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*blushes* i'm sowwy!

~lewwy

tis ok~! It's just me...*glomps her yaoi bishi* (that would be you lewwy-sama)

*giggle* *snuggles* *watches as his kitten chases a moth* I'm not a bishie!

(am i kitten?) yes you are~! *nuzzles* You're a good bishi~!...I hafta get dressed...I've been in mah robe for an hour now!! *sweatdrops*

*giggles* silly. I just wear very form fitting jeans and t-shirts all the times. special occassions call leather pants, and satin shirts though. *nodnod*

~lewwy

*drools* wow...*imagines...gets nosebleed* Kyaaaa!!

really shouldnt imagine things like that if you get nose bleeds.... *cuddle* *gives akari some tissues*

~lewwy

Why did your parents give you pills?

*takes tissue* *snuggles* Thankies~!

Being forced to take meds suck. But sometimes they do help. Believe it or not, I'm on antidepressants. I have been since I was 7 or 8, because I was diagnosed with clinical depression then. The meds really helped, until I hit puberty and had to keep changing the doses because of my girly cycle, and hormone crap... But right now I'm at a happy medium. Some people say that antidepressants take away all their emotions, but for me they don't. They just take the apathy and despair of depression up to a better level so that I can still be sad sometimes, it's just not a perpetual thing, and I can be happy too. It's because my depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain instead of by events or whatever. Hope that makes some sense. But yes, I'm on happy pills, and I would be miserable without them.

Lewwy, stop being so sexy! It's not fair! *remembers the Harley lollipop comics* *drools* It's not fair because you're taunting us and we can't have you for several reasons. Grrr.

I used to know a girl who would eat everything suggestively. Ice cream, lollipops, bananas...


~Sara

ms innocently* but tauntings fun! -_-;; and my mum put me on meds because i was diagnosed (we now think wrongly) with ADD. I used to get in a lot of fights and such. i was a depressed kiddy. i was originally put on dexamphetamine...... which is actually a very dangerous drug, if misused. it's a depressant... then i was put on anti-depressenants a few years later, because i suffered from severe depression in which i went through a somewhat suicidal stage. even though my life isnt at a very good stage at the moment, i just keep looking forward to being able to get out on my own and do what i want. I'm happy most of the time because i want to be happy. I hate being upset and sulky, like i have been a lot lately. I just refuse to take pills for it. i'd rather deal with it myself, and make it better by surrounding myself with my friends.... it's hard to do that at the moment, because i was dragged out to the country away from all my friends. *sniffle*(

~lewwy

*huggles* That sucks that you went through misdiagnoses and drugs that didn't work. And of course severe depression is awful. I'm glad you're able to make yourself happy on your own. Just make sure not to pretend you're happy if you're not. Faking emotion isn't good for anyone.


~Sara

*cough* I do have to pretend to be happy at home. I'm actually scared to death of being put into an institute. *whimpers* if mum thinks i've fallen back into a state of mind where i could hurt myself, she'd lock me away. i wont hurt myself though. I'm completely against it.... and when they thought i was bipolar, i refused to see a shrink or take drugs for it.

~lewwy

Well it's good that you don't want to hurt yourself. I understand that you have to pretend for your mum, but the most important thing is don't tell yourself you're doing great if you really feel like shit. If you have problems, you need to deal with them, not pretend they don't exist. That's all. Although depending on the relationship between you and your mum, you might want to tell her that you do feel depressed sometimes, but you don't want to hurt or kill yourself. I dunno, you know what's going on, I just think if you can communicate with her so she doesn't get too worried that might be good.


~Sara

Moo Cow wrote:don't tell yourself you're doing great if you really feel like shit. If you have problems, you need to deal with them, not pretend they don't exist. That's all. Although depending on the relationship between you and your mum, you might want to tell her that you do feel depressed sometimes, but you don't want to hurt or kill yourself. , I just think if you can communicate with her so she doesn't get too worried that might be good.


~Sara

Totally agree with Moo there Lew, let your mum know how you are feeling. your mum could be just as worried about you and not know how to show it. uninformed decisions are where the worst mistakes are made. being honest and open will really help both you and your mum.

besides hurting yourself achieves nothing. talking to people, accepting that things arent always going to go right, and learning to deal with it. also accepting that nothing is perfect. you are unique.

merr... my relationship with my mothers been dead for a long time. she's overbearing and doesnt listen. -__- i know thats not a nice thing to say, but she just pretends nothings wrong, when i'm sitting there sobbing in front of her. *snuffle*

~lewwy

erm.... lemme make that easier to understand. my mother gets worried if i show these signs of being upset for longer than a day. she's made me go to 3 different psychiatrists over the years. I dont like them, and the idea that i'd be sent to a place where theres lots of them is pretty much a nightmare for me. but if i'm upset for just a day, she never notices. when she does, she acts patronising and mean.

~lewwy

Moo Cow wrote:Well it's good that you don't want to hurt yourself. I understand that you have to pretend for your mum, but the most important thing is don't tell yourself you're doing great if you really feel like shit. If you have problems, you need to deal with them, not pretend they don't exist. That's all. Although depending on the relationship between you and your mum, you might want to tell her that you do feel depressed sometimes, but you don't want to hurt or kill yourself. I dunno, you know what's going on, I just think if you can communicate with her so she doesn't get too worried that might be good.


~Sara

*cuddles up with lewwy-sama and cries on his shoulder* But it hurts when you don't pretend...and it hurts even worse when you're yourself...Telling yourself a lie to make you feel better might seem shallow...but I keeps me going...Pills don't work, psychiatrists don't help, and talking will just get me into trouble...Sometimes it just doesn't seem worth it...*stops crying and lays still in lewwy-sama's arms*

OI! *soothe akari* *snuggle* I know. Pills stopped working on me 4 years ago. I cant use them anymore. it's pointless, unless i have a cold or something. *nuzzle* it's ok. you can talk to us instead, if you cant talk to anyone else. we wont get angry or anything. And We'll be here for you. I know how things are. It's only over the last few years I've been able to find people to talk to. so, now i deal with my pain by spending time with my friends.

~lewwy

*rocks back and forth slowly* But...but I'm afraid to make friends...I'm afraid that they'll leave me after they find out that I'm adopted...or that I'll have to leave before I get to say goodbye...It's so damn frustrating!! I wish I frikkin knew why we had to leave mommy and daddy! What did we do?! ...what did I do...? I miss them so much...even onii-chan...I'm just so lonely sometimes...