Potluck Courtesy- wtf!

[Leperdoctor]

Yeah, I have a question to ask.

I've always assumed that when you attend potlucks (get-togethers where everyone brings a little bit of food), the host gets to keep the left overs. I've always assumed this because whenever I bring food, I always leave behind whatever's not eaten for the host to enjoy, and so do all the other people that attend.

We were going to throw a birthday party for another group of friends, but their parents decided at the last minute they didn't want that, so everyone headed over to my place to chill instead. I live in an apartment, but it's pretty spacious, and we all had a pretty good time. Most people took the unopened food with them, and the opened food was left behind. I assumed that was the end of the story, and my roommate and I- after a long sleep- cooked up half of what was left and had a feast.

Here's my problem: one of the girl's sent me an e-mail, two days after the birthday party, to tell me she would like her food back. She brought over frozen hot dogs and burgers for me to cook up, and somewhat stale bread. Half of them were eaten at the party- like I mentioned before, most of them were eaten by me and my roommate afterwards. I threw out the bread because it...well, smelled pretty bad. Had I known she wanted it back, I wouldn't have touched it. She's also asking for pop and chocolate, some stuff at the party that other people had brought and left behind- not her.

So I'll admit, I'm kind of irritated right now that she waited so long to tell me she wanted food from a potluck back. Yeah, right now I'm going to be a greedy beotch and tell her the food's all eaten so I can't bring it back, but I just wanted to know for future reference- when a potluck is all said and done, where is the polite place for the food to go?

[Ahaugen]

divided equally amongst the guests

[Rock_dash]

If someone brought something and wants it back, they should take it with them when they leave. If not, they have no right to expect the food back. They can ask for it, sure, and if you still have it, it's fair to give it back. But if it's been eaten or thrown out, it's thier own damn fault.

[Sput]

What rock said. Most of the time, I take home other people's food if they don't want it-- but it's on the spot or not at all. To ask days later is just rude o;!

[Rkolter]

Potluck Etiquitte -

At the end of the potluck you are responsible for taking your dishes home; opened food should first be offered to the host (or simply left for the host). Ingredients and unopened food or food that is obviously easy to repackage (such as bread) should be taken back by the bringer at the end of the potluck.

The only thing you have the right to request after the potluck is your dishes, should you have forgotten to take them.

All the remaining food is the property of the Host, who has the right to dispose of it as he or she sees fit. This is considered a gift to the host for imposing on them. And anything big enough to be a potluck is an imposition, even if a delightful one.

This woman is being rude. My advice:

1) Explain that the bread had gone moldy, and so you threw it out.
2) Thank her for providing a little extra food, tell her you honestly appreciated it, and that it was delicious.
3) Tell her the other food has since also been eaten or disposed of, either because you liked the food so much, or because you didn't have space in your kitchen to store it.

This will leave her with no avenue to complain without being made to clearly look greedy and foolish.

[TRI]

I've always assumed that when you attend potlucks (get-togethers where everyone brings a little bit of food), the host gets to keep the left overs. I've always assumed this because whenever I bring food, I always leave behind whatever's not eaten for the host to enjoy, and so do all the other people that attend.

When you said that I expected I could just link or quote this article from Miss Manners. But asking for food back two days later? That's a bit different.

Miss Manner's general rule was "scraps should be left where they are: those in the guest-cooks' pots or platters to go home with them, and those on the hosts' platters and plates to be disposed of by them, with the understanding that either can offer theirs to the other." So while no one should expect to get a second free meal from their guests or hosts, either are free to give food to the other as a gift.

And I think we can assume that leaving food at your house without telling you that you want it back counts as a gift, asking for it back would be rude... asking for a gift given to you by someone else is beyond rude.

And I believe the Miss Manners approved solution to exceptionally rude guests is not to invite them back.

[Leperdoctor]

Awesome article- the satire really amused me. I bookmarked it. ^^

There's one phrase that kinda stood out to me:

There are hosts who consider that all items contributed to the meal, mandated or not, count as presents. They are appalled when a person who brought an item takes the leftovers home along with the platter. There are even hosts who resent being expected to give back the platters.

I just wanted to point out, before I look like a rude host for hoarding food, that the people from the party who brought food brought much of it back home with them. It's the stuff that they left behind that I tossed into my fridge and cupboards, and it's the stuff people left behind the girl is asking for. Anyways...

Ahaugen, that would be awesome, but...not everyone brought food. >.< But if everyone did, that would be an awesome thing to do.

Okies, I get what you guys are saying. Rkolter, I'll probably use some of those phrases when I explain about why I'm not bringing food back, lol! Anyways, that helps to clear up my confusion, so thanks very much for replying!!

[Mr.Bob]

I'm positive I saw an episode of Curb your Enthusiasm on this same premis...

[Prettydragoon]

Awesome article- the satire really amused me. I bookmarked it. ^^

There's one phrase that kinda stood out to me:

There are hosts who consider that all items contributed to the meal, mandated or not, count as presents. They are appalled when a person who brought an item takes the leftovers home along with the platter. There are even hosts who resent being expected to give back the platters.

I was thinking of hosting a potluck, because, hey, free crockery! But now I guess I'll have to rethink my cunning plan.

[Rkolter]

Neat, there was an article on 'irregardless' in that Miss Manners thing too - it's my father's pet peeve when he hears that word and he corrects people all the time on it. I'm gonna send him the link.

[Kris X]

I can understand asking for their stuff back, but others' items as well? Sounds like someone wanted to throw another party or wanted to recyle food for the next potluck... Come to think of it, maybe the bread was recycled and contributed by someone else at a potluck before... A conspiracy!

[RPin]

I must say your friend strikes me as really cheap and rude.

[Kisai]

Honestly, you can be mean or nice about it.

If she didn't take it with her and it's not of a lot of value, she has no right to ask for it back. She can ask if she can have it back "if you haven't done anything with it", such in the case of leaving food that the host doesn't like (vegetarian/vegan/allergies/etc)

Whenever my parents have had a party or something, everyone takes their dishes back, but usually there is a round of "take whatever leftovers you want with you, cause I can't eat it all myself" where for the most part, anything unopened and uneaten brought by someone, usually goes home with whoever brought it unless someone else wants it and that person doesn't mind giving it to them. Such is the case with things like cookies, brownies, or anything that isn't a hunge mess. Things like leftover food that will spoil, usually gets left with the host to dispose of as they see fit.

Stuff that is like chips and pop, usually stays with the host, unless again, they have no plans on eating it.

Anything that was opened (like hamburgers, hotdogs, beans, salad), if left and nobody takes it, is usually eaten or thrown out by the host. Most people tend to eat what they can eat and throw everything else out.

[Tellurider]

Coming by later to pick up dishes - totally acceptable.

Coming by later to ask for food? Is this chick in college or something where she doesn't have a lot of money for food? That's the only reason I can think of to pirate leftovers.

If she gets upset that you ate/tossed the extra vittles, just tell her to host a potluck of her own and then she can have all the leftovers. And you'll come and bring nearly moldy bread.

[[AlmightyPyro]]

I give my left overs to little Ethiopian children who need it more than me. After that I go cure people with Ebola... by touching them...

[NakedElf]

Neat, there was an article on 'irregardless' in that Miss Manners thing too - it's my father's pet peeve when he hears that word and he corrects people all the time on it. I'm gonna send him the link. :)

People who care about meaningless distinctions between words are one of my pet peeves. I've yet to hear an argument against 'irregardless' which didn't just sound like someone trying to trump up their own ego.

This might be affected by hearing people from MIT and Harvard use the word, and thus not exactly considering it a meaningful marker of bad education or ignorance, but just something people pick up from the people they grew up around.

[Dracomax]

irregardless to the worth of he word irregardless, I have a solid "no word left behind" policy.

also, it's cool because it invalidates itself.

honestly, If I bring food to a party, all I expect back is the dish it came in. that's just sense.

[McDuffies]

I'm always amused how much customs in different countries vary.

In Serbia, if you invite your friends on whatever occasion, but ask them to bring their own food, you'll be considered terribly rude.
Back while we were students, when we organized parties, we'd ask people to bring drinks, and all drinks would be piled in one place so that everyone could drink them. But that's because students never have too much money, and because it's much more difficult to find a space for the party than to buy drinks.
Otherwise, if you're inviting friends to any kind of meal, it goes without saying that you made sure there's plenty of food for everyone.

[RPin]

I'm always amused how much customs in different countries vary.

In Serbia, if you invite your friends on whatever occasion, but ask them to bring their own food, you'll be considered terribly rude.
Back while we were students, when we organized parties, we'd ask people to bring drinks, and all drinks would be piled in one place so that everyone could drink them. But that's because students never have too much money, and because it's much more difficult to find a space for the party than to buy drinks.
Otherwise, if you're inviting friends to any kind of meal, it goes without saying that you made sure there's plenty of food for everyone.

In Brazil we have both kinds of get-togethers. If you're inviting them and you're doing the cook, the polite thing is to divide whatever's left among the guests. If it's a potluck kind of thing, everyone leaves their own food to the host.

[Rkolter]

It's only specifically "potluck" type dinners where the guests are all expected to bring something. If you don't specify, the assumption is that if you're being invited to dinner, that the person inviting you is providing dinner.

It's not a -different- tradition so much as it is an -additional- tradition.