I'll review your webcomic.

Think your comic can improve? Whether it's art or writing, composition or colouring, feel free to ask here! Critique and commentary welcome.

Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby RobboAKAscooby on Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:44 am

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:
LadySol wrote:Other than that, I'd say your comments were mostly to the point considering that you only reviewed Episode 20. In Episode 17 the characters had been involved in a rather severe fight with the Baron's men. So his hospitable treatment of them, and overall disreguard for their previous violent incursion into his town, was supposed to come off as unnerving, thereby explaining why the characters, and Katie in particular, don't trust him. Without reading the previous episode though there really isn't much context, besides being rounded up by nearly fifty guards and the forced overnight march (which I just alluded to and didn't show, therefore it lacked impact), so I can see how you were confused.

Here is a good example of a good way to respond when you feel a critic's thoughts were somewhat unfounded.

Hi LadySol! Welcome back to the forums :)

Yep, I agree.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby Ulario on Sat Apr 21, 2012 12:59 pm

RobboAKAscooby wrote:
VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:
LadySol wrote:Other than that, I'd say your comments were mostly to the point considering that you only reviewed Episode 20. In Episode 17 the characters had been involved in a rather severe fight with the Baron's men. So his hospitable treatment of them, and overall disreguard for their previous violent incursion into his town, was supposed to come off as unnerving, thereby explaining why the characters, and Katie in particular, don't trust him. Without reading the previous episode though there really isn't much context, besides being rounded up by nearly fifty guards and the forced overnight march (which I just alluded to and didn't show, therefore it lacked impact), so I can see how you were confused.

Here is a good example of a good way to respond when you feel a critic's thoughts were somewhat unfounded.

Hi LadySol! Welcome back to the forums :)

Yep, I agree.


+1!!!!

There's always the people who get their underpants in a bunch if you say something negative about what they do.

Over on DeviantArt I help moderate two groups that are both 'quality control'. I can tell sooo many stories about people who rage out when their work was rejected. Heck with some people we don't even have to reject their work... some people get all uptight just because we have rules in the group that they don't like...

Like the guy who started a full blown argument with me when I politely asked him to resubmit his 'mature' rated artwork to the 'mature' folder. He ended up ragequitting the group.
Or the b--ch (Normally I try to refrain from calling people names... but trust me, she deserves it. She's also the reason why I don't openly do art trades anymore) from Russia who ragequit the group because we passed a rule where we only accepted one submission per day then went on her journal to bash the group, spread lies about how we were being big meanie poopie heads to her and get all of her friends on her side. When we refused to let her re-join the group because of it she tried to start a war with the group.

Fun times. I always get a few giggles when things like that happen.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Mon Apr 23, 2012 6:29 am

RobboAKAscooby wrote:
LibertyCabbage wrote:I'm going on vay-cay for a few days.

Enjoy!

Thanks!

Aaaand... I'm back.

And yeah, LadySol, I appreciate this kinda response as well, and I'm glad you got something outta my review even if you may not necessarily agree with everything I wrote. Also, Webcomic Above should be starting soon, so you can get some other perspectives there if you're interested.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby RobboAKAscooby on Mon Apr 23, 2012 12:46 pm

LibertyCabbage wrote:Also, Webcomic Above should be starting soon, so you can get some other perspectives there if you're interested.

2nd weekend in May I'm thinking...
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Mon Apr 23, 2012 12:47 pm

RobboAKAscooby wrote:
LibertyCabbage wrote:Also, Webcomic Above should be starting soon, so you can get some other perspectives there if you're interested.

2nd weekend in May I'm thinking...


*marks calendar*
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Mon Apr 23, 2012 2:19 pm

Webcomic: FML and FTW
URL: http://fml-ftw.smackjeeves.com
Creator/s: "Meleeman"
Run: 7/11-12/11

This creator's only 17, so I'll try to be a little nicer this time.

Website: Hey, it's that gray, white, and teal Smack Jeeves template I've probably seen in at least five of the webcomics I've reviewed already. Now might be a good time to start picking up some HTML skills.

It's nice that there's at least a case page, although it'd better if it wasn't just a sloppy wall of text. It'd look a lot better with even just a basic table layout, and the creator could fix it up with a quick < div style="float:left;" >. I also suggest trimming Tim's description, as 350-plus words is kind of a lot for what should be just a general introduction.

The first page is awkwardly stuck in an "un-chaptered" section of the archive, and the filler page shouldn't be mixed in with the rest of the comic.

Lastly, when the comic gets back from its hiatus, the creator should try to update more frequently than he was doing. One page a week should be a fairly reasonable goal to shoot for.

Writing: Pacing's the main problem of FML and FTW, and the story flies by without making any real attempt to develop the characters or situations. The main character, Tim, is shown in the first panels of the comic as being a socially awkward, unconfident teenager, saying, "I have no one to take to the dance. I'm hopelessly screwed," but the comic dwells and iterates on this trait at the exclusion of anything more interesting. It's adorable and everything how Tim's nervous all the time and makes his silly manga faces, but the creator doesn't present the character holistically enough for the reader to care about what happens to him. The reader should be familiar with and attached to the protagonist before the creator throws him dramatic, plot-heavy situations.

And that's the main character -- the other characters come across as just generic teenagers. Most offensively portrayed is Terah, who rushes to the bathroom to cut herself when she gets jealous of a more attractive girl, contemplating about Tim, "He was my only chance to not be alone." I can't tell much about Terah's personality at this point, and maybe she's really so emotionally vulnerable that she'll consider mutilating herself over a guy she just met two pages ago, but as a reader I can't say I'm invested in Terah's situation at all at this point, and this scene comes across as being needlessly pretentious. Having despondent and highly emotional scenes is fine, but a creator needs to develop their characters more before putting them in such serious situations.

Lastly, there are too many characters being tossed around for nine pages. So far, there's Tim, Foster, Dee, Terah, Naru, Caitlin, Seth, and a couple other characters whose names aren't mentioned. It'd be better if this opening section elaborated more on the personalities and relationships of just a few key characters.

Art: The style changes a lot over the nine pages, and it's clear the creator's still experimenting quite a bit. There's ink-on-paper, there's full-digital, there's part-ink, part-digital, there's color, there's grayscale, there's giant pages, and there's normal-sized pages. Fortunately the latest page probably looks the best, but it'd be a lot better for the comic if the creator picked one style and stuck with it.

Backgrounds are a big problem for this comic, and the creator consistently demonstrates poor judgment when it comes to details. The perspectives are way off, generally showing the characters as being way higher up than the characters in the background, as if they're looking down from the top of bleachers, and the more accurate perspectives tend to leave lots of open space, presenting an eerily vacant interior. The creator strangely doesn't include other people at or around the protagonists' table, even though every other table shown is packed. It almost seems like the characters have leprosy or something, and the rest of the people in the cafeteria are doing the best they can to stay away from them. And especially poorly done is this page, where the sixth panel shows the girls distanced from everyone else, and then in the eighth panel there's some people sitting right behind them.

The other issue with background detail is the lack of attention paid to objects. Only a couple times in the section is any character shown with an eating utensil, even though the chapter takes place during a meal. The main characters go from having full trays, to suddenly having empty trays, to suddenly having no trays, to suddenly having empty trays again. The bathroom scene doesn't have a roll of toilet paper in the stall. And aside from a couple people in the first panel, none of the characters have any backpacks, bags, or items with them, and the school doesn't show any lockers, so where's their stuff? The creator should be thinking about these details more when they're planning out the pages.

The character anatomy's somewhat decent, although the creator often use oversimplistic features, such as drawing half-circles for mouths and stumps for hands sometimes. His artwork would improve faster if he tried to draw more realistically. He also has a habit of overusing "talking head" panels, which get boring very quickly. The facial expressions need a lot of work as well, which includes not having the characters' eyes be fully open all the time.

Lastly, the creator should practice varying line-widths, use a better font, and switch to doing digital speech bubbles (unless he wants to try to improve his hand-lettering skills significantly).

Overall: FML and FTW obviously isn't a good webcomic, but the creator's young and has a lot of time still to experiment and make mistakes. At the very least he's mature enough to seek criticism and advice at this early stage of his artistic career, and that's certainly a positive sign. Probably the best thing this creator can do for now is just to try to keep a page-a-week schedule going, as that's a great way to get practice, stay motivated, and get feedback from an audience.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Mon Apr 23, 2012 5:16 pm

I ended up looking at a few pages of FML FTW and the thing that was most bizarre to me was that I've written that comic before. Like, when I was in middle school, I had several different comics I made that centered around the nerd that has the crush that secretly likes him back and they want to go to the dance and blah blah. Granted mine never made it to the web (and with good reason). But yeah, it was an interesting experience :eyebrow:


Oh, LC, I just thought I'd point out- I'm not sure if it's just my monitor, but the gray text of your site seems too dark to me, it kind of fades into the background and strains to read.


I realized I have a habit of going around defending people's reviews :lol: Don't worry, LC, I don't just do it with yours. I'm creepy, but not that creepy.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby RobboAKAscooby on Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:26 am

The Webcomic Police wrote:Recommended course of action: indefinite relocation to a maximum-security detention center

Aw man... I thought I'd get a shot at rehabilitiation... :( D: :cry:

We can make a deal right? I know where McD keeps his stash...
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Tue Apr 24, 2012 7:55 am

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:I ended up looking at a few pages of FML FTW and the thing that was most bizarre to me was that I've written that comic before. Like, when I was in middle school, I had several different comics I made that centered around the nerd that has the crush that secretly likes him back and they want to go to the dance and blah blah. Granted mine never made it to the web (and with good reason). But yeah, it was an interesting experience :eyebrow:

I actually considered linking Loud Era as an example of writing a high-school crush scenario better, but I felt like suggesting "be like so-and-so" is a little too open-ended for Meleeman at this point, especially since he's still stuck in that awkward "weeaboo" phase. I'll probably nudge him that way anyways, though, 'cause the two set-ups are obviously pretty comparable.

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:Oh, LC, I just thought I'd point out- I'm not sure if it's just my monitor, but the gray text of your site seems too dark to me, it kind of fades into the background and strains to read.

You're right, and now that I changed the text from #818181 to #AAAAAA, it should be a bit more readable. I also adjusted some of the other links and text to make them brighter as well.

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:I realized I have a habit of going around defending people's reviews :lol: Don't worry, LC, I don't just do it with yours. I'm creepy, but not that creepy.

You're good at it, though, and it's nice for me since it helps my point of view come across as more reasonable. And I'm kinda surprised that my review needed defending in the first place, 'cause it didn't really occur to me when I was writing it that Meleeman didn't already know his comic's bad.

RobboAKAscooby wrote:Aw man... I thought I'd get a shot at rehabilitiation... :( D: :cry:

But on the bright side, "indefinite" means you might actually get out some day. :)

As you probably guessed, the "recommended course of actions" are my coded versions of grades, with that one being the worst grade. So, yeah, it kinda sucks I gave Flying Tigers the worst grade, although it shouldn't be that much of a surprise considering how overly negative my review was. Oh well.

Also, part of the intention of these grades (and the blog's theme in general) is giving a middle finger to some of the bogus police state stuff we have going on here in the States, including the atrocious NDAA and CISPA bills. I'm planning on writing up a short, satirical anti-CISPA post after lunch, actually, although I don't plan on doing this sorta thing regularly.

edit: I just posted it.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:10 am

LibertyCabbage wrote:
VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:I ended up looking at a few pages of FML FTW and the thing that was most bizarre to me was that I've written that comic before. Like, when I was in middle school, I had several different comics I made that centered around the nerd that has the crush that secretly likes him back and they want to go to the dance and blah blah. Granted mine never made it to the web (and with good reason). But yeah, it was an interesting experience :eyebrow:

I actually considered linking Loud Era as an example of writing a high-school crush scenario better, but I felt like suggesting "be like so-and-so" is a little too open-ended for Meleeman at this point, especially since he's still stuck in that awkward "weeaboo" phase. I'll probably nudge him that way anyways, though, 'cause the two set-ups are obviously pretty comparable.

I'm flattered! I agree though, I think the problem with his story mainly comes from the fact that he's so young and is just writing kind of a by-the-book, very standard, very unoriginal story that "every high schooler" identifies with. That's why I urged him not to just start over, but just focus on expanding his body of work for now. He's in the middle of the ocean without a compass, and I think he's going to have to figure out which way is North on his own before any writing critique can benefit him.

Checked the site again, looks much better. Thanks for taking my concern into consideration.

LibertyCabbage wrote:
VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:I realized I have a habit of going around defending people's reviews :lol: Don't worry, LC, I don't just do it with yours. I'm creepy, but not that creepy.

You're good at it, though, and it's nice for me since it helps my point of view come across as more reasonable. And I'm kinda surprised that my review needed defending in the first place, 'cause it didn't really occur to me when I was writing it that Meleeman didn't already know his comic's bad.


From what I gleaned from the thread, he's at the stage where he doesn't realize that reviews aren't going to be pats on the back. That other guy posting apparently did a review for him a while back but Melee never "did" anything with that review so to speak. Not sure if he was just seeking a second opinion before proceeding, or just looking for someone to give him praise.

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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby RobboAKAscooby on Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:23 pm

LibertyCabbage wrote:
RobboAKAscooby wrote:Aw man... I thought I'd get a shot at rehabilitiation... :( D: :cry:

But on the bright side, "indefinite" means you might actually get out some day. :)

As you probably guessed, the "recommended course of actions" are my coded versions of grades, with that one being the worst grade. So, yeah, it kinda sucks I gave Flying Tigers the worst grade, although it shouldn't be that much of a surprise considering how overly negative my review was. Oh well.


Meh, it happened, I learned from it (still not removing the nudity) and kept going.

It should be a while now before any "obscene" material shows up again.




EDIT: I need to spend some time over at Smackjeeves reading the feedback on your other reviews when I get some time...
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby McDuffies on Tue Apr 24, 2012 5:13 pm

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:I ended up looking at a few pages of FML FTW and the thing that was most bizarre to me was that I've written that comic before. Like, when I was in middle school, I had several different comics I made that centered around the nerd that has the crush that secretly likes him back and they want to go to the dance and blah blah. Granted mine never made it to the web (and with good reason). But yeah, it was an interesting experience :eyebrow:

I've heard of many people writing such comic at some point. I didn't although I was in perfect situation to do so in high school, and I can't really say that I was unfamiliar with such fantasies. I guess I never thought that comics were a proper vehicle for expressing your fantasies straightforwardly. Also that putting such private thoughts on paper was not my thing, I dare say it was braver than I was.
I spent most of my childhood/teenage years drawing anarchic comedies with like five gags per panel. I was also always starting some mystery/thriller but never getting anywhere with them.

Also I relocated my stash.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Tue Apr 24, 2012 7:25 pm

McDuffies wrote: Also that putting such private thoughts on paper was not my thing, I dare say it was braver than I was.


For what it's worth, I never shared mine. I was so embarassed by them I typically ended up literally ripping them up and then chewing the torn strips, saturating them with spit so they could not be unfolded, and then throwing them away. :-? I'm not sure what the time frame was, I think they would only exist for about a month or so before I had to get rid of them.

At least, that's when I made a few comics about people I actually knew in real life. There was one comic I did that in retrospect, I'm pretty sure was very similar to Loud Era in tone and in characters. This was back in about seventh grade, I think the thing had maybe ten or so pages. Before I destroyed it, I decided to cut out just one picture of each character so I could save them for posterity. Years later I re-found them and was glad to see they were saved. In a spectacular miracle, I also found an unfinished strip that I never got around to destroying. I was literally partway through with a panel, I think halfway filling in a dialogue bubble, and, as I am wont to do from time to time, got distracted or called away and just never completed it. "For the lulz," when I rediscovered it, I "finished" it using what memory I had of what was supposed to end up happening. That would have been about four, five years ago. I'm still proud of that finished product, at least :lol: I'll have to put it up here sometime.

I think one factor in looking back on your work and whether you're embarassed by it is how seriuosly you took it at the time you drew it. My band geeks comics I still am okay with, because they were never meant as a "serious" venture, just a fun way to pass the time. But my "dramas?" Ohhh, goodness gracious. It wasn't even like they were angsty, they were just... not well done. At all.



edited to add: LC, meleeman took a look at my comic and left me a really nice comment. I think he's got some potential. (not because he looked at my comic, but because he seems willing to take other poitns of view into consideration, something that can't be said for all artists, even those a bit more experienced than he is.)
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby McDuffies on Wed Apr 25, 2012 5:00 am

I am surprised at how unreadable my comics from that time are. Not that they're bad or that the jokes aren't funny, just that you can't see what's going on in the panel half the time. Back then they were perfectly legible to me.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Wed Apr 25, 2012 2:23 pm

Webcomic: Guild Adventure
URL: http://guildadventure.smackjeeves.com/
Creator/s: Alejandro Ricondo, Alex de la Fuente
Run: 9/11-current
Section/s: Ch. 2, "Potoka Village"

Website: The comic's simple black-and-brown layout looks decent, although it's very plain and could probably use a little sprucing up to give it more personality.

The main page has a few typos that would get picked up by a spellchecker, such as "yourney" instead of journey, and "concent art" instead of concept art. Also, the character page has strings of garbled symbols in the descriptions where apostrophes are supposed to be. I don't know how these weird symbols got there, but they're fairly obvious and should've been noticed and corrected by now. There's also a stray < p > tag at the end of the character page, and all of the pages say " alt='{Guild Adventure " in the < title > part of the browser window.

On the bright side, it's nice that Guild Adventure has a few supplemental pages (a lot of webcomics don't have any), and the comic even has its own DeviantArt site with concept artwork and other miscellaneous drawings. The creators have also been fairly prolific so far this year, averaging about seven pages a month, although a more regular update schedule would be ideal. The comic's banner at the top of the website says, "Updated on Mondays," but only two out of the six April updates so far have been on Mondays.

Writing: This chapter serves as the webcomic's exposition-heavy introduction, explaining the monster hunter concept and the twin sisters' backstory. The video-gamey aspects and the creator's comments indicate that the story's heavily influenced by the Monster Hunter game series, although the site doesn't clarify if the story's set in the Monster Hunter world, or if it's just inspired by it. Some of the monsters hunted by the characters, including a "velocibell," a "basilikoko," and a "saberage," seem to be original creations, while others, like a "keraken", are obviously classic monsters the creators chose to insert in the comic.

The twins' progression from amateurs to veteran monster hunters is generally well-conveyed, showing them fighting increasingly dangerous monsters and obtaining better gear, just like any character in a role-playing game would do. I would've liked to see their motivation for risking their lives fighting monsters explained a little more, though, 'cause "When we were close to the 18, a sudden urge to hunt grow inside our bodies" is kind of a flimsy pretext for such a life-changing endeavor. I understand that killing powerful monsters is an important status symbol in this comic's setting, but the characters come across as one-dimensional at times, like they belong in a role-playing game more than in a proper fantasy story. The "karaken" scene could've also been handled better, as it's very clumsy how the twins are just about to have an epic battle with a karaken, and then the monologue immediately goes to, "After killing a karaken...." The creator explains the fight's absence in the comments under the comic, writing, "You'll have to wait until we release it in an extra story coming in the future for a special event," and while that's a reasonable decision, it's a pretty important moment in the story, and this absence really needs to be explained within the actual pages of the story.

The chapter's big pervy moment seems very forced to me, as it doesn't seem realistic that Rago would say, "You really have nice bodys" out loud in that situation. It seems like the creators were looking for an excuse to include the overblown "sex fantasy" panel, which the comic would probably be better off without anyways -- something like that can be left to the reader's imagination. The pervy cover is also problematic, as it doesn't have anything to do with the chapter, and it presents the characters in a false way (i.e., Rago isn't portrayed in the chapter as being a pervert). There are many visually interesting scenes in the chapter, so basing the cover entirely on one random panel that doesn't really belong in the comic anyways doesn't seem like a good idea to me.

I don't usually complain about titles, but this comic's titles are notably generic. Guild Adventure, like the title of the Quest webcomic I reviewed a little while ago, denotes the webcomic as belonging to the fantasy genre, but doesn't convey anything interesting or unusual about it, or suggest that the comic's particularly creative. The first chapter's actually titled "The Beginning," which is totally redundant and uncreative. "Potoka Village" is also a generic chapter name, and it doesn't relate to the chapter since there aren't any villages shown or referred to. Chapter 3's title, "Village People," doesn't work well, either, since it doesn't make sense that a serious fantasy story like Guild Adventure would have a significant reference to a quirky disco group.

Lastly, reader "Risky2k" comments on page 13, "You make quite a lot of grammar and spelling errors," and he's right. The chapter's littered with misspellings, typos, words in the wrong order, improper word choices, incorrect punctuation, and other instances where the English is poorly written. These mistakes had a very negative effect on my reading, and I think it'd benefit the comic greatly if the creators sought out a native English-speaker to proofread their pages.

Art: It's pretty excellent, and the creators do a great job of conveying an elaborate and action-packed setting. Both the colored pages and the grayscale pages are very attractive, and the creators do a notably capable job of conveying both the human characters and the monsters. I noticed a few problems with the line-widths, but the creator notes towards the end of the chapter, "Im making some test with inking so you may find some pages different," so I'm not that concerned about it.

The characters' weapons seem ridiculously huge to me, although I realize that giant weapons are a hallmark of manga, and I'm generally willing to suspend by disbelief for it. Still, Leika's enormous gun seems too over-the-top. I can't really imagine her actually carrying something that heavy around, and I expect the recoil from firing it would knock her to the ground, which it doesn't. But having magical items and krakens around isn't realistic, either, so the setting's physics probably don't really need to be scrutinized.

Lastly, this webcomic probably has the world's largest chibi heads.

Overall: Guild Adventure's a great-looking manga comic that does a nice job of conveying a fantastic world and the strange creatures the creators have imagined. It's cute that the creators have managed to imitate the feel of role-playing video games, but it'd be better if the characters were of a well-rounded nature more suitable for a serious story. The comic's mangled English will also likely be abrasive to even the most casual readers, and the creators urgently need to form a plan to deal with their language barrier.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:30 pm

I'll be posting interviews on my blog on the next couple Tuesdays. One's with the CG forums' horniest member, and the other's with a webcartoonist who's kinda famous.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:11 pm

Webcomic: Mouthwash for the Brain
URL: http://mouthwashforthebrain.smackjeeves.com/
Creator/s: Mark A. Wade
Run: 4/12-current
Schedule: Two or three pages a week

Website: It's about as plain and unoriginal as you can get, which isn't an ideal way to present such an off-the-wall comic. The comic also promotes another site at http://www.mouthwashforthebrain.com , but it doesn't appear to be functional yet. The character bios and extra drawings are a nice start to filling out the site, though.

Writing: The comic's random, irreverent humor's cute, but I don't think it's as funny or original as the creator makes it out be. Throwing a laundry list of celebrity cameos and pop culture references into a half-baked storyline isn't very creative, and the comic would be better off if the creator tried to develop his original characters more, like Johnny Foo and Zoey the Zombie Girl. As-is, the comic barely gives these original characters any attention since it's constantly distracted covering the goofy exploits of celebrities like Dave Navarro and Peyton Manning. This page is especially weak, having Jeff Probst from Survivor randomly show up and get killed by Katniss from The Hunger Games. Not only is this page not really that amusing, but it doesn't have anything to do with the story or characters. There are other examples of lame, random cameos in the comic as well, like Jay Thompson kissing a fish, and the Geico pig shouting, "Weeeeeee!"

The comic also has two recap pages, which is obviously very redundant for a story that's only had seven pages so far.

Artwork: This comic reminds me a lot of This Modern World, in that the characters are copy-pasted "talking heads" of celebrities and stereotypes. The problem with this minimalistic approach, though, is that it requires really, really good writing to pull off well, and while this creator isn't a terrible writer by any means, he's not nearly at the level of someone like Tom Tomorrow. It's a sorta problematic trend in webcomics, actually, that a lot of people read minimalistic comics like xkcd and Dinosaur Comics and think, "That's easy! I can do that too!", and then they have a webcomic with crappy artwork that no one cares about. The reality is, unless someone's an really outstanding comic writer like Randall Munroe or Ryan North, then this kinda style doesn't really work, and will probably just end up making a comic worse.

That said, doing simplistic drawings and copy-pasting is always gonna be an appealing approach for new webcartoonists, 'cause it's blatantly easier than spending the time and energy on drawing detailed and difficult stuff. And while this does help a webcartoonist update their comic more often, it actually hurts them in the long run because it means they won't improve as quickly as if they'd gone out of their way to challenge themselves more.

Fortunately, the creator of Mouthwash for the Brain is a fairly decent artist, and he's reasonably capable at drawing his original characters and the celebrity caricatures. The comic's many celebrity appearances, including Barack Obama, Rosie O'Donnell, and Tim Tebow, can be fairly easily recognized from just the artwork, which is an indicator of capable drawing abilities. The downside of these renderings is they're generally drawn with the person facing straight at the "camera" with their arms at their sides, which is the most boring way possible of showing somebody. Add in liberal copy-pasting and childish coloring, and you have a comic that looks lazy and unappealing, especially since the creator's obviously capable of doing better.

Mouthwash for the Brain would improve significantly if more of the action was shown in the artwork rather than explained in the text. For example, the comic introduces Zoey and Chongo by stating in the intro page, "Both were exposed....found unconscious," but the comic doesn't show this weird and cool scene; this second panel does a lousy job of showing the "zombie-like goat with a snake tail" killing Bill O'Reilly; and the narrator in the fourth panel here explains that the musicians "were able to take the ninja down when Nick threw a drumstick into the eye of the ninja," but this hilarious and awesome scene isn't depicted in the artwork at all. It's also clumsy how the comic goes from showing the hatching egg, to showing the room with the lights off, to showing the room with the lights on and the alien standing there. The comic doesn't try to convey why the lights went out, and it seems like the creator mainly did it just to save time drawing the scene, which is pretty lame.

Lastly, the lettering's poorly done in a variety of ways. The font choices don't work well, and the bubbles are often "walls of text" instead of being separated out, they sometimes overlap the artwork or other bubbles, and their tails are often too wide and/or too short. The creator should pay attention to how other comics handle lettering and try to emulate them more.

Overall: While I certainly wouldn't recommend reading Mouthwash for the Brain, it seems like a fairly ordinary effort by someone who's just getting started in webcomics, which appears to be the situation the creator's in. I'd expect anyone's first foray into webcomics to have major problems, so hopefully the creator doesn't get too upset about having an underwhelming beginning. It can easily takes years of practice for a creator to get to the point where they can create a webcomic of reasonable quality, so I view Mouthwash for the Brain as representing a very early stage in that process.
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LibertyCabbage
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Mon Apr 30, 2012 11:41 am

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"Seems like the only comics that would be good to this person are super action crazy lines, mega poses!"
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Mon Apr 30, 2012 12:57 pm

I think some people don't understand what a "review" means, and think that it is entirely valueless no matter what unless it's 100% supportive buttpatting of the artist :-?

I'm really tempted to leave comments along the lines of "cry moar," but these individuals are so convinced of their righteousness that it would just shove them further into denial.

I have more I could say, but I think I've said it all before for the most part. Well, keep on trucking, LC, your writing is helpful and interesting even if some people wish that it wasn't.
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Re: I'll review your webcomic.

Postby LibertyCabbage on Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:26 pm

Take a look at the lawman
Beating up the wrong guy.
Oh, man! Wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best-selling show?


Don't worry, I'll keep on truckin', alright. I've been pretty much saying since Day 1 that I'm not doing these reviews to make friends, help people's self-esteem, or help people improve. If someone wants to get riled up and call me an idiot 'cause they don't like what I said about their webcomic, that's fine with me.

Also, I'm amused that the Rangetsu guy actually thinks I have a whole team of writers doing my blog.
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