Official CG Elections 2007 campaign thread.

[Legion]

WHAT???

Who sanctioned these elections?? When I last checked, I was in charge!

I AM THE PRESIDENT! There are to be NO elections!

*sends in riot police to disperse the illegal campaign rallies*

The truth emerges!



Hooray for lazy Photoshopping!

[Prettydragoon]

Seriously, there's a brain tax.

Vote for me, and I'll abolish the brain tax! You know I'm not doing it for my personal benefit because I have no brain!

Yes, I'm as thick as two short planks, and... uh... I'm blonde! What's not to like?

Vote BlondeSpace! Prettydragoon in 2007!

[CaptainClaude]

i aint choosing till i've heard from everyone.

If Bob's president again, you get back your old job of punching rebels in the face while drunk.

I think I took that as far as I could go. it's all in my wiki entry.

Plus, mooman gave his life so that Bob might live... In a cell, rotting away.

[Rkolter]

The vat of Linkaras made me spit soda over my monitor.

*warms up his Taser*

I've really gotta figure out how to draw the candidates.

[CorpAmis]

I vote for anybody who will make me minister for something nice yet powerful!

[ShineDog]

Yes. make me minister of Tooshie squeeze.


I will vote for you.

[Dracomax]

Yes. make me minister of Tooshie squeeze.


I will vote for you.

...It's on the treespace agenda.

[Rusty Knight]

I must come forward reluctantly as a nominee for this noble position. I know I have said in the past that I never wanted to be president but I found myself in the position where various shadowy nebulous entities begged, no - required my nomination. As the few have asked, I must go back very unenthusiastically upon my word and run as a candidate in this hallowed tradition as the people have spoken.

My policies which have been decided for me are:

1. The right for anyone to punish any other member with impunity.

2. Cushy jobs for all supporters.

3. A platform of tolerance for lack of updates.

4. A policy of more Jams by the people, for the people.

5. FREE BEER AND FREE CRISPS

6. Any policy anyone else thinks up that is popular but with more bananas and one major party afterwards.

7. To Be Announced When In Office.

I'm not worried because I have this handy book to tell me what to do...



Bob may be the current president but he is in trouble:



Remember people:



So Vote for the Progressive Party!

The Party of Tomorrow!

[Robin Pierce]

Excuses Excuses.

Tell me, if you promised not to jump off a cliff, and people asked you REALLY NICELY to do so, would you do it?

[Rusty Knight]

Excuses Excuses.

Tell me, if you promised not to jump off a cliff, and people asked you REALLY NICELY to do so, would you do it?

Of course! What the public says goes...

...under my administration there shall be an unheard of level of co-operation betwixt the government and those that under said body. We shall listen to people and implement any changes as necessary as then decided by a body of people looking into the said issue.

We put down the gauntlet and ask the other parties if they could even begin to promise that they would listen as much to the fine upstanding people of this community.

Looking at the track record of some of the other candidates in this race we have to conclude - No they would not. If fact, it has been the current administrations policy to line their own pockets at the expense of us the poor people of Off-Topic.

I promise if elected that this kind of behaviour from our current administration shall stop.

What have my learned opponents to say to that? I put it to you that they shall merely bluster for time until the buzzer rings...*BUZZ*

*sits down*

[CaptainClaude]

Excuses Excuses.

Tell me, if you promised not to jump off a cliff, and people asked you REALLY NICELY to do so, would you do it?

depends what the caption says

[Robin Pierce]

If fact, it has been the current administrations policy to line their own pockets at the expense of us the poor people of Off-Topic.

... at least other candidates know that they're electing the president of General-Discussion

[Komiyan]

If fact, it has been the current administrations policy to line their own pockets at the expense of us the poor people of Off-Topic.

... at least other candidates know that they're electing the president of General-Discussion

ooooh burn!
vote mr bob

[The Neko]

ZOMG!

[Black Sparrow]

Blast it. Now how am I supposed to cover that up?

[Rusty Knight]

*points at where the discussion is taking place*
*points out his was had a small part in this event unfolding: Catalyst?

The election is of course for the fine people of all forums but their power is mainly in the General-Discussion as that is the title but nonetheless the current administration looked down on the rebels here in Off Topic.

We promise not to engage in more than a million underhand tactics such as making Hypnotoad our propagand-I mean, P.R. director.

All parties excluding the current administration and treespace agree that Mr.Bob is responsible for much of the evils we encounter. We promise if elected to make sure that any and all blame goes to where it rightly belongs - Mr.Bob

We promise to blur the issue on anything worthwhile and also promise to allow people to hoard doomsday devices with impunity. We advocate change in all areas except those that really matter.


We promise to end all oppressive taxes even those that apply to monkeys.



Vote Aggressively! Vote Progressively! Vote The Progressive Party!

[RemusShepherd]

Also, I would like to know more about this Lit Space. It seems like the party I can really get behind.

There is no Lit Space. Hint: In the original Keenspace logo, a star was used to form the letter 'K'.

And no, *that* party doesn't actually exist, either. If they did, they'd win every election.

Why are the candidates you want to vote for never the ones who run? I'd vote for a Barack Obama / Nervous Spy ticket in a heartbeat.

[Noise Monkey]

Do not vote for Bob, I will not stand for his monkey taxes, his tax on the name K-Dawg and his brutalize K-Dawg bill!

Vote for a party that will give you fun, and enjoyment...


vote for the PPP; that's the Primate Party Posse. Remember if you don't vote for us it means you like to punch puppies and eat babies.

But...

There's a split in the PPP! The Human one is running against the Ugly one! What's the Lazy one to do?









Nothing at all, of course.


EDIT: Isn't it odd that the GD elections MUST be held in OT? Like holding the US Presidential elections in Botswana.


Actually, that might not be a bad idea...

[Laemkral]

Hmm, still too early to easily accept offers of political servitude...but that's tempting ahaugen.

As far as my party platform goes:
1) Military dictatorship, so not a whole lot of change to the actual government make up.

2) Mandatory wars with other web comics (both hosting networks and individuals) or at least a constant state of hatred and aggression so as to fuel the fires of industry (and animation). A webcomic at war is a webcomic that updates.

3) Free healthcare. Cause you'll all be in my vast military.

4) New tax system that utilizes a combination of D20s and random equations ripped from a calculus book.

5) Peace and order shall reign through the land because any 1337 or Weeabooism shall be dealt with by roving death squads.

6) Did I say death squads? I meant happy squads.

7) The happy squads will also conduct Quality Control of Content Sweeps. My opponents may refer to this as nothing more than state sponsored genrecide but they're all a bunch of dirty liars and will be first to go.

8) Free porn. Just cause.

My political leanings have me:
AGAINST Bobism
FOR Moomanism
AGAINST J-List
FOR Boobies
NEUTRAL regarding Claude and his cult like status (which will be made the official state religion mainly due to lack of any alternative)
NEUTRAL regarding mansex
FOR Lesbians

Now, vote or die. No seriously, vote for me or I'll send my happy squads into your village.

[Nanda]

I'd like to announce that I WON'T be running for CG President for 2007. So don't vote for me. EVER.