Forsaken Stars - Critique Request

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Forsaken Stars - Critique Request

Postby Forsakenstars on Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:04 am

I'd like to hear some thoughts on the comic itself as well as the layout of the websites, both here at Comic Genesis http://roblopez.comicgenesis.com and over on the new site http://www.forsakenstars.com

I'm also wondering if I should revamp the CG site to mirror the new one on which I installed Wordpress and Comicpress. Is it possible to do the same here at CG what with the keentags and stuff?

Anyhow, Forsaken Stars, Premise: A thousand or so years from the Second Coming of Christ, the Vampire Azzi that led 13,000 refugees from Judgment Day now hopes to return to the Solar System, but he needs a ship to get there and a weapon to breach the Godshield that separates the Earth from all the alien peoples in the universe. Along the way he meets Captain Sera Besh, a pilot in need of a crew, and Kyton, the cybergremlin who would rather build than destroy, and a host of fantastic characters like fairies and mermaids. I know it's high concept, but at it's core it's about an old boy and a young lady, one trying to find redemption and the other trying to find herself.

Image

I don't have photoshop, but I should be getting Corel 4 soon, in the meantime I've been using a host of programs to put each page together: Hand drawn and inked (flashbacks I decided to keep in pencil) and scanned, I run it through GIMP for panel lines clean up, Painter Classic for blacks and gray watercolor washes, an open source word processor for the word balloons, I save it as a PDF file, then I have GIMP format back into a JPEG for smaller file size and accurate page scaling. Then it's posted.

I feel like I've made some progress since I started, and I'm drawing every chance I get, and I just got a host of new fonts and I'm hoping to get a new WACOM tablet to further streamline things, but I feel like I could benefit from some feedback on everything from story, art, tech and techniques.

Thanks in advance for your time and attention.
Image
Starring The Vampire Azzi & Captain Sera Besh. Updates Mon and Thurs.
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Re: Forsaken Stars - Critique Request

Postby RobertBr on Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:50 am

On a substantial number of pages I only get about 2/3 of the width of the page, which makes it hard to read. The writing seems okay but the art doesn't reflect it, its inconsistent and in black and white. I'd suggest revisiting the pages you presently have to redraw. Also you seem to have a penchant for presenting the female character with less clothing than the situation demands, it seems gratuitous and interferes with reading the story.

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Re: Forsaken Stars - Critique Request

Postby Forsakenstars on Mon Jan 25, 2010 12:12 pm

Thank you for your feedback Robert. I'm learning as I go, so hopefully you'll see improvement in the next few pages. Although I have a feeling you won't approve of the upcoming seduction scene.

RobertBr wrote:Also you seem to have a penchant for presenting the female character with less clothing than the situation demands, it seems gratuitous and interferes with reading the story.


Ha, well, Sera will be clothed for pretty much the next few episodes, but when she's on her ship, and for the most part alone, she likes to be comfortable.

There will be other characters, from time to time, however, that care less about clothing than Sera.
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Starring The Vampire Azzi & Captain Sera Besh. Updates Mon and Thurs.
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Re: Forsaken Stars - Critique Request

Postby Forsakenstars on Mon Feb 08, 2010 8:18 am

Okay, I'm exhausted, haven't slept in days and I've only eaten what I could grab out of the fridge and cupboards, but I've gone and remastered all of issue two: new word balloons, clearer fonts, etc. Much thanks goes to my new Manga Studio Debut 4 software for the word balloons and improved visuals.

I hope you all like the new and improved Forsaken Stars.

The second issue starts here: http://roblopez.comicgenesis.com/d/20091207.html

The first issue will likely be slower going, as my whole right arm is kinda numb right now.

Thanks for reading!

UPDATE (Monday, March 1, 2010): I've given the first issue the Manga Studio 4 Debut treatment! It's remastered with new and improved word balloons, and I've added some ink, texture and tones to almost every page.

Just start at the beginning and enjoy: http://roblopez.comicgenesis.com/d/20091010.html

FYI, the entire first two issues are now up! Forty-four pages of sci-fi/horror action!
Last edited by Forsakenstars on Thu Mar 04, 2010 3:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Starring The Vampire Azzi & Captain Sera Besh. Updates Mon and Thurs.
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Re: Forsaken Stars - Critique Request

Postby meticulator on Tue May 18, 2010 4:46 pm

I love your character design, particularly the vampire. It's some of the best visual technique I've seen so far. The greyscale suits the tone very well. If you ever burst inot colour I think it would lose a lot of its punch.
Your dialogue is realistic and engaging and helps me relate very quickly to the characters.
Your perspective and body design is a little amateurish, but it's a lot better than what I could do and it'll improve with practise. I really don't have much to critisize with this comic. Great stuff.
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Re: Forsaken Stars - Critique Request

Postby Forsakenstars on Wed May 19, 2010 1:15 am

Thanks, meticulator. I've been feeling a bit down recently, and your critique cheered me up! Backgrounds and perspective are my biggest nemeses, and I'm working every day to improve. And the black and white thing is purposeful, but I'm still experimenting with just how much gradiation to use. Thanks again and good luck in your own [webcomic] endeavors!
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Starring The Vampire Azzi & Captain Sera Besh. Updates Mon and Thurs.
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Re: Forsaken Stars - Critique Request

Postby meticulator on Wed May 19, 2010 1:54 am

Forsakenstars wrote:Thanks, meticulator. I've been feeling a bit down recently, and your critique cheered me up! Backgrounds and perspective are my biggest nemeses, and I'm working every day to improve. And the black and white thing is purposeful, but I'm still experimenting with just how much gradiation to use. Thanks again and good luck in your own [webcomic] endeavors!

Heh. Thanks. It's gonna be a long time before I can put anything up like that. I'm still at the conceptualization and teaching myself to draw stage. I've written a few scripts, though, if you wanna give me some return critique.
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