How's your life atm?

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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Bloodied Fox on Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:08 pm

Paul Escobar wrote:The important thing is, what do you feel and think about it?


Incredibly conflicted. As I said, I understand his reasons for doing this, and in a way I'm proud that rather than sit around complaining about being stuck doing factory work, he's taking steps to get skills for something else. What scares me is both the danger of him being hurt and the possibility that with reduced contact we'll drift apart and he'll decide that our relationship isn't worth maintaining. I always knew that long distance relationships had the odds stacked against them, but I really do love him and the thought of losing him scares me deeply.
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Paul Escobar on Fri Sep 19, 2008 3:41 pm

He loves you too, right? There is no reason why he should decide it's not worth maintaining anymore than you should. There's never a guarantee of anything, but there's no use in worrying about what might go wrong. Focus on the good aspects. He's getting skills that will benefit both of you later on, economically and otherwise, which will also make immigration easier. You know that of course, but... yeah. Positive thinking is the way to go. (Man, it sounds so corny, doesn't it?)
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Bloodied Fox on Sat Sep 20, 2008 12:05 am

Well yes, but it doesn't make it any less true. Thanks man
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Pravus on Mon Sep 22, 2008 3:37 pm

I found out that one of my best friends is dying of Chronic Kidney Failure and may not survive to graduation.....
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Hungrywolf on Mon Sep 22, 2008 4:03 pm

That's pretty horrible. It's really sad to see someone in pain or illness. How long has your friend been sick?

Best wishes to your friend and his family.
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Redcrow on Mon Sep 22, 2008 6:50 pm

Hungrywolf wrote:That's pretty horrible. It's really sad to see someone in pain or illness. How long has your friend been sick?

Best wishes to your friend and his family.


I second that.
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Shadreorn on Tue Sep 23, 2008 1:46 am

Pravus wrote:I found out that one of my best friends is dying of Chronic Kidney Failure and may not survive to graduation.....


Being close to someone who's been diagnosed with something like that is always heart-wrenching. I've been there, but I can't imagine how you feel about it right now. Take refuge in the knowledge that the medical profession nowadays is capable of nigh-mythic acts of the curative sort. As long as you and your friend don't give up hope, there's always a chance.

As for me, I feel a little silly coming out with this, especially with Pravus' delicate situation (be strong), but I don't really know who else to talk to. The few people that I am close to I try not to worry, but the truth of the matter is that I've been battling with suicidal tendencies for almost four years now, and I feel like I might be finally losing that battle. For the longest time, I managed by pretending that none of it mattered, that either way I could deal with it. Like Matt Damon in the Departed says, "I can handle something being wrong for the rest of my life." I suppose it might help to know where I'm coming from.

In high school, I was a likeable guy; I associated with pretty much every social group at one point or another. I played football, and I was known for doing well in that. I threw shot, too. Placed 8th in the state my junior year. Despite all of this, all my friends were pretty fucked up. One was in and out rehab, the other busy battling for paternity, and the last contending with his own suicidal lifestyle. I finished up high school without caring much where I went to college, and I ended up only visiting and going to one school, and that's where I am now. I don't know what I want out of life. I have all the important things that a person normally desires, yet I can't sleep without crying first and can't get through a day without thinking about suicide.

Sorry for bringing this up. I know I'm new here and all that. I suppose just typing it out helps.
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby ShannC on Tue Sep 23, 2008 4:25 am

Fucking hell.
And the only thing to do is to think in the present, and hope for that 1-shot of a successible transplant.

I want to say something in general about being depressed. I find that it really helps to have somethings just for yourself that doesn't change much, like books, drawing, exercising, fixing a car, playing the guitar, anything semi-constructive for those idle hands. Even school work finished on time and well done gives a boost of confidence. We're not made to constantly reevaluate and trying to orientate in abstract ideas, and really few people can manage that well. So thought-supressant measures needs to be taken and hobbies are better than drugs in that respect.
Other people put positive slogans on their wall like "You're full of ideas and this day will be exciting!". No need to be so self-aware and think that it's stupid and embarassing. If it works, it works and you shouldn't be so self-aware anyway. Instead of questioning yourself and your clothes, aim that focus on friends and family. They will feel seen by you, and they won't care what your haircut looks like. It can't go wrong.

Then of course, karma want it so that if you yourself are doing fine, you're more susceptible to start absorbing the grief of other people instead. Things will change in life. They'll tear down the house you grew up in eventually. People and pets will die. Nostalgia can both be reassuring and a trap. Everything that is, someone made but you have the same constructive power, so you should not walk backwards into the future, just looking at things that unavoidably deteriorates.

Just some things I figured out the hard way.
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Pravus on Tue Sep 23, 2008 12:15 pm

Thanks guys...he's been sick for awhile now, but now her has a diagnosis...sigh...

Shadreorn...well, I can't really answer your predicament, but I will say you're being too hard on yourself with not saying that is important. I'm not really sure what to say except just try to get through life without thinking too much about it. That's what gets me through the hard times, but...well, I'm not sure. Sorry....
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby PortableNuke on Tue Sep 23, 2008 3:38 pm

Bloodied Fox wrote:Engineering, though he also keeps looking at the special forces, which I seriously hope is just him getting carried away


Engineering as the Army Corps of Engineers or Combat Engineers?


Paul Escobar wrote:I have an American friend who's currently in the US Marine Corps. Despite the marines being what they are - the first to go in - she's never been in a combat zone. She's an interpreter, and tells me that even if she's shipped to Iraq or wherever, she very likely would end up working in an office.


Yeah, she'll never see combat. Females aren't part of the front line forces. The only females that are likely to see combat are Motor-T female Marines, and even then it's just because the front lines are blurred in unconventional warfare.

@pravus
That sucks. I'm sorry to hear that.
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Hungrywolf on Wed Sep 24, 2008 11:54 am

I got into this discussion with a friend about a video game. (Yeah I know stupid thing to get into an argument) He's reviewing a game for a website, and he was going to give the game a grade I didn't agree with. So we went into an argument about this and that. Mostly I really just wanted to know why the way he graded. But for some reason, his responses didn't really help to satisfy my curiosity.

So I kept on pressing on him about it, which probably I shouldn't have done in my part. Which leads him to say that I get bent of shaped about things so easily. He brings up the time when me, him, and another friend went to see The Dark Knight. I really thought it was a great movie all around, but they didn't. We got into an argument there too. Basically the same argument then as now.

But the way they framed me to be some angry person, when I wasn't even upset. It just invalidated my feelings. I just wanted to know why they didn't like it. Yeah maybe I took a slight offense to their responses. Only because again, they weren't satisfying to me. But I was never angry. I can understand not liking something. Different strokes for different folks, all that. I can get past that. I always do. It just seems to me, that I have to like and not like something to their own accord.

I don't know, I hate my curiosity. If I can't ask a question, and everyone is going to be upset about me asking, why even. Maybe I was angry. But I would known if I was, I guess. I don't even know now, I have no self confidence in way I feel sometimes. And to have someone tell me that I'm acting a way, when I feel I'm not, just confuses me.


I feel slightly better now that I wrote it out.
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Bloodied Fox on Wed Sep 24, 2008 12:14 pm

PortableNuke wrote:
Bloodied Fox wrote:Engineering, though he also keeps looking at the special forces, which I seriously hope is just him getting carried away


Engineering as the Army Corps of Engineers or Combat Engineers?


I'm honestly not sure. My understanding of US army organisation is limited. He's going in for his tests tomorrow so we'll know what's happening fairly soon
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Paul Escobar on Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:30 am

PortableNuke wrote:
Paul Escobar wrote:I have an American friend who's currently in the US Marine Corps. Despite the marines being what they are - the first to go in - she's never been in a combat zone. She's an interpreter, and tells me that even if she's shipped to Iraq or wherever, she very likely would end up working in an office.

Yeah, she'll never see combat. Females aren't part of the front line forces. The only females that are likely to see combat are Motor-T female Marines, and even then it's just because the front lines are blurred in unconventional warfare.

Mind you, she's not complaining. Not having to shoot people suits her fine.
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Redcrow on Thu Sep 25, 2008 10:44 am

Shadreorn wrote:


As for me, I feel a little silly coming out with this, especially with Pravus' delicate situation (be strong), but I don't really know who else to talk to. The few people that I am close to I try not to worry, but the truth of the matter is that I've been battling with suicidal tendencies for almost four years now, and I feel like I might be finally losing that battle. For the longest time, I managed by pretending that none of it mattered, that either way I could deal with it. Like Matt Damon in the Departed says, "I can handle something being wrong for the rest of my life." I suppose it might help to know where I'm coming from.


I am glad you posted this. I have suffered from depression since late childhood and tried so many things to deal with it. I tried religion, self-help books, meditation, therapy, support groups, and diet. Each of these helped to a greater or lesser extent, with the exception of religion, which in one case made my depression worse.

I reached a point where my job was in jeopardy because I kept having angry outbursts, a common symptom of depression. I had been recommended medication by doctors and therapists periodically over the years. I had resisted, because I wanted to find a "natural cure".

Fourteen years ago I began taking Zoloft. I was one of those fortunate persons that didn't have to try other medications, since this one has worked all along.

Shadreorn wrote:

In high school, I was a likeable guy; I associated with pretty much every social group at one point or another. I played football, and I was known for doing well in that. I threw shot, too. Placed 8th in the state my junior year. Despite all of this, all my friends were pretty fucked up. One was in and out rehab, the other busy battling for paternity, and the last contending with his own suicidal lifestyle. I finished up high school without caring much where I went to college, and I ended up only visiting and going to one school, and that's where I am now. I don't know what I want out of life. I have all the important things that a person normally desires, yet I can't sleep without crying first and can't get through a day without thinking about suicide.


Heh. I was never popular in school. I was nerdy and socially maladjusted. By the time I got into high school, I had taken up cigarettes, booze, and pot which allowed me to be accepted by other social outcasts.

My college career was similar. I went to the first college that accepted me and was 3,000 miles away from my family, which was still to close as far as I was concerned. I dropped out after 2 years, and returned after working shit-jobs for 3 years.

At the second college, I would park about a mile from campus(this was an urban University)in a residential area so I wouldn't have to pay for parking. The walk to class would take me across a freeway overpass. Day after day I fantasized about leaping over the rail as I crossed.

For me, my depression stems from both neuro-chemical malfunction (which makes it a medical condition) and the environment in which I was raised (alcoholism and mental illness).

It's been a long hard fight, but I never feel suicidal anymore. Sure I get depressed still sometimes, but my life is now what it should have been all along. I'm still, on the inside, an outsider, but I don't give a shit. I have a job in the corporate world, with enough social skills and confidence to blend in without feeling like a whore. My closest friends tend to be other bright, creative types who have also managed to do alright for themselves.

Earlier this year I posted my first comic project on FurAffinty which is the story of me coping with a really bad period in my life. Take a look; it might take some patience if you have dial-up, and the panels are in reverse order in the gallery( I'll have to change that).

http://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/redcrow

I don't know what will or will not work to change your life for the better. But I thought I'd share my experience for what it's worth. You are welcome to pm me with any questions or concerns.

Shadreorn wrote:
Sorry for bringing this up. I know I'm new here and all that. I suppose just typing it out helps


You are most welcome here, young sir.

I like your avatar a lot. Are you an Altermeta fan by any chance?
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Shadreorn on Thu Sep 25, 2008 3:05 pm

I am now. I don't read very many comics, and spend even less time involved with the furry community at large. I've been to one meet ever, and pretty much the first person I met said flatout, "You don't really look like you belong here." Not sure if that was a compliment or not.

Anyways, thank you Redcrow for trying to help. I read your comic and it does give me some hope for the future. I've been working out alot more than usual recently, and it's helping me sleep simply because I'm too tired to think about things. I've tried therapy in the past, but it didn't do much for me. I'm a pyschology major and I'm aware of the chain of effect in most types of therapy and medications. I think perhaps knowing how they work has somehow made them far less potent.

But, all bad things pass, I suppose. Thanks again.
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Bloodied Fox on Thu Sep 25, 2008 3:41 pm

Bloodied Fox wrote:
PortableNuke wrote:
Bloodied Fox wrote:Engineering, though he also keeps looking at the special forces, which I seriously hope is just him getting carried away


Engineering as the Army Corps of Engineers or Combat Engineers?


I'm honestly not sure. My understanding of US army organisation is limited. He's going in for his tests tomorrow so we'll know what's happening fairly soon


And all engineering wondering sadly becomes irrelevant. He's signed up as infantry
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Shadreorn on Thu Sep 25, 2008 3:52 pm

Maybe he's a badass :3 Maybe it's those other guys who should be afraid of him.
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Hungrywolf on Thu Sep 25, 2008 4:10 pm

Shadreorn wrote:I am now. I don't read very many comics, and spend even less time involved with the furry community at large. I've been to one meet ever, and pretty much the first person I met said flatout, "You don't really look like you belong here." Not sure if that was a compliment or not.


That was sorta a familiar feeling when I went to my first con, AnthroCon this year. Not the same exact situation mind you, but the same general feeling. "Not belonging." On one had I was having fun on account of one person, but even that wasn't enough to really ease the feeling of some sort of outcast. I still wonder now if this fandom is for me.

In my opinion, and I mean no offense to anyone, but it's a pretty shallow fandom. Albeit an accepting one. Maybe to much. I don't really want to recall anyone specially, but there we're some really weird creepy people. I think the main problem I see is that it's still a rather young fandom. A fandom that still needs a lot of maturing to do. Or maybe, I just don't belong.
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Shadreorn on Thu Sep 25, 2008 4:21 pm

Hungrywolf wrote:That was sorta a familiar feeling when I went to my first con, AnthroCon this year. Not the same exact situation mind you, but the same general feeling. "Not belonging." On one had I was having fun on account of one person, but even that wasn't enough to really ease the feeling of some sort of outcast. I still wonder now if this fandom is for me.


You and I are kind of on the same wavelength, then. I felt really similar. I didn't go with anyone, seeing as none of my friends would ever live it down if I went, 'Hey guys! I'm a furry!' But, I knew a few people who would be there through the internet alone. Some of the people there looked normal enough, but the number of much older, much heavier, gay men was a bit offputting. I swing with the rainbow crew, but being half their age and in relatively good shape, it was awkward.

Hungrywolf wrote:In my opinion, and I mean no offense to anyone, but it's a pretty shallow fandom. Albeit an accepting one. Maybe too much. I don't really want to recall anyone specially, but there we're some really weird creepy people. I think the main problem I see is that it's still a rather young fandom. A fandom that still needs a lot of maturing to do. Or maybe, I just don't belong.


I think part of the problem with the fandom, not so much internally, but how it's viewed, is that it's populated by people who couldn't otherwise be included in any other group. It's almost too accepting, I agree, but for the most part I think that's a positive quality. Everyone needs to feel wanted and have a safe place with friends. But... people need to take care of themselves, I think. This goes into other categories, so I'll shut up.
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Re: How's your life atm?

Postby Hungrywolf on Thu Sep 25, 2008 4:49 pm

Shadreorn wrote:I think part of the problem with the fandom, not so much internally, but how it's viewed, is that it's populated by people who couldn't otherwise be included in any other group. It's almost too accepting, I agree, but for the most part I think that's a positive quality. Everyone needs to feel wanted and have a safe place with friends. But... people need to take care of themselves, I think. This goes into other categories, so I'll shut up.


I agree with the viewed part of your argument. Which is probably why we get the eclectic group of people as we do. And also the amount of, "Bad Press." But I still think part of the problem is internal too. You can't deny the level of "drama" (I hate using that word btw) that persists, especially around artists, their fans, and the people who simply attend the convention. It just, and this is my own opinion, there's a lot of it all around. Young and old, mature and immature. But I doubt that this is a common problem to this sub-culture alone.
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