Things I learned After It Was Too Late

[Ian Moulding]

and I lift my glass to the awful truth
which you can't reveal to the ears of youth
except to say it isn't worth a dime

Things I wish I'd known before the painful lesson:

1) The crazy ones may be more 'interesting', but the sane ones won't come after you with a steak knife and then try to have the cops arrest you for assault when they finally show up.

2) Listening to trance music while driving along a prairie highway is a good way to end up in the ditch.

3) Eight to ten cups of coffee a day, plus three double-shot espressos, over the course of three months is really bad for your health.

4) Creative types (Such as writers) should never date archivists (Such as librarians).

5) When trying to help someone in trouble, the first thing you should do is sucker-punch the psychopath causing the trouble.

Anyone else?

[Shinyhugh]

Just because a place is locked up at the weekend doesn't mean there's nobody in there.

[Christwriter]

Just because he says "I have a plan" doesn't mean that he actually has a plan.

Having Checks does not mean that you are not out of money (thank my Dad for this one)

If you know the gas gage is broken, it is a good idea to refill the tank before you go on a three hour trip to nowhere.

Writing and doing computer art for two months straight is a PERFECT way to develop carpul tunnel before you're 25

When people hand you food and then step back to watch you eat it, examine very carefully for booby traps. When the cupcake frosting smells like Tabasco sauce, that might be a clue that Something Is Very Wrong.

Two day old orphan kittens need lots of food, sleep, and peace. That does not mean that you will get any.

Seeing animal eyes dialate as they look at you is a Very Bad Thing.

If the plastic wrap on the bowl of spegetti-os is blown up like a baloon after you heat it because of the steam, DON'T TAKE THE WRAP OFF.

CW

[Gengar003]

Don't stick pliers in the electrical outlet

If you fight with broomstick-bowstaves, guard your face

[Plothole]

Don't stick pliers in the electrical outlet

OR strings of metal wire.

[PieceOfSkunk]

-It's better to miss your turn than to take it to fast and drive down a grassy embankment.

-Self-pity might get a girl to talk to you, but it will not get you any dates.

-Chicks don't dig nose-pickers.

-At dinnertime, the cat will always be wherever you happen to be setting your foot down.

[Pillywiggin]

Don't stick pliers in the electrical outlet

OR strings of metal wire.

Or your actual fingers.

Don't race a 70 lbs dog up the basement stairs in the dark.

If you put milk in a water bottle and leave it out for 2 months, it will taste really bad.

Don't go to watch movies like Matrix Reloaded when it's been less then 24 hours since you had minor surgery and you're high on codine. It will do strange things to your head.

[Nyke]

The repairmen for my pick-up cannot tell a 10-amp fuse from a 20-amp fuse.

[CaptainClaude]

Watch out where the huskies go. Dont you eat that yellow snow.

[Warren]

Never lick a phone cord to see if it's plugged in.

[Levi-chan]

You will never win in an argument against a girlfriend.

And you may think women are stupid for liking expensive pieces of rock, until they remind you that you're the one who bought it for them.

[TheGoobla]

When your girlfriend asks you to be somewhere on a certain date at a certain time, you should actually be listening and not just nodding your head and agreeing reflexively.

[Fading Aura]

I'm a little embarrassed in admitting to a few of these, but here are some of the things I've learned in my life after the fact . . .

1 ) Don't be the world's doormat. You'll only end up with the mud and dirt from everyone else's shoes.

2 ) If you don't have anything to say, don't say anything.

3 ) Never, ever advertise your webcomic on other webcomic forums unless there's an area to do so.

4 ) Intoxicated blacksmiths do incredibly funny and stupid things. This includes shooting brooms out of cannons and anvils several hundred feet into the air. Be cautious around intoxicated blacksmiths.

5 ) If a piece of iron changes from red hot to black in color, do not touch it. Ignoring this advice will lead to first or second degree burns.

6 ) Constantly quoting lines from obscure or old references will ensure that every single one of your friends will think you're "weird".

7 ) Do not leave cd binders with metal rings lying on the floor. Bare feet and metal rings do not mix.

8 ) Make absolutely sure the power supply of a computer is unplugged before working on it.

9 ) Life is not like a video game. Do not attempt moves from your favorite video game characters.

10) Cats like kitty treats. Cats don't like being teased with kitty treats. Cats with claws being teased with kitty treats are downright vicious.

11) Skiing can be a fun activity until you lose control. Especially on anything but the bunny hills.

12) Computers do not like being hit on the case with a hammer. Repeatedly.

13) When repairing your car, seek advice from more than one mechanic.

14) If the parking meter is broken, find another parking meter. You will still get a ticket for not feeding the meter even if it's broken.

15) If you are driving a convertible with the top down and decide to open the lid on your milkshake, don't.

16) Don't spend too much time on the computer. There's a lot more out there to experience.

I'll post more as I think of them.

[Plothole]

16) Don't spend too much time on the computer. There's a lot more out there to experience.

Blasphemy!

[Sortelli]

2 ) If you don't have anything to say, don't say anything.

Rubbish! I got where I am today by saying everything about nothing! *carves another notch in his post stick*

[Warren]

2 ) If you don't have anything to say, don't say anything.

Rubbish! I got where I am today by saying everything about nothing! *carves another notch in his post stick*

[Sortelli]

2 ) If you don't have anything to say, don't say anything.

Rubbish! I got where I am today by saying everything about nothing! *carves another notch in his post stick*

*bows to the master*

[Rkolter]

Do not microwave pickles. They smell bad.

Do not allow your hard boiled eggs to boil until there's no water. They explode like grenades.

Do not try flushing the toilet 'one more time' if it gets clogged.

Do not attempt to mix acids and bases together very slowly just to see at what point the reaction gets out of control.

Do not wear a T-Shirt celebrating twenty years of postal shootings while in the post office.

Do not talk about your religious or political beliefs while in the office.

The five second rule does not apply to things that fall directly on something icky.

Do not mistake tablespoons for teaspoons when taking narcotic cough syrup.

[Christwriter]

Watch out where the huskies go. Dont you eat that yellow snow.

Wow. I thought that one was unique to my family.

They have a LOT of stuff like that. It got lost in the shuffle.

CW

[Pillywiggin]

Do not mistake tablespoons for teaspoons when taking narcotic cough syrup.

Likewise if you're cooking something with cajun powder.