how many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
three. One to screw it in, and one to confuse the issue.
Bad jokes you might want to repeat
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- Mark threads containing nudity in inlined images as NSFW
- Read The rules post for specifics
54 posts
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Re: Bad jokes you might want to repeat
by Dr Legostar on Mon Jan 12, 2009 11:36 am
-D. M. Jeftinija Ph.D.
"People who don't care about anything will never understand the people who do." "yeah.. but we won't care."
"Legostar's on the first page of the guide. His opinion is worth more than both of yours."--Yeahduff
"People who don't care about anything will never understand the people who do." "yeah.. but we won't care."
"Legostar's on the first page of the guide. His opinion is worth more than both of yours."--Yeahduff
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Dr Legostar - Cartoon Villain
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Re: Bad jokes you might want to repeat
by Dr Legostar on Wed Jan 14, 2009 10:26 am
What goes "ooooo"?
A cow with no lips.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
A cow with no lips.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
-D. M. Jeftinija Ph.D.
"People who don't care about anything will never understand the people who do." "yeah.. but we won't care."
"Legostar's on the first page of the guide. His opinion is worth more than both of yours."--Yeahduff
"People who don't care about anything will never understand the people who do." "yeah.. but we won't care."
"Legostar's on the first page of the guide. His opinion is worth more than both of yours."--Yeahduff
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Dr Legostar - Cartoon Villain
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Re: Bad jokes you might want to repeat
by DeadCaL on Fri Feb 06, 2009 4:57 pm
Two Stormtroopers walk into a bar. Third one ducks.
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Re: Bad jokes you might want to repeat
by Nanda on Fri Feb 06, 2009 5:56 pm
Dr Legostar wrote:What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
Ha! My sister would love that. She can tell it on the heels of her other favorite - Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella? Fo drizzle.
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Re: Bad jokes you might want to repeat
by Rkolter on Fri Feb 06, 2009 6:25 pm
There are two cats on a roof. How can you tell which will fall off first?
The one with the lowest "mew".
(mu - coefficient of friction)
How many astronomers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Astronomers don't use lightbulbs, they use standard candles.
Did you hear adout the party on the moon?
There was no atmosphere.
Did you hear about the party on a neutron star?
It was packed.
Did you hear about the party in a black hole?
Me neither.
Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...
The one with the lowest "mew".
(mu - coefficient of friction)
How many astronomers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Astronomers don't use lightbulbs, they use standard candles.
Did you hear adout the party on the moon?
There was no atmosphere.
Did you hear about the party on a neutron star?
It was packed.
Did you hear about the party in a black hole?
Me neither.
Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...
Crossfire: "Thank you! That explains it very nicely, and in a language that someone other than a physicist can understand..."
Denial is not falsification. You can't avoid a fact just because you don't like it.
"Data" is not the plural of "anecdote"
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Rkolter - Destroyer of Words (Moderator)
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Re: Bad jokes you might want to repeat
by MattRo on Fri Feb 06, 2009 11:51 pm
BAD JOKE WARNING! Seriously, this one is very bad. And not in a "bad joke" sort of way, but in a disgusting-should-never-be-said kind of way. So if you can't handle it, don't read any further...
How do you make a 5 year old boy cry twice?
Wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear.
And now I'm banned.
How do you make a 5 year old boy cry twice?
Wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear.
And now I'm banned.
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MattRo - Regular Poster
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Re: Bad jokes you might want to repeat
by Killbert-Robby on Sat Feb 07, 2009 12:08 pm
Rkolter wrote:There are two cats on a roof. How can you tell which will fall off first?
The one with the lowest "mew".
(mu - coefficient of friction)
How many astronomers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Astronomers don't use lightbulbs, they use standard candles.
Did you hear adout the party on the moon?
There was no atmosphere.
Did you hear about the party on a neutron star?
It was packed.
Did you hear about the party in a black hole?
Me neither.
Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...
*remembers those all*
MattRo wrote:BAD JOKE WARNING! Seriously, this one is very bad. And not in a "bad joke" sort of way, but in a disgusting-should-never-be-said kind of way. So if you can't handle it, don't read any further...
How do you make a 5 year old boy cry twice?
Wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear.
And now I'm banned.
*Slap*
I'm not criticizing your joke, I know many dead baby jokes. But half of comedy is knowing your audience, so I'm just slapping your terrible comedic sense.
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Killbert-Robby - Cartoon Hero
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Re: Bad jokes you might want to repeat
by MattRo on Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:25 pm
Well, I'm not a comedian, so sorry I couldn't be better at it. However, I have great comedic sense. I'm just working with a bad audience.
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MattRo - Regular Poster
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Re: Bad jokes you might want to repeat
by BeefotronX on Sat Feb 07, 2009 5:46 pm
Why do people refuse to look at their HIV test results?
Because there might be a dead cat in the envelope.
---
Once upon a time there was a successful inventor. His company was making massive profits and people around the world were clamoring to buy his stuff. That is, with the exception of Korea. For some reason business was terrible, and for a year he tried to figure out what was wrong. Finally the inventor paid to run a secret survey, and discovered that his main outlet in Seoul was managed by a bunch of idiots and tyrants. Customer service was terrible, and employee turnover was high. The inventor made up his mind to have all the top management of the Korean branch fired. It didn't really matter who replaced them.
So the inventor went on a trip to Seoul and during breakfast at the hotel, he met three brothers from the east coast, the oldest of whom had just finished his MBA. The inventor decided to mention he was replacing the management at his company's Korean branch, and the brothers immediately agreed to take the job.
Two weeks later, the brothers were outside their new offices on their first day.
To the oldest brother, the inventor said "You are in charge of human resources."
To the middle brother, the inventor said "You are in charge of finances."
To the youngest brother, the inventor said "You are in charge of supplies."
After a week to get them started, the inventor announced that he would be back in 6 months to check on results.
6 months later the inventor returned to the main outlet in Seoul. So far it looked good. The building had a shiny new sign out front and a fresh exterior paint job. The landscaping was immaculate, and the parking lots were far more filled than before. Looking inside, business was clearly bustling. Heading over to the customer service desk, the inventor asked how things have been in the past six months. The woman at the desk smiled and said business was much better-- all the new managers were magnificent people, and the business was now turning a huge profit. This said to the inventor that the first two brothers had done an excellent job.
Curious about the third brother, the inventor asked to be shown to the stockroom.
The boxes were stacked sloppily, a handheld scanner was left carelessly on a shelf, and the forklift was parked awkwardly across the main walkway to the break room. Shaking his head, the inventor made his way around, wondering if anyone was back there. The lights were off. Letting out a loud sigh, the inventor turned on the lights and sat down on the couch, trying to think of how to explain to the other two that they would have to fire or demote their younger brother.
Suddenly, a closet door in the break room burst open.
The youngest of the three Korean brothers came out wearing a party hat, with a large cake on a platter in his hands.
"SUPPLIES!" he shouted.
And in fact it was the inventor's birthday.
Because there might be a dead cat in the envelope.
---
Once upon a time there was a successful inventor. His company was making massive profits and people around the world were clamoring to buy his stuff. That is, with the exception of Korea. For some reason business was terrible, and for a year he tried to figure out what was wrong. Finally the inventor paid to run a secret survey, and discovered that his main outlet in Seoul was managed by a bunch of idiots and tyrants. Customer service was terrible, and employee turnover was high. The inventor made up his mind to have all the top management of the Korean branch fired. It didn't really matter who replaced them.
So the inventor went on a trip to Seoul and during breakfast at the hotel, he met three brothers from the east coast, the oldest of whom had just finished his MBA. The inventor decided to mention he was replacing the management at his company's Korean branch, and the brothers immediately agreed to take the job.
Two weeks later, the brothers were outside their new offices on their first day.
To the oldest brother, the inventor said "You are in charge of human resources."
To the middle brother, the inventor said "You are in charge of finances."
To the youngest brother, the inventor said "You are in charge of supplies."
After a week to get them started, the inventor announced that he would be back in 6 months to check on results.
6 months later the inventor returned to the main outlet in Seoul. So far it looked good. The building had a shiny new sign out front and a fresh exterior paint job. The landscaping was immaculate, and the parking lots were far more filled than before. Looking inside, business was clearly bustling. Heading over to the customer service desk, the inventor asked how things have been in the past six months. The woman at the desk smiled and said business was much better-- all the new managers were magnificent people, and the business was now turning a huge profit. This said to the inventor that the first two brothers had done an excellent job.
Curious about the third brother, the inventor asked to be shown to the stockroom.
The boxes were stacked sloppily, a handheld scanner was left carelessly on a shelf, and the forklift was parked awkwardly across the main walkway to the break room. Shaking his head, the inventor made his way around, wondering if anyone was back there. The lights were off. Letting out a loud sigh, the inventor turned on the lights and sat down on the couch, trying to think of how to explain to the other two that they would have to fire or demote their younger brother.
Suddenly, a closet door in the break room burst open.
The youngest of the three Korean brothers came out wearing a party hat, with a large cake on a platter in his hands.
"SUPPLIES!" he shouted.
And in fact it was the inventor's birthday.
A webcomic so scrumptrelescent you can barely move.
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Re: Bad jokes you might want to repeat
by Rkolter on Mon Feb 09, 2009 5:36 am
MattRo wrote:BAD JOKE WARNING!
And now I'm banned.
I used to maintain the canonical list of Helen Keller jokes on usenet. I once got a letter from one of her decendants telling me what a monster I was. I took it as a compliment.
I wouldn't touch your joke with a 10-foot pole.
Crossfire: "Thank you! That explains it very nicely, and in a language that someone other than a physicist can understand..."
Denial is not falsification. You can't avoid a fact just because you don't like it.
"Data" is not the plural of "anecdote"
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Rkolter - Destroyer of Words (Moderator)
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Re: Bad jokes you might want to repeat
by Killbert-Robby on Mon Feb 09, 2009 5:54 am
*Knock knock*
Who's there?
9-11
9-11 who?
YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET
Who's there?
9-11
9-11 who?
YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET
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Killbert-Robby - Cartoon Hero
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Re: Bad jokes you might want to repeat
by Laemkral on Mon Feb 09, 2009 8:48 am
Killbert-Robby wrote:*Knock knock*
Who's there?
9-11
9-11 who?
YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET
Okay, now THAT is funny.
Avatar courtesy of Fading Aura.
Heed these words: I do not draw. Photos if you're lucky.
Heed these words: I do not draw. Photos if you're lucky.
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Re: Bad jokes you might want to repeat
by MattRo on Wed Feb 11, 2009 7:17 am
Rkolter wrote:MattRo wrote:BAD JOKE WARNING!
And now I'm banned.
I used to maintain the canonical list of Helen Keller jokes on usenet. I once got a letter from one of her decendants telling me what a monster I was. I took it as a compliment.
I wouldn't touch your joke with a 10-foot pole.
Thanks. That actually made me feel better.
God, Helen Keller jokes are the greatest aren't they?
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54 posts
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