1. Mongo, Bill, Cupid, and Death cannot die. It's IMPOSSIBLE to seriously physically harm ANY of them, no exception to this law.
2. Chris can NEVER be hurt while Mongo is still around. That's the job of Mongo.
3. It ALWAYS snows like a Mother on December 6th. You may see small flurries before that, but full blown, all out, wrath of God Blizzards ALWAYS happen on Dec 6th. From November 15th-April 1st, it will ALWAYS be snowing when characters are outdoors. From October 1-November 15, and from April 1st-May 15th it will ALWAYS be raining when characters are outdoors.
4. Kenny G will ALWAYS suck. There is no exception to this law WHATSOEVER. Country music sucks, for the most part, but there are a few exceptions to this law. Mostly, country music WILL NOT SUCK when it involves a song I actually like. Brittney Spears and any other bubble gum pop...will ALWAYS suck.
5. Expect the unexpected, and just go with it. Genetically Engeneered Dinosaurs, Guardian Devils, and walking death is just a part of life in North Dakota. We've gotten use to it, you can too.
6. Whenever things are looking up, don't worry, life will get shitty for you pretty damn soon afterwards.
7. The author is completly nuts. Get use to it.
- Addendum:
Rule 7g - the Dude's name is secret..
Rule 7q - Spelling Errors are NOT Mistress Kelli's fault.
Rule 7s-Kelli is always right, it's not going to do a damn bit of good arguing about it.
-Added January 3, 2006
9. There is NO color in ND, nor are there things like "trees"...not en-mass. Trees are rare, and practically an endangered species on the prairie.
10. There are a total of 7 streets and 9 avenues in the town that North Dakota University resides in. EVERYTHING is within walking distance.
11. Cupid may be harmed at any time...because that little fucker deserves it. In fact, if I could, I run "The many nutshots of cupid" for 30 straight days...but I think I'ld wind up losing most of my fan base.
12. Anywhere But Here will update AT LEAST 5 times a week. SOmetimes six, sometimes seven, sometimes A LOT. But no LESS then 5 times a week unless the author has actually gotten SEX, or is dead. Most likely he's DEAD, because he hasn't had sex in so long he's forgotten how everything works, and would most likely be HORRIBLE at it.
- Addendum:
12a. The Site will update AT LEAST 5 times a week, provided Comic Genesis hasn't completly gone belly up and jammed so much shit into the updater that only a roto-rooter could clean it out.
-Added Dec 31, 2005
12b. If the artist is currently writing and drawing TWO comics simultaniously, this can only mean that not only has he NOT had sex in a VERY long time, but he has also most likely forgotten how to even masturbate properly any more.
-Added January 6, 2006
Rule #14:
The cast is not infalable. Chris, and The Dude are human, they are all prone to fuck ups from time to time.
But there will most likely be a voice of reason coming from someone else. Because I cant stand when people are acting stupid...and neither would Chris or The Dude.
Most likely, Chris will pimpsmack the Dude, and The Dude will Pimpsmack Chris, because...quite honestly, that's what SMART people do when someone is acting stupid. Only idiots will tolerate stupidity, and neither of these characters, while being human, are dumb.
-Added 2-28-06
More "laws" to come as I think of them, or they are pointed out to me
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