STORY TIME!

ZOMBIE USER 8454 · Post by **ZOMBIE USER 8454** » Fri Apr 05, 2002 9:04 pm

Gather 'round, all you clowns! we have a tale to tell. i'll kick it off, and you kind folks will add stuff as you see fit, "round robin" style. (i really don't know if anyone will participate in this, but let's give it a shot)

It was a clement summer afternoon in Djibouti... I was making my rounds as a travelling guitar salesman, hopping from freight train to freight train with my one-hundred and sixty Epiphones and Fenders, wandering the lively streets of Obock, looking for prospective patronage. I do love East Africa dearly, but lo, sales have been sparse; you see, everyone in this strange land is left-handed, and I only carry right-handed guitars. Actually, I lie. There is one right-handed man in Djibouti, and it was to his house that I was traipsing that fateful afternoon, with my 160 guitars strapped to my back. "Hopefully," i thought, "I can sell him that one that's jammed right into my kidneys." But, as I was turning from Ahmed avenue onto Kohr-Angar blvd, I felt a dirty finger tap my shoulder. I whirled around, and saw this man:

I'll never forget what he said to me...

Profdolchissimo · Post by **Profdolchissimo** » Sat Apr 06, 2002 4:08 pm

He told me that I was in great danger, and that a band of lunch ladies was hunting me down. Their plas was to kill me, and steal my guitars so they could feed them to unsuspecting students. He said he was my only hope for survival, so I followed him down a dark alley, and to the back door of an eating establishment. I went in, and sitting at the table was:

ZOMBIE USER 8454 · Post by **ZOMBIE USER 8454** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 9:57 pm

THIS GUY:
<img src="http://www.unm.edu/~itogpity/weirdraisinguy.jpg">

He was sitting at a small, circular table, popping raisins into his mouth with his two poorly-drawn hands. He offered me one, but I declined. I knew better than that... I told him I'd been trying to quit raisins. He smiled evilly and poured himself a glass of raisin schnapps. "Who are you?" I asked. He rose from his seat, strolled non-chalantly to the salad bar, where he angled a few heat lamps toward a mess of grape vines. "Raisins..." he finally said, "the next great enterprise." I was confused. I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off. "Son, do you have any grasp of the power of the raisin?"
"I was not aware...of.." My words dribbled away as I began to understand his diabolical plan! Of course! It was all so simple! He was going to use his evil restaraunt to take over the universe with raisins! So, I used my laser-guitar on him, and was on my way.

But, standing in the doorway on my way out, was.........

_________________
<a href="http://quidproquo.keenspace.com"><img src="http://www.unm.edu/~itogpity/qpq_link1.gif" border=0></a>

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: PROKOFIEV2000 on 2002-04-08 22:58 ]</font>

Profdolchissimo · Post by **Profdolchissimo** » Wed Jul 17, 2002 11:30 am

A hideous blob of navy blue GOO.

It was featureless, but as I stared at it longer, what looked like eyes, and a mouth slowly began to form out of the disgusting blob. It started to speak, or rather slowly make harsh sounds, while spitting its rancid blue goo at me. I slowly backed farther into the room, hand resting on my weapon. All the while keeping a cautious eye on the creature. I watched in horror as its eyes became well defined, then brighter, and they started to glow. Then a flash, as it shoots me with twin eyball-laser beams. I freeze in terror as they rush towards me, and...

ZOMBIE USER 8454 · Post by **ZOMBIE USER 8454** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 12:47 am

....shuckydarns! they hit me! the world turned BRIGHT GREEN, and i found myself UNABLE TO MOVE! it was, of course, the "cement-o-ray" technology that we've all been reading about in Newsweek... which only led me to believe that this evil hideous DISGUSTING HUGE blob was itself nothing but a failed lab experiment, from none other than...... Lunchbox Labs! of course! it all makes sense! the evil lunch ladies, the grapes... well. ok.

so anyway, i was there, frozen in SPACE (and.. god willing.. TIME?) when suddenly the most AMAZING TURN OF FATE happened!

Fhathead · Post by **Fhathead** » Mon Jul 22, 2002 6:44 am

My pants fell down!

It was then that I realized that this cement-o-ray had been specially enhanced to cut belts! What kind of conspiracy is this, anyway? Well, lucky for me, there was an extra-dimensional clothing store right outside the space-time continuum. I got a new belt, and decided to replace my neck-tie and bright blue loafers while I was in the area.

Satisfied with my new look, I had returned to the space-time continuum and was waiting for time to unfreeze when...