Good quotes

[Narf the Mouse]

'"Xander, please believe me when I say that if you do not accompany me to their room, I shall beat the living shit out of you."' - Giles, in a fanfic, explaining to Xander that Buffy does not hate him. Not sure where this one is going, but I really hope it doesn't go bad.

'"I swear," said Willow. "If you two weren't destined to be together, I'd beat you senseless."' - Same fanfic. I don't mind a bit of OOC in the pursuit of good humour.

[Wxgirl]

"I'll take a bashing to the cervix" ~ One of the girls in my LARP group at a con.

[One post wonder]

"Victor Hugo once got so mad he threw a baseball though a dog."
-Dresden Codak.

[Dinky]

"You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair.
Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair,
and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them?
So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe."

Marcus Cole Babylon 5

"Well there better than Avril Lavigne" My friend in reference to Paramore.
"Yes but so is anal surgery" My reply.

[The Bellmaker]

Eric - I call out to it.
ED - It doesn't respond. It's a gazebo.
Eric - ...I put away my sword and take out my longbow. Any response?
ED - .....NO, Eric, It's a gazebo.
Eric - I shoot it. (Rolls to hit)
ED - There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
Eric - *whimpers* You mean...it's not wounded?
ED - Of course not, it's a gazebo!

~ From a real D&D session

[Narf the Mouse]

How is gazebo pronounced, anyway?

[Lunaroki]

Gazebo n. (guh-ZEE-bow) 1. A round or octagonal open-walled one room building where folks sit and chat during the summertime. 2. A fictional crossbreed of the zebra and the gazelle, noted for having infinite hit points and no sense of pain.

[Dinky]

2. A fictional crossbreed of the zebra and the gazelle, noted for having infinite hit points and no sense of pain.

Cookie and internets for you.

[DrunkenPrayer]

Maybe it's just local accents but everyone I know pronounces it gah-zee-bo.
Can these quotes be from anything/anywhere? If so I'm chipping in with this.

"Love's like the measles, all the worse when it comes late in life." - Douglas Jerrold.

[DM_Topher]

"Gogira-finch, standing eighty feet tall and rumbling an echoing bird call like no finch you've heard before, belches forth a stream of bird seed at your party. Save vs. breath weapon." - A DM I know named Paul

"Here's the problem." - my usual response to anything my party does when I am DMing

"We have narrowed down the names for our spelljammer ship to the following: The Mildly Irritated Colon, The Exploding Giraffe, or The Flying Buttress." - our D & D group when coming up with a Spelljammer ship name. We went with Flying Buttress.

[Narf the Mouse]

'It's a mark of D&D's theme and mood that there is an Evil Jello Cube monster.' - Me, just now.

[Thanatos5150]

"Well, if no form of damage deals normal damage, wouldn't it make sense to not attack it, therefore killing it?"
~Some guy on the interwebz - on killing the tarrasque.

[Narf the Mouse]

Rather clever solution.

Also clever was the one I saw, which involved over 30 +5 Drinky Birds.

[Thanatos5150]

My personal favorite involves "Stone to Mud", "Destroy water" and one large amount of fireballs.

Also fun is opening a gate, and persuading the Tarrasque to enter it (say, with an illusion of a tasty village).
Ideally, open your gate to the Elemental Plane of Water.

It still drowns.

[Dustman]

I'd sneak up on it while it was asleep and do a coup de grace, personally. A rogue with a scythe has a roughly 50% chance of pulling it off at level 17, and that's with a completely mundane, non-magical scythe.

Of course, if I were playing in a campaign wherein I was placed against the freaking tarrasque with no magic, and it was sleeping, I would definitely move on to the next cave.

...*Re-reads monster entry.*

I am an idiot. That would not work. Sphere of annihilation ftw. That's my answer for any problem here on out.

And to re-rail the train, you can quote me on that.

[Narf the Mouse]

'Guns, Lots of Guns, Lots of Ammo for the Guns, Survival Bunker, Pick-Up Truck with Reinforced Grill, More Guns' - Reading a review of an *AFMBE book. That's an equipment list for one of the archetypes (Grizzled Vet).

* All Flesh Must Be Eaten. You get three tries to figure out what it's about and the first two don't count.

[Thanatos5150]

Zombies?

Also - "When you find yourself sinking into madness, dive."
- VtM rulebook - discussing the Malkavian philosophy.

[Narf the Mouse]

Yes, how did you ever guess?

[url=http://tvsothertenpercent.tripod.com/startrek/mccoy.html]Spock: I need your advice.
McCoy: Then I need a drink.[/url]

Oh, and this one is always good: The Daily Humorscope

[Dustman]

Well, this isn't a quote per se, but I wrote a song while I was out in the desert last month and I think you guys might like it. Note this is a beta version; the lyrics are, as far as I know, done. However, please remember the following:

Sorry about the background noise; my chair is comfortably squeaky.
No melody yet, so just imagine Johnny Cash plucking a guitar in the background and you'll get the general idea of what I'm going for.
Please ignore the oxymoron.

That being said, please enjoy, and imagine someone with actual talent is singing it.

Fantasy Bluegrass

And if you didn't enjoy that, here are a few short quotes of mine.

Funny:
The rule that every rule has exceptions is the exception to the rule that every rule has exceptions.
I was going to make a mobius strip, but I didn't know where to start.

Serious:
A joke is simply an amusing lie, whereas a riddle reveals truth.
Curiosity requires no justification.
War is only avoidable in retrospect.
Do no harm, save where harm is due.

[Narf the Mouse]

'Because the defining characteristic of Elves is that they're better than you.' - RPG.net discussion on hating elves.