Naked Flasher Post-Mortem

[Ataraxia]

I've just finished a story at Ataraxia Theatre, "The Naked Flasher". All told I'm not very happy with this one. I'm posting a post-mortem here so that 1) maybe other webcomic artists can learn from my mistakes, and 2) so I can get some critiques on my criticism.

First off, here's the link:

http://ataraxia.comicgenesis.com/d/20070604.html

Summary: A supervillain with the power to take naked pictures of fully clothed people has appeared at Western University. The members of the Superpowered Student Association take it upon themselves to catch the mystery photographer, after one of their own is added to the site.

I thought this concept had lots of potential. Unfortunately, it takes more than just potential to make a good comic. The first problem with the story is that there's no rising tension. After the situation gets introduced at the beginning the tension remains at a steady low level until the end. There's no deadline for the heroes, no peril, no suspense... and consequently no reason for the reader to keep on reading.

A second bad thing about this story is that the art is inconsistent. I changed my inking style several times throughout, and no two pages seem to use the same hatching or shading techniques. This could have been avoided if I took the time to do some concept pages before I started work and held myself to the techniques used there.

A third problem is that this story isn't very visual. The script could have worked just as well if it had been a radio play. In my opinion, most good comic stories contain at least one "key image": something unusual and evocative that you'll remember when thinking of the story later. Examples include John DiFool plunging into the CityShaft from The Incal, Professor Moriarty's fate at the end of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, or even Claude bouncing through London with his tangerine force field in CG's own Reckless Youth. Well, "Naked Flasher" has nothing like that.

The fourth problem is that the story is far too straightforward. I was talking about it with my sister, and she asked me "Where's the weird? I keep expecting something strange to happen, and it never does".

Finally, the ending is weak. Actually I think the conclusion is fine, but the resolution page ought to have been burnt. The big problem is, after the conclusion one page earlier, I had no idea how to tie things up. I once heard it said that writers should write the ending first; now I know why.

So, that's what went wrong. What went right? Well, there were a couple of moments in there that made me laugh. I like the characters. On a few pages the art is even bearable.

In summary, I think my biggest mistakes were:
1) No tension.
2) Inconsistent art.
3) No key image.
4) Too straightforward.
5) Weak resolution.

What do you think?

[That guy]

I'd love to read and offer my advice, but your site refuses to load anything but the title for me. Tried the pages you specifically linked and just your main index page - but I get nothing but "Ataraxia Theatre" and a blank screen.

In the end, I think this has been an excellent project no matter how it reads, because you're hard-wiring a lesson into your noggin through practice:

I once heard it said that writers should write the ending first; now I know why.

I graduated with a focus on creative writing, and in every story I've ever written, that's the thing that pops up again and again. If you have an end in mind, then you can leave hints and clues - and misleading clues - as to what that ending will be. That gives your story a sense of being crafted as a whole instead of being a meandering journey. It also lets you come up with those sneaky "twists" you say you're lacking (the 'wierd').

[Reinder]

Needs moar back and forward button.

[NakedElf]

I have great difficulty imagining how this *wouldn't* have great images... unless you don't want to draw naked people, in which case you're setting yourself up for a problem.

I could see several ways this could have gone, with 'wacky hijinks' and subsequent damage control being the most obvious...

[Ataraxia]

I'd love to read and offer my advice, but your site refuses to load anything but the title for me. Tried the pages you specifically linked and just your main index page - but I get nothing but "Ataraxia Theatre" and a blank screen.

Strange. The page is loading fine for me. Maybe this has something to do with the CG server issues the other day. If you don't mind trying again later, I'd love to hear your advice.

Needs moar back and forward button.

Are you saying that the back and forward buttons weren't there, or that I need more back and forward buttons? If the former, it could have something to do with the problem That guy encountered above.

I have great difficulty imagining how this *wouldn't* have great images... unless you don't want to draw naked people, in which case you're setting yourself up for a problem.

My comic is rated PG, so I didn't want to draw actual nudity. There was one nude picture, though, right here:

http://ataraxia.comicgenesis.com/d/20070702.html

Actually that's one of the pages I'm most happy with. I'm not certain that more nudity would have made the story any better, at least not unless the art was also better.

[That guy]

Strange. The page is loading fine for me. Maybe this has something to do with the CG server issues the other day. If you don't mind trying again later, I'd love to hear your advice.

Bizzarre. It's still doing the same for me. I get a Wicked Lasers ad and your title, and then a blank screen. Clearly other people are not having trouble... I have no idea why I am. I get no problems with other CG sites. Hm.

[Reinder]

Needs moar back and forward button.

Are you saying that the back and forward buttons weren't there, or that I need more back and forward buttons? If the former, it could have something to do with the problem That guy encountered above.

They're there, but they're too far down the page and too far from the comic. I didn't discover them until I was done reading it. I could navigate it using the calendar, but it was awkward.

As for the content, it was OK. A bit meandering and the end just came out of nowhere, but I've seen worse, and the characters were well-written enough.

[Noir]

I'd love to read and offer my advice, but your site refuses to load anything but the title for me. Tried the pages you specifically linked and just your main index page - but I get nothing but "Ataraxia Theatre" and a blank screen.

Well I can't get it to load either, same problem. However, I don't think you should be too hard on yourself even it its terrible you seem to have identified all the problems with it yourself. Mull them over and at some point give the whole thing a retry.

As said above - you should great visuals just from doing some nice nude and reaction shots. Also, all you need to do is introduce someone (parent, prospective employer) who cannot see the nude photo and therefore creates a time element for resolving the issue. In fact you can double up on that - start the plot with your heros trying to investigate/foil this new vilain with none of their pictures taken, then part way through have a picture taken and start the desperate race against time element.

[Sasjhwa]

They're there, but they're too far down the page and too far from the comic. I didn't discover them until I was done reading it. I could navigate it using the calendar, but it was awkward.

As for the content, it was OK. A bit meandering and the end just came out of nowhere, but I've seen worse, and the characters were well-written enough.

I had the exact same reaction. I didn't find the buttons until I was on the page before the end. I used the calendar.

I don't think any inconsistency in art was really noticed, at least not by me. Your own perfectionism may be why it bothers you. An artist is he own worst critic. I think the set up was good, the middle okay, and the end a bit disappointing. The "villain" had no way to defend himself and really had no way to even threaten anyone. Had he launched a failsafe device that splashed his entire visual memory onto the Internet that would have been a good threat. If his website had been difficult to crack, or even damage or take over the body of the hacker, that would have been awesome. It would have made the villain more threatening.

Of course, when they turn on their computers tomorrow they might have a surprise waiting for them from the wicked robot head that he released prior to being given a chastity belt program.

[NakedElf]

I have great difficulty imagining how this *wouldn't* have great images... unless you don't want to draw naked people, in which case you're setting yourself up for a problem.

My comic is rated PG, so I didn't want to draw actual nudity. There was one nude picture, though, right here:

http://ataraxia.comicgenesis.com/d/20070702.html

Actually that's one of the pages I'm most happy with. I'm not certain that more nudity would have made the story any better, at least not unless the art was also better.

Man, I remember back in the day, one of the sites I had TNE listed on decided to rate it as PG... I wonder if they've revised that since then?

I've never much understood ratings, but I can see how if you're trying to write a comic which doesn't contain nudity, a storyline which hinges around nudity isn't going to work so well.

I agree about the buttons being hard to find--They take a really fucking long time to load, and I'm on a good connection. Given that your page is in black and white, it really shouldn't take this long to load... (check your file sizes for everything... something seems to be really slowing it down.)

Also, I noticed one of the comic adds in your ad box thingie over on the right seemed inappropriate given your desire for PG--I think it was a comic named 'elle' and it said "18+" on the add...

[Sasjhwa]

Elle is a good comic. But it is also hardcore porn. Definitely NC-17

[RobertBlake]

Also, I noticed one of the comic adds in your ad box thingie over on the right seemed inappropriate given your desire for PG--I think it was a comic named 'elle' and it said "18+" on the add...

I've seen that one, amongst other mature rated comics, on my site as well despite mine being set at PG and the thing at the bottom being set to show ads for comics my PG and lower.

[NakedElf]

I think--based on extremely scanty evidence--that there is a fuckup in the way adds are distributed, probably a result of the server move. I've mentioned it before, both in the general discussion forum and in the post-move woes thread, but I don't think I really got anyone's attention.

So if it concerns you, you might want to go post in the post-move woes thread or just make a post in general over in the help forum.

As I understand it, being rated 'PG' doesn't actually get you PG and lower ads, being rated anything lower than 'mature' gets you all of the non-mature ads, and being rated 'mature' gets you... well I *don't* understand that part, but it gets you nothing, currently. So your site can be G and you can end up with adds for PG-13 sites, but you won't end up with ads for NC-17. Anything 18+ is definitely misplaced...