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Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 9:17 am
by Tellurider
Let us all commemorate the day we said "Fuck you England, we're not buying your shitty tea any more! Also you smell!" Or something like that. Yes, even though it would be 13 more years before we actually became the United States of America, we prefer to celebrate our day of telling off the British with fire, barbecue, and beer. So have a happy Independence Day, fellow Americans, and remember that mixing booze and fireworks can lead to tragedy, also known as "England's Revenge"

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 9:33 am
by Jim North
Hooray! Today is the anniversary of the day we Americans decided to stop letting the British oppress us so we could get on with the business of oppressing each other directly!

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:05 pm
by Ekolter
Happy "Go blow up some shit" day.

Bite me England. 8-)

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:47 pm
by Laemkral
Dear France,

Thank you for your help in making us free from the British so we'd feel ingratiated enough to save your ass from Germans in WW1. WW2 was because we felt sorry for you. Vietnam was to try and show you up, and at least we didn't get chased out, we left cause we FELT LIKE IT. Also, YOUR revolution with that midget was over faster than the Iranian one.

Anyways, thanks for that help that one time. Now go suck on a cheeseburger.

Sincerely,
America

Dear Britain,

Wassup. Sorry about that whole "fuck you" back in 1776. You did get us back good with the burning of our capitol in 1812, so we're square, dawg. Appreciate you standing by us in all the wars and stuff we've done since then, you having our back has been good. Not that we need your help, America doesn't need ANYONE to help, we just like having it cause its less work for us. Anyways, please keep sending us hot British actresses because that accent rocks. No more Hugh Grants though, dude is messing with our game.

Sincerely,
United States of America

Dear China,

If Britain starts talking smack about "America doesn't NEED help," they're totally tripping. Keep doing business with us, kthnxbai. And your cousin North Korea is being a bitch again. Fucker tried to crash the 4th of July BBQ.

Sincerely,
Moneybags America

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 3:11 pm
by Ahaugen
Dear America,

We're bigger, and we're on top. If this were prison, you'd be our bitch.

Love,
Canada

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 3:20 pm
by Phact0rri
Dear Founding fathers,

Sorry about not reaching your goals and instead doing pretty much the opposite of your visions of a perfect utopia. But at least were still around, and we are no longer using slaves and killing the aboriginals... well that much.

But you really were right about those mega corporations in the federalist papers. Sorry we didn't actually read them.

Sincerely

US of A.

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:29 pm
by Toxic
Dear North Korea,

Please don't blow us up.

Sincerely,
United States

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 12:29 am
by Dragonkingdoms
Ahaugen wrote:Dear America,

We're bigger, and we're on top. If this were prison, you'd be our bitch.

Love,
Canada



Dear Canada,
Yes, you are bigger and on top, but most of you is empty. Many of your citizens are huddled close to our border for warmth. Perhaps Global Warming wouldn't be such a bad thing for you, because you could then grow crops almost to the Arctic Circle instead of barely above the Great Lakes. Also note how the continent is called North America and not North Canada.

Love, America.

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 7:07 am
by Laemkral
Toxic wrote:Dear North Korea,

Please don't blow us up.

Sincerely,
United States


No. Wrong. Let's try this letter:

Dear North Korea,

Do it, punk. We dare you. Fire your missile cause the Navy and Air Force are getting bored and quite frankly they want to bomb something. Newsflash: we don't need to invade you anymore, we can clear a path with cruise missiles and fly Blackhawks with Army Rangers right into your capitol. Son, we will FUCK. YOU. UP.

Sincerely,
United States of "38,000 Soldiers on your doorstep, and the Pacific fleet anchored in Japan" America.

There we go. All they need to do is make one provocative move and I assure you, the military will have a big grin on its face. NK may not go down as easy as Iraq, but I also don't see a VietCong or Al Qaeda type insurgency taking hold. For starters, they're all Koreans, so there's no populace division like in the Middle East. Second, there's no neighboring countries harboring the anti-American sentiment necessary to fuel an insurgency (looking at you, Iran and Syria). Finally, China doesn't have their back anymore, not like they used to. The Red Army will not march south and defend the parallel against UN troops.

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 12:51 pm
by Killbert-Robby
Dragonkingdoms wrote:
Ahaugen wrote:Dear America,

We're bigger, and we're on top. If this were prison, you'd be our bitch.

Love,
Canada



Dear Canada,
Yes, you are bigger and on top, but most of you is empty. Many of your citizens are huddled close to our border for warmth. Perhaps Global Warming wouldn't be such a bad thing for you, because you could then grow crops almost to the Arctic Circle instead of barely above the Great Lakes. Also note how the continent is called North America and not North Canada.

Love, America.


Dear America,
I broke a bone the other day. I got it fixed free of charge without bankrupting myself.
Love,
Canada



BUT I DIGEST
Happy Independence day you crazy yanks.

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 1:04 pm
by MixedMyth
Killbert-Robby wrote:Dear America,
I broke a bone the other day. I got it fixed free of charge without bankrupting myself.
Love,
Canada


:cry:

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 6:50 am
by Corgan_dane
Dearest Canada,

Just a quick note of thanks for continuing to be our biggest national park. Without your untouched wilderness we would forget why our border stops before it gets really freakin' cold and empty.

Also: Thank you for not being completely French.

- Corgan

P.S. If you ever need to borrow our military, you can. We don't mind.

P.S.S. I love you, don't hate me.

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 10:21 am
by Phact0rri
My Dearest Canada,

thank you ever so much for your continued support. And continuing to be a brilliant Colony even if you really aren't anymore. I won't tell if you don't.

sending Love,

England.

p.s. Wales wanted to know if you got the care package.

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 11:51 am
by Rkolter
Dear Canada,

Thank you for reprocessing our pollution with your huge forests and for giving us back nice clean air. That's really swell of you. We'd let you in as the 51st state but 51 is a prime number and so it wouldn't work with our flag. And, of course, there's Quebec.

Sincerely,

USA.


Dear North Korea,

We have somewhere around 1000-1200 nuclear weapons, each of which is significantly more powerful than yours. We are under obligation to reduce our stores of nuclear weapons to make the world a safer place. Some of us wonder if sending them to you, under their own power, wouldn't kill two birds with one stone. Just saying, bitch.

Sincerely,

USA.


Dear England,

You're pretty cool; we've got your back. Please send us some beer that actually has alcohol in it for our birthday.

Sincerely,

USA


Dear China,

We love buying stuff from you; it's cheaper and usually pretty good. But if you fuck up our pets one more time we're going to go postal on your ass. Please keep the inexpensive fireworks coming, you guys make some good stuff!

Sincerely,

USA

Re: Happy Independence Day, Americans!

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 1:27 pm
by Corgan_dane
Rkolter wrote:
Dear North Korea,

We have somewhere around 1000-1200 nuclear weapons, each of which is significantly more powerful than yours. We are under obligation to reduce our stores of nuclear weapons to make the world a safer place. Some of us wonder if sending them to you, under their own power, wouldn't kill two birds with one stone. Just saying, bitch.

Sincerely,

USA.



Dear god, Kolter...that almost caused me a pepsi-snort-up-the-nose" death. Well played. Well...played.