Demoralized Logic

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Demoralized Logic

Postby Lostmind on Sat Oct 03, 2009 1:13 pm

I was hoping to get feedback about my webcomic, Demoralized Logic.

I wanted to know what you think about the writing as well as the art.

Hopefully with your help, I'll be able to greatly improve my work.
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Re: Demoralized Logic

Postby Menelaos on Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:50 pm

I can only speak up until about April 22, 2005 of your comic, but I am having a hard time exactly following what is going on. Especially the relationships between the characters, they just seem to fight each other randomly. At least, these are my first impressions, and I can't really speak for your newer stuff.
I did sort of cruise a bit through your newer pages, still a bit hard to follow.

All things considered, I kind of like your comic and what I saw was enough for me to check back on it.
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Re: Demoralized Logic

Postby Lostmind on Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:04 pm

thank you Menelaos for your honest critic and as I feared my writing is my greatest weak spot. in the planning stage for my comic I tried to overly connect the characters but I saw how that would be bad. instead I just went forward without without completely defining each character. something that still keeps bitting me in ass to this day.
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Re: Demoralized Logic

Postby Ohemgee on Sun Nov 15, 2009 2:38 pm

So far (I'm almost to 2007) the art's not bad... but I'd have to say the characters not quite three dimensional. You may want to refer to the writing help thread at the top of the forum, as well as other tutorials around the web, practice... or get someone to be your editor, show them the script before you draw it out to get another perspective on your work. However I'm not really qualified to tell you how to change your writing.
I love the art, I only have a couple things to say: your expressions are wonderful, except sometimes they don't quite fit the action. for example on this page in the first panels the girls have very blank expressions even though they're fighting. At the bottom of the page however, the expressions are absolutely fantastic.
Secondly, (minor technicality) make sure that your line art isn't too light. If it's too light it's difficult to see the characters (especially for people with crappy monitors) and it then clashes with the black panel lines and text.

Hope that helps :)
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Re: Demoralized Logic

Postby Lostmind on Wed Nov 18, 2009 6:13 pm

Ohemgee wrote:I love the art, I only have a couple things to say: your expressions are wonderful, except sometimes they don't quite fit the action. for example on this page in the first panels the girls have very blank expressions even though they're fighting. At the bottom of the page however, the expressions are absolutely fantastic.
Secondly, (minor technicality) make sure that your line art isn't too light. If it's too light it's difficult to see the characters (especially for people with crappy monitors) and it then clashes with the black panel lines and text.


Thank you Ohemgee, it all helps. I'm glad you enjoy the art. And you're right I do miss the mark alot when it comes to expressions. I was always worried about the line art being to light since the start, so I tried to switch to pens but I suck using them. Going back to pencil I just try to make the lines as dark as I can.

Thank you again.
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Re: Demoralized Logic

Postby RobertBr on Sat Dec 19, 2009 2:45 am

I tried to read it but it just didn't make any sense. There seem to be random images and dialogue none of which really link togethor, and what is happening on one page doesn't seem to follow from what is happening on another. The main point of a comic is to communicate a story and it just isn't doing that, perhaps you need to script a whole bunch of pages at the same time rather than writing them one at a time. And look around at other comics (Western ones, not Japanese ones) for some tips on dialogue, as that is a big problem.

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Re: Demoralized Logic

Postby Lostmind on Tue Dec 22, 2009 7:09 pm

Thanks for the feedback Robertbr.

I was hoping you could expand on the dialogue.
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Re: Demoralized Logic

Postby Lostmind on Thu Dec 31, 2009 10:19 am

Thank you Carloschas every bit helps but as the comic's creator I was hoping for a little more.
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Re: Demoralized Logic

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Thu Dec 31, 2009 10:53 am

It's a spammer, Lostmind. Apparently a very good one I suppose.
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Re: Demoralized Logic

Postby Lostmind on Sat Jan 02, 2010 12:13 pm

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:It's a spammer, Lostmind. Apparently a very good one I suppose.


Thanks for the heads up.
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