Harry Potter Spoilers! ZOMG!

Dr Legostar · Post by **Dr Legostar** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 12:44 pm

Harry is bitten by a radioactive spider and in addition to the magic he knows he gains the ability to climb walls and shoot webs from organic webspinners on his wrists. Voldemort finds a way to enhance his powers even more and starts wearing a lot of green.

what? it's not like there isn't a redhead in harry's life.

Yeahduff · Post by **Yeahduff** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 12:52 pm

Harry Hermione and Ron will be sitting in the cafeteria, discussing the plan, when, midsentence, the reader turns to page 846 to find the remainder of the pages are nothing but black.

TheSuburbanLetdown · Post by **TheSuburbanLetdown** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:15 pm

You're having a lot of fun wtih this.

Yeahduff · Post by **Yeahduff** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:25 pm

Hermione causes a rift in the social fabric of Hogwarts and alienates herself when she writes a scathing editorial in The Daily Prophet illustrating the oppressive nature of the patriarchy in the magic world, with particular emphasis and descriptive language on the phallic nature of the magic wand.

Yeahduff · Post by **Yeahduff** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:26 pm

theSuburbanLetdown wrote:You're having a lot of fun wtih this.

Eh, nothing else is going on, and I'm bored.

TheSuburbanLetdown · Post by **TheSuburbanLetdown** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:30 pm

Just an observation. It amuses me.

Noise Monkey · Post by **Noise Monkey** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:35 pm

In the last chapter, during the final battle, Harry wakes up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette, revealing that he was really Bob Hartley having another dream.

Keffria · Post by **Keffria** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 2:00 pm

Harry kills Voldemort, thus avenging Ron's death, and subsequently ties Voldemort's mangled corpse to the back of his broomstick and drags it around Ron's grave. Tom Riddle Sr. (conveniently not-dead) eventually persuades Harry to give back the body for a proper funeral.

Nervous Spy · Post by **Nervous Spy** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 2:23 pm

At the beginning of the book, Harry, Ron and Hermione swear a solemn oath to avenge Dumbledore and bring down Voldemort.

Hermione vows to read everything that has ever been written about horcruxes, and heads off to the library. As it turns out, a whole lot has been written on that subject, but, for safety reasons, all of it was formulated in Arabic, 256 bit encrypted, and written then down in Chinese. Herm isn't seen for the whole remainder of the book.

Harry and Ron, now sorely lacking in direction, start following a batch of butterflies into the Haunted Forest (Ron's idea). In the forest they encounter a group of mysterious knights, and Ron is held hostage while Harry sets out in search of a shrubbery.

On his way to the next shrubber's shop, Harry is approached by a salesperson who offers him a free sample of a newly developed miracle scar remover. Recognizing a break when he sees it, Harry wipes out his distinguishing mark, and is last seen heading for Nassau on the sunny side of the street.

Ron, meanwhile, has discovered the knights' weakness by accident, and, led by the butterflies, continues his quest for the Holy Grail. Yeah, that wasn't what he was looking for earlier, precisely, but he tends to get confused rather easily when his friends are not around.

This leaves the Death Eaters practically unopposed, but, fortunately, this is the point where Voldemort suddenly realizes he didn't ever *really* want to rule the world. After eloping with Lucius, they get married at Gretna Green and later open a shop for magic artifacts in London, called "Bona Wands & Balls".

Wormtail now assumes control over the Death Eaters, but his efforts at a reign of terror are so laughably pathetic that nobody bothers to even try to stop him.

Just as the book appears to be in danger of petering out without a proper happy end, Ginny Weasley unexpectedly proposes to Draco Malfoy, and they live happily ever after.

SergeXIII · Post by **SergeXIII** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 2:54 pm

Harry cunningly tricks Voldemort into smashing the brick platform he happened to be standing on by dodging a few of his attacks. Voldemort plummets into oblivion, releasing a seal hiding a door behind which Hermione is trapped. Harry aproaches the door to save the day only to have time freeze on him, the term "Pause" lingering in his mind.

The End.

Legendary · Post by **Legendary** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 3:15 pm

Harry Potter weds Mary Magdalene and has a child.

Killbert-Robby · Post by **Killbert-Robby** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 3:29 pm

Ron and Hermione get married, 2 kids. Harry and Ginny get married, 3. Malfoy has 1 kid.

And you have no way of knowing if I'm making these up or if these are real.

Cower in fear.

SergeXIII wrote:Harry cunningly tricks Voldemort into smashing the brick platform he happened to be standing on by dodging a few of his attacks. Voldemort plummets into oblivion, releasing a seal hiding a door behind which Hermione is trapped. Harry aproaches the door to save the day only to have time freeze on him, the term "Pause" lingering in his mind.

The End.

That, or he discovers the Hermione is in a different castle.

Levi-chan · Post by **Levi-chan** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 4:53 pm

Harry gets over his sexual confusion and asks Ron out.

Ron declines, and their friendship is ruined forever.

Harry gets depressed, gets on a phase where he writes slash fiction about him and Ron, forever cuddling in a sea of honey.

He shoots himself.

Keffria · Post by **Keffria** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 4:54 pm

The ending ties nothing up at all; in fact, the last page tells the reader that they'll have to watch the upcoming television series and play several video games in order to fully "get" the Harry Potter experience.

Rkolter · Post by **Rkolter** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 5:14 pm

Keffria wrote:The ending ties nothing up at all; in fact, the last page tells the reader that they'll have to watch the upcoming television series and play several video games in order to fully "get" the Harry Potter experience.

Potentially true.

Mvmarcz · Post by **Mvmarcz** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 5:14 pm

Keffria wrote:The ending ties nothing up at all; in fact, the last page tells the reader that they'll have to watch the upcoming television series and play several video games in order to fully "get" the Harry Potter experience.

as well as the sock puppett short offered as a bonus feature on the special 20th anniversary DVD of the last movie

Killbert-Robby · Post by **Killbert-Robby** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 5:42 pm

rkolter wrote:
Keffria wrote:The ending ties nothing up at all; in fact, the last page tells the reader that they'll have to watch the upcoming television series and play several video games in order to fully "get" the Harry Potter experience.
Potentially true.

In fact, I'm frighteningly not at all dismissive about this spoiler.

Nyke · Post by **Nyke** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:22 pm

Voldemort is Harry's--- nah.

Harry finds out he's the o-- nah.

Harry's a sl-- nah.

Ron leaves never to be seen again, Harry writes a rom-- DAMMIT, WHY CAN'T I THINK UP A GOOD IDEA!

Ajoy · Post by **Ajoy** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 7:38 pm

Okay, so really Voldemort is an exploding man. If Harry can save the cheerleader he can save the world, but if he can't then everyone in the book dies when a big explosion happens in New York City.

Komiyan · Post by **Komiyan** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 7:41 pm

Killbert-Robby wrote:Ron and Hermione get married, 2 kids. Harry and Ginny get married, 3. Malfoy has 1 kid.

And you have no way of knowing if I'm making these up or if these are real.

That can't be true, Ron would have like 20 ginger kids.

In the end Ronnie the Bear denounces the kingdom of heaven as for the weak, and Harry finds it was all a liqour-fueled nightmare.

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Harry Potter Spoilers! ZOMG!

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