I'll review your webcomic.

Think your comic can improve? Whether it's art or writing, composition or colouring, feel free to ask here! Critique and commentary welcome.

orc rape meme?

Postby Cope on Sun Apr 07, 2013 2:04 am

LibertyCabbage wrote:I think this is the first time I've read anything written about DD that wasn't basically "I hate Mookie."

DD's reception was mostly positive in its first few years (i.e. before the orc rape storyline). Sure, it was pretty amateurish, but it had some fun characters, some nice ideas, and (I think most importantly) there was a reasonable expectation that the author would improve.
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Re: orc rape meme?

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Sun Apr 07, 2013 6:59 am

Cope wrote:
LibertyCabbage wrote:I think this is the first time I've read anything written about DD that wasn't basically "I hate Mookie."

DD's reception was mostly positive in its first few years (i.e. before the orc rape storyline). Sure, it was pretty amateurish, but it had some fun characters, some nice ideas, and (I think most importantly) there was a reasonable expectation that the author would improve.

This is true. Dominic Deegan's glacial improvement pace (in conjunction with some poor writing choices) is really what put the nails in the Coffin o' Internet Hatred. It started off just par for the course for any webcomic, really. Not particularly distinguishable in terms of style or story. But then it got to that point, I want to say around the second or third year, when most comics either:
1. Run out of ideas and are abandoned
2. Still are going strong, but are forgotten by their creator for unspoken reasons
3. Take a look around, say "I've been doing it long enough, let me try to actually get good at this thing" and you start to see more significant improvement.

Dominic Deegan never did any of those things, it just kept carrying on in that mostly static state. It improved quite a bit over the first and second years (you start to see more experimenting instead of constantly calling the 4/8 panel layout, and underlying structures of lineart start to seem more capable), and while those years are really pivotal for improvement, it never really got past that first tier.

(For those who read my review- remember how I proposed taking a bunch of strips randomly from the archive, and asking a non-reader to organize them by which came first? I tried that with a random strip from 2012, '10, '07, '05, and '03. He got '12 and '03 correct, but the middle three were entirely out of order. So, hooray! there *is* some visual improvement from year 2 to year 10! Those years in between, though, kind of become a progression wasteland.)
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby McDuffies on Mon Apr 08, 2013 2:58 am

DD has been unbearably emo since the storyline where he saves the really ugly girl (whatshername) from evil stepmother, then saves her from suicide then falls in love with her. From it's first longer storyline it's been a comic written to simultaneously cater to reader's saviour and victim complex. I started reading it to see what the fuss is about rape storyline, but I never got halfway to it, it was that awful. I believe that everything that marks that story as awful has been present from the start.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Mon Apr 08, 2013 1:45 pm

The Webcomic Hipster made his debut on the blog today with a review of Shi Long Pang. He's the kind of reviewer who puts a lot of personality and humor into his writing, and he tends to review fairly obscure comics. (I've never heard of Shi Long Pang before this review, anyways, although some people here on the forums might have.) If you like his work, you might want to leave a comment on the blog to give him some encouragement.
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goddamn hipster.

Postby Cope on Mon Apr 08, 2013 2:57 pm

McDuffies just had to come in here and proclaim he hated DD before it was cool. :P
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Re: goddamn hipster.

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Mon Apr 08, 2013 3:00 pm

Cope wrote:McDuffies just had to come in here and proclaim he hated DD before it was cool. :P

Is it his curse? Or his blessing?
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Re: goddamn hipster.

Postby McDuffies on Tue Apr 09, 2013 7:36 am

Cope wrote:McDuffies just had to come in here and proclaim he hated DD before it was cool. :P

If I had read it from the first day I would have. Except that then I wouldn't read it so that's catch 22.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Thu Apr 11, 2013 8:47 am

There's another new one on the site, this one by "Eranthyaenoire," who reviewed the slice-of-life webcomic Shrub Monkeys. I think this review does a lot right, including having some interesting deconstruction of certain parts of the webcomic.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Fri Apr 12, 2013 7:17 am

And we've got another new contributor, this time being melaredblu from the Smack Jeeves forums. She's been doing informal critiques on Smack Jeeves for a while and decided it'd be a good time to try doing some formal reviews. She offers her take on MichaelYakutis' new fantasy webcomic, Aurel, that he made a thread about recently in Comic Pitching. She's a good writer, and she chose to focus on the creators' unfortunate situation of being stuck with an abandoned project, which I thought was both a fair and interesting approach.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Fri Apr 12, 2013 2:07 pm

Webcomic: LAND//SKY
URL: http://www.landxsky.com/
Creator/s: Marx Winters
Run: 2/12-current
Schedule: M/Th/Sa

Website: It has an unusual design, where the curved black shape around the home page looks like a tablet or some kind of portable game console. The color scheme of light blue, dark blue, and purple is also out of the ordinary, and it gives some color to a webcomic that has grayscale pages. The Pokémon and Pokéballs at the top of page are also a smart decision choice, as they let the reader know right away that this is a Pokémon webcomic.

The webcomic's Facebook page is more active than usual. In addition to updating when new pages are posted, the creator's been engaging with readers, asking Pokémon-related questions such as, "If you could make a Pokémon with any type-combo. What would it be?" and "If you could have a Pokémon movie where one Legendary battles another, in uninterupted epicness, which two would you pick to duke it out?" He also started a contest where he offered $50 to whoever made the best fan art or costume. (You can see what the winner came up with here.) The page currently has 770 Likes, so the creator's approach seems to be working.

Lastly, I don't like the webcomic's title. It's unclear what LAND//SKY's supposed to refer to, and it doesn't give a potential reader any idea of what the webcomic's about. My guess is that it's related to the protagonists' names, as Xander and Lexi sounds similar to LAND//SKY, but that isn't obvious. I also don't get what the deal with the double-slash and capital letters is.

Writing: Pokémon's been a prominent part of webcomics for a long time. For example, Mokepon and Pokémon-X are the most popular webcomics on Smack Jeeves and Comic Genesis, respectively. The reactions to Pokémon's popularity has been mixed, as while a lot of creators are eager to jump on the Pokémon bandwagon, others seem somewhat resentful of the attention Pokémon webcomics get. "Sunbear" of the Smack Jeeves forums is one of the people to bring up this issue recently, remarking, "I'm not bitter at all I just know my comic will never have 4000 smackjeeves fans like pokemon comics will ? It's just a fact." In any case, LAND//SKY seems like it should be well-positioned to take advantage of a rabid Pokémon fanbase.

Unfortunately, the pacing in this webcomic is nothing short of glacial. After 15 months, three chapters, and 93 pages, LAND//SKY still doesn't have character development, world-building. or a plot. Instead, the story focuses on several insignificant Pokémon battles, where the main characters defeat overconfident strangers they meet while wandering around. Readers who've played the Pokémon games will be familiar with this setup; however, while a trainer battle in-game should only last about a minute, these miscellaneous encounters take more than a month's worth of updates to complete. Occasionally, the creator will tease readers by briefly introducing mysterious characters, such as a group of shadowy trainers, a shadowy guy with a beard, a shadowy guy with glowing eyes, some random trainers the comic follows for five pages, and a toddler who randomly shows up. While the presence of these characters suggests that the creator has some sort of plot in mind, with the way things have been going, I wouldn't be surprised if it takes years before readers find out who they are. Xander and Lexi also desperately need to have their personalities fleshed out more, as readers learn everything there is to know about them on the first page.

Some of the webcomic's scenes aren't thought out well. For example, Siarra and an old guy get in a confrontation over a named attack a Pokémon uses, but it's a flimsy context because having named attacks is a gamist notion that doesn't make much sense in a more realistic situation like this. Then there's the panel where Siarra gives Xander an intimidating look; it's unclear how she communicates with her eyes so effectively when she's wearing sunglasses. The main problem, though, is that the creator gives the twins a tragic backstory by making them orphans raised by their older sister, but the situation isn't presented as having any significant consequences. Instead, Xander and Lexi are conveniently given free hotel rooms wherever they go, and they're never shown being concerned about eating or having any sort of responsibilities. At 17, they're old enough to have jobs, so it's not particularly tragic that they get to goof around while their dad seems to be sending them an endless supply of money.

* continued in the next post *

edit: typo
Last edited by LibertyCabbage on Fri Apr 12, 2013 2:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Fri Apr 12, 2013 2:08 pm

Art: The creator's terrific at anatomy and inking, drawing some of the better-looking figures I've seen lately while giving the characters a cartoonish appearance by using thick lines. The Pokémon battles are awesome, with impressive special attacks and a good variety of poses. There are a few issues with the figures that could use some work, though. I'm not a fan of cheek-mouths and snout-noses, as I've expressed in some of my previous reviews, and the twins' age is too ambiguous, especially in the earlier pages. When I started reading the story, I thought they were about the same age as Ash Ketchum. There's also somewhat of a problem that the characters look static during fight scenes, but I understand that they're stuck standing around while the Pokémon do the fighting.

Aside from its quality figures, the artwork's bland and amateurish. The webcomic has page after page of blank backgrounds, and when the creator occasionally draws a background, it's generic and minimalistic. I don't remember seeing a single decent background in any of the chapters, although this page is somewhat better than the rest. It seemed like this page was going to be an exception, but the building's lines in the bottom panel are thicker than the lines used for the character in the foreground, which makes the shot look unnatural and out of focus. I think the worst background, though, is this one, which is confusing to look at since the creator drew some of the background but filled in the rest of it with an abstract design. The creator also didn't bother to draw leaves in that page, which makes the tops of the trees look like strange, floating triangles. Although, the worst one might actually be this page. Not only did the creator use a photograph of the sky instead of drawing it, but the establishing shot of Azalea Town just has a generic Pokémon Gym, a generic Pokémon Center, what looks like a generic Pokémon Store, and a generic house, and there are no people around even though it appears to be the middle of the day. Until the webcomic starts having more detailed backgrounds, its characters are going to be living in a vague setting that doesn't seem believable.

Overall: I remember playing Pokémon on my Game Boy as a kid and thinking that the game's writing was awkwardly simplistic; however, it didn't matter much because the gameplay was such a blast. The creator of LAND//SKY made the unfortunate choice to imitate Pokémon's weak storytelling, and the resulting webcomic offers little to no entertainment value. A better approach would've been to use the game as the inspiration for a more robust story, which is what the highly successful Pokémon anime does. As it is, I don't expect the webcomic to appeal to anyone aside from die-hard Pokémon fans.

2.5/5
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:28 am

The Webcomic Hipster's at it again with a review of Over the Wall. This is a shorter one (more like a mini-review, really), but it still has some quality commentary in it.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Fri Apr 19, 2013 2:27 pm

Webcomic: Haru-Sari
URL: http://haru-sari.smackjeeves.com
Creator/s: Min Kwon
Run: 11/05-current
Schedule: M/F
Section/s: Ch. 31, "The Savior's Lie"

Website: The first thing readers should notice is the large, colorful digital painting of the protagonist, which both shows off the creator's artistic abilities and invites the reader to learn more about this interesting character. Beyond that, the site has a simple layout and an earthy color scheme, which helps establish a calm, refined look.

The site has a good amount of information on the creator, characters, and setting. The section on the FAQ page about the various races in the webcomic was particularly useful, and it helped me be able to jump right into the middle of the story without getting confused. One thing that could use some explanation, though, is the webcomic's name, as it's still unclear to me what it means. A Google search turned up a post from 2007 on the webcomic's old site, where the creator explained, "It's in Korean. [...] Haru means "day," and sari means "one who lives." So, "day one who lives"? "One who lives day?" Like, one who lives for today?

This webcomic's archives are unusual, as the creator made a custom design that changes the thumbnail of the cover shown when the reader moves their mouse over the chapter's title. I haven't seen much in the way of experimentation with Smack Jeeves' archives system, so this stood out to me as being a really nice touch.

Lastly, I think it's super-cool that the creator lists the Myers-Briggs Type for each of the main characters. I've definitely never seen that before on a cast page.

Writing: A lot of the time, webcartoonists go for the path of least resistance, emulating the same simple approaches used countless times before. The most common example of this is in gaming comics, where many webcartoonists are content featuring two characters playing video games on a couch, obviously trying to leech off the success of Penny Arcade and Ctrl+Alt+Del. However, this strategy's particularly prevalent in manga and anime, which, originating in Japan, are products of what's possibly the world's most conformist society. TVTropes.org covers this phenomenon in depth, cataloging the many Japanese works that have characters and scenes which are blatantly similar to those in other popular comics, shows, and movies.

With that context in mind, Haru-Sari managed to continuously surprise me with its thoughtful and original subject matter. Its concept involves a race of kawaii elves being persecuted by an intolerant society, and this immediately set off alarms for me. When it comes to racism in webcomics, the M.O.'s to have a Mary Sue victim-protagonist suffer repeatedly at the hands of villainous racist strawmen, and while this approach might be effective at getting readers' emotions worked up, it lacks substance and doesn't really relate to how racism works in a more realistic setting. In this webcomic, though, when a racist situation comes up, the elf-protagonist, Chi-Min, casually brushes off a racist comment, showing that the creator has no interest in portraying the character as a victim. Similarly, it would've been easy for the creator to emphasize Chi-Min's childlike qualities more in order to show him as being vulnerable and sympathetic, like he's a child overwhelmed by the adult world, but I actually got the impression that Chi-Min's the most mature character in the story due to his self-reliance and willingness to take charge. In this case, the prejudice that Chi-Min's had to deal with and overcome seems to have fueled his desire to be a successful doctor, and that positions him as a heroic figure.

The pacing in this webcomic's handled particularly well. Two of the main characters, Chi-Min and Leon, are a doctor and a bounty hunter, respectively, and the creator's clearly aware that these aren't the kind of people who'd normally be very emotional over a suffering patient. In addition, Leon's employed by Chi-Min's enemy, so bringing them together in mutual grief's a delicate and awkward manner. While Chi-Min's conversation with his uncle doesn't directly affect the plot, it was a smart move by the creator to dedicate a significant amount of pages to that scene, as it's necessary to show Chi-Min get to the point of desperation where the events in the second half of the chapter make sense. The creator's already named all of the webcomic's remaining chapters, so it appears that she has at least a good idea of the overarching plot structure and can properly balance character development with plot progression.

Art: The creator boasts an excellent manga style that's free of the elements I regularly complain about, such as cheek-mouths, snout-noses, and clumsy onomatopoeia. Her anatomy's spot-on, as not only is she able to draw very realistically, but she consistently challenges herself by tackling difficult angles, facial expressions, and hand gestures.

When reviewing webcomics like this one that have particularly high-quality artwork, I prefer to keep the Art section relatively brief, as I don't feel like trying to describe qualities that are largely self-evident. I will, though, take a moment to compare Haru-Sari's backgrounds with those in LAND//SKY, which I reviewed last week. While I'd describe both webcomics' backgrounds as minimalistic, Haru-Sari's are much better because they're designed to enhance the mood of the scenes. A good example of this is the top panel here, where the soft, light-gray background contrasts with the hard shadows in the foreground, directing the reader's attention to the characters and helping the scene seem more intense and intimate. And in this page, the simple technique of having the background go from white to gray to black as the page progresses reflects Leon's emotional shift from shock to heaviness. The creator's also able to draw a competent establishing shot when she needs to, which is something the creator of LAND//SKY wasn't able to demonstrate.

Lastly, the creator's digital paintings look phenomenal, as can be seen in the cover and on this page. It's understandable that this technique's too time-consuming to do regularly, so it's a real treat when the creator chooses to use digital painting to give a page a certain dramatic effect.

Overall: Haru-Sari's definitely the best manga webcomic I've reviewed, and I'd even consider it to be one of the best webcomics I've reviewed in any genre. Despite only reading one chapter out of the lengthy story, I already found all of the characters to be very likable, and I was able to emphasize with each of their situations. The art's, of course, gorgeous, and it has all the strengths of the manga style without any of the failings that many manga webcomics are prone to. This is a webcomic that I definitely recommend checking out.

5/5
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Mon Apr 22, 2013 6:35 am

Riiser's back with Part 2 of his tirade against the traced Bleach fancomic What Dreams May Come.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Mon Apr 22, 2013 2:02 pm

Peripheral Descent wrote:If you have time, and motivation, it would be cool for you to do a larger review on a longer portion of a webcomic. You tend to do the most recent part of the archive, and you've explained your reasons for doing so (which I totally agree with), but it would be fun to see your opinions on a larger story.
I ain't forgot ya, cuz. I still gotta figure out what webcomic/s to do a full-archive run on, though. Some of 'em I've got my eye on are either too long (Gunnerkrigg Court) or too short (Boston Metaphysical Society, Dresden Codak). I guess I might do Homestuck (which I haven't read), Nedroid Picture Diary (which I like), or Barflys (which I don't like) for this, although I haven't thought about it much since I've been doing a lot of requests lately. Anyone have any suggestions, or anything they'd like to see reviewed? There's just, like, a million fucking webcomics out there.

...Oh, yeah, I just remembered that I've been kinda wanting to read String Theory, so I guess I might do that one. Suggestions would still be super-duper, though. I'm up for cranking out a few the best I can before W.A.Y. comes around.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Tue Apr 23, 2013 6:39 am

Well, that's interesting. melaredblu chose to review the oldie-but-goodie How Not to Run a Comic that a bunch of CGers contributed to back in the day.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Tue Apr 23, 2013 6:47 am

LibertyCabbage wrote:Well, that's interesting. melaredblu chose to review the oldie-but-goodie How Not to Run a Comic that a bunch of CGers contributed to back in the day.

Sweet!
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Tue Apr 23, 2013 6:53 am

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:Sweet!
Yeah, I'm curious to know why she picked this one to review. I'm gonna ask her about it and find out.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Wed Apr 24, 2013 7:36 am

It turns out that she heard of it from this TVTropes page, so it all makes a little bit more sense now.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby Peripheral Descent on Thu Apr 25, 2013 8:31 am

LibertyCabbage wrote:
Peripheral Descent wrote:If you have time, and motivation, it would be cool for you to do a larger review on a longer portion of a webcomic. You tend to do the most recent part of the archive, and you've explained your reasons for doing so (which I totally agree with), but it would be fun to see your opinions on a larger story.
I ain't forgot ya, cuz. I still gotta figure out what webcomic/s to do a full-archive run on, though.



There was a technical glitch associated with my account, which prevented me from posting or messaging anyone, but Mcduffies was kind enough to fix it. :)

My recommendation for you is a web comic called What Birds Know http://fribergthorelli.com/wbk/

This web comic is about 749 pages long presently, but I don't want you to feel daunted by the length, because the layout is rather simple. Several large sections and flash backs within this story occur without dialogue, and because the comic focuses on setting the scene, there are some very nice panels devoted entirely to scenary. In other words, despite it's length, it's an incredibly easy read.

I had read it a while ago, but stopped for some reason. I was happy to find it again several weeks ago and went through the entire story in less than two hours, and that's with a slow processing speed.

Also, I read Haru-sari from start to end, and that was a pretty cool read. If anyone is looking for an entertaining story line with some excellent plot twists, you should check that story out from start to end. I was a little put off by the chibi main character, but the author does not portray him with any child-like qualities besides his appearance, which I really appreciated.
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