Things Nobody Else Will Tell You (About Your ART)

The Neko · Post by **The Neko** » Fri Nov 09, 2007 5:37 pm

So, Duffies, have you made any changes or added dialogue to that piece you posted earlier? I'd like to see what you've done with it.

Sincerely · Post by **Sincerely** » Sat Nov 10, 2007 6:52 pm

mcDuffies wrote:Sin: That's very nice.

Aww. I'm disappointed.

Anyway, this is where it is now:

I want to use this image as a chapter cover and I've got this mad ambition to do this up as a sort of alphonse mucha art nouveau thing, but my design skills don't really exist, so it'll probably sit unfinished until I progress to the point where I don't like it anymore.

Post by **Kisai** » Sat Nov 10, 2007 7:02 pm

Keffria wrote:Sorry for taking so long to respond to everyone's helpful advice. Sin, you're right and I am an idiot - the super-impressive sunrises I was looking at generally didn't have, erm, an actual sun in them yet. I've made some colour- and balloon-related changes:

Honestly, I'm getting really tired of this page. I think this will be the last time I post it. ;>_>

The only thing still confusing here is the "I'm going to work today even" (which I'm not sure is coming from Neko or Dawg) and "You Have a Job" which probably just isn't making sense because I don't know what happens next. It should be a question mark at the end if it's a question, but since there isn't one, I'm assuming whatever we see next either explains or assumes what Dawg's job is.

Johndar · Post by **Johndar** » Sat Nov 10, 2007 7:20 pm

To me, "I'm going to work today, even!" was easier to attribute to Dawg when there wasn't an arrow, the arrow looks like it's pointing to Neko now.

Kisai wrote:and "You Have a Job" which probably just isn't making sense because I don't know what happens next.

It's written "You. Have a Job." Which to me, makes me think that Neko is saying it as a statement of disbelief.

Eve Z. · Post by **Eve Z.** » Sun Nov 11, 2007 5:53 am

wasn't there a doodle thread already?

you're free to criticize my last posted art from there.

KWill · Post by **KWill** » Sun Nov 11, 2007 11:12 am

Eve Z. wrote:wasn't there a doodle thread already?

you're free to criticize my last posted art from there.

The idea of the doodle thread is that you can just toss stuff in there without looking for honest criticism, which you'll get here.

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Sun Nov 11, 2007 1:15 pm

If I may, I suggest moving "I'm going to work today" baloon down, over the table, where it'll only cover draping on the table, and be more approachable to Dawg.

Eve Z. wrote:wasn't there a doodle thread already?

you're free to criticize my last posted art from there.

Foreheads too large, that looks kind of awkward because all facial features seem kind of squished in the bottom half of the face and chin looks too small compared to the forehead. Check out blond girl's face in last two drawings, there is some problem with how eyes and stuff are arranged over the face. For instance, you'll notice that in the middle drawing, her eyes don't look symetric, right one is lower and larger, etc. This might be due to not being comfortable with unusual angles because when you draw from the conventional angle, there aren't such problems. Nothing some practice and paying attention to form while sketching won't solve.
I know it's a part of style, but that large eyes seem a bit creepy to me. It's not the size of eyes (I've seen larger eyes in comics), it's the way how they reach almost to the ear. As if eyes are a sort of cloth-hanger that face is stretched over.
You know your anatomy, though, and I commend your fashion sence.

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Sun Nov 11, 2007 5:20 pm

The Neko wrote:So, Duffies, have you made any changes or added dialogue to that piece you posted earlier? I'd like to see what you've done with it.

The Neko · Post by **The Neko** » Sun Nov 11, 2007 5:50 pm

mcDuffies wrote:
The Neko wrote:So, Duffies, have you made any changes or added dialogue to that piece you posted earlier? I'd like to see what you've done with it.
For your eyes only I've scanned and lettered what I've done so far. But there ain't gonna be any ending because I got that far and then returned the whole thing to the drawing table.

They're supposed to be doing something different each episode. One time they're spies, the other time detectives, then reporters, etc, and it's always gonna be the same set of characters in similar roles.

I like a lot of the ideas you've put in there; the silencer on the hammer was really funny. I think the wording could be changed to help make a lot of the jokes go off much more clearly, but given that English is your second language, that's understandable. If you ever want an editor or someone to work on the dialogue or make it more colloquial, feel free to PM me.

I think also that you could make some panels without dialogue, and use the art to convey the action.

The idea to have the same characters in different roles could be really interesting. That way you won't have a huge backlog of narrative that could weigh it down and keep it interesting.

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Tue Nov 13, 2007 5:25 am

I like a lot of the ideas you've put in there; the silencer on the hammer was really funny. I think the wording could be changed to help make a lot of the jokes go off much more clearly, but given that English is your second language, that's understandable. If you ever want an editor or someone to work on the dialogue or make it more colloquial, feel free to PM me.

It's probably also because I was making of actual dialogue as I was typing it into Photoshop. The actual script I had was written in rush, so everything was shortened.
However, I am gonna need an editor one of these days.

The idea to have the same characters in different roles could be really interesting. That way you won't have a huge backlog of narrative that could weigh it down and keep it interesting.

My plan is to make it ambigious whether the stories are in continuity or not.

CaptainClaude · Post by **CaptainClaude** » Tue Nov 13, 2007 10:35 am

Sounds like the goon show, excellent!

Johndar · Post by **Johndar** » Tue Nov 13, 2007 10:22 pm

The sketch stage of a picture I'm working on. Going to colour it cell shaded style, and plan on adding shades and background detail then. Appreciate feedback on, well, everything else. Thanks!

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 8:35 am

Composition-wise, there's a mess over there. Ok, there are guys guys standing there for no other reason than posing for cover, giving mysterious looks to the camera, forcing themselves to look cool... but I guess characters in manga always do that. But there's no sence of balance in the picture, no arangement, guys in front are covering halfa faces of guys behind, their varying heights cause even more disorder... they just look scattered around the picture randomly. So for that reason you need a second look to figure out what's arm and what's leg and whose leg it is, there in the background. It's just a bunch of things thrown there.
Other than that, the guy on the left has too short hands. Note how his hand is in pocket but there's no bulge on the pocket where his hand should be. And the guy on the right look awfully smug. I already hate him.

Sincerely · Post by **Sincerely** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 6:26 pm

The second guy on the left, the one that's mostly covered, looks like an afterthought. "Oh, I forgot to draw this character, so I'll stick him in behind sword guy". It looks awkward and he doesn't have an anatomy so much as a couple of lines that indicate side of arm and side of torso.

The Neko · Post by **The Neko** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 8:56 pm

Johndar wrote:The sketch stage of a picture I'm working on. Going to colour it cell shaded style, and plan on adding shades and background detail then. Appreciate feedback on, well, everything else. Thanks!

The hands on Smuggy McBastardheimer, they're so... so small.
On the guy on the left, it looks like you gave him the facial features of a very slightly 3/4th-ed head, but made the head stay straight on. They are facing opposite directions.

I am going to use this space to give a small lesson on faces as well. When you have a head that is NOT facing straight on, the jawline and the edge of the face are NEVER, I repeat, NEVER the same angle. Also, ears are not right next to the eyes. They are quite a distance apart. Eyes are also not as far apart as you think.

NEEEEEEEEEVVVVEEEEEEERRRRR

Warren · Post by **Warren** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 9:31 pm

Neko--

Did you make that photo or pick it up somewhere? Seems like pictures of actual people like that would be a damn good tutorial.

I know it would help me.

Lunar · Post by **Lunar** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 9:35 pm

Warren wrote:Neko--

Did you make that photo or pick it up somewhere? Seems like pictures of actual people like that would be a damn good tutorial.

I know it would help me.

It does do a very good job of showing exactly why certain things don't look right that some times can't be conveyed properly using actual art.

[AlmightyPyro] · Post by **[AlmightyPyro]** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 9:52 pm

Lunar wrote:
Warren wrote:Neko--

Did you make that photo or pick it up somewhere? Seems like pictures of actual people like that would be a damn good tutorial.

I know it would help me.
It does do a very good job of showing exactly why certain things don't look right that some times can't be conveyed properly using actual art.

That and it does a good job of creeping me out.

But it is a great tutorial.

The Neko · Post by **The Neko** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 10:25 pm

Warren wrote:Neko--

Did you make that photo or pick it up somewhere? Seems like pictures of actual people like that would be a damn good tutorial.

I know it would help me.

I made it in Photoshop.

Johndar · Post by **Johndar** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 11:18 pm

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback! I'll try it again tomorrow and apply the critiques. The picture you provided Neko was especially insightful, and puts to light some mistakes I've probably been making for awhile now.

mcDuffies wrote:Composition-wise, there's a mess over there...

I admit I probably didn't put as much thought into this as I should have

. What Sincerely mentioned was a side effect of my poor planning as well, I'll have to work on that.