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Postby Patahern on Mon Jul 04, 2005 8:52 am

thank you so much for your kind words! i appreciate you spreading it around so much.

http://www.thefriendsociety.com/everyon ... 050704.png
new strip
http://www.thefriendsociety.com/everyon ... trip_id=13


how is this one? any crits would be appreciated. :)

edit/ yeahduff.
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Postby Subhuman on Mon Jul 04, 2005 12:18 pm

I like the art style, and yes, it's original. But the humor is too juvenile, or nonsensical, or both. The jokes...aren't really. It's hard giving tips on how to improve comedy writing, because you either get it or you don't. The latest one, for example, starts out funny but the punchline is a letdown. Oh, he's getting sued because he looks like Ronald McDonald. That's...okay, but it'd be funnier if you'd taken it in a more ironic direction, maybe something to do with how the guy hates kids and yet it's his job to entertain them...it's hard to explain, but the punchline is a bit weak. Same with the Detroit one - the receptionist tells him it's cold in Detroit, so he relents and picks a warmer location. Where is the joke, exactly? It's told so straight that if there's sarcasm somewhere, the reader can't detect it.

Basically, you've got the art down pat (nice coloring work, especially), but work on coming up with better jokes.
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Postby Nutcracker on Mon Jul 04, 2005 2:19 pm

Subhuman, why are you always so right? You leave me nothing to say.
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Postby Patahern on Mon Jul 04, 2005 4:08 pm

well in the two you refferenced, what you identify as the joke isn't meant to be the joke.

on the plane ticket one, the joke is that someone usually is set on where thier going and knows thier whole plan when buying a ticket, he was so anxious to go anywhere thougj.

and yeah i do see what you mean about this macdonalds one, and i even was worried that the joke would be only that he looks like ronald macdonald, but no thats just something to get the joke to work. the joke IS that he hates his job but has to work it, because now hes in an financial pickle. the joke is also how he has the nose on the entire strip. the joke is also just the single frame of the kid laughing. the joke is also the fact that hes wearing his big oversized yellow shoes and you can see them in frame 3.

but i do know what you mean and there are definitely substandard ones that made it to finished strips, but im in the situation where i dont really like any of them anymore.

thanks for your input though, i'm not arguing or anything, i appreciate the feedback. :)
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Postby Yeahduff on Tue Jul 05, 2005 9:34 pm

For fucksakes.

The Rules wrote:*Supply a promotional image. We are working in a visual medium, afterall, so show us what we're getting into. Keep it PG Rated, AND MAKE IT LOOK SPIFFY. Size restrictions go as follows: 550 pixels wide, 128k limit, GIF/JPG/PNG format. No BMP. One image per plug. STRICTLY ENFORCED. Violate these and your image gets nuked. Think of us dial-up folk.


Please. If someone nukes your image three times, look into why they are doing it.

And honestly, you don't have to tell us every time you update. You let us know it's there. If we're interested, we'll check it out. Maybe in a few months you can remind us about it. But not every three days.
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Postby Nutcracker on Wed Jul 06, 2005 9:23 am

patahern wrote:on the plane ticket one, the joke is that someone usually is set on where thier going and knows thier whole plan when buying a ticket, he was so anxious to go anywhere thougj.

We know, but it it`s not funny.

patahern wrote:and yeah i do see what you mean about this macdonalds one, and i even was worried that the joke would be only that he looks like ronald macdonald, but no thats just something to get the joke to work. the joke IS that he hates his job but has to work it, because now hes in an financial pickle. the joke is also how he has the nose on the entire strip. the joke is also just the single frame of the kid laughing. the joke is also the fact that hes wearing his big oversized yellow shoes and you can see them in frame 3.


You see, what you call a joke is really just a situation. We are waiting for something and then... the end. Maybe your strips need more panels. For example the laughing kid: it would look better if you added another panel with a close up and make him uglier and laughing even more, and then another one showing only his mouth - this would show the clown`s disgust. Yet still, the punchline doesn`t fit. The last panel would work as well as a single-panel comic.
I recommend this http://mcduffies.keenspace.com/tutorjokes.html
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Postby Subhuman on Wed Jul 06, 2005 10:01 am

What Nutcracker said. (See, it goes both ways. ;))
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Postby Patahern on Wed Jul 06, 2005 10:12 pm

situational comedy.
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Postby Nutcracker on Thu Jul 07, 2005 1:11 am

You ask for critique but when you got it you keep explaining everyone that your jokes are funny. I just wanted to help.
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Postby Nicked on Thu Jul 07, 2005 1:47 am

I dig the strip. Even the airplane one. But I agree that jokes shouldn't be explained further than they are in the strip itself.
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Postby Subhuman on Thu Jul 07, 2005 6:26 am

Situation comedies have jokes, too.
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Postby Tynan on Thu Jul 07, 2005 6:43 am

Subhuman wrote:Situation comedies have jokes, too.


Or do they?
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Postby Mvmarcz on Thu Jul 07, 2005 7:33 am

not every situation is a funny one.

Situation comedies are so named because the characters are often in comedic situations, most likely a stretch on a situation most expereince often, that play off of our lifes experiences/joys/fears.
Like the Mary Tyler Moore episode where the clown dies and everyone makes fun of it but her. Untill the funeral, where they're all somber but she can't stop laughing.

And if you don't get that refference go buy the dvds :P or watch a lil tv land. the classics never hurt anyone :)
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Postby Subhuman on Thu Jul 07, 2005 7:48 am

Or watch any sitcom at all, really. The wacky situations are usually punctuated by jokes and one-liners.
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Postby Nutcracker on Thu Jul 07, 2005 8:57 am

Why do you give advice to someone who doesn`t want to improve?
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Postby Patahern on Thu Jul 07, 2005 9:14 am

ive been constantly trying to improve it, and havnt tried to be hostile toward the feedback.

you have to understand that i can only do so much abotu feedback. i don't know any other way of writing comics, its hard to reply when someone plainly says "make it funnier", thats a tough bill. logically, im not going to change the entire comics format and style around from some feedback, i was looking for critiques i could actually use. sorry if it sounds like im critiquing your critique here but i don't know how to respond when someone tells me to "make it funnier" and then gets upset at me for not complying.
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Postby Nutcracker on Thu Jul 07, 2005 10:47 am

Yeah, I know what you mean, it`s the hardest part. Sorry for being an ass, too much stress recently :oops:
I think you could make the one with the clown better by making him say it`s the last day of his 20-year torture or something.
And the one with airplane bought at the mall: Father- Nice work, son. Here`s 5 bucks, buy yourself something at the mall. *gives the kid 1 cent*

me wrote:For example the laughing kid: it would look better if you added another panel with a close up and make him uglier and laughing even more, and then another one showing only his mouth - this would show the clown`s disgust.

To show you what I had on my mind:
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Postby Patahern on Thu Jul 07, 2005 11:09 am

its cool i dont take any offence i just hope you understand i dont mean any either. :)

oh and "Nice work, son. Here`s 5 bucks, buy yourself something at the mall. *gives the kid 1 cent*" thats really funny :) but i couldnt do like a second strip because none of them are supposed to have a common thread between them.

i really liked that zoom in with detail idea, sorta like ren & stimpy. i might try it out i like the idea.

thanks man.
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Postby Nutcracker on Thu Jul 07, 2005 11:17 am

patahern wrote:but i couldnt do like a second strip because none of them are supposed to have a common thread between them.

No, no... not another strip, edit the existing one, just add one panel.
If you like my idea - use it, I won`t sue you :D
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Postby Subhuman on Thu Jul 07, 2005 11:51 am

Nutcracker wrote:Purple Pussy is ded;(

Thanks for reminding me. :cry:
Last edited by Subhuman on Thu Jul 07, 2005 3:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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