Spaceprincess wrote:it is kind of confusing, you jump right in and then jump around, I don't think it starts to fit till you get to the play. I think the problem is you have a large cast and they don't get proper introductions. maybe instead of wholly rewriting it, you could do a preceding chapter that explains what's going on and who's who.
McDuffies wrote:That's why hollywood blockbusters have no soul
McDuffies wrote:You know that there's really no such thing as big lipped alligator moment, it's a category that's beyond the loose-defined. Internet snarkers who watch movies just to find flaws in them may have a use for umbrella term for all scenes that take them out of their comfort zone. Writers have no use for that term. After all, the scene always plays some role, by the very virtue of being a part of the comic it can't be inconsequential. It might not always be the role author wanted, but it at least adds another collor to the pallete.
McDuffies wrote:It's a good choice for a large ensemble cast.
McDuffies wrote:I see that you're like me in that you like your writing condensed, edited tighter. I used to get comments that I was jumping through scenes too quickly. ...
McDuffies wrote:or just take forever to finish single scenes.
McDuffies wrote:Your first act is still tighter than most of webcomics out there. It didn't take me long to read it (or didn't feel long) so it shouldn't be a chore to anyone else.
McDuffies wrote:If you're really sticking to removing this chapter, I suggest you leave it on the side as a sort of bonus chapter, and write another first act which would, I presume, be tighter. Though I doubt that you'd manage to properly introduce all the characters in a smaller space without getting tedious. I personally don't see a reason to change anything.
VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:Good to know. Part of the struggle is that I still sometimes write as if I'm working on Band Geeks Anonymous, where, as the title suggests, characters had no names and thus introductions were on a need-to-know basis where you mostly never needed to know. I recognize that names don't get used for some of the characters until their second or third (and maybe more but memory is not clear) appearance. I tried not to do whatever would be the visual equivalent of saying "This is JOSEPH. He has brown hair, and needs a cane because he has bad legs. His brother is at war. He gets angry sometimes and is often mean to his friends," like a six year old might describe an imaginary friend. It's easier to introduce characters when you only need to focus on a small handful of them- not that that excuses me from any mistakes I'd made, but it was me trying to balance a kind of bouncy, quick writing style with giving adequate information.
I get this a lot, both now and in the past. I try to slow things down now that I've been made aware of the problem, but sometimes I feel like I'm plodding along and end up jumping around again.
Thanks. That's, I guess, what it basically comes down to. I know I have a bitterly short attention span when it comes to webcomics and if something hasn't caught my interest within about five pages I tend to give up.
I'm not quite set on removing it, and part of that is that yeah, I have no idea how I could really squish as much introduction in as I'd like without being trite or going back to the six-year-old-introducing-imaginary-friend syndrome. I think my problem stems from my tendency to rewrite the beginnings of my stories over and over as I work on the rest to make sure things line up correctly- something that obviously works better when the story is just told through text than when the story needs to be illustrated as well. I figure I'll keep adding and removing and tweaking things from this first chapter until the day I die.
VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:So I spent a few days recently reworking the additional pages on my site, and was wondering if anybody could give me some feedback as to how it looks. I know it's not super-slick or advanced, but is it wretched, is there something I'm oblivious to that DESPERATELY needs to be fixed likenow, or "will it do for now?"
Link for convenience: http://lateralgeotaxis.comicgenesis.com/
RobboAKAscooby wrote:PS I do miss the old cast page interview thing.
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