Vs. Battle # 1 SleepingOrange Vs. Silfedac

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Vs. Battle # 1 SleepingOrange Vs. Silfedac

Postby SpriteMeister on Wed Oct 10, 2007 4:45 pm

Okay, more or less one week from the next post, this battle will be called to an end, at which time I will decide who kicked who's ass more.

So, we shall begin.
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Postby SleepingOrange on Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:07 pm

Granny starts by removing a single foot-long hairpin from her hat, crosses her arms, and stares deliberately at her opponent. "I reckon you'd best be on your way, Mr. Hawking. I wouldn't want to have to do any-thing I might regret later."
"I meant," said Iplsore bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"CATS," he said eventually, "CATS ARE NICE."

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Postby Silfedac on Fri Oct 12, 2007 2:03 pm

Hawking stares blankly into space and rapidly types on his keypad.
"Bring it on, grandma."
Chaos, panic, and disorder...my work here is done.

"Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today
I wish that man would go away."
-Hugh Means
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Postby SleepingOrange on Thu Oct 18, 2007 10:36 pm

Granny clicks her tongue a few times. Suddenly and without warning she swoops in towards Hawking, brandishing her hatpin. Before Hawking has time to react, she stabs the hatpin deep into Hawking's motor array. She roughly pulls it sideways before withdrawing it and taking a few steps back. She stares at him, saying, "We could make it you next. Yield, boy, before things get ugly."
"I meant," said Iplsore bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"CATS," he said eventually, "CATS ARE NICE."

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Postby Silfedac on Sun Oct 21, 2007 12:06 pm

Hawking uses his vast psychic powas to reassemble the broken motor array into a serviceable laser and fires a warning shot across Granny's bow. "You would do well to heed your own advice, Grandma."
Chaos, panic, and disorder...my work here is done.

"Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today
I wish that man would go away."
-Hugh Means
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Postby SleepingOrange on Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:35 pm

Granny narrows her eyes; it's clear to her that the broken man in the chair isn't about to back down. Thoughtfully tapping her pin against her thigh, she stares straight at Hawking, who feels strange changes coursing through his mind; his hands regress and his fingers meld together; his candle-wax skin goes taught and green and lumpy; his eyes crawl to the sides of his head and grow huge; and all his thoughts and theorems and math coalesce into a raging desire for sex, a pond, and flies.
"I meant," said Iplsore bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"CATS," he said eventually, "CATS ARE NICE."

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Postby Silfedac on Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:47 pm

Unfortunately for Granny, Hawking is a rather large frog, and Granny resembles one of his species. He proceeds to limp over and mount her, and with a loud "CROAK!" proceeds to...well, you get the picture.
Chaos, panic, and disorder...my work here is done.

"Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today
I wish that man would go away."
-Hugh Means
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Postby SleepingOrange on Mon Oct 22, 2007 4:07 pm

Time out! King... er, Spritemeister? I suspect you know what happened in the post that began "Granny narrows her eyes;...". I shall delineate it in a PM, just to be safe. I'm counting on you to adjudicate.
"I meant," said Iplsore bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"CATS," he said eventually, "CATS ARE NICE."

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Postby SpriteMeister on Mon Oct 22, 2007 7:08 pm

Mr. Hawking, you only think that you are a frog.
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Postby SleepingOrange on Mon Oct 22, 2007 7:12 pm

So, in attempting to leave his chair, he would topple forward and crack his head on the ground, right? Right?
"I meant," said Iplsore bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"CATS," he said eventually, "CATS ARE NICE."

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Postby SpriteMeister on Mon Oct 22, 2007 7:35 pm

Question like that are better left PM'd. If you do it out in the open like this, people will think you're anxious.
Doubtful, but we need to choose our terrain before I make any final desisions. I'm thinking standard dirt-floor collusseum, no? In that case he's just lying uselessly on the ground, face down(ish).
To Mr. Hawking, it would seen like you are still handicapped, despite the believed form change.
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Postby Silfedac on Tue Oct 23, 2007 12:59 pm

Ah, well in that case, Hawking comes to his senses a few seconds later, and rises into the air, then floats rapidly around the arena, firing with deadly accuracy at Granny.
Chaos, panic, and disorder...my work here is done.

"Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today
I wish that man would go away."
-Hugh Means
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Postby SleepingOrange on Tue Oct 23, 2007 1:52 pm

Granny tosses her hatpin into the air. As it rises, all of the lasers are attracted to it, and each one is absorbed. The hatpin hangs in midair, negating all Hawking's laser-fire.

Annoyed by hawking floating around, Granny attracts all the ambient 'magic' (or what-ever motive force you want to ascribe to Hawkings salient powers) to herself. She channels it through herself, and earths it in a ball of silver fire, casually tossed at the ground. Hawking, his laser, and the hatpin all crash to the ground. Calmly, she walks over and picks the hatpin up.
"I meant," said Iplsore bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"CATS," he said eventually, "CATS ARE NICE."

Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
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Postby Silfedac on Wed Oct 24, 2007 12:12 pm

Hawking rises to a sitting position and gestures vaguely at Granny while dusting himself off. Suddenly, a quantum singularity opens up behind Granny and pulls in everything in the arena, besides Hawking himself, of course.
Chaos, panic, and disorder...my work here is done.

"Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today
I wish that man would go away."
-Hugh Means
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Postby SleepingOrange on Wed Oct 24, 2007 12:59 pm

Hmm... i'ma need to use stop-motion prose for this.

As matter distorts, Hawking sees Granny start to collapse. As her limp body and the rest of (frankly the solar system, but we'll ignore that) the arena is twisted to have infinite mass and infinitesimal volume, Hawking feels an odd sensetion. As the rift dissipates, a card drops to the ground. It reads, "I aint'nt dead."

All this happened in moments. After it was over, Hawking hears a clipped, elderly voice in his head. "Well played, Mr. Hawking. But if I'm going to go down, you can bet I won't be the only one."

The voice fades, and leaves behind only a faint tickling at the back of his mind. After a few moments, though Hawking experences a white-hot fire roaring through his mind, and he collapses. His body is still perfect (well, as perfect as some-one with Lou Gherig's can be), but his mind is irreparably destroyed, and rendered catatonic.


PS: Boosh!
"I meant," said Iplsore bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"CATS," he said eventually, "CATS ARE NICE."

Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
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Postby Silfedac on Wed Oct 24, 2007 1:32 pm

Welp, with one of our contestants sucked into a singularity and the other a vegetable, I think it's judging time.
Chaos, panic, and disorder...my work here is done.

"Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today
I wish that man would go away."
-Hugh Means
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Postby SpriteMeister on Fri Oct 26, 2007 9:55 pm

I shall judge this when one of the contestants is not looking over my shoulder.
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Postby Silfedac on Sat Oct 27, 2007 10:55 am

I promise, my dear over-lords, that I will not double- or triple-post; further, I promise to wait until Spritemeister returns from his band competition to pester him about this fight.
Chaos, panic, and disorder...my work here is done.

"Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today
I wish that man would go away."
-Hugh Means
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Postby Darth Cloaked Guy on Sat Oct 27, 2007 6:19 pm

I vote mutual loss.
End of line.
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Postby SpriteMeister on Sun Oct 28, 2007 10:45 am

Yeah, but we decided on judging, not voting.
As it is, we have someone pulled into a singularity, rendering both body and mind useless; and the other contestant has no mind, but his body is unharmed, albeit
as perfect as some-one with Lou Gherig's can be
and floating in space.

1/2 Body - Mind > Body - (Body + Mind)
Silfedac is the champion.

Signups for the next battle will be in the Vs. Battle Preleminaries thread.
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