Just don't go there...like they did.

RemusShepherd · Post by **RemusShepherd** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 4:12 pm

ATTENTION:

You may have heard about the 'plot twist' in the Marvel comic 'Spider-Man: Reign #3' -- specifically, the cause of Mary Jane's death (in the future -- thank ghod, this isn't in main continuity.)

What you *don't* realize is that every possible joke relating to this incident has already been done. Well-written reviews of the comic (scroll down a bit in that link) have already coined the term 'radioactive spider spunk'. Various bloggers have already added 'SPUNKCELSIOR!', and the possible crime-fighting applications of radioactive death sperm are already being contemplated. And yes, the Spider-man theme song is already being rewritten ("Is he strong? Listen chum...").

In short, there is no need to make fun of this example of horrible 'professional' comic writing, nor should we be giggling uncontrollably. And by no means should we read the actual 'reveal' pages of the comic.

In short, we should completely ignore this incident (and Marvel in general) completely. Let's all be mature about this. Thank you.

(snigger..."that's not 'webbing', is it?'...)

Rkolter · Post by **Rkolter** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 4:30 pm

So... he is so ferociously radioactive, that his every fluid contains within it a lethal dose of radiation.

Do you have any idea just how wrong that is scientifically? I mean... he'd trigger every radiation detector around him. Even if his skin could magically hold back the radiation, his breath would be tainted.

Besides, didn't he hear of condoms? No deposit means no return (from the dead).

Black Sparrow · Post by **Black Sparrow** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 4:35 pm

rkolter wrote:Besides, didn't he hear of condoms? No deposit means no return (from the dead).

...

As to the topic of this thread, I have one thing to say: *snerk*

Tim · Post by **Tim** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 4:36 pm

rkolter wrote:Besides, didn't he hear of condoms? No deposit means no return (from the dead).

Maybe because all of his muscles have the proportionate strength of a spider was why the condom was rendered ineffective.

But yeah, I know he's usually described as having "radioactive spider blood". But c'mon, it was just a tiny little spider! How can one instant bite cause his entire bloodstream to remain continually and fatally radioactive for so many years?

Still, perhaps not the dumbest thing the Marvel writers have ever come up with.

Robin Pierce · Post by **Robin Pierce** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 4:38 pm

HATE

CaptainClaude · Post by **CaptainClaude** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 4:46 pm

this thread is just intended for making jokes about the body fluid stuff then?

eh, i quite liked that 3rd one, a bit more interesting than the second despite the hypno husstler's appearance. The visuals for venom crawling all over the city were ace.

I'd just be a lot more comfortable with this series if it wasn't just a hideous knock off of dark knight returns. (obvious comment i know, i know)

And in general I'm more annoyed in spidey having the fun sucked out of him.

though bursting out of the coffin singing the cartoon theme is funny, it aint spidey funny.

that scene was dreadful, but here's me desperately clinging to anything positive.

RemusShepherd · Post by **RemusShepherd** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 4:47 pm

Tim wrote:Maybe because all of his muscles have the proportionate strength of a spider was why the condom was rendered ineffective.

Reed Richards could make unstable molecule condoms, I suppose...

But yeah, I know he's usually described as having "radioactive spider blood". But c'mon, it was just a tiny little spider! How can one instant bite cause his entire bloodstream to remain continually and fatally radioactive for so many years?

Apparently chemical reactions can create radioactive isotopes in the Marvel universe. The fact that their twelve-year-old readers know this isn't possible doesn't slow the writers down any.

Linkara · Post by **Linkara** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 7:37 pm

Furthermore, it had already been established in Spider-Man continuity that the two had had sex before, even sired an offspring (who is presumed dead at the moment), so why didn't this issue come up before?

Tim · Post by **Tim** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 8:12 pm

Linkara wrote:Furthermore, it had already been established in Spider-Man continuity that the two had had sex before, even sired an offspring (who is presumed dead at the moment), so why didn't this issue come up before?

Because this wasn't normal continuity.

LAO · Post by **LAO** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 8:12 pm

What they dont mention is that MJ's cancer was in her rectum.

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 8:56 pm

Pfff... superheroes...

MixedMyth · Post by **MixedMyth** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 10:11 pm

Obviously this publication was a direct atempt to give heart to aspiring cartoonists. Because if crap like that can get published, surely good stuff can. ;D (Sturgeon General's Warning: statement may not be true in practice, trying may result in fits of frustrated rage)

TRI · Post by **TRI** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 12:00 am

The emoticon I'm looking for is something between:

,

and

.

And... I know people have gone here before but I just can't get past wondering why, if radioactive spider bodily fluids gave Peter Spidey Powers, why didn't radioactive Peter bodily fluids give Mary J. Petey Powers?

Laemkral · Post by **Laemkral** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 12:09 am

Spider-Man's irradiation is supposed to be very minor, and completely non-lethal to those around him. I don't know why the hell they would pick THIS as the way it kills her. The only real effects of him being irradiated slightly is that he has a distinct radiation signature that can be tracked if you know exactly what to look for (and most people don't) and he can survive normally lethal levels of radiation exposure.

Really, I think the fact that they continue to have him be sorta irradiated is stupid. He's supposed to have already undergone the metamorphesis and thus the radiation should have dissipated by now. I haven't read Reign and don't plan on doing so as I just couldn't get hooked. I really really dislike "future timeline" type stories with the exception of the "The End" stories that have been put out recently, and even those I'm not too keen on.

Also, Ryan, its quite possible Mary Jane is using birth control pills and since they're in a homogenous sexual relationship no need for STD prevention.

TRI · Post by **TRI** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 12:25 am

Laemkral wrote:Also, Ryan, its quite possible Mary Jane is using birth control pills and since they're in a homogenous sexual relationship no need for STD prevention.

They're homogeneous?

Ewww.

Nervous Spy · Post by **Nervous Spy** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:15 am

That reminds me of that 'how Lois Lane ended up in a geo-stationary orbit' joke I used to tell when I was young and immature. ....might have been last week, actually...

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:22 am

Laemkral wrote:Spider-Man's irradiation is supposed to be very minor, and completely non-lethal to those around him. I don't know why the hell they would pick THIS as the way it kills her.

I don't think it's as much a "pick" as it is "someone got the idea while sitting on a toilet seat and thought it was great". It's just an example of righteousness of William Faulkner's "kill your babies" policy.

Rkolter · Post by **Rkolter** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 4:58 am

Zardoz says the penis is bad. Now we know why.

TheSuburbanLetdown · Post by **TheSuburbanLetdown** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 7:28 am

I'm all out of web fluid!

*spoot*

Rkolter · Post by **Rkolter** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 7:44 am

theSuburbanLetdown wrote:I'm all out of web fluid!

*spoot*