectly legitimate - you've taken a few pages that displeased you and completely let it colour your opinion.
How is there no "sexual context" in a webcomic that says at the top of its home page it contains "sexual themes"? Are we talking about the same comic here?
"Perceptions" and "opinions" sounds like a good description of what a review is.
And actually, if I thought this was a good comic with a few bad pages, I would write that it's a good comic with a few bad pages. This is exactly what I just did in my reviews of How to Save the World
and Four Tales
RobboAKAscooby wrote:Your attitude comes across as a "White Knighter", you've perceived a wrong and gone after it blindly.
I'm a "White Knighter"? What does that even mean? What are you talking about?
But again, if I'm such a terrible reviewer, then why not just ignore what I wrote?
RobboAKAscooby wrote:As yet not a single other person has laid such accusations against the comic (even the more sex-related parts of my other comic didn't get this reaction), although it is certainly possible that others here at CG may chime in to agree with your assessment - at which point I would have to seriously reconsider the situation - for the time being I have to conclude this issue is yours.
Are you trying to make me feel guilty for forming my own opinions? Okay. Good luck with that.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:If you had called Flying Tigers boring, poorly characterised with a little too much fan-service for your liking and the artwork is rat-shit. Also there's some technical issues.
I would have thanked you for it, for pointing out the flaws.
Oh, yes, because Hypothetical Robbo is a much more mature and wonderful person than Real Robbo.
RobboAKAscooby wrote:Heck as it is I thank you for pointing out some technical issues and would thank you for pointing out issues with the art and writing if your comments actually contained more than just "it's bad", but still it made me re-examine my comic which is always a positive.
Wow, this Hypothetical Robbo sure sounds like a swell guy. I wonder when I'll get to meet him.