Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted here. Been kinda busy lately. I think I'll tell you some stuff, so listen up! Or don't. I
don't care.<P>Hey guess what? I actually got my first job offer this week! But, and this is a big but, I didn't take the job. Why? Well there's
lots of reasons. It would be a perfect job cuz I'd get to work out of the home, but I'd have to pay for my own materials, I'd
have to provide my own transportation until I got promoted to manager, but most importantly, there were some moral issues.
You see, the Web site company who offered me a job was Play To Win Sports (http://www.playtowinsports.com). It's vague on
their page, but what they do is sell odds for sports and Vegas betting. It's up to you what to do with those odds. Now, I'm not
too much against gambling or anything, in fact, I'd love to go to Vegas sometime so I could play some games, but I still don't
think gambling is the best thing to do. And I don't want to work somewhere that promotes it. So I didn't take the job. <P>And to add to this past already-stressful week, I had to do 4 game reviews in 2 days! I reviewed Banjo-Tooie, Hey You,
Pikachu, The PowerPuff Girls GBC game, and The Grinch for PSX. Now, out of these 4 games, can you guess which one I
actually ASKED to review? It sure as hell isn't the Grinch game!<P>Anyway, Banjo-Tooie is awesome. If you have an N64, get the game now. And if you don't, BT is reason enough to get one.
This may be my favorite N64 game ever! Unlike other 3-D platformers where there's a hub connecting the worlds, all the
worlds in BT are connected together...kinda like Metroid...with a bear.<P>Is Banjo-Tooie like Conker? Yes! There's one FPS level where you're in a sewer and there's pieces of shit with eyes clogging
up the airvents. You have to shoot the shit off the vents before it makes the air too toxic to breathe. You can tell if there's a
piece of brown poop in a room because you'll hear farting sounds. The game doesn't call them "shits" though, it says they're
"stinkies" or something. So if you want the humor from the maybe upcoming Conker game, BT has it. There's lots of subtle
adult humor that kids won't get, so it somehow got an E rating. <P>There's a level in Banjo-Tooie that is a giant underwear factory. The buiding is five stories high, and you can explore
EVERYTHING in and out of the buiding. Fire exits, air ducts, AC wind tunnels, garbage disposals, worker residentials, all in
this one building. And the underwear factory is just ONE level in the game's nine! The factory building has the best level design,
as you must figure out how to get Banjo as a washing machine to all the workers who need their clothes washed. Just getting
into the factory is a chore. The door's locked, so you must go behind the building, open the train tunnel, then take the train from
another level to the inside of the building and open it from the inside. Did I mention that as a washing machine, you shoot out
dirty underwear as a offensive manuver? <P>In another part of the factory you have to use the washing machine's weight to push a switch, but a electromagnet comes out
and keeps you from doing that. So what you have to do is go get Mumbo Jumbo and use his magic to deactivate the magnet,
then go back and get Banjo-Kazooie and turn back into the washer before the auto repair mechanism fixes the magnet. But
does that get you a puzzle piece? Oh no, it just unlocks a door in the basement where you can fight a giant vacuum cleaner! He
won't give you a puzzle piece, but he'll tell you where else in the level to find one!<P>Keep in mind that I'm just describing one level. In others, you'll bounce on inflatable castles and stomp around as a giant
T-Rex, play kickball, and of course, ride a mine cart. So, go get this game!<P>As for the other games, stay away from Hey You Pikachu and The PPG GBC game. <P>Did anyone see The Grinch movie? Good lord it sucked, but I only paid 3 bucks to see it, so no big loss. I thought that one
slutty lady who had a 'special interest' with The Grinch was very, very DISTURBING. But anyway, the game is crap, or at
least the PSX one is anyway. I heard good things about the GBC one, only because it plays like Pac-Man. In writing the PSX
game review, I wrote two versions. One regular and one in rhyme. I doubt my editor will publish the rhyming one, so I'll post it
here for you all to read.<P>Presenting for the first and maybe last time
A game review written entirely in rhyme.
It's in honor of the release of The Grinch video game,
Based off the book, cartoon and movie of the same name.<P>In this three-dimensional game you play as the Grinch.
You have a butt-bounce move and attack with your stench.
To ruin Christmas for folks you'll destroy and steal,
All the presents and snowmen in the town of Who-Ville.<P>You can also find blueprints that the Grinch can use
To make gadgets to annoy and slow down those nice Whos,
Like a gun that fires rotten eggs to slime Whos in packs.
And to get in small places the Grinch can use his dog Max.<P>Graphics are cartoonish but not very inspiring,
And the Christmas-y tunes get kind of tiring.
Play control is decent but overall,
The Grinch doesn't stand out from the many other games this fall.<P>For the most Grinchy fun, read Dr. Seuss' pages.
The Grinch game is rated E for all ages.<P>And if you made it this far, congrats, you've read a lot. Later!<P>--Klonoa